I am subconsciously giving authority to women to determine my worth

[emvipi]

Hi everybody

Before everything, I should state that I live in a very conservative middle eastern country and this might be a bit out of touch with your worldview, but please bear with me.

I’m a guy. From my childhood until 23 years of old I’ve had very minimal contact with the opposite sex and women’s world, and frankly I wasn’t interested either.

When I was 23, I was introduced to the redpill community and at first I was actually a bit shocked by their claims and point of view about women as I didn’t have any experience with women and until that I thought women are literally angels. After redpill I was introduced to blackpill community and incels forums and everything went downhill from that point. Since they are extremely obsessed with women and their opinions, it subconsciously affected me and from that point I placed so much value in women’s opinion about me too. I went into serious self-image and self-esteem issues with my height and looks, and I felt very inadequate.

After about 2 years, I finally managed to get myself out of that mentality but after building up some courage and confessing my love to my childhood crush I was downright rejected by her which given my background with redpill and blackpill ideologies was a huge blow to my self-esteem.

But I focused on my career and self-improvement and got myself out of the situation after another 2 years, and was in a very good place last year and gained some confidence. At that time, I proposed to a girl that I developed a crush on in our neighborhood. At that time I was considered a very good husband material guy according to my culture, I had a good educational background and was financially and socially secure, and also we were “objectively” a very good match. My family and also her family were very happy about this marriage. To my, my family and also her family’s utter surprise, she said no.

Me, my family and also her own family were very persistent thinking she is playing coy and hard to get. She would left my messages on read for many days, didn't answer directly, almost didn't care about the situation at all which is very unusual and uncommon in our culture (Please don’t judge the culture if you are judging right now, the girl herself always has the last say as in this situation, and she isn’t forced into anything she doesn't want). The process took almost 6 months, which was very hard on me emotionally.

As this was a very brutal and unexpected rejection, I spiraled back into self-esteem and self-image issues.

My problem is that before discovering about redpill and blackpill and before these two rejections happened, I didn’t have self-image problems and I certainly didn’t believe women determine my worth as I didn’t really care about their views on me anyway (no offense), but now I’m a bit hurt and salty. I’m a bit jealous of my friends and other people having girlfriends and being married. My jealousy is not about them having girls, I’m not very interested in sex or anything, but the jealousy is actually about the fact that they are being accepted and even pursued by women, and I was rejected. I am subconsciously giving authority to women to determine my worth. I want this to stop. I tried so hard to get back my authority and not allowing them to determine my value as a man, but I just can’t. I can understand intellectually that my worth is not determined by women and actually nothing has any worth whatsoever, but I have difficulty embodying that.

Any advice is greatly appreciated

[Devin]

All you need is one woman, I wouldn't think about them all as a collective. A few or even many not wanting to be with you really doesn't mean anything, people have vastly different sorts of things that they like and don't like in others.

Work on being the person you want to be, the closer you get the more you will value yourself and the less you'll care what anyone thinks, and remember people are fools and it'd be foolish to care what they think or follow their valuation.

[Leo Gura]

I have been rejected by thousands of women. Doesn't matter.

The problem is that you have way too little exposure to women and rejection. Go out, talk to 1000 women and get rejected 100s of times and then you still stop caring.

If you're talking to 1 or 2 women in your whole life and getting rejected, you will obsess over it because you're in such scarcity.

There are millions of hot women in the world. So getting rejected by even 1000 of them is irrelevant. And also, this idea that every woman is supposed to like you is absurd. If only 5% of women like you, that's more than enough. You are not going to be compatible with most women regardless of how good you are. You can be the perfect human and 50% of women will still reject you, because it's not about you, it's about her needs at the time.

[NoSelfSelf]

Yes exactly! You dont have  a sense of self and put woman above yourself...you cant help it you are not priority in your eyes,you dont have game so ofcourse it will affect your self worth...become student of the game by seeing it has nothing to do with them its all about you! 

If you really want to change this pm me ill lead you to right direction...

[emvipi]

6 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Yes exactly! You dont have  a sense of self and put woman above yourself...you cant help it you are not priority in your eyes,you dont have game so ofcourse it will affect your self worth...become student of the game by seeing it has nothing to do with them its all about you! 

If you really want to change this pm me ill lead you to right direction...

That's right, but I'm not interested in game and such things, as I've said I'm not very interested in having girls. I'm just attached to their opinions about me and value their opinions and judgements so much. Can you help me with that?

Edited July 22, 2022 by emvipi

[SamC]

The reason why you obsess over what girls think is because you haven't integrated your femenine side.. and by that I don't mean, oh be more femenine, more emotional, and cry and be romantic with woman. No no no no no no.. the problem is that you hate being that so much so that the woman run away from you because they see you hate them. You disown the feminine inside ( your femenine qualities), which becomes a problem because then you will disown the femenine outside aswell.. and girls want to be owned and taken as a part of the guy. Otherwise they will reject you because they will be turned of and feel unsafe because you won't show any masculinity if you can't own the feminine ( whether it is outside or inside because the one implies the other)

Investigate the term anima possession and shadow work. It is the first step on your way to true healing, self love and unity with the feminine and yourself. 

Edited July 22, 2022 by SamC

[Razard86]

18 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

it's about her needs at the time.

This right here is the single most important concept men need to realize about most women. A woman's desire for you is based about this. Me and my friend have talked about this for years and how it plays out. Its funny how it does. A woman could think you are worthless one moment, and a situation change and you are THE MAN. It revolves around this one point. Its a golden nugget to know this...

 

But with that said it is also true of you as well....

Edited July 22, 2022 by Razard86

[Javfly33]

2 hours ago, Razard86 said:

This right here is the single most important concept men need to realize about most women. A woman's desire for you is based about this. Me and my friend have talked about this for years and how it plays out. Its funny how it does. A woman could think you are worthless one moment, and a situation change and you are THE MAN. It revolves around this one point. Its a golden nugget to know this...

 

But with that said it is also true of you as well....

??? 

 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEIt3HGSQWM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpozXn8ln-Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOae2s8JOUE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L2MzmE8cwo

[NoSelfSelf]

@emvipi Yes because game has nothing to do with girls and learning game is not what you think it is..

[Tyler Robinson]

Your worth can only be determined by you alone,not by the opposite sex. Heal your inner world. Work on yourself. Make yourself a priority. And things will automatically flow from that. 

What you're lacking is self love. No amount of blaming others will help. This is your life. It's all about you. 

When you hold yourself as the center of your life, that's when what others think of you won't matter anymore.

Goodluck.