Does raising children hurt or improve Self-Actualization?

[Yarco]

6 hours ago, Vision said:

How does one get tested for autism anyway?

Go to your family doctor (or a walk-in clinic if you don't have one) and ask to get referred to a psychologist for evaluation.

For your health problems, I would just talk to your doctor about them too. They can run some basic blood tests to make sure you're not deficient in anything. There's not much extra benefit to knowing whether it's the result of the C-section, not being breastfed, etc. It's just the situation you're in now, so work with it as best you can at present.

I feel like I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum as well (probably what used to be called aspergers, although that's not a formal diagnosis any more.) But since I'm in my 30s I don't know if I would really benefit from getting tested and finding out for sure. It's more just like my parents and teachers dropped the ball for not recognizing it sooner, but I've largely just worked through it myself the hard way.

Edited July 26, 2022 by Yarco

[hoodrow trillson]

21 hours ago, Yarco said:

If you are age 25, the chance of having a kid with Down syndrome is about 1 in 1,250. If you are age 35, the risk increases to 1 in 400. At 40, 1 in 100. By age 45, it is 1 in 30.

Women aged 45 and over have a 53.6% chance of a miscarriage vs 25 - 29 it's only 9.8%

Women over age 40 are 51% more likely than women aged 25-29 to have a child with autism. Women aged 35-39 are 31% more likely than women aged 25-29 to have a child with autism. Women aged 30-34 are 12% more likely than women aged 25-29 to have a child with autism.

On and on... everything that can go wrong with having a kid starts becoming hugely more likely once the woman is over 30.

Fertility starts to drop drastically after 30 - 35 as well, before you even have to worry about the problems above.

Not to mention it's hard chasing a kid around even when you're in your 30s, losing sleep is harder on your body, everything's harder. If you have your kid at 40, then by the time you're supposed to be running around playing soccer or playing catch with them you're 50 and may have health problems and mobility problems already, you're closer to a grandpa than a father. The chance that you might die before you see your kid graduate from college or have your grandkids becomes a real concern.

What about the men?

[Adodd]

Your energy levels will also drop drastically after 30 and being a new parent and running all around and not getting sleep will all be much more difficult without energy.

[Rob06]

6 hours ago, Adodd said:

Your energy levels will also drop drastically after 30 and being a new parent and running all around and not getting sleep will all be much more difficult without energy.

Thanks! I don't believe energy levels drop that much though when maintaining a healthy life style. I'm 30 now, and have actually never felt more energetic in life. Just asked my wife who's 35, she doesn't feel less energetic then 10 years ago.

Eat your veggies. 

[kag101]

On 19/07/2022 at 11:37 AM, Yarco said:

I've got a 10 month old atm. It will drastically hurt your personal development and self-actualization, working toward your life purpose, take away time for stuff you enjoy such as video games, it'll be a struggle to find time to exercise or cook decent meals, and pretty much everything else in your life simply because you aren't going to have time for anything else.

From what I can tell and every other parent tells me, it only keeps getting harder and harder until the kid goes to school. It was hard when my kid was still a potato, but now that they can crawl and stand and starting to crawl up stairs it's even harder. And when they start to talk and you have to really engage with them, instead of just watching them play and interacting while listening to a podcast in one ear, it'll be even harder still.

Maybe if you put them in daycare and don't work during the day, you could use that time for personal development. But you're still living on hard mode and doing 2x as much in a day.

That being said, the clock is ticking. If you or your partner (especially the woman) is approaching 30, you pretty much need to do it now if you want to have kids, or you might miss your chance entirely. Especially with declining fertility rates already, if you have to do IUI or IVF it'll add at least another year. It was important to my partner to have a kid and took several years to make happen, so wasn't something I could just put off.

interesting testimonial

[mmKay]

many men only man up when they have to provide for a kid. Which is a shame because it will eat up 20 years of their life becoming a work mule. 99% of guys will just end up in a 9-5 or maybe two. But hey, at least they're too busy to be depressed.

[Devin]

On 7/29/2022 at 1:28 AM, Rob06 said:

Thanks! I don't believe energy levels drop that much though when maintaining a healthy life style. I'm 30 now, and have actually never felt more energetic in life. Just asked my wife who's 35, she doesn't feel less energetic then 10 years ago.

Eat your veggies. 

I second that, 32 and life is actually in order unlike the 20s so plenty more room for discretionary energy and time spending