Why do I get anxious about trivial things?

[ThePoint]

My body and mind have levels of anxiety which are disproportionate to the thing that it's being anxious about.

There is definitely something wrong. I feel a lot of fear and anxiety coursing through my body over very small and trivial things.

Why do I get so anxious over small things?

[RickyFitts]

13 hours ago, ThePoint said:

Why do I get so anxious over small things?

That's something you've got to investigate for yourself I think, you've got to sit with the anxiety, feel into it, and notice the sorts of beliefs that are operating. Often these sorts of emotional issues have their roots in early childhood, so you have to access that very vulnerable part of yourself in order to get to the root of why you feel the way you do - and, honestly, that can feel very distressing and upsetting, so it does require courage and a willingness to relax into those feelings. @Judy2 has offered some excellent pointers in her post, identifying common themes and underlying emotions is a great way of getting to the root of these feelings.

[integral]

 

[ThePoint]

14 hours ago, Judy2 said:

Could you share a few examples

Yes. Brace yourself though, these are going to sound irrational and delusional, but to me they feel very real.

I recently emailed a supplements store asking if they accepted PayPal as a payment method since I could only see them accepting credit card through Stripe.

Now the beast inside my mind (my paranoia/anxiety) is making me question and doubt whether it is legal to even ask the question I asked. Now it's paranoid about my email getting subpoenaed and them uncovering the one sentence long email I sent asking if a supplements store accepted PayPal as a payment method.

Another example is me constantly being paranoid about people screenshotting all of the conversations we have with each other on direct messages and then showing it to other or manipulating them in a way that would tarnish my reputation.

Another example is that people could always accuse you of doing something that you did not do, e.g. false rape accusations. I have seen this happen to someone I knew, and he is serving his 6th year in prison and will likely spend the rest of his life there. I have seen stories of this happening to people online, and I'm sure a lot of people have seen them too.

Another example is that a couple of years ago an online book store gave me a refund for a book that was taking too long to arrive (2 months) and they said that it was probably lost in transit, a few weeks after the email I end up receiving the book. So  it had taken 3 months longer than expected. I never ended up contacting them back that I received the book because I was too busy at the time and I'm still paranoid on whether I committed a crime. The book was just $20 by the way. The amount of energy and time my beast dwells on this little matter is completely disproportional, it was just a $20 book.

This beast inside my mind is always looking for something to worry about. If it doesn't have anything to worry about, it will make me feel anxious for not having anything to worry about. It is stuck in fight or flight mode.

[ThePoint]

14 hours ago, Judy2 said:

And can you identify a common theme in the "stories" you tell yourself about the things or situations that trigger you? Or a particular emotion that occurs in these contexts? Like unworthiness, jealousy, lack of control, being unsafe, etc.

@Judy2 Yes, the common theme is that they all have to do with the law and going to prison. That's what it all boils down to. It somehow rationalizes and spins a story that something that may be completely legal - something that you wouldn't even question the legality due to how innocent it is, could be illegal. Just like the first example I gave above.

It feels like a lack of control and being unsafe. It feels like hypervigilance.

9 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

That's something you've got to investigate for yourself I think, you've got to sit with the anxiety, feel into it, and notice the sorts of beliefs that are operating. Often these sorts of emotional issues have their roots in early childhood, so you have to access that very vulnerable part of yourself in order to get to the root of why you feel the way you do - and, honestly, that can feel very distressing and upsetting, so it does require courage and a willingness to relax into those feelings. @Judy2 has offered some excellent pointers in her post, identifying common themes and underlying emotions is a great way of getting to the root of these feelings.

@RickyFitts

How do I relax into these feelings? I don't understand.

I haven't felt relaxed for like 2 years.

[RickyFitts]

1 hour ago, ThePoint said:

@RickyFitts

How do I relax into these feelings? I don't understand.

I haven't felt relaxed for like 2 years.

Feel the resistance within yourself, notice how it manifests as tension and tightness in your body. Then, allow the tension to release, and allow your body to breathe; you might then feel the arising of emotions like fear, sadness, etc., but that's not a problem, those feelings just need to be felt and released.

[ThePoint]

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

What is at the root of this, in your opinion? When did you feel this fear for the first time?

@Judy2

One of my values is freedom. So perhaps I fear not having my freedom?

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

Was there a point in the past where a family member or friend of yours had to go to prison?

No. A friend of a friend however, yes, for something that they did not commit.

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

Or could it be a more abstract underlying fear, such as being robbed of your freedom, or admitting to the darkness/potential for 'evil' within you?

Definitely the former, being robbed of my freedom.

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

You could perhaps consider giving up on the idea that you should call your anxiety or paranoia "the beast inside you". It is a part of you that has its function, and while it may be dysfunctional now, in its core it is trying to protect you.

So what I'm getting at here is that I should be more accepting of it and treat it like I am caring for a baby? That is the hunch I got from reading what you wrote and it seems to be getting somewhere.

By calling it a beast, I am separating it from myself. But I thought that was a good thing. Can it be a bad thing too?

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

I assume that there is also some underlying distrust in other people. You may feel like they are plotting against you just as to make you look bad, or something along these lines. Or there may be a fear that people may misunderstand your otherwise innocent intentions. (Feel free to say what does or doesn't feel true to you here!)

Yes, you are correct. I don't know how to cultivate this trust again.

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

In your past, was there an actual situation when this happened to you? It may have been in a smaller, less significant context, for example at school or at a friend's house when the other kids played a trick on you to make you look bad in front of an authority figure. If you can identify such a situation, it can help you understand why this impulse was created in the first place.

No, or at least I can't think of any situation where this actually happened to me.

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

When you are in the state of anxiety, does it help if you recall the purely logical side of the situation? It may help to recall that it is in truth highly unlikely that your fears come true as you imagine they will.

What do you mean by the "purely logical side" of the situation?

The issue is that my mind wants certainty, which is neurotic. "Highly unlikely" doesn't seem to change it, because there is still that 1% chance, and it just fixates on that. I can't seem to "let go" of this need for certainty. I want to let go, I've tried the Sedona method, but it just doesn't work.

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

This may not work though. It can, however, help a great deal when you respond to your anxiety by being active and moving your body. This can signal to your nevous system that there is no reason to be afraid, because there is actually something you can do about the situation; you are not completely stuck, and therefore the anxiety and fear can lessen. Sorry if this is a weird or incoherent explanation, but i recommend you try it out and see that it actually works to calm you down. This is in fact not just a way to treat the symptoms of your anxiety, but also a lasting 'way out', as it rewires your brain into understanding that you are no longer powerless in these kinds of situations.

It makes sense to go from "What if this happens?" to "If this does indeed happen, I will do X, Y, Z to solve it". But for some of the things I am anxious about, they are not really 'problems' to begin with, so they don't have solutions, and so my mind just panics and doesn't know what to do.

What do I do about the things I'm anxious about where there can't be anything done about the situation right now?

[ThePoint]

19 minutes ago, RickyFitts said:

Feel the resistance within yourself, notice how it manifests as tension and tightness in your body. Then, allow the tension to release, and allow your body to breathe; you might then feel the arising of emotions like fear, sadness, etc., but that's not a problem, those feelings just need to be felt and released.

Man I don't get it. How do you just "release" tension? I've felt chronic tension for the past couple of year and it never goes away.

[Ulax]

I reckon it may be because people overstepped your boundaries in the past, and you now feel a sense of powerlessness because part/ parts of you believe that you cannot enforce boundaries. Meaning you're somewhat at the mercy of others.

I'd recommend the book, 'When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope--Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive", by Manuel Smith.

I think you'll find some value in working through this book list to some extent too:

https://davidtianphd.com/recommended-readings/

[RickyFitts]

5 hours ago, ThePoint said:

Man I don't get it. How do you just "release" tension? I've felt chronic tension for the past couple of year and it never goes away.

You have to make a consistent practice of it, it isn't going to be a one-time thing and then you're done. You've presumably developed unconscious patterns of resistance during the course of your life due to past traumatic situations (you might have also inherited trauma from one or both of your parents, I think that's a definite possibility), and this is where body-oriented practices like yoga and meditation can be very beneficial in gradually releasing those patterns of tension in your body. You do need to be consistent and disciplined in your practice if you do decide to go down that route, though, because change doesn't tend to happen overnight. Things like deep tissue massage can also be very helpful, I believe.

Edited July 30, 2022 by RickyFitts