Majority of human relationships fail because they are conditional

[Razard86]

A man in a relationship is expected traditionally to be a leader, emotionally resilient, a provider, a protector.

A woman in a relationship is expected traditionally to be a nurturer, emotionally expressive, kind, and a supporter.

The problem in relationships is that most individuals are too selfish, too conditional, to ever receive a fulfilling relationship. 

Ever see a man and a woman who have been together for years and the man catches a terrible ailment and is no longer able to be those things I said above? Yet you will see the wife stick by him, and not leave even though he is unable to fulfill that role. Why did she stay? Love.

True love is not conditional, as long as you are so focused on getting your needs met you will never be able to have a meaningful relationship. All conflicts in relationships are due to selfishness. Conflict will never be resolved without commitment and accountability.

I am not saying accept a relationship that does not meet your needs where you do all the heavy lifting and they provide none, that would be abusive.

But the sad thing is, from a logical standpoint all relationships whether healthy or not will involve some level of exploitation unless you found someone who is VERY selfless. So whoever you choose as a partner you need to be honest with who they are, where they are in their level of selfishness and ask yourself are you willing to take that on. Many want to try to change someone, this is a fool's errand. You can only change yourself, you can influence someone sure which will create small changes but any meaningful long lasting change will come from daily concerted effort which only happens when there is a paradigm shift in perspective. Many of the most selfish people will need to suffer before they see the value in selflessness. Suffering is a form of purification, and sometimes we all need a good dose of that bitter medicine to find the meaning we are searching for.

So pick a partner who you are willing to accept as they are, and learn to love the parts you don't. Pick wisely, and grow in love and everything else will work itself out. Eventually you may reach a point, where you and that person love so deeply, that no condition even matters anymore. This is a level few will reach, because it takes a denial of self to reach.

Good Luck out there. 

[Galyna]

10 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

This is a level few will reach, because it takes a denial of self to reach.

yeah, such a nice post. It is the dream of mine to build a relationship like this.