Who is responsible for paying for the first date?

[John Iverson]

In the Philippines, the question of who pays for the first date is a popular tiktok topic. I need your insight since I genuinely want to know what. Is it really 50 50 or the guy is the one who should pay for the girl

[Chew211]

Depends on the situation. 

Like are you a working adult and she a university student?

Does she want to pay?

Are you feeling generous? 

Don't look for universal rules. Experiment and get an intuition of what to do. 

[meta_male]

I usually pay when I'm the one inviting her.

[NoSelfSelf]

Is it a big deal to pay for ice cream or 2 coffes ? nothing more nothing less

[universe]

It's not black and white. These are cultural norms that vary by country. And as @Chew211 said also on other factors.

In general, paying can give a small hint that someone can provide for the other. Which is a quality women seek in men more than the other way around.

On the other side you don't want to come off as if you need to buy her "time" because you got nothing else going for you.

So balance it out.

[something_else]

If it's a big meal I'd say split it most of the time

But your first date should prob be like coffee or ice cream or something a lot more casual, which is cheap af. In most cases if it's super cheap I'll just pay to keep things going smoothly and avoid awkward discussion.

Her reaction to this can actually give you good insight into her personality. Most girls I've done this with offer to pay, many insisted on it

But it will vary per culture

Edited July 21, 2022 by something_else

[Jacob Morres]

Imo 50/50. Find it weird that guys are supposed to pay for girls. 2 adults there, sharing a mutual experience. Don't know why the men have to shell out of their pocket for it 

With societal norms, men are sort of expected to pay. 

Edited July 21, 2022 by Jacob Morres

[John Iverson]

Keep pouring your responses

[Eph75]

@John Iverson

It's a social agreement explicitly or implicitly made between two people. 

Impossible to answer, as the circumstances vary a lot, not least based on country/culture.

Regardless, you're free to define that agreement, between you and others,  and face the consequences when there are disagreements. 

The more traditional values, the more this burden lands on the male.

Personally, I see a difference between the assumption that the man should pay, and the man actually paying. 

This comes down to choice, and control over one's choices, not feeling obligation. If the culture demands and you're not blindly or consciously supporting those cultural values, that's problematic. 

Gets me thinking about the equality paradox; that when given freedom of choice, the traditional gender roles are often maintained, by choice. 

Maintaining traditional values where gender roles and equality is shifting, we're seeing circumstances where the male earn less than the female, but still the tradition of the male paying is maintained in order for the male to feel masculine and worthy the love and acceptance of a female. 

This gets problematic when parts of a system pushes for egalitarianism, from some/selected perspectives, but not from others. 

Let's just call it growth pain.

The Philippines, I would assume, is very traditional. 

Edited July 22, 2022 by Eph75

[Leo Gura]

Make your date as small investment as possible. A coffee, a drink, or an ice cream. Then pay for it. You'll be losing $5-$10 and the girl will appreciate it.

Don't do fancy dinner first dates.

The only time you should pay for a woman is if she's heavily emotionally invested in you and extremely compliant. If she's acting flakey and not hooked on you, don't pay for anything. And even if she is hooked on you, you should set the frame that you're not her sugar daddy and she will have to pay for stuff too.

When a woman truly likes you she will be eager to buy you things to lock in your approval and love -- because she values it so much more than money.

[Dean Gladwyn]

Bit of a controversial topic. I think in Western countries men feel somewhat obliged or that it's their duty to pay for the first date, but appreciate if the girl offers to split it. 

If you've been dating for a while I think on an equality level it's better to either split the bill or take turns in paying, but this will ultimately depend on where/how you've been brought up etc. In Russia, the women expect the men to pay for absolutely everything!