Balancing Surrender/ Acceptance with Personal Goals

[Thought Art]

So, over the weekend past I felt a lot of fear/ grief/ anger/ disappointment with where I am in life when I think about where I would like to be in my 'ideal fantasy' of my life. I've been studying books on success, but also books on surrender, acceptance and mindfulness. 

I am learning that, instead of just saying something like... "I want to be successful at X at the expense of everything else"... instead... It's more about letting go of that one thing.. and broadening out to include a more grounded, holistic approach to life. 

For example, 

I would like to be a full time musician and Qigong teacher. I would like to teach online and I would like to write music in full time. I would like to master both these fields to spread massive amount of love and health to the world. But, when I grip on to my vision to hard... When I need my progress to go faster.. When I need to have my band all figured out.. need to have x and y and z etc... It's stressful and... frankly I am still in the early process of this. 

I've been listening to Leos video on "How to fall in love with life" and reading the book "Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabit Zinn" and "Letting Go by David R. Hawkins" and speaking to you folks here on the forum all of which are a big help for this. I am learning it's less about life going in some perfect way... because it likely simply wont and hasn't in the past. There are too many random seeming factors in life, I have many real foundational elements to build in my life etc... So instead of trying to use how David R Hawkins calls it "Force"... trying to force reality to be a certain way... Instead surrender and use power to enjoy life.

In the end, however life goes how it goes. You sort of have to steer your ship the best you can. I've noticed I haven't been the best general, the best pilot of my ship. I've lacked wisdom,  and even common sense throughout this journey. I think my current path with Accounting has been for my logical part of my mind because Accounting and admin is central to survival as human. Qigong, journaling, tripping, meditation, and reading have been important for me to work on my internal hardware and software. 

I haven't been so wise in my late teens and 20s. I've tried a lot of things and failed most of them. But, I know I will continue to grow wiser each day. I like Leo's ideas on simply using each day to grow in each of the foundational areas of life. Improving health, improving diet, improving etc... This gives life it's meaning. 

For example, I enjoyed the challenge of losing my job and trying to find a new one. I just had an interview today and I have two tomorrow. This has been challenging but I know I have grown so much through it. Once I have a job, I will get second so I can pay off my debt. 

So, for the next few years instead of rushing towards becoming some big success and failing everywhere... I will build a healthy stable foundation. There are many Qigong workshops I will do on the weekends. I will work hard each day to fight down my debt and build a healthy savings and I will plan long term to get the musical gear I need to make my projects and to develop my skills. I will find a way to maintain some sort of music practice and Qigong practice through this period of heavy work load. I will grow, and develop many skills during my day job and I will use my night shift to fight for a future financial freedom.

Life is hard, but it is a miracle. I notice I don't always take it for granted. But my four pillars of success for my future success is:

1. Count your blessing with gratitude

2. Proclaim your rarity

3. Go another mile

4. Use wisely your power of choice

and do all things with love

You are the greatest miracle in the world. -God