Terror after Leo's Guided Exercise For Realizing You Are God

[michaelcycle00]

I'm gonna share with you my thoughts and experience on this video combined with the Solipsism one (which I watched before Leo took it down).

Yesterday night I reached new levels of terror and panic contemplating my bubble of consciousness being all that there is. That there is no Universe, no planet Earth, no science or biology, heck not even my damn house since I can't perceive it in its entirety at any given moment, and most importantly, no other people. Simply put, no external world.

At one point after deconstructing my mind and looking at my hands I actually realized how weird it was that they existed, or that I had a POV at all. Watching my hands felt very bizarre but I didn't have any profound revelation about me being God, although it felt kinda obvious at that point, it's like it was at the back of my mind and didn't really move me. Things got even harder to manage once Leo started saying that there were no others out there and that only my bubble of consciousness exists, next 2 hours were really hard for me mentally. He also said this in the Solipsism video.

And what am I supposed to make of that anyway? 

1. Leo is a completely deranged individual with a big audience, spreading a message that could end lives.

2. It's the Truth.

If it is number 2, honestly, it's a never-ending curse, and that shit terrifies me. How am I supposed to cope knowing that not even my family is real? (in the sense of them having a POV and sentience). That everything is an outright lie. Not an illusion, which I already knew (and is a million times more preferable), but a complete lie. Being completely alone forever no matter what limited form God chooses to imagine. Just the infinite fooling itself for eternity in order to cope. Why can't infinite intelligence find a way to split itself? But you know, it doesn't make sense. It is already able to hide aspects of itself from me; notice that I'm not currently omnipotent or omniscient, let alone infinitely loving. Isn't this literally the biggest, most irrefutable argument against perspective/limited-bubble bound Solipsism? If it can hide that much from me, why wouldn't it be able to hide the perspective of every other human? Seems idiotic to think the opposite; you know, that it's just me, and that now I found out, I'm wishing Space X's Starship would fall from the exosphere and crash land on top of me.

I just could never bear the thought of my POV being all there is and ever will be. Living in this shithole as an underage coal miner in Asia **with others**, and giving away my omnipotence and omniscience forever is infinitely more preferable. Eternally alone, living a total lie in limited form is the biggest nightmare one could endure. At least while knowing it. Why tf did God allow me to even entertain this thought as actuality rather than just some horror fantasy? I'd imagine an infinitely loving being would've kept on fooling me indefinitely.

Then Leo uploads the Infinity of Gods video and now I don't know what to think. Why would you tell people watching your video that they're all alone in limited form and then come up with "oh wait, actually there's an infinite amount of you and your bubble isn't all that exists, but yes, they're still all ultimately you". Like telling us that it's just our perspective in the first place is trippy enough because in doing so you're implying that you yourself are not real anyway, and then you come up with this other Infinity of Gods thing, and so I wanna ask you, why say something so baloney when you're well aware of your own existence/bubble of consciousness? (Even if in limited form) and therefore making your claim nonsensical.

Edited July 18, 2022 by michaelcycle00
Polish up minor details.

[Someone here]

Yeah that video was dangerous  . Leo's videos can sometimes metaphysically skull fuck you deeply . Take a break from watching the advanced videos and just focus on basic self-help.

[Leo Gura]

That's just the ego-mind acting up.

If you actually awoke to being God it would be the happiest day of your life.

But yeah, you would be all alone in that happiness, making it somewhat bittersweet.

Look, TRUTH is an acquired taste. It's not something humans are ready for. Which is why I won't push it on people any more. I am tired of dealing with people who are not serious about wanting to know it. I will no longer be trying to convince anyone of it. If you deny it, you'll just never get it, and I'm totally okay with that. I'm not going to force feed it to you.

Facing TRUTH requires a lot of integration work and cope. It's a process. You don't just find the TRUTH and then you're all peachy the next morning. It's heavy stuff.

[axiom]

@michaelcycle00 Why do you follow Leo or use this forum? I am assuming it is because you are interested in truth and/or enlightenment.

If that's the case, then you're doing the exact opposite of what you should be doing. You're adopting the ideas of others and then developing neuroses around them. This is religious thinking.

Pay attention to the present moment. 

Notice that the present moment contains no ideas at all.

Truth and ideas about the truth are not in fact compatible.

Are you interested in ideas or truth? 

[Someone here]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

L

Look, TRUTH is an acquired taste. It's not something humans are ready for. Which is why I won't push it on people any more. I am tired of dealing with people who are not serious about wanting to know it. I will no longer be trying to convince anyone of it. 

 Leo I've been struggling to integrate solipsism as well into my daily life since watching your solipsism video .

Why do you live life then? If no one exists, then sit there forever and i guess you won't die, because consciousness makes you immortal and you are not physically alive, it's just illusion? 

Suppose you woke up tomorrow and knew that solipsism was true. What do you do?

Tell anyone? There’s no-one to tell. Do something? There’s nothing to do. Try and learn what’s going on? There’s nothing to learn. You can’t even break free like in a matrix scenario- there’s not cage or illusion. There’s just you. 

True solipsism kills you .

[axiom]

@Someone here

You are making the mistake of completely outsourcing your own ideas and beliefs to others. 

Be wary of ideas. All ideas are abstractions, even your own. 

[Luminescence]

@Someone here I feel as if the human mind simply can’t grasp the full scope, once you reach that level of understanding your state of consciousness matches it. The immense joy you get feeling that you are everything and everyone is something your human ego cannot fathom. It will always try to make you demonize it because it is it’s total destruction. Ultimately you are complete therefore how can you feel alone? Only when you frame it in your human mind. In Gods mind it’s total and complete. Bliss, ecstasy, union. If you don’t feel any of those, you still need to completely deconstruct the ego, it’s a stubborn beast. 

[Someone here]

10 minutes ago, axiom said:

@Someone here

You are making the mistake of completely outsourcing your own ideas and beliefs to others. 

Be wary of ideas. All ideas are abstractions, even your own. 

But I'm not just taking Leo's word for It as an absolute fact ..I deeply contemplated the nature of my experience and found out that only my direct experience is the only sure to exist . I can't have access to other's minds so solipsism holds true as long as its defined as "only one's own mind is sure to exist ".

10 minutes ago, Luminescence said:

@Someone here I feel as if the human mind simply can’t grasp the full scope, once you reach that level of understanding your state of consciousness matches it. The immense joy you get feeling that you are everything and everyone is something your human ego cannot fathom. It will always try to make you demonize it because it is it’s total destruction. Ultimately you are complete therefore how can you feel alone? Only when you frame it in your human mind. In Gods mind it’s total and complete. Bliss, ecstasy, union. If you don’t feel any of those, you still need to completely deconstruct the ego, it’s a stubborn beast. 

It's not that I'm everything and everyone ..that's not what I realized ..I realized there isn't a "everyone ".  It's just ME. The one typing this post ..is the only conscious person in existence.

[Leo Gura]

37 minutes ago, Someone here said:

 Leo I've been struggling to integrate solipsism as well into my daily life since watching your solipsism video .

Be careful. I am talking about God-Realization, which is not at all the same as you listening to a video and then having some ideas about it. Integrating those ideas is not the same as integrating actual God-Realization. Without the God-Realization there's nothing to integrate yet, just some negative ideas.

Quote

Why do you live life then? If no one exists, then sit there forever and i guess you won't die, because consciousness makes you immortal and you are not physically alive, it's just illusion?

Suppose you woke up tomorrow and knew that solipsism was true. What do you do?

Tell anyone? There’s no-one to tell. Do something? There’s nothing to do. Try and learn what’s going on? There’s nothing to learn. You can’t even break free like in a matrix scenario- there’s not cage or illusion. There’s just you. 

There is no choice in the matter. Absolute Truth is absolutely true and there is nothing you can do to change it. It also doesn't matter how you feel about it. Your feelings don't change it.

I wake up most days knowing I am God. And then I go about enjoying my day and appreciating myself.

God is an endless dream. Enjoy it. Or don't. You can love yourself or hate yourself.

The point of this work is to just love yourself more.

Quote

True solipsism kills you .

Kills the ego, yeah. But that's what spirituality promised you: selflessness.

If you don't want selflessness, don't do spirituality. There are hundreds of teachings out there that will teach you how to be more selfish. Go do that if it tickles your fancy.

[michaelcycle00]

44 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Yeah that video was dangerous  . Leo's videos can sometimes metaphysically skull fuck you deeply . Take a break from watching the advanced videos and just focus on basic self-help.

Yeah, the problem with that is this is the kind of thing you can't really unsee, so the only thing that will really give me lasting peace (or not) is to verify it experientially. 

 

33 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That's just the ego-mind acting up.

If you actually awoke to being God it would be the happiest day of your life.

But yeah, you would be all alone in that happiness, making it somewhat bittersweet.

Look, TRUTH is an acquired taste. It's not something humans are ready for. Which is why I won't push it on people any more. I am tired of dealing with people who are not serious about wanting to know it. I will no longer be trying to convince anyone of it. If you deny it, you'll just never get it, and I'm totally okay with that. I'm not going to force feed it to you.

Facing TRUTH requires a lot of integration work and cope. It's a process. You don't just find the TRUTH and then you're all peachy the next morning. It's heavy stuff.

I have no problem with being God absolutely speaking, or having everyone else be me. What I have a problem with is my bubble of consciousness being ALL that there is. I don't even mind that the outside world doesn't exist unless I'm conscious of it. In fact, this goes according to quantum physics. I'd read before how particles are always in a superposition and take one definite position only when there is a conscious observer, which is actually cool because that makes up for a lot of possibilities. The thing I didn't expect was to be told that my human self is the only conscious observer no matter where I'm at. That's scary. It means there are no imagined humans somewhere else in the world reading and typing stuff back on their computers. Means I'm living an outright lie and that I'll always suffer from existential aloneness. That whatever connections I make in this life or any other will always be completely fake. Sorry but there is no healthy integration of this one Leo, like @Someone here said below, true POV solipsism kills you no matter how you flip it. You just can't as a human endure that, it goes against our biology, even if that too is fake. 

 

41 minutes ago, axiom said:

@michaelcycle00 Why do you follow Leo or use this forum? I am assuming it is because you are interested in truth and/or enlightenment.

If that's the case, then you're doing the exact opposite of what you should be doing. You're adopting the ideas of others and then developing neuroses around them. This is religious thinking.

Pay attention to the present moment. 

Notice that the present moment contains no ideas at all.

Truth and ideas about the truth are not in fact compatible.

Are you interested in ideas or truth? 

“Only a fool learns from his own mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others.” - Otto von Bismarck

I heard this one many many years ago but it stuck with me (it was worded a little differently though). I'm not trying to adopt religious thinking, but I'd be damned if I took as nothing more than hearsay what someone who has tripped over 200 times has to say. I think it'd be fair to say he knows a thing or two, and won't be completely off with what he has to say. Maybe I need to be more present, yes, but I doubt that'd change how I feel about being all alone indefinitely. I mean think about it, the solution is to shut my mind off. Doesn't seem like a very healthy solution but hopefully I get through this happily on the other side.

[preventingdiabetes]

9 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If you don't want selflessness, don't do spirituality. There are hundreds of teachings out there that will teach you how to be more selfish. Go do that if it tickles your fancy.

But if you want to live the best life possible, selflessness and spirituality is the way, isn't it?

[Leo Gura]

15 minutes ago, michaelcycle00 said:

I have no problem with being God absolutely speaking, or having everyone else be me. What I have a problem with is my bubble of consciousness being ALL that there is.

Yeah, well... accepting God as it is, is the work. God is how it is, not how the ego wants it to be.

Quote

The thing I didn't expect was to be told that my human self is the only conscious observer no matter where I'm at.

Yeah, well, truth can be unexpected.

Quote

That's scary.

Yup, God is scary when you first encounter it.

Quote

It means there are no imagined humans somewhere else in the world reading and typing stuff back on their computers.

How come you are able to enjoy a video game when you know it's just a fictional world?

Quote

Means I'm living an outright lie

God cannot have an other because God is One. So yeah, God has to trick itself into creating others. Where else could others come from?

Quote

and that I'll always suffer from existential aloneness.

No, you don't have to suffer from it. You can enjoy being precisely whatever is TRUE.

There is such a thing as a love of TRUTH for its own sake. That would be the integration.

Quote

That whatever connections I make in this life or any other will always be completely fake.

Stop telling yourself it's fake. God is an endless dream. That's what reality is, absolutely. Enjoy that.

You have no problem enjoying a movie even though you know it was staged for your entertainment.

You have no problem laughing at a magic trick even though you know magic is just a trick.

You have no problem enjoying a cartoon.

Quote

Sorry but there is no healthy integration of this one Leo,

There absolutely is.

Just think about it: it would be absurd for Absolute Truth to not be able to accept/integrate itself.

If God exists then God should be able to accept itself exactly as it is, however it is. And if you are God then you should be able to do it.

Your problem is that you haven't really had a proper God-Realization. You're trying to integrate a conceptual fantasy of God, not actual God.

But, look, I get your point. Yes, it is emotionally challenging. It took me several years of work to integrate it. It did not happen in a single weekend.

[michaelcycle00]

@Leo Gura I got distracted with other stuff in my post and totally forgot what I made this post for in the first place. Actually, what I came here to do was ask you whether what you meant in the Guided Exercise video was just a technique to get us to experience the raw present moment and you didn't actually mean what you said as truth, or if you were actually being serious about the whole deconstructing thing?

 

P.S. Nvm, got the answer. Thank you, Leo. It is what it is.

Edited July 18, 2022 by michaelcycle00

[Someone here]

20 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Be careful. I am talking about God-Realization, which is not at all the same as you listening to a video and then having some ideas about it. Integrating those ideas is not the same as integrating actual God-Realization. Without the God-Realization there's nothing to integrate yet, just some negative ideas.

There is no choice in the matter. Absolute Truth is absolutely true and there is nothing you can do to change it. It also doesn't matter how you feel about it. Your feelings don't change it.

I wake up most days knowing I am God. And then I go about enjoying my day and appreciating myself.

God is an endless dream. Enjoy it. Or don't. You can love yourself or hate yourself.

The point of this work is to just love yourself more.

Kills the ego, yeah. But that's what spirituality promised you: selflessness.

If you don't want selflessness, don't do spirituality. There are hundreds of teachings out there that will teach you how to be more selfish. Go do that if it tickles your fancy.

 But the video alone did trigger a God-realization in me . I know its hard to believe. But it is what it is . You know that the video was so powerful and dangerous. Which is why you took it down. 

my Reason to believe it’s true: from an early age,i realised that my experience of consciousness only seems to apply to myself, and as a result i can only ever be entirely sure of my own mind.

Ever since I was a very, very young child (7 or 8 years old), actually one of my first memories, was that I did not belong here. By here I mean, earth. I was sure I was brought here, I do not know how, and was part of an experiment.as if all of existence was a conspiracy against me and I'm the only real person in existence. I believed everything around me was a facade created for some reason that I was not aware of. I thought that when I left a room either everything outside that room did not really exist or that when I left the room all the people I encountered were wearing masks so they looked like me (human). 

I guess you are right .if it makes me feel bad about it.. then my realization is not complete. I need to awaken to Love .

 

Edited July 18, 2022 by Someone here

[Leo Gura]

16 minutes ago, michaelcycle00 said:

@Leo Gura or if you were actually being serious about the whole deconstructing thing?

I've very serious about the whole deconstructing thing.

14 minutes ago, Someone here said:

But the video alone did trigger a God-realization in me . I know its hard to believe. But it is what it is . You know that the video was so powerful and dangerous. Which is why you took it down. 

Maybe a tiny one. Much higher awakening is required for a full integration.

Quote

my Reason to believe it’s true: from an early age,i realised that my experience of consciousness only seems to apply to myself, and as a result i can only ever be entirely sure of my own mind.

Ever since I was a very, very young child (7 or 8 years old), actually one of my first memories, was that I did not belong here. By here I mean, earth. I was sure I was brought here, I do not know how, and was part of an experiment.as if all of existence was a conspiracy against me and I'm the only real person in existence. I believed everything around me was a facade created for some reason that I was not aware of. I thought that when I left a room either everything outside that room did not really exist or that when I left the room all the people I encountered were wearing masks so they looked like me (human).

Look, the key to integrating it boils down to this:

Fall in love with consciousness itself and its endless capacity for trickery, deception, and imagination.

All of reality is imaginary! How fucking cool is that?! That's the best news you could ever discover. Just think about it until you realize how cool that is.

When I think about how my own mind can spin up an entire universe from nothing, it makes me feel amazing. That's all I really need from life. Everything else is icing on the cake.

Your consciousness is endlessly beautiful. And that's all you could ever ask of life. Drop the human neediness and just focus on the innate beauty of consciousness itself. When I look around me, I am amazed by my own infinite, radiant beauty. And this is the deepest level of happiness you can achieve in life. But it's not the same as snorting cocaine. It's a very sober, mature kind of happiness.

[RMQualtrough]

4 minutes ago, Someone here said:

 But the video alone did trigger a God-realization in me . I know its hard to believe. But it is what it is . You know that the video was so powerful and dangerous. Which is why you took it down. 

my Reason to believe it’s true: from an early age,i realised that my experience of consciousness only seems to apply to myself, and as a result i can only ever be entirely sure of my own mind.

Ever since I was a very, very young child (7 or 8 years old), actually one of my first memories, was that I did not belong here. By here I mean, earth. I was sure I was brought here, I do not know how, and was part of an experiment.as if all of existence was a conspiracy against me and I'm the only real person in existence. I believed everything around me was a facade created for some reason that I was not aware of. I thought that when I left a room either everything outside that room did not really exist or that when I left the room all the people I encountered were wearing masks so they looked like me (human). 

I guess you are right .if it makes me feel bad about it.. then my realization is not complete. I need to awaken to Love .

I doubt you had ego death from watching a video. More likely you're just a bit unstable and suggestible. That's the danger... And probably you should never use psychedelic drugs, avoid all things like this, and see a psychiatrist.

Dead srs. That's probably more accurate and would be better for your health and happiness in life.

Self help is a joke, dude. Lol...

[axiom]

@michaelcycle00 @Someone here Look out at the (apparent) world, and spot the odd one out: 

Sky, people, buildings, my solipsistic bubble is all there is, cars, sidewalk.

 

[michaelcycle00]

26 minutes ago, axiom said:

Look out at the (apparent) world, and spot the odd one out: 

Sky, people, buildings, my solipsistic bubble is all there is, cars, sidewalk.

Lol, actually made me giggle 

[Leo Gura]

If you have an actual full-blown God-Realization you will not be disappointed with anything.

Just trust me on that

Your disappointments and regrets tell you that that's not it. That's not God.

God will not disappoint you.

You cannot imagine how good it is.

God will not disappoint you.

[Someone here]

31 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I've very serious about the whole deconstructing thing.

Maybe a tiny one. Much higher awakening is required for a full integration.

Look, the key to integrating it boils down to this:

Fall in love with consciousness itself and its endless capacity for trickery, deception, and imagination.

All of reality is imaginary! How fucking cool is that?! That's the best news you could ever discover. Just think about it until you realize how cool that is.

When I think about how my own mind can spin up an entire universe from nothing, it makes me feel amazing. That's all I really need from life. Everything else is icing on the cake.

Your consciousness is endlessly beautiful. And that's all you could ever ask of life. Drop the human neediness and just focus on the innate beauty of consciousness itself. When I look around me, I am amazed by my own infinite, radiant beauty. And this is the deepest level of happiness you can achieve in life. But it's not the same as snorting cocaine. It's a very sober, mature kind of happiness.

Hehe that's an interesting perspective. ? 

I always wondered if I'm god, how would I create the world?...why create 7 billion people and make them live together? If God wants to create and develop a soul, why not give him his own personal world to live in. It’s no extra work… at least not for someone capable of building this universe.

30 minutes ago, RMQualtrough said:

I doubt you had ego death from watching a video. More likely you're just a bit unstable and suggestible. That's the danger... And probably you should never use psychedelic drugs, avoid all things like this, and see a psychiatrist.

Dead srs. That's probably more accurate and would be better for your health and happiness in life.

Self help is a joke, dude. Lol...

personally suffer from a slew of brain disorders..including an anxiety disorder, likely OCD and generalized anxiety, a depressive disorder, and then a dissociative disorder as well. and so I can very confidently say that I am mentally ill. In fact, two summers ago I suffered the onset of what I would now call a psychotic episode, which was based entirely around the idea that I was the only being that existed and nothing else. However, the beginning of this psychosis was also marked by the onset of the dissociative disorder I suffer from, which is classified as depersonalization/derealization disorder. Similar to a psychotic disorder like schizophrenia, this particular dissociative disorder causes the sufferer to feel as if they themselves are not real, the environment in which they exist is not real, and..as relates to you and me..other people. However, the reason why I personally claim that I suffered a psychosis alongside the onset of this illness is because those who suffer from a dissociative disorder know that what they feel is not real, that it is merely a sensation. When these sensations and experiences began for me, I did not have enough self-awareness to know them to be only sensations, so I logically concluded that I was lost in the matrix or something, and that everything I was living was merely an illusion. It was truly awful to think that way, especially because I didn’t even think to seek help when the therapist I could see would just be another made-up figment of my imagination.