Femdom Psychology

[Julian gabriel]

Nothing turns me on anywhere near as much as watching femdom porn and I feel like something as niche and tied to something as significant as sex must have large psychological significance. 

Anyone have a grasp of what might make a man sexually submissive? and what the psychological significance may be?

I also have been struggling to embrace surrender lately in my life in general which feels like a very masculine flaw which could be solved by becoming more feminine. The femdom porn feels like a forced surrender, similar to psychedelics. 
 

also my mom died when I was young and we’d fight a lot so that may play a role. 

[Vynce]

Why make a drama about it? 

There is nothing unnatural about discovering ones feminine side. Embrace it and integrate it into your idiosyncratic sexuality. 

Also there are many good teachings how to surrender deeply. I found the best teacher to be psychedelics and difficult life situations  

[Tyler Robinson]

I've never been in a situation like this. I am generally submissive and I let the guy dominate and decide what he wants to do. 

There's such a joy in feminine submission. 

 

[Loba]

I don't know, I think it kind of goes against the natural order of things.  I think men that get into that sort of stuff have issues with being fully male, and the women who are into dominating are more often than not sadistic control freaks who end up being borderline stalkers when their subs don't want to deal with them anymore.  I don't think it's natural for a female to want to dominate a male, unless she's messed up mentally and emotionally, or is just temporarily faking the role for a porno.

I think that in this day and age, with men becoming more like women and women becoming more like men that we will see more of this kind of stuff, and I guess like with anything else, society will adjust to men being more feminine and women being more butch, but for the deeply genuine feminine and masculine energies, it will never fully satisfy.  Very few things turn me off as much as a male sub.  I can't respect them, I know that they won't know what to do when an action needs to be taken, and I start thinking of them as wormy and weak.

It's kind of a shame that society is turning on it's head like this, where men desire to acquiesce to the demands of borderline psychopathic overly controlling women, but whatever, in the name of sex positivity, you like what you like and it's ultimately none of my bizz.

 

[Nilsi]

On 8/3/2022 at 0:50 PM, Julian gabriel said:

Nothing turns me on anywhere near as much as watching femdom porn and I feel like something as niche and tied to something as significant as sex must have large psychological significance. 

Anyone have a grasp of what might make a man sexually submissive? and what the psychological significance may be?

I also have been struggling to embrace surrender lately in my life in general which feels like a very masculine flaw which could be solved by becoming more feminine. The femdom porn feels like a forced surrender, similar to psychedelics. 
 

also my mom died when I was young and we’d fight a lot so that may play a role. 

I just read this book called "Recapture the Rapture" by Jamie Wheal, and at one point he talks about an astounding number of the firemen that were the first responders to 911 seeking out BDSM to heal their trauma and "survivors guilt." This voluntary submission seems to be quite cathartic.

"When you watched your friends being killed or dying and you wonder if you could have saved their lives. And the need to be affirmed that you had a right to be alive when they weren't. Most of them just needed to weep in a safe place."

Edited August 7, 2022 by Nilsi

[Loba]

@JoeVolcano Meh, I think people can do what they want.  I don't really care one way or the other, but in my opinion, girly submissive men are super disgusting.  And in my studies of multiple self proclaimed dominant women, they're often psychos.  Women are generally designed to be receivers, when you put them in a dominant role they often butcher it.

If you look into it, most men who are into femdom are damaged in some way.

It's just not my cup of tea, and I think it's an example of people furthering their damaged psyches to be playing out these unhealthy and unnatural roles.  I am allowed my opinion.  I've noticed that people expect you to be tolerant of their views, but it often doesn't go both ways, which at the end of the day is just inadvertently trying to fit me into your box.

[Nilsi]

5 minutes ago, Loba said:

@JoeVolcano Meh, I think people can do what they want.  I don't really care one way or the other, but in my opinion, girly submissive men are super disgusting.  And in my studies of multiple self proclaimed dominant women, they're often psychos.  Women are generally designed to be receivers, when you put them in a dominant role they often butcher it.

If you look into it, most men who are into femdom are damaged in some way.

It's just not my cup of tea, and I think it's an example of people furthering their damaged psyches to be playing out these unhealthy and unnatural roles.  I am allowed my opinion.  I've noticed that people expect you to be tolerant of their views, but it often doesn't go both ways, which at the end of the day is just inadvertently trying to fit me into your box.

You are allowed your opinion, but you could also just not be so dismissive of people that don't fit your heteronormative worldview. 

[Loba]

@Nilsi Heteronormative is an assumption.  You could also try not controlling what other people are doing, you know?  Look into why you care at all that I'm dismissive about it.  Why's that any skin off your nose?

I noticed you trying to take control of the Leo Instagram fiasco, telling him and others what you thought and how you thought they should react to it, and you're doing the same thing here.

Let people have their opinions, even if they are dismissive. 

Edited August 9, 2022 by Loba

[Nilsi]

31 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Nilsi Heteronormative is an assumption.  You could also try not controlling what other people are doing, you know?  Look into why you care at all that I'm dismissive about it.  Why's that any skin off your nose?

I noticed you trying to take control of the Leo Instagram fiasco, telling him and others what you thought and how you thought they should react to it, and you're doing the same thing here.

Let people have their opinions, even if they are dismissive. 

I'm not looking to take control of anything. You can have your opinions, but you don't have to be an asshole about it.

[Loba]

@Nilsi Neither do you.  Look at yourself before anyone else.  You're a complete hypocrite trying to decide for other people how they should respond to things, you're not even interested in understanding why I might have those opinions or if they have any weight, you're only interested in controlling the tone of other people.

So I'll tell you.  My mother is a dominant women and my father is a submissive man.  They live in a total shitshow of a relationship.  She can't control her emotions and he doesn't stand up to her bullshit and won't defend himself.  These relationships more often than not end up extremely codependent.  It's quite rare to have a healthy dominant woman and submissive man, more often than not they're two wounded people reenacting their wounds through the guise of power play.
I've spent a lot of time looking into the psychology of women like this and the men that they attract - it's also a terrible dynamic if you're trying to raise a family.

Like I said, people are free to do what they want, but even OP said it himself that he has wounds regarding dealing with overbearing women.

 

[Carl-Richard]

I like dominant women too. Maybe because my mom is one 

If you think about how females are mostly attracted to masculine behavior and males mostly to feminine physical appearance, I think I appreciate a certain mix of that. It's like a black panther; beautiful, seductive and dangerous.

[Loba]

@Carl-Richard 'Till it bites off your dick, and you run away and then it spends the next two years stalking you.

 

[Nilsi]

10 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Nilsi Neither do you.  Look at yourself before anyone else.  You're a complete hypocrite trying to decide for other people how they should respond to things, you're not even interested in understanding why I might have those opinions or if they have any weight, you're only interested in controlling the tone of other people.

So I'll tell you.  My mother is a dominant women and my father is a submissive man.  They live in a total shitshow of a relationship.  She can't control her emotions and he doesn't stand up to her bullshit and won't defend himself.  These relationships more often than not end up extremely codependent.  It's quite rare to have a healthy dominant woman and submissive man, more often than not they're two wounded people reenacting their wounds through the guise of power play.
I've spent a lot of time looking into the psychology of women like this and the men that they attract - it's also a terrible dynamic if you're trying to raise a family.

Like I said, people are free to do what they want, but even OP said it himself that he has wounds regarding dealing with overbearing women.

 

Why are you making such a scene of this? You went out of your way to be dismissive for no reason, and I called you out on it, so don't play these games with me.

[Loba]

@Nilsi I'm calm as a cucumber.  I also gave you my reasoning you're just glossing over it so you can feel right, you might even say that you're the one who's being dismissive.  Super hypocrite.  

[Carl-Richard]

8 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Carl-Richard 'Till it bites off your dick, and you run away and then it spends the next two years stalking you.

Hmm yeah, maybe I mostly appreciate them from afar. I don't think I particularly want to be dominated. Maybe it's just an awe response that comes in addition to the sexual arousal, like "man, what a majestic creature", kinda like when you look up to a male figure that you respect.

[Nilsi]

12 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Nilsi I'm calm as a cucumber.  I also gave you my reasoning you're just glossing over it so you can feel right, you might even say that you're the one who's being dismissive.  Super hypocrite.  

I'm always happy to self-correct and be called out when I'm being arrogant and self-absorbed (which definitely happens), but I truly don't see it in this case.

I was mainly pissed off by you calling submissive men "super disgusting," but I'm not going to argue that further. Let's just move on with our life's, shall we?

[Loba]

1 minute ago, Nilsi said:

Let's just move on with our life's, shall we?

Of course.  Despite the argument, I genuinely hope you have a good day.  Later.

[zurew]

28 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Carl-Richard 'Till it bites off your dick, and you run away and then it spends the next two years stalking you.

Every preference has its own advantages and disadvantages.

[Nilsi]

6 minutes ago, Loba said:

Of course.  Despite the argument, I genuinely hope you have a good day.  Later.

Thank you. I hope you have a nice day as well

[Tyler Robinson]

I think it has lot to do with trauma and female dominance. If you had a dominant female or male figure in your life, you would be attracted to people that resemble or mirror the qualities of that figure. Because sex primarily involves domination of some form, you have to figure out the gender that played the dominant role in your upbringing - male or female. It depends on the scenario. If your dominant figure was a dad, and you are a male then you would most likely grow up to be a dominant man yourself and expect your future partner to act the way your mom did. If you're a girl, then you would look for dominant males. If your dominant figure was a mom, and you're a male, you act like a stereotypical mama's boy, if you're a girl, then you would want dominant males once again. For women, any dominant parent, whether mom or dad makes them submissive. Dominant women are not a product of their parental upbringing. They are generally biologically that way, but I assume that most dominant women either have a submissive dad or both submissive parents. I had a submissive dad but I turned out to be submissive because of a dominant mother. I have seen bossy dominant women, but mostly in a very feminist culture. Although I wasn't raised by a dominant dad, I always craved dominant men. It's not always necessary that we look for partners who mirror the opposite sex parent in our family. For example, I am never attracted to submissive men although my dad was submissive. I was heavily dominated by my mom and most of my relationships were a reflection of this pattern she had created where I would look for a guy who would dominate me the way she did, I would always try to recreate that dynamic.