How to change my weak personality to a strong one ?

[Someone here]

Can a weak personality change towards a stronger one?

I'm looking to change my very weak personality into a stronger one.
I do realize I will never be able to go all the way, however I'm looking for pointers on how to do this.

Google hits almost only junk on this.
Do you know about anyone who has successfully done this? Is it even possible?
Is there any research on this matter?

I want to change this about me because I'm missing lots of opportunities.
Basically, whenever in a group I have the least priority at pretty much anything.

For example: if we (the group) are looking for solutions to a problem (and this includes a practical problem, or just picking a place to eat), my suggestion will always have less priority than other's, even when mine is obviously a better one.

What's odd is that I'm a fairly bright person, with a pretty nice IQ, I know some of all popular topics, and a lot more than most people about a lot of topics. I'm usually the smartest person in the group, and the rest of them know it, but they choose to ignore it because of my personality.

I don't stand up for myself in tough situations or when I get accused or mocked by other people. 

This is especially sensitive to me because I'm a guy ..and I'm around the age of my peak masculinity. So basically if I don't change NOW ,I won't ever change  

Any ideas?

Edited July 27, 2022 by Someone here

[NoSelfSelf]

By becoming independent thinker who stands on his own principles,laws values his own relationship with yourself...

You dont have a weak personality you have a weak programming...

[Eph75]

How would you define a strong personality? 

Someone who is respected and listened to by others - which does not mean others need to oblige. 

Someone who tends to his relationships, by investing into building trust based bonds? 

Someone who doesn't push his own agenda for the sake of being right or taking spotlight, but approached others, situations and problems with a collaborative partnership mindset, rather than a competitive mindset where losers winners are created? 

Someone who shows up being who they really are, not who they or someone else thinks they should be? 

Something else? 

Strong personality has little to do with IQ, theoretical knowledge, experience, practical skills and so on. 

Being "smart" is not worth much if not putting what we have to offer out there in a smart way, which often is about helping others be the smart ones in the room. 

Indeed strong personality also require the ability, and courage to set boundaries, inward and outward boundaries, and to be vulnerable when needed, in a smart way, that further strengthens bonds, rather than deteriorates relationships, or creates enemies. 

Who is it that you want to become? 

Edited July 27, 2022 by Eph75

[Kksd74628]

@Someone here

Read my post Andrew Tate explained where I introduce 2 notions which are male and female energy and male is that which is lacking from many men now a days and that's why they come off as a weak. This thing is actually very important and should be explained even more deeply than I already did in the original post. It's mindfucking that in spiritual circles they don't teach you this while it's very big part of spirituality and self-help. Spirituality should be holistical perspective of life, but mainstream spirituality aims just for the feminine side which is feeling, being and being relaxed. Of course you feel weak when they fail the teaching ...

[Someone here]

 im suffering from low self confidence.  I want my voice to be heard and recognized but having a strong personality will not make people respect my opinion, it'll just piss them off.

it's very common in geeks to associate their worth as an individual based strongly on their intelligence.  My experience growing up was such that I was social kryptonite.  Got made fun of a lot in group settings so I retreated socially, big time.  

The ego needs to prop itself up by comparing to others and saying "i'm not like them i'm better because..." and in my case it was "i'm smarter".   It's the same with any other group that is above average in some way, like attractive people who become vain, etc.  

 

[Eph75]

@Someone here

Low self-confidence being key here. 

The rest is a compensation, a coping mechanism, the pursuit of coping skills. 

The effect they produce works in the moment, so it's a temporary high that gets you looking for more, which is a problem. Further its a problem that it doesn't always work, as it's not something you control. And when it works it produces adverse side effects. 

The real problem is that it's addressing the symptoms, not the cause, the source, where permanent change can happen. 

Addressing the source, self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence, self-love.

Changes the game, removes the need to play the game. 

 

[Kksd74628]

@Someone here

Only people who value your most true beauty are possible your closest friends, family and your girlfriend. If you want others to respect you then provide them things that they value. Be masculine, do bunch of different things and have drive in your life. Don't sit on your ass waiting others to cheer at you. Even you yourself wouldn't that to happen, because it'd feel unnatural and weird. Start achieving things, aim for cool experiences and motivate others. Right now your motivation probably is weak and they don't want to be weak so they don't want to be around you or at least value you. Value is earned not given, bro.

[Nilsi]

51 minutes ago, Someone here said:

 im suffering from low self confidence.  I want my voice to be heard and recognized but having a strong personality will not make people respect my opinion, it'll just piss them off.

it's very common in geeks to associate their worth as an individual based strongly on their intelligence.  My experience growing up was such that I was social kryptonite.  Got made fun of a lot in group settings so I retreated socially, big time.  

The ego needs to prop itself up by comparing to others and saying "i'm not like them i'm better because..." and in my case it was "i'm smarter".   It's the same with any other group that is above average in some way, like attractive people who become vain, etc.  

 

Working on trauma you have accumulated is an extremely effective way to gain the necessary clarity and freedom to change yourself. I found working with trauma in the body especially helpful, so you could try stuff like feeling awareness, somatic experiencing, reichian therapy, Ralston's body being work, various forms of yoga; do a little research into these if that sounds at all interesting to you. The advantage of these methods is that you don't really need a practicioner or therapist, you can do them very effectively by yourself. This is of course only one facette, and there are many more mentioned in this threat, but it's something I personally found to have a lot of leverage.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IuUJP0t05g

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnqOxQBdqc0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udkS-FVLUbk

Edited July 27, 2022 by Raze

[SamC]

@Someone here This is a counterintuitive move and may sound super weird but bare with me. Can you agree that you are on one or the other level lacking in self love? If yes - continue reading, otherwise feel free to stop reading but bare in mind that there might be something to it and thus worth atleast keeping an open mind and listen to what I have to say.. cuz I've been where you have been bro and I want to help you.

If this is the case, that you lack self love.. what is the closest thing to love that you can find? What is it the thing that you're looking for? If you are anything like I was when I struggled with a weak personality you would say.. girls or feminie love from a female in whatever and all ways you want.

So, if this then is the case and we just assume that the feminity that you're trying to connect to - to reach " Love" is just mirroring your need to connect to that love in your direct experience on the inside, by INtegrating it and litterly becoming one with the feminity, then what is the way to find that self love?

You guessed it.. by becoming and integrating that feminity on the inside and loving yourself for who you are fully and surrendering to yourself.

I usally have a saying that masculinity is femininity on steroids and there is something very true to that. If you integrate your feminity enough, that self love will turn into healthy, strong masculinity. I am not saying you have to belive me or try this approach but you asked if it's possible to build a strong personality and I am here to say - yes.. it is!!. I am a living example of it.. and the way to do it is to go full circle with your feminity so much that you love yourself so much and litterly stop giving a fuck about what others say or do because you love yourself so much. Very counterintuitive I know but it's nontheless the truth.

Be careful with interpeting this the wrong way. I am not saying that you should become a spineless wimp or a nice guy.. I am saying you should integrate your feminine side and when you do that you'll love yourself, have a strong frame + you will stop supplecating to woman and being scared of what they think.. and even more so scared of being scared of what they think.

I am saying that the reason why you have these problems with a weak personality is not because you have integrated your feminity.. it's because you haven't. You need to go all the way. Right now you're half asseing enlightment.. oh I mean nihilism.. oh nevermind I mean your FEMININITY. Go full circel!

Edited July 27, 2022 by SamC

[Razard86]

5 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

@Someone here

Read my post Andrew Tate explained where I introduce 2 notions which are male and female energy and male is that which is lacking from many men now a days and that's why they come off as a weak. This thing is actually very important and should be explained even more deeply than I already did in the original post. It's mindfucking that in spiritual circles they don't teach you this while it's very big part of spirituality and self-help. Spirituality should be holistical perspective of life, but mainstream spirituality aims just for the feminine side which is feeling, being and being relaxed. Of course you feel weak when they fail the teaching ...

Andrew Tate is not a good example of Male Energy and this stuff is talked about, Leo talked about it, many people in the Manosphere talked about it, there are many books that discuss it as well. Again Tate is not a good example because a true masculine energy that is at its highest potential combines the feminine.

You cannot be an effective leader without combining the feminine. Those that do create resentment in those that lead them. An example would be Michael Jordan. He got things done but a lot of his teammates resented him. 

Here are Videos Leo did.

 

Here is a non spirituality source for masculinity as well. 

 

[Kksd74628]

@Razard86

We already speaked about that stuff and we saw that we have different pespectives so why continue talking about it if you don't purposely try to see what was beeing said. Continuing to disagree doesn't make your perspective any stronger and valid, does it? It is ridiculous to me that someone even disagrees with me while I have a feeling that (s)he doesn't even see what I truly wanted to express. If you're authentucally interested to see and listen my perspective then I can show it to you, if not then stop dissagreeing with the picture that you made in your mind that really isn't what I even wanted to say.

Respectfully -joNi-

Edited July 28, 2022 by Kksd74628

[Osaid]

Expose yourself to situations where you disagree with people and deal with angry people. Customer service jobs are a good start.

Notice the resistance you feel when imagining that scenario, disagreeing with people and dealing with angry people. That feeling right there runs your life right now. Think about that. Think about it until it makes you feel sick of yourself. Why are you so weak? Why are you so scared of something so stupid? Why do you put other people's emotions over your own? Where is the love towards yourself, towards your emotions and your own will? What about your own desires, dude? How long will you suffer and live in anxiety at the whims of other people until you get sick of it and decide to start treating yourself right and showing yourself the love and respect you deserve? You have abandoned your emotional well-being and you have delegated it to the whims of other people. It's time to show your own well-being some love and care, isn't it? Aren't you tired of willingly letting other people run over your own dreams and desires? Think of yourself an emotionally abused child that has been neglected love and care, it's time to raise that child well and stand up for it. When you say no to others, that is because you love and respect yourself.

The next time someone asks you to do them a favor you don't have any obligation to do, say no. Start saying no when you actually feel like it, even for simple things. And take pride in saying no. And feel the love and respect towards yourself in that moment. 

I suffered from extreme people-pleasing. I remember at work my manager was constantly changing my shift to long work hours, "can you come in on this day? can you stay until closing today?". I was deathly afraid to say no, that's how timid I was. I forced myself to suffer long hours as if I was happy to volunteer for them simply because I didn't want to risk my manager being annoyed by me or not liking me, do you see how insane that is? After a while, I finally said no one time, and I felt so damn amazing. It's like the love and respect I was denying myself this entire time was finally granted to me. I'm finally standing up for myself, for my emotions, my well-being, and that's ok. It's okay to say no. The amount of dread and annoyance I experienced from having my shifts constantly prolonged and shifted really woke me up.

One day you will probably get sick of it, the anxiety and dread around this issue, and you will come to a breaking point, and that is where you will realize the love you have been denying yourself and you will repent and you will begin to finally start standing up for yourself. 

 

[Razard86]

6 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

@Razard86

We already speaked about that stuff and we saw that we have different pespectives so why continue talking about it if you don't purposely try to see what was beeing said. Continuing to disagree doesn't make your perspective any stronger and valid, does it? It is ridiculous to me that someone even disagrees with me while I have a feeling that (s)he doesn't even see what I truly wanted to express. If you're authentucally interested to see and listen my perspective then I can show it to you, if not then stop dissagreeing with the picture that you made in your mind that really isn't what I even wanted to say.

Respectfully -joNi-

It is the communicator's job to make themselves clear. If you think I have misunderstood you then clarify where I have misunderstood you. Again there is not a single person on this forum who understand the Manosphere better than me. I was a part of their community for over 2 years. Around 2018 was when I first joined their community (time flies I thought it was 2 years) I left them for a reason as after awhile I realized...they are just bitter. The manosphere exists for a reason and I understand why, but it is not a solution it is escapism.

My main issue is even though I know for a lot of men the Manosphere might be a stepping stone they have to go through in their developmental journey I fear many will for that trap and stay there. Its definitely a big trap for young black men since there is not other outlet that can provide them for what they are looking for.

Edited July 28, 2022 by Razard86

[Rob06]

• Doing something you're passionate about in your career
• Going to the gym
• Book: 7 Pillars of Self Esteem
• Book: Way of the Superior Man
• Basic success oriented Self Help
• Workshops/exercises where you improve your presentation/communication/interaction skills

Edited July 28, 2022 by Rob06

[Razard86]

9 minutes ago, Rob06 said:

• Doing something you're passionate about in your career
• Going to the gym
• Book: 7 Pillars of Self Esteem
• Book: Way of the Superior Man
• Basic success oriented Self Help
• Workshops/exercises where you improve your presentation/communication/interaction skills

Yeah pretty much sums up the positive aspects of the redpill/manosphere, what isn't told is they will say a lot of this with resentment undertones, and adversarial dispositions against society and modern women. I know why it is happening but doesn't mean I like it. I really don't want young men to connect with the bitterness of these older men. They should have the opportunity to live their life with a fresh slate.

[ted73104]

The red pill/manosphere way is really a very narrow way of looking at the potential of a man. However since we all got a bit of this weak programming growing up, a lot of men don't possess the ability to look outside of the red pill mindset. Therefore we can't choose to be happy unless we get a taste of the superior man stuff. Looking outside is just so damn difficult.

[peterjames]

You wrote

Quote

Can a weak personality change towards a stronger one?

I'm looking to change my very weak personality into a stronger one.

Im suffering from low self confidence. 

The answer is yes. Now how to go about this? There are many different schools within psychology, personal development, philosophy etc. with different base assumptions. What you want is a school with a promising track record, and which allow for big personal changes. You have the "softer" approach on self-love and wholeness which work well.

And then you have the more empowerment focused approaches. Within the empowerment approaches, you have those that mainly focus on earning confidence through acquiring new skills, and then you have those who mainly focus on changing your self-image directly. This latter school can be very effective, and is the "Mind Cure" school of thought which the famous American psychologist William James spoke about. Since it works so quickly one doesn't have much to lose by trying it out. A basic principle underlying this approach is that people will usually treat you according to your own self-image. So if you have a poor self-image, you will be treated accordingly. And vice versa.

 

Now within this latter school, there are several approaches

a) One which takes a virtue ethical approach [Volume XI - Character Power] - an approach I like

b) One which just targets confidence outside a virtue ethical approach

 

Both are effective. Good luck.

Edited July 28, 2022 by peterjames

[something_else]

Fundamentally you've got to do a lot of things that scare you. Or things that are difficult. Pushing yourself is how you develop a strong personality.

In normie terms, any time anyone has ever told you that something would 'build character' what they mean is it will make your personality stronger

[Razard86]

4 hours ago, ted73104 said:

The red pill/manosphere way is really a very narrow way of looking at the potential of a man. However since we all got a bit of this weak programming growing up, a lot of men don't possess the ability to look outside of the red pill mindset. Therefore we can't choose to be happy unless we get a taste of the superior man stuff. Looking outside is just so damn difficult.

Yes and this is why I resist people pushing Tate onto people. Tate is like the hot girl that every guy falls for but is toxic and if you date her and fall under her spell she ruins your life. Tate dangles his popularity and riches and tells guys if you follow my example you too can have what I have....as he himself is searching just as much as the next guy.

The secret that nobody tells you is that every single human is searching for themselves. Nobody is immune to this. You search until you find yourself. This is why Enlightenment and Spirituality is pushed. Because once you achieve it, you stop searching. But I have come to realize that it is a process, you cannot pressure of force people to do it. Even when you tell them what it is, they have to go burn their karma/chase the world until they realize that it won't fufill them. They don't realize that everything they chase is just an experience. Being physically fit, is just an experience. Being rich is just an experience. Being smart is just an experience. Sex is just an experience. Being angry, sad, frustrated, glad these are all experiences. Once you have achieved all this...you will still feel empty. You will wonder why...so at this point you will either choose to keep trying to distract yourself from this feeling, or you will choose to investigate this emptiness.

The irony is....emptiness is WHAT you are. The nothing that people talk about what God is? That emptiness is you. Once you are able to find and realize that emptiness, then you become God in the flesh or enlightened as they say. Once you accomplish that, all your experiences dramatically change and now you can enjoy the present moment. Until you make this discovery everything will feel dead, but once you truly discover yourself as God everything feels alive.

But its fine...I have to be okay with people going through the various stages. I wish you nothing but peace as you travel that path. Just look up the word dopamine hit to understand the nature of this beast. You reach a goal, you get a dopamine hit, then it resets and you go again.