How to attract good man/masculine energy into my life?

[Vxvxen]

@Something Funny

8 hours ago, Something Funny said:

That's  exactly the case in my opinion. It is not that you having guy friends turns them off. 

It just makes them insecure. But of course they ego won't allow them to openly admit it. So they come up with stuff like saying that it's a turn off. (Viv; Yeah, definitely not a good constructive way to go about this. If it's a turn off, then maybe I don't suit what the guy is looking for then - we arent compatible. )

 

[Devin]

14 minutes ago, Vxvxen said:

 

Quick question: What kind of girls would attract you? What kind of first impression does guys love to see when they meet someone new? Of course I'd guess it's more of how hot is she, but what if I'm not 10/10? Advice please!)

 

Sweet, not desperate/fake, interested in me, takes care of herself.

[Vxvxen]

@mr_engineer hi there!

7 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

@Vxvxen If I were you, I would take all of my self-understanding in the context of Life-Purpose, money and especially health and apply it in the context of sexuality and embodying my authentic sexuality. That's what's the most important when it comes to attracting men. Especially the high-quality ones. (Viv: I feel like there's no such thing as the 'high quality' man/woman because we all have our flaws as human being, but we can always work on ourselves to improve our sexual experiences. I might have to start somewhere from the bottom.)

Sexual energy is creative energy. So, if you're able to be creative at work, you can do the same in bed! And, if you're working on your self-worth issues, you will probably have worked on some body-dysmorphia too. So, after you've found yourself sexually and you've worked on your body-issues, you'll know which body-parts you'd like to attract men to. Then, you get to flaunt those body-parts and dress sexy, essentially. And, do it in a context where the kind of guys you want hang out. And finally, it would be best if their Life-Purposes align with your core-values behind your Life-Purpose, so that you can grow together. (Viv: I've always had an issue to flaunt my body parts - i personally dress down just to avoid getting objectified by men. I get scared for some reason. Any suggestions that i can dress down and still look cute? That's how i prefer to dress. If I show too much skin I might attract the wrong kind of guys? Aligning life purposes and values are hard though, 9/10 guys i talk to don't have a sense of urgency to figure out about their LP and having a job is good enough etc. In this case, I'd try to lower down my criteria so that I can find someone, who at least has an interest to consistently work on himself - will be good enough. However, if i don't look that hot my choices narrows down even more.)

A couple more points - it would be great if you can agree on religion and politics. Religion being your ideas of God and politics being your ideas of the right way to do things, collectively. This way, if you agree on God, you agree on the fundamental nature of reality, your metaphysics will align, so you will 'get each other' and you'll be living in the same reality. And, if you agree on politics, you will agree on how to manage things in your relationship and you will be able to come up with a strategy to pursue your collective goals that you both agree on. (Viv: Yeah, 100% on this two aspects! Gotta be compatible otherwise would never work out! I need to find a guy who can take it in when I tell him - you are God )

HTH!!  

 

[Vxvxen]

@aurum hi! I've always seen your replies on here, grateful for your response!  

7 hours ago, aurum said:

Value is always subjective and relative to what people want.

So different people are going to value very different things.

If I’m a guy that values materialism, I am going to value a girl who also likely values materialism and supports my materialist values.

Likewise, a guy who values intimacy or connection in a relationship will seek out a girl who provides that.

So the question is NOT “how do I be valuable to all guys?”. The question I would ask is “how do I be valuable to the guys I also value?”.

Otherwise you will simply to trying to please every guy you meet, including one’s who you don’t even want to attract.

So maybe make a list. What do the guys I want value?

You should just be able to look at their behavior and get some clues.

Personally, here is a short list of some of the things I look for:

1) A desire for self-actualization and spiritual work

2) Good communication and relationship skills

3) Good friends

4) A job / career they feel good about (unless they feel good about not working)

5) Playfulness, sense of humor

6) Authenticity and freedom of expression

7) Ability to get along with my friends and family

8) Good fashion sense

9) Looks

10) Shared lifestyle goals

That sounds good.

You won’t, but that’s okay too.

(Viv: My list: 1. he walks his talks, he knows what he wants in life. 2. he is lighthearted, easy going and playful. 3. he's attentive and fully aware and present of emotions arising and be able to see through situations, so that he doesn't get into fights. 4. stable job/career/life purpose 5. finances in order (he doesn't have to be super rich but at least to have positive cash flow and some amount of accumulated net worth) 6. able to have open vulnerable, deep conversations and be supportive for each other.....this list is really high standard, what if i don't find anyone like this? I will be so disappointed )

[Vxvxen]

@NoSelfSelf hi mod!

6 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Vxvxen I mean on the one hand yes but on the other hand red pill ideology says to be careful with women with male friends because shes either too masculine or they need constant male attetion that spiral into drama...and they ate all those red pills up... ? (Viv: Hey, i don't think I am too masculine or attention seeker though , but yeah i understand where you're coming from.)

 

[mr_engineer]

5 minutes ago, Vxvxen said:

(Viv: I feel like there's no such thing as the 'high quality' man/woman because we all have our flaws as human being, but we can always work on ourselves to improve our sexual experiences. I might have to start somewhere from the bottom.)

When I say 'high-quality guy', I mean, guys who have some brain-cells, who are not lazy, who don't screw around and who are willing to put in the work to get what they want. To be high-quality is a choice. 

Your question was about attracting masculine men/masculine energy. That's what I'm answering! 

6 minutes ago, Vxvxen said:

(Viv: I've always had an issue to flaunt my body parts - i personally dress down just to avoid getting objectified by men. I get scared for some reason. Any suggestions that i can dress down and still look cute? That's how i prefer to dress. If I show too much skin I might attract the wrong kind of guys? Aligning life purposes and values are hard though, 9/10 guys i talk to don't have a sense of urgency to figure out about their LP and having a job is good enough etc. In this case, I'd try to lower down my criteria so that I can find someone, who at least has an interest to consistently work on himself - will be good enough. However, if i don't look that hot my choices narrows down even more.)

Here's the thing - high-quality guys really value their time. It will be on you to grab their attention by showing them something that they'll be sexually attracted to. That's right, you need to evoke sexual interest from them! 

I'd suggest you try not to go for the 'cute' look. You won't attract the super-masculine men if you do that. Cuz that'll kinda send a mom-vibe, if you catch my drift. The masculine men will friendzone you if you do that. And go for the hot ones. The guys who will want to be in relationship with you, will be the nice-guys! But, you won't get too much masculine energy from them. Cuz you need time on your hands to beta-orbit a girl who's cute but not sexy. And the masculine men don't have that. 

You don't have to expose a lot of skin. But, anything you can do to exude a 'wild' vibe will be helpful. Loosening your hair, wearing clothes that fit you, wearing colorful dresses, etc. And yes, you will need to be clear on which body-part is your strength and leverage that. Whether you want to expose or not, is your choice. 

And, a clue about the compatible LP - figure out what your LP is. If you were a man, what would your LP be? Start to embody that. Then, you'll meet people who will support you along the way. Or, you may find yourself wanting to support someone in their LP! But, be sure to find your own first. This will give you more relationship-security than just being with a rich guy. 

HTH!  

[Razard86]

On 7/24/2022 at 6:00 AM, Vxvxen said:

Hi Actualizers,

I would appreciate to receive your perspective in my current situation.

I feel disappointed. Why does it seem like there's no one out there that would love me?

Every time I build myself up, starts to feel good about myself and start meeting new people, I seemed to get disappointed of the outcome - the guy doesn't like me, apparently he likes someone else.

I've invested emotionally into something that was never there in the first place - no friendship, no reciprocity - nada.

If there is no emotional investment into any friendship with guys - how would I get to know the guys as a person? Am i simply just chose the wrong kind of guys to engage with?

This part of me comes up: All the feelings of insecurity come up - am i not good enough? Am I not attractive enough? Am I not funny enough? Do I not care enough? Aren't i a good person that deserves love, care and affection?

What makes people feel that they want to date me or even value me? (I know that the moment I start valuing myself than others would value me too. How do i balance valuing myself with caring for someone else?)

How can I be immune from disappointments and at the same time chin up and keep on trying? How do i attract/manifest a good guy into my life?

As a female at 28, how do I get my basic needs met?

**On a side note, I am also on progress to discover and work on my life purpose. work on perfecting my lifestyle routines, build my self worth, try to network with different social circles - i do have guy friends, be kind to myself, invest, work on my side startup project, to do my 9-5 etc etc. I really hope to have everything together by the time I'm 30

This book will explain men in a nutshell to you if you are interested as a woman. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31178970-finding-the-right-man

[Vxvxen]

@acidgoofy hi mod!

6 hours ago, acidgoofy said:

Masculine men are looking for feminine women. How much do you embody your femininity? (Viv: hm, is there a checklist to embody more femininity? Wear flowy dress? I think i am girly and shy but maybe i could shed a few pounds to look more feminine? I kept long hair, but i dont really like doing make up though, maybe i can change my wardrobe too.)

 

[Vxvxen]

@BlueOak hello!

6 hours ago, BlueOak said:

Do you love yourself? If people are not loving you, it could be a direct reflection of you not loving yourself. (Viv: I do need to work on loving myself unconditionally and at the same time love myself in the masculine way.)

Can't you do both? You are thinking of it like one needs to lose for the other to gain, this is limited way of looking at the time you spend together as a couple. Life can be many things at once.

Even just using the word value, I would not pick that. It sounds like an exchange, rather than the meaningful relationship part of you is seeking, almost like you have two principles in conflict. If you want people to love you, don't put a value on yourself. Don't think in those limiting terms. Really learn to love yourself, who you are with and both you of you together as a couple. Think of the word us, rather than you and him. (Viv: The thing is i am failing in attracting good man, maybe because I'm shy, however if it's relationship wise I have a feeling i would do really well once i get into a relationship.)

You didn't suffer a loss, your relationship did, both of you together. (Viv: Oh sigh. People have so many choices these days that the loss happens easier and I feel like I seem replaceable. This makes me fear the most)

 

[Vxvxen]

@Razard86 hi

10 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

This book will explain men in a nutshell to you if you are interested as a woman. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31178970-finding-the-right-man (Viv: Thanks for the link. I think that it's better to get feedback from all kinds of men on here! I've watched, studied a lot of relationship and attraction books, but it all make me feel worse about myself - am i good enough if i don't seem to have that specific trait listed in the book? what if i am not a hot girl?)

 

[Heart of Space]

@Vxvxen  You are worthy of love.  Don't let guys determine your self-worth.  Oof I'm a massive hypocrite because I let my sexual partners determine my self-worth too.  

Don't chase narcissists or guys who think they're too good for you.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Vxvxen i didnt say you are im just saying what they are thinking about you (potential partner) 

[BlueOak]

2 hours ago, Vxvxen said:

@BlueOak hello!

 (Viv: I do need to work on loving myself unconditionally and at the same time love myself in the masculine way.)

 

Yes but the last bit is our job . Don't put conditions on it, just love yourself. Say you love yourself over and over in your room until you cry. Get comfortable with it, find reasons why you love yourself, dwell on them, feel them. I'll give you one, you were brave enough to come on a forum in front of strangers and bare your soul, and be vulnerable. That's something to love about yourself.

2 hours ago, Vxvxen said:

(Viv: The thing is i am failing in attracting good man, maybe because I'm shy, however if it's relationship wise I have a feeling i would do really well once i get into a relationship.)

I've failed many times because I didn't know myself and the patterns I was in. I am not shy, I am too loud and still failed. Some guys like shy girls. Some girls like loud or forward guys, some don't. I used to go into relationships wanting to be the person who supported the other, that was my pattern I would be there for them, want to help them out, almost act as their therapist and when they were really comfortable, and things were going great I didn't feel needed or useful. I share this because you might have a pattern in you where it ends up putting distance between you and them, if its repeating a lot. 

Maybe detail how the break-up happens if you are feeling brave, even just to yourself, try and find common ground between the different breakups rather than just feeling hopeless.

2 hours ago, Vxvxen said:

Oh sigh. People have so many choices these days that the loss happens easier and I feel like I seem replaceable. This makes me fear the most)

Sorry I was a bit harsh there, even when I read it to myself after I typed it. I understand why you would feel you lost. You did.

You are irreplaceable to any relationship you are in. It can't work without you. It doesn't exist without you. You can never reach into someone and put yourself there. Its going to be what you are together, and what you build or do together. The relating and connecting the two of you have, that's what people fall in love with, what you share together.

Edited July 25, 2022 by BlueOak

[Vercingetorix]

If you aren't focusing on it already (using the 20-80 principle),  Maybe Your best bet is to focus on making yourself the "hottest" you can - reach your ideal weight, buy fitting and sexy clothes, practice Yoga and pilates, do make up if it fits you etc.

[Razard86]

7 hours ago, Vxvxen said:

@Razard86 hi

 

This book is not like any other book. It simplifies it. Here is a secret, men are simple. We are VERY simple. We are so simple it HURTS. Women are complicated and the problem with women is you project your complicated nature onto us. I'll help you out but I still suggest the book.

1. Work out. Men are visual creatures first and foremost.

2. If you want to draw attention wear clothes that are form fitting. 

3. Men are drawn to femininity like bees to a flower and flies to garbage. Our sex drive is the main driver that motivates us to pursue a woman. So if you are looking nice, and are feminine you will make the average man melt like puddy.

4. If you know how to cook that is a bonus. You don't have too, but it helps.

5. Be a good listener. A woman that can take an interest in a man's perspective has that man.

6. Be that man's emotional cheerleader. A woman who knows how to fire up her man, will get a man who will seek to achieve to give it to her.

7. Take an interest in sex and doing more than just laying there, participate. A man loves it when his woman takes a vested interest in participating and not just laying there. Be okay making suggestions to your man on what you like. 

8. When you get frustrated do your best not to unload on your man, just because he can take it doesn't mean he should be your emotional punching bag. Try to find ways to communicate in a calm manner.

9. Overall be a man's peace. A man builds a house, a woman makes it a home. If you can be a man's peace, his oasis in the desert, you will have him for life.

Like I said we are simple. I still suggest getting that book. Rom Wills has a gift of explaining both sexes in a way I have not seen any other guru do it. Its simple, practical, and it gets results. I know from first hand experience. 

[aurum]

8 hours ago, Vxvxen said:

hi! I've always seen your replies on here, grateful for your response!  

Hi ?

8 hours ago, Vxvxen said:

Viv: My list: 1. he walks his talks, he knows what he wants in life. 2. he is lighthearted, easy going and playful. 3. he's attentive and fully aware and present of emotions arising and be able to see through situations, so that he doesn't get into fights. 4. stable job/career/life purpose 5. finances in order (he doesn't have to be super rich but at least to have positive cash flow and some amount of accumulated net worth) 6. able to have open vulnerable, deep conversations and be supportive for each other

That’s a good list.

So now that you’ve identified your ideal guy, see if you can do the opposite and make his list.

What is he looking for? What would he write down if he did that exercise?

If you don’t know right now, that’s alright. Just be curious about it and hold it in mind. Step into his shoes.

8 hours ago, Vxvxen said:

this list is really high standard, what if i don't find anyone like this? I will be so disappointed )

So first I would notice that thinking about what you really wanted was a bit scary and triggering for you. You’re experiencing both the excitement of what you want and the fear you won’t get it.

I’m not suggesting any of us are going to find a perfect partner. Such a person obviously does not exist and would likely be extremely boring if they did. But we can still have a fulfilling relationship by going through the messy process of being together, together.

Part of the reason for doing this exercise is also to identify areas where maybe you’re not currently a match to the relationship you want. This can get ugly and shove some of our shortcoming in our face.

For instance, if you identify that your ideal guy highly values health, but you yourself do not value health and healthy living, there’s likely to be a mismatch. And so you may have to make some changes. This is personal development.

Are you the person your partner is calling in? We all have to face this question at some point as honestly as we can.

[Vxvxen]

@Devin hi

On 7/25/2022 at 7:15 PM, Devin said:

I think it can be a really nice type of relationship. I don't have a sister and I think it's sort of similar to a brother sister relationship. Being friends with a woman in a non sexual relationship really adds some variety being around someone with mutual interests but you're also so different in some ways, and it definitely helps you get in touch with your feminine side, in a sexual relationship that doesn't really happen and I'm not sure you would want it to. (Viv: I have experienced such a friendship-mentorship situation, it can be rewarding. You can learn to relate with the opposite sex and learn to respect each other.)

 

[Vxvxen]

@mr_engineer

21 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

When I say 'high-quality guy', I mean, guys who have some brain-cells, who are not lazy, who don't screw around and who are willing to put in the work to get what they want. To be high-quality is a choice. 

Your question was about attracting masculine men/masculine energy. That's what I'm answering! 

Here's the thing - high-quality guys really value their time. It will be on you to grab their attention by showing them something that they'll be sexually attracted to. That's right, you need to evoke sexual interest from them! (Viv: What would you like to see in a girl? Noted, I value my time too though!)

I'd suggest you try not to go for the 'cute' look. You won't attract the super-masculine men if you do that. Cuz that'll kinda send a mom-vibe, if you catch my drift. The masculine men will friendzone you if you do that. And go for the hot ones. The guys who will want to be in relationship with you, will be the nice-guys! But, you won't get too much masculine energy from them. Cuz you need time on your hands to beta-orbit a girl who's cute but not sexy. And the masculine men don't have that. (Viv: Correct me if I am wrong, i feel that there is no such thing as a super masculine guy. Masculinity are present in all men - no one is lesser of a man. I would like to attract guys in general - but i realized that i can't expect to be attractive to all kinds of guys. i could do sexy in the not over-revealing way.)

You don't have to expose a lot of skin. But, anything you can do to exude a 'wild' vibe will be helpful. Loosening your hair, wearing clothes that fit you, wearing colorful dresses, etc. And yes, you will need to be clear on which body-part is your strength and leverage that. Whether you want to expose or not, is your choice. (Viv: Noted, thanks!)

And, a clue about the compatible LP - figure out what your LP is. If you were a man, what would your LP be? Start to embody that. Then, you'll meet people who will support you along the way. Or, you may find yourself wanting to support someone in their LP! But, be sure to find your own first. This will give you more relationship-security than just being with a rich guy. (Viv: Okay, this made sense and it is a good strategy to find someone compatible.)

HTH!  (Viv: I appreciate your time!)

 

[Vxvxen]

@Heart of Space hi, i love your username!

20 hours ago, Heart of Space said:

@Vxvxen  You are worthy of love. (Viv: Same to you )  Don't let guys determine your self-worth.  Oof I'm a massive hypocrite because I let my sexual partners determine my self-worth too.  

Don't chase narcissists or guys who think they're too good for you. (Viv: Thanks for the reminder! I am precious enough to walk away from people who do not value/appreciate my presence )

 

 

[Vxvxen]

@NoSelfSelf

19 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Vxvxen i didnt say you are im just saying what they are thinking about you (potential partner) (Viv: Well noted, i wonder what goes on in a guy's mind.)