Effective Communication in Resolving Conflict

[Razard86]

Psychology was my gateway into Spirituality. Psychology is the link that binds us all, it shows that we are all one. Anyone that studies Psychology closely enough will notice that we are the same but just different in expression/degree/emphasis. I had a desire a couple of years earlier of trying to figure out how to resolve conflicts peacefully but at the same time optimally and came across this book written by FBI Negotiator Chris Voss entitled " Never Split The Difference."

This book is a paradigm changing book, it is because of this book that I was able to enter Spirituality and get by the video that was my gateway video "Everyone Acts From Good Intentions." That video at the time was a tough video for me to accept but I was only able to do it because I had previously read this book and it clicked. 

This books shows you that everyone basically just wants love, doesn't matter if they are a terrorist who took a hostage, or some petty criminal they all want love. This love they want comes in the form of respect for their sovereignty, and you make this connection by confirming their perspective was understood, not presenting a question in a way that makes it seem like you are trying to trap them, and presenting your imperfections in a straightforward humble manner. These actions generate trust, and get the person to see themselves in you and cooperate. 

The first technique I will share with you is called the Accusations Audit. This is basically bringing up the negative assumptions you believe the person may think about you to their attention. This communicates you understand their perspective, and you care about how things can impact them and are not trying to hide anything. The most important thing in communication is developing trust and a connection and this technique does both.

The entire book teaches you how to keep your focus on the other person and not on yourself. 

You know how Leo says the best advice is counter-intuitive? Well this is an example. I'll post more about this book later.