do majority of guys like girls making first move/ approach first?

[cjoseph90]

hey all,

kinda know the answer already,  but was just curious  in the mens answers. I know every guy is different so its not a one size fits all. I consider myself quite attractive, look after myself ect. but i find myself shy with new people (like most people), unable to start convos with new people in general in a smooth way. Im working towards being more confident, making eye contact with more people. do you guys feel intimidated/like it when a girl approches you first, or does it (sometimes) come across as a bit desperate, or try hard? as i know socially men are typically known as the persuers. After reading all the posts on pickup here, i didnt realise how hard men have it in the dating world, but us females have our own set of problems lol

any feedback welcome  

[Javfly33]

5 minutes ago, cjoseph90 said:

 when a girl approches you first, or does it (sometimes) come across as a bit desperate, or try hard? 

No, it comes across as being confident/not caring about what is "normal" (which for me is very, very attractive)

Overall guys will love that because humans are just lazy.

[cjoseph90]

@javfly33 yea thanks, i thought so. yes all humans are lazy, insecure when talking to the opposite sex.. its not even that i am intrested romantically in some guys, i just want to get over my fear of not talking first to ppl.

[Roy]

For sure, it's a relief to get clear communication from a woman once in a while when the majority of the time you don't.

My language is going to sound harsh here - Most men are honestly quite stupid. It's hard for us to figure out what women want a lot of the time, and even when we do figure it out we are exhausted from doing so much deciphering.

It's nice as a guy to get plain and direct answers.

 

[something_else]

Yea, absolutely 

[Yarco]

Most guys would love to catch a break and have the woman approach them for once. I've only had it happen twice in my adult life, and for probably half of guys or more it happens never.

1. It's a relief to be the one in the position where you're making the ultimate yes/no decision for once.

2. It's a huge boost to a guy's self esteem. Even if he's not interested, it's something he'll remember forever.

3. It's not intimidating at all. Probably because the same power differential isn't there, you're presumably a smaller and weaker person approaching them and they don't feel any burden to spare your feelings or keep you from freaking out if they say no.

If you like a guy, just do it. If you're even averagely attractive it won't seem desperate or try-hard at all. Guys have to deal with the same shyness and social problems with every approach they make and honestly they put a lot more on the line. Especially in light of #metoo you have to be really careful about how you approach a woman to not seem threatening or creepy. It's hard for a woman to come off creepy.

Be aware that it happens so infrequently that most guys probably don't know how to handle it and they'll freeze up. Some might also think you're just pulling a prank on them. So if it seems like they're struggling, don't force them to make a yes/no decision on the spot. Maybe have your number or email written down on a piece of paper for them in advance, give it to them and tell them to think about it.

Edited July 22, 2022 by Yarco

[cjoseph90]

thanks guys, i need to just say hi to more people, in general, at work. always a subconscious fear inside me that pulls me back making convo with people, so annoying. thanks wish i could like your comments ;P 

Edited July 22, 2022 by cjoseph90

[Yarco]

11 minutes ago, cjoseph90 said:

thanks guys, i need to just say hi to more people, in general, at work. always a subconscious fear inside me that pulls me back making convo with people, so annoying. 

Looking back at it retroactively now that I'm self employed.... when I was working in an office, I'm sure that the #1 thing I could've done to move up the corporate ladder much more quickly would've been to be much more outgoing and social.

From How To Win Friends and Influence People.... saying someone's name and being genuinely interested in them is HUGE.

Only 5 - 10% of people are truly miserable inside and don't want to make conversation. Then other 90%+ are like you, they want to make conversations and have deeper connections with people but they're afraid of being the one to start and look weird or awkward.

If you can get past the discomfort and be the one person that is always happy and talking to everyone, it gives you a massive advantage. With everyone... coworkers, managers, friends, strangers. It attracts people to you like a magnet and makes everyone want to be around you.

Try striking up a conversation with someone in a low-risk setting where you'll never see them again... like a waiting room, or a coffee shop. See if you can get everyone in your general area involved in the conversation, and watch how much happier and more connected it makes everyone. You can choose to be that light that brightens everyone else's day.

I know it's scary. It's scary for everyone. But it's literally a superpower. And once you see how effective it is, it's not scary any more. It's very rarely that something will go wrong because you're genuinely nice to someone and interested in them. Worst case is that some people are so shy that they just give 1-word responses and let the conversation die because they can't get over it. But a good "people person" can even bring that sort of person out of their shell with a little prodding.

Edited July 22, 2022 by Yarco

[cjoseph90]

@Yarco thanks for the tips, i agree. yes good book, need to reread it. i will try making convo with people in everyday life, just need practise like anything in life to get better. That is my goal, to be more outgoing and confidnet with new people without any external influences. I think also in work, its because there are always people around, so i subconsciously feel on edge that people are judging, which i know is all bullshit. I know its holding me back as i would like to make connections with others, friendships and maybe even more..

[Federico del pueblo]

52 minutes ago, cjoseph90 said:

do you guys feel intimidated/like it when a girl approches you first,

It's pretty cool when that happens!

54 minutes ago, cjoseph90 said:

or does it (sometimes) come across as a bit desperate, or try hard?

No.

I mean, it still depends a little bit. One particular girl could still seem desperate (because she IS desperate), but it's not because she approaches.

The world needs more women who approach ?

[Average Investor]

I have been approached a few times by women. I have even been directly called cute. At the time I was not able to handle being called cute like that. However, on the other approaches, I was just mildly interested and they expected me to just carry it after they opened. Now that I am much more confident and social it would not be an issue. 

I don't mind being approached. I would say if you plan to do it, then try to hold the conversation. I have had girls just stand there after they opened. I also think you don't really need to out right approach that much. Just give good eye contact and smile. Most guys can pick up on that, but most probably still won't approach. 

[BlueOak]

Clear communication and intent is a huge part of any relationship with anyone. If a woman is able to do that before they even know who I am, that's a big plus.

[Dean Gladwyn]

Guys generally struggle with the approach because they fear the rejection that could come from it, and experience a bad outcome. Having a girl approach them can only end up as a positive unless there's no mutual attraction between the two. Either way, it will boost his ego, and give him that little bit extra confidence