Why is it still creepy to explicitly talk about sex when first meeting a girl?

[something_else]

4 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

to be frank, both men and women feel objectified. I was pleasantly surprised because I thought men won't feel objectified on the same level as women. I thought a man would appreciate if I was sexually explicit with him.

Trust me, most of us do appreciate it when girls are sexual with us first. Though girls seem to be naturally good at bringing up sex in a way that's smooth and sexy when they do want to bring it up, unlike many of us guys who often try to ram it into the conversation 

I would probably be weirded out if a girl was asking me lots of sex questions in a very sterile manner on a first date, but almost no girl would ever do that

And guys don't really give a fuck about being sexually objectified, it isn't even something that crosses our mind. Hell, we probably enjoy it most of the time if it happens

4 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

never be explicit about sex with a stranger or the first date. It always makes a terrible impression, whether men or women. It makes them feel like they're being used for sex.

Not if you do it right, man or woman. If you do it right it can be hot as fuck

4 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

My fourth ex boyfriend began talking about sex one week after our relationship began. He waited for a week to bring up sex. Then I complied. 

So the ideal time would be a couple of days to a week then open.

Each to their own, but honestly I can't ever imagine waiting a week before making a move

I'd rather know after one date whether a girl is sexually attracted to me or not. If she hasn't decided by then, I'm moving on

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Why is it necessarily desperate if I am just asking her what kind of porn does she watch or what is her favorite sex position or what makes her cum?

Why in the fuck do you care what kind of porn she watches, or what her favourite sex position is? The answer is because you want to sleep with her and she knows this immediately, because otherwise you wouldn't give a fuck about any of these questions. So it comes across as desperate.

In her mind she's thinking "oh here's another random dude who just wants to fuck me, boring, eww, please get away from me"

It's about the framing. You could definitely talk about these things really quickly with a girl, but you gotta do it in a way that's playful, flirty, entertaining and shows off some personality

Edited July 27, 2022 by something_else

[Tyler Robinson]

55 minutes ago, something_else said:

I'd rather know after one date whether a girl is sexually attracted to me or not. If she hasn't decided by then, I'm moving on

One date is too fast for someone to make up their mind for sex, unless the goal is sex and not a relationship. 

It's no big loss to the girl anyway. She should be  with a man who can wait. Or he isn't really worth her time.

I wouldn't give the time of my life to a man who can't wait. He would make a terrible partner. Dodged a bullet.

 

Edited July 27, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

57 minutes ago, something_else said:

Not if you do it right, man or woman. If you do it right it can be hot as fuck

In my experience it turned out to be a dud. I Kinda felt embarassed. And I never made the first move after that. He put me in a sticky situation. I was his first girlfriend.

[something_else]

9 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

One date is too fast for someone to make up their mind for sex

For some people. I get that. People have different needs. I want a girl who is attracted to me and knows it, and in my experience that can definitely happen through a single date.

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I wouldn't give the time of my life to a man who can't wait. He would make a terrible partner. Dodged a bullet.

A lot of girls have this idea that they need to make guys wait to like, test their worthiness, or something. I'm curious, where does this idea come from? Why do you think it's necessary? IMO it's silly but it seems very common

15 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

In my experience it turned out to be a dud. I Kinda felt embarassed. And I never made the first move after that. He put me in a sticky situation. I was his first girlfriend.

Sounds more like the dude was just inexperienced more than it being your fault, but either way it's an anomaly.

Don't be afraid of making the first move every now and then. The vast majority of guys will respond well to it

[Tyler Robinson]

2 hours ago, something_else said:

lot of girls have this idea that they need to make guys wait to like, test their worthiness, or something. I'm curious, where does this idea come from? Why do you think it's necessary? IMO it's silly but it seems very common

Because girls feel like they're selling themselves short. It's not about testing. It's female biology to resist. It's from within. It feels cheap to give away too easily, without the guy even trying. Feels like an easy victory for the guy and a cheap feeling for the girl. 

[Razard86]

Reality is however you hold it, however you view it. You see what you believe. Look up Mode One Alan Roger Currie and come back to me. Google Search Mode One. Life is not as simple as you think it is, nor as complex as you think it is. Its an adventure of paradox.

Edited July 27, 2022 by Razard86

[Gesundheit2]

Because their pussy is sensitive. That's the real reason. Believe it or not.

[Hardkill]

20 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

@Hardkill to be frank, both men and women feel objectified. I was pleasantly surprised because I thought men won't feel objectified on the same level as women. I thought a man would appreciate if I was sexually explicit with him.

To my pleasant surprise, a few weeks ago a man was flirting with me. And I decided to jump the gun. I told him that I wanted sex. He gave me a weird look. And he asked me If I was sexually using him. I told him no way. Because I wanted to get to know him proper before I got in his bed. But his questioning really took me by surprise. I didn't think a man would think that.

Lesson learned/moral of the story ==>> never be explicit about sex with a stranger or the first date. It always makes a terrible impression, whether men or women. It makes them feel like they're being used for sex.

If you are really tempted to talk about sex then wait till you reach a comfort level with the person where they are horny enough. Then you can start talking about it. They might even appreciate that you're being sexual when they are horny. Otherwise it can seem weird.

 

Yeah, I agree with@something_else.

Rarely, if ever, have I ever heard of a man say that they have a problem with any woman seeing them as a sex object or being used as a sex object. I actually I used to feel uncomfortable with kinda being seen as a sex object back during my middle school, high school, and college years. Some girls would out of the blue playfully harass me, make sexual jokes with me before I ever got romantic or sexual with them, slap my butt, or during some random point in the conversation right way ask if they wanted to hook up with me or be my girlfriend, in a joking manner. Though looking back, I actually kinda now don't feel embarrassed or upset with any of those moments in my life. In fact, in some ways, I am flattered by what all of those said or did to me during those years.

Also, I have had sex on a first date with a few different girls before.  

[Hardkill]

16 hours ago, something_else said:

Why in the fuck do you care what kind of porn she watches, or what her favourite sex position is? The answer is because you want to sleep with her and she knows this immediately, because otherwise you wouldn't give a fuck about any of these questions. So it comes across as desperate.

In her mind she's thinking "oh here's another random dude who just wants to fuck me, boring, eww, please get away from me"

It's about the framing. You could definitely talk about these things really quickly with a girl, but you gotta do it in a way that's playful, flirty, entertaining and shows off some personality

How does asking what kind of porn she watches or what her favourite sex position is make her automatically think that I am asking her those questions because I just want sex?

Besides, tons of girls out have all kinds of casual sex or only want to use guys for just sex and nothing more.

[something_else]

6 hours ago, Hardkill said:

How does asking what kind of porn she watches or what her favourite sex position is make her automatically think that I am asking her those questions because I just want sex?

What? Read this again, it just sounds silly. Of course talking sexually with a girl will make her think you want to fuck her

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Besides, tons of girls out have all kinds of casual sex or only want to use guys for just sex and nothing more.

Of course, but usually you’ve still gotta flirt skilfully to make that happen rather than just ramming explicit sex topics into a conversation. You’ve had this explained at least 5 different ways to you in this thread already but you keep generating excuses

It’s not a logical issue. It’s an emotional one. You can’t solve this with logic and thinking, really. It is the way it is, you just have to accept it and work with it

If you wanna talk about sexual stuff with girls early on you have to do it playfully in order to not create way too much tension and awkwardness

 

[Mada_]

During the night, you can get away with it. My friends say the most crude stuff and its a wonder how they haven't been slapped. 

During the day a girl will run away from you or make a Tiktok about it. 

[universe]

This seems to be something very dear to you. So maybe you should just talk about it and if the woman is not interested in this topic she might not be the right one for you. Set your own standards! If you want your girl to be very open about these topics, screen for it!

In general, I'd advice against this subject, especially if you are uncertain how to talk to women.

[Jacobsrw]

On 26/7/2022 at 11:34 AM, Hardkill said:

I know that it's generally considered creepy to be talking explicitly about sex with any girl you just met or barely know, especially if bring it up at such a random time in the conversation. 

But in this modern day and age, particularly in 1st world countries, sex has become so much less taboo than it used to be. In fact, most men and women in 2nd and 1st countries are not ashamed about sex. Also, many advertisments, tvs, movies, have been projecting and displaying sex since the 80s. In fact, since the 90s to early 2000s, there has been an increasing amount of movies and tv shows out there that have become quite pornographic. Actual porn, including both softcore and hardcore porn has become even much more mainstream and much less taboo than it used to be. 

So, why is it actually still creepy to explicitly talk about sex when talking to a girl you just met or don't know that well?

I’d say the question isn’t what you talk about but the process in how you talk about it. If it’s natural to the moment than its not so much a problem what gets shared. Women typically appreciate men who can be present in the moment. In some situations it’s appropriate, especially for flirting. In others, it’s better to leave it for later. Gauge what gets talked about according to mood and how she is reciprocating with you. This means to remain “outside of your head”. You’ll be surprised what can be talked about if you’re fully present in the engagement.

Edited July 29, 2022 by Jacobsrw

[Scholar]

On 28.7.2022 at 5:08 AM, Hardkill said:

How does asking what kind of porn she watches or what her favourite sex position is make her automatically think that I am asking her those questions because I just want sex?

Besides, tons of girls out have all kinds of casual sex or only want to use guys for just sex and nothing more.

If you are struggling with this idea so much, I think you might lack in social understanding and empathy, so that's what will need addressing if your goal is to improve your social skills. It should be obvious to anyone with any kind of social understand why that would weird people out or turn them off, even if they can't articulate it well.

But maybe you are seeking an articulation of why exactly this dynamic exists, because I'm not sure if you are genuinely confused about this or are just moralizing about why this should be the case. Either way, it doesn't follow that, just because a culture is very sexual in one dimension, that it would necessarily translate into how people interact with each other. Look at japan, they have hentai shops you can walk right into from the street, sometimes there is a hentai section in a normal shop for anime or manga goodies.

Yet, Japan is extermely sexually repressed in regards to how people interact with each other, so it's obvious that these things don't translate, and can even have an inverse effect. I'm not puzzled by that at all, it makes sense to me.

 

Now, most of the reason for why this will be considered creepy is because of the contemporary culture. That's basically it. Our culture is a certain way, and people are expected to behave a certain way, and if something falls outside the norm, people will try to find explanations for that. "He is talking about porn... nobody just does this with a stranger, so what's wrong with him? Why is he doing this?"

This is the natural response for most people, and then the question for why the culture hasn't yet changed, or why it isn't changing the way you would personally expect it to, is a different discussion. And I think you also underestimate how sexually repressed our culture still is. Just because we have some softcore sex scenes in movies doesn't really tell you much. If there were full blown pornographic style scenes in hollywood movies, with people casually watching them together in the cinema, then you could expect people to react differently when addressing these topics.

But as we speak, the scale on sexual openness is more around eroticism and romanticism still, but even if you do bring that up in a conversation, it will still be perceived a certain way because of how everyone interacts with each other as a whole.

 

So, you can boil it down to: People don't casually talk about pornographic topics, therefore, casually talking about pornographic topics is taboo and will provoke a certain reaction from people. And even aside from all that, talking to women about porn would be a bit like talking about erotic literature with men. If you are going to pick a topic like that, atleast make it one women are more likely to be interested in. Most women don't work the same way men function sexually, they might not care that much about a certain position. You might enjoy it because it looks hot, a woman will enjoy it because of the emotional context it exists in and so forth.

Edited July 30, 2022 by Scholar

[Hardkill]

On 7/30/2022 at 5:38 AM, Scholar said:

If you are struggling with this idea so much, I think you might lack in social understanding and empathy, so that's what will need addressing if your goal is to improve your social skills. It should be obvious to anyone with any kind of social understand why that would weird people out or turn them off, even if they can't articulate it well.

But maybe you are seeking an articulation of why exactly this dynamic exists, because I'm not sure if you are genuinely confused about this or are just moralizing about why this should be the case. Either way, it doesn't follow that, just because a culture is very sexual in one dimension, that it would necessarily translate into how people interact with each other. Look at japan, they have hentai shops you can walk right into from the street, sometimes there is a hentai section in a normal shop for anime or manga goodies.

Yet, Japan is extermely sexually repressed in regards to how people interact with each other, so it's obvious that these things don't translate, and can even have an inverse effect. I'm not puzzled by that at all, it makes sense to me.

 

Now, most of the reason for why this will be considered creepy is because of the contemporary culture. That's basically it. Our culture is a certain way, and people are expected to behave a certain way, and if something falls outside the norm, people will try to find explanations for that. "He is talking about porn... nobody just does this with a stranger, so what's wrong with him? Why is he doing this?"

This is the natural response for most people, and then the question for why the culture hasn't yet changed, or why it isn't changing the way you would personally expect it to, is a different discussion. And I think you also underestimate how sexually repressed our culture still is. Just because we have some softcore sex scenes in movies doesn't really tell you much. If there were full blown pornographic style scenes in hollywood movies, with people casually watching them together in the cinema, then you could expect people to react differently when addressing these topics.

But as we speak, the scale on sexual openness is more around eroticism and romanticism still, but even if you do bring that up in a conversation, it will still be perceived a certain way because of how everyone interacts with each other as a whole.

 

So, you can boil it down to: People don't casually talk about pornographic topics, therefore, casually talking about pornographic topics is taboo and will provoke a certain reaction from people. And even aside from all that, talking to women about porn would be a bit like talking about erotic literature with men. If you are going to pick a topic like that, atleast make it one women are more likely to be interested in. Most women don't work the same way men function sexually, they might not care that much about a certain position. You might enjoy it because it looks hot, a woman will enjoy it because of the emotional context it exists in and so forth.

Okay, I see what you're saying, but one night stands, friends with benefits, having sex with a complete stranger you just met only about 15-20 ago, orgies, and other kinds of casual sex are all considered taboo or outside the norm too. Yet, a lot men and women still do it. Why is that?

 

[Raze]

It isn’t creepy if you do it correctly 

[Heart of Space]

On 7/27/2022 at 8:44 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Because girls feel like they're selling themselves short. It's not about testing. It's female biology to resist. It's from within. It feels cheap to give away too easily, without the guy even trying. Feels like an easy victory for the guy and a cheap feeling for the girl. 

Want to date?  I think we would be a good match.  I'm told I'm very handsome, good in bed, have a great career.  

Edited August 1, 2022 by Heart of Space