Why is it still creepy to explicitly talk about sex when first meeting a girl?

[Hardkill]

I know that it's generally considered creepy to be talking explicitly about sex with any girl you just met or barely know, especially if bring it up at such a random time in the conversation. 

But in this modern day and age, particularly in 1st world countries, sex has become so much less taboo than it used to be. In fact, most men and women in 2nd and 1st countries are not ashamed about sex. Also, many advertisments, tvs, movies, have been projecting and displaying sex since the 80s. In fact, since the 90s to early 2000s, there has been an increasing amount of movies and tv shows out there that have become quite pornographic. Actual porn, including both softcore and hardcore porn has become even much more mainstream and much less taboo than it used to be. 

So, why is it actually still creepy to explicitly talk about sex when talking to a girl you just met or don't know that well?

[Devon]

Do you mean talking about it to a girl you intend on sleeping with or in general?  When it is a woman you are interested in sex with, I’d say its analogous to going for penetration without foreplay. One must break down other social barriers first. Social context matters…but women are different than men in that a feeling of comfort and safety is a prerequisite to entering the sexual domain (and for good reason). So yeah if sex is explicitly talked about before they feel comfortable then that’s going to result in them considering it creepy.

[Javfly33]

Just put yourself in the perspective of the woman...how would you feel/react if you are having a coffee with a guy you just met and he starts talking about how he wants to fuck you and do all kind of things?

What would you say or reply?

See you must see its very violent and makes her feel very unsafe if that would happen.

 

[mr_engineer]

It shows that you're taking sex too seriously and that's a turn-off. It's not meant to be serious. Which is why flirting is 'playful'. 

[Hardkill]

2 hours ago, Devon said:

Do you mean talking about it to a girl you intend on sleeping with or in general?  When it is a woman you are interested in sex with, I’d say its analogous to going for penetration without foreplay. One must break down other social barriers first. Social context matters…but women are different than men in that a feeling of comfort and safety is a prerequisite to entering the sexual domain (and for good reason). So yeah if sex is explicitly talked about before they feel comfortable then that’s going to result in them considering it creepy.

 

54 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Just put yourself in the perspective of the woman...how would you feel/react if you are having a coffee with a guy you just met and he starts talking about how he wants to fuck you and do all kind of things?

What would you say or reply?

See you must see its very violent and makes her feel very unsafe if that would happen.

 

Well, okay I don't ever right away ask a girl for sex or tell how I want to fuck her.

But why is making sexual jokes or talking about favorite positions or talking about porn with a girl you just met also still creepy these days?

[puporing]

It's not even about creepiness, just lacking substance and depth I'd say.. like.. that's the only thing you can talk about or see value in, in relation to the other. It makes you feel like you're just some dumb animal.

Edit: it really really depends on how you're talking about it and whether there's already chemistry or not, and whether that's the entire conversation or just sprinkles.. basically if no chemistry it becomes creepy.. and the challenge would be to gauge that/receptivity.

Edited July 26, 2022 by puporing

[Hardkill]

2 hours ago, puporing said:

It's not even about creepiness, just lacking substance and depth I'd say.. like.. that's the only thing you can talk about or see value in, in relation to the other. It makes you feel like you're just some dumb animal.

Edit: it really really depends on how you're talking about it and whether there's already chemistry or not, and whether that's the entire conversation or just sprinkles.. basically if no chemistry it becomes creepy.. and the challenge would be to gauge that/receptivity.

I thought that girls like it when you play dumb.

[something_else]

It's not very emotionally stimulating for girls because it removes a lot of the mystery and excitement. You've made it painfully obvious what you want, instead of creating any tension, build-up or excitement.

It also looks very desperate. It's not far off going up to a girl and saying "I want to have sex with you, will you please have sex with me"

However, it's definitely possible. You just have to be playful, use innuendos, be more implicit and teasing about it. Show some personality. Build up chemistry with the girl at the same time as making sexual hints/jokes

Some girls will also appreciate you being really direct, but on average, they won't. So it's better to just be more subtle about it.

[Danioover9000]

@Hardkill

11 hours ago, Hardkill said:

I know that it's generally considered creepy to be talking explicitly about sex with any girl you just met or barely know, especially if bring it up at such a random time in the conversation. 

But in this modern day and age, particularly in 1st world countries, sex has become so much less taboo than it used to be. In fact, most men and women in 2nd and 1st countries are not ashamed about sex. Also, many advertisments, tvs, movies, have been projecting and displaying sex since the 80s. In fact, since the 90s to early 2000s, there has been an increasing amount of movies and tv shows out there that have become quite pornographic. Actual porn, including both softcore and hardcore porn has become even much more mainstream and much less taboo than it used to be. 

So, why is it actually still creepy to explicitly talk about sex when talking to a girl you just met or don't know that well?

   It depends on what stage of development, cognitive and moral development, personality typing, states of consciousness, life experiences and other lines of development that make up the woman's worldview, and your own, snd how those similarities and differences between you two are reconciled.

   This is especially important to consider the social context of when you're being explicit in your communication. You being sexually explicit with a woman, who has more stage orange and red values, who's cognitively and morally similar to you, who's personality is not introverted but more extroverted and comparable to you, who's state is slightly intoxicated, who is with you in a nightclub/bar setting, is very different situation from approaching a woman with stage blue or green values, in a restaurant or in a mall, who's cognitively and morally higher than you, who has a different personality, who's state is normal and not effected by alcohol.

   This is why teasjng or being implicit with your sexual intent is more powerful than explicitly speaking it to the woman, as being implicit crosses over to other social contexts.

[puporing]

9 hours ago, Hardkill said:

I thought that girls like it when you play dumb.

I don't mean the guy, I mean when a guy talks on and on about sex it's like he's talking to a sex doll who has no other dimensions to them, (the girl might feel like a dumb animal). And also yeah the mystery of it is lost... Sprinkles works best ;). 

Edited July 26, 2022 by puporing

[MarkKol]

Don't talk about it until she's talking/thinking about it, and when she's thinking about it you're probably fucking her anyways. You've seen the movies its always a silent touch / physical escalation that leads to sex, in other words you could go out with a girl, fuck her, wake up tomorrow next to her without sex even being mentioned once

On 7/26/2022 at 3:34 AM, Hardkill said:

So, why is it actually still creepy to explicitly talk about sex when talking to a girl you just met or don't know that well?

who knows, you shouldn't care

Edited July 27, 2022 by MarkKol
Your/you're

[Federico del pueblo]

19 hours ago, Hardkill said:

I know that it's generally considered creepy to be talking explicitly about sex with any girl you just met or barely know, especially if bring it up at such a random time in the conversation. 

But in this modern day and age, particularly in 1st world countries, sex has become so much less taboo than it used to be. In fact, most men and women in 2nd and 1st countries are not ashamed about sex. Also, many advertisments, tvs, movies, have been projecting and displaying sex since the 80s. In fact, since the 90s to early 2000s, there has been an increasing amount of movies and tv shows out there that have become quite pornographic. Actual porn, including both softcore and hardcore porn has become even much more mainstream and much less taboo than it used to be. 

So, why is it actually still creepy to explicitly talk about sex when talking to a girl you just met or don't know that well?

It's not in all cases creepy, it depends on the chemistry and whether there has already been some good flirtation prior to the more explicit sex talk.

I've had girls ask me how big my dick is and what my favourite position is etc. on a first date. And they brought the topic of sex up. So, not every girl finds talking about sex creepy.

But more generally it can be considered creepy if it comes completely out of the blue. Like first you talk about her work and then you ask "so do you like doggy style?". That's just weird and uncalibrated.

Don't bring up sex in one huge move, bring it up in many small moves that get incrementally more sexual.

[flowboy]

19 hours ago, Hardkill said:

So, why is it actually still creepy to explicitly talk about sex when talking to a girl you just met or don't know that well?

For the same reason it's creepy when your sweaty uncle starts talking about his favourite positions to you.

[Tyler Robinson]

Women liked to be gamed and conquered. They liked to be chased down. Directly asking sex is like begging, there is simply no fun, charisma or energy to it. You made it sound like a routine and instantly made it super boring to her. She will eventually have sex if she is attracted, but did you build attraction with her ? She is looking for chemistry and stimulation and you give her none of it when you directly beg for sex. You give her no good reason why she should sleep with you.

It's like you are marketing a product to a client and saying, "please buy this, please please buy this, please just buy this. " With this strategy most people would be turned off and they will be less likely to buy. There is simply no tact and it appears repulsive. They would also look at the product with suspicion and might assume that you're forcing them to buy something that people wouldn't buy unless forced to. This will backfire. This is a bad strategy. 

Similarly telling a woman to her face that you want only sex or you want sex explicitly brings up different contextual scenarios in her mind like -

she thinks you're only interested in sex. This is a big turn off because nobody likes to be hired as a sex object. The feeling of being objectified is equivalent to that of slavery. 

Unless it's a bdsm situation and mutually agreed upon, nobody likes to be treated or viewed as a slave.

 

  she thinks you're a fuckboy. Pump and dump is what her mind is imagining you would do to her. This makes her feel unwanted and insecure. A girl's insecurity is her biggest and worst enemy. By giving her a pre-signal that you would be dumping her, you are aiding her insecurities instead of alleviating them.

Basically you're getting her scared

 

 creepy vibes. Men who are serial killers or rapists show no emotion or care and attack women for sex. She can easily think that a man wanting sex could be a potential rapist and see you as a red flag.

 

  personal dignity is to a woman what pride and ego are to a man. Would a man like if I said to him that he is good for nothing?  He would be instantly turned off. Wanting a woman for sex is synonymous with calling her a loser, disregarding her worth, putting down her dignity. It's similar to slut shaming. It's making her feel like a slut. This means she is capable of offering nothing better than sex. This makes her feel devalued. It's a shot to her personal dignity. She feels shamed. This indirectly means she is good for nothing as a woman and the only reason she is being liked is your desire for sex. The feeling that she  has nothing more to offer than being a cute sex doll is an attack on her personal dignity which a woman holds very dear to her. Women are deeply impacted when they lose personal dignity, it's like emotional suicide.

No woman wants to be seen as just a pair of tits. 

 

  women want more from a guy than mere desire. They want emotional commitment. She is expecting you to show more reasons why you like her. This will make her mind think that you're commitment oriented guy. 

 

  she thinks that you're too desperate. Desperation is a general turn off. Nobody likes someone who is too desperate because it's an indicator of selfishness. Nobody wants to be a victim of someone's selfish goals.

 

 she thinks you must be doing this to all girls. When you are too explicit about anything, let alone sex, it appears as a crude shallow gimmick that you must be playing on everyone. It's like that magician who runs a stall and everyone looks at him in wonder and then pass by. A girl might assume that you do this to all women to obtain sex. She sees you as a trickster.

 

  she thinks you're boring and nothing else to offer other than sex. Your value as a man falls in her eyes.

 

 

Edited July 27, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Hardkill]

6 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

It's not in all cases creepy, it depends on the chemistry and whether there has already been some good flirtation prior to the more explicit sex talk.

I've had girls ask me how big my dick is and what my favourite position is etc. on a first date. And they brought the topic of sex up. So, not every girl finds talking about sex creepy.

But more generally it can be considered creepy if it comes completely out of the blue. Like first you talk about her work and then you ask "so do you like doggy style?". That's just weird and uncalibrated.

Don't bring up sex in one huge move, bring it up in many small moves that get incrementally more sexual.

Wait, you've actually had girls be that sexually explicit with you or bring up the topic of sex first? How? I am curious.

 

16 hours ago, something_else said:

It also looks very desperate. It's not far off going up to a girl and saying "I want to have sex with you, will you please have sex with me"

 

18 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Women liked to be gamed and conquered. They liked to be chased down. Directly asking sex is like begging, there is simply no fun, charisma or energy to it. You made it sound like a routine and instantly made it super boring to her. She will eventually have sex if she is attracted, but did you build attraction with her ? She is looking for chemistry and stimulation and you give her none of it when you directly beg for sex. You give her no good reason why she should sleep with you.

It's like you are marketing a product to a client and saying, "please buy this, please please buy this, please just buy this. " With this strategy most people would be turned off and they will be less likely to buy. There is simply no tact and it appears repulsive. They would also look at the product with suspicion and might assume that you're forcing them to buy something that people wouldn't buy unless forced to. This will backfire. This is a bad strategy. 

Why is it necessarily desperate if I am just asking her what kind of porn does she watch or what is her favorite sex position or what makes her cum?

[Tyler Robinson]

7 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

Why is it necessarily desperate if I am just asking her what kind of porn does she watch or what is her favorite sex position or what makes her cum?

Because sex is not on her mind. We are sexual beings (both men and women) but we aren't thinking about sex all the time unless we're horny ?

So anyone talking about sex without context (that is without the other person being/acting horny) appears weird. As though they have nothing else to talk about, or nothing better.

 

 

[Hardkill]

50 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Because sex is not on her mind. We are sexual beings (both men and women) but we aren't thinking about sex all the time unless we're horny ?

So anyone talking about sex without context (that is without the other person being/acting horny) appears weird. As though they have nothing else to talk about, or nothing better.

 

 

But what about the fact that many advertisements, movies, and films out there have using the idea sex sells these days like never before? Why don't people say that Hollywood, the music industry, advertisement agencies, etc. are all becoming too obsessed with sex?

Why is it considered okay if not cool for a cable tv show or a movie to show a sex scene that's bordering on porn?

Edited July 27, 2022 by Hardkill

[Tyler Robinson]

5 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

But what about the fact that many advertisements, movies, and films out there have using the idea sex sells these days like never before? Why don't people say that Hollywood, the music industry, advertisement agencies, etc. are all becoming too obsessed with sex?

Why is it considered okay if not cool for a cable tv show or a movie to show a sex scene that's bordering on porn?

Because it has nothing to do with someone's personal life. It is just entertainment. Everyone wants sexual entertainment. The largest percentage gender wise who watch porn is actually men, not women. For men, sex is a huge source of entertainment. So the biggest consumers of TV and internet porn are men. Obviously sex sells. But who is it selling to ? It's selling to men. Why will men criticize stuff they're enjoying ? 

Do women criticise it ? Obviously women do hold resentment because it makes them feel objectified but it's not their place to tell men what they should or shouldn't watch.

The reason these things are allowed because there's freedom and space for such things to exist.

Remember women make up only 50% of the population not the whole.

[Tyler Robinson]

@Hardkill to be frank, both men and women feel objectified. I was pleasantly surprised because I thought men won't feel objectified on the same level as women. I thought a man would appreciate if I was sexually explicit with him.

To my pleasant surprise, a few weeks ago a man was flirting with me. And I decided to jump the gun. I told him that I wanted sex. He gave me a weird look. And he asked me If I was sexually using him. I told him no way. Because I wanted to get to know him proper before I got in his bed. But his questioning really took me by surprise. I didn't think a man would think that.

Lesson learned/moral of the story ==>> never be explicit about sex with a stranger or the first date. It always makes a terrible impression, whether men or women. It makes them feel like they're being used for sex.

If you are really tempted to talk about sex then wait till you reach a comfort level with the person where they are horny enough. Then you can start talking about it. They might even appreciate that you're being sexual when they are horny. Otherwise it can seem weird.

 

[Tyler Robinson]

On 7/26/2022 at 7:04 AM, Hardkill said:

sex has become so much less taboo than it used to be.

My fourth ex boyfriend began talking about sex one week after our relationship began. He waited for a week to bring up sex. Then I complied. 

So the ideal time would be a couple of days to a week then open.

(In one night stand scenarios it happens immediately but I'm talking about relationships here)