Confused about Music as my Passion

[Danioover9000]

@Thought Art

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

I’m going to be a successful musician, put my art on the map, make at least 3 millions dollars running my own businesses, have a healthy relationship, great place to live and I’m going to become extremely Awake. I’m going to also build a successful Qigong business. 
 

Fuck living a boring mediocre, broke ass, settle for the shit end kind of life. 
 

I enjoy the little things, but I can also get fucking bored of it all. I feel like I’ve been along for a very long time.

 

IF I DONT WHATS THE POINT IN ANY OF THIS work???? Enlightenment is not enough. Money is not enough. I want the whole thing! 

   A few questions for context(be free to be very specific, or general in answering):

What values do you hold for yourself, and in society?

Where do you politically lean towards?

Are you religious, if yes, which ones did you grow up under?

When you think about a person in your mind, what forms do the thoughts take? Images? Words? Sounds? Physical feelings?

When you change the person in question to a person you hate, how does your thinking shift?

When you change the person into one you really love, what changes in your thinking?

When you think about yourself, what types of thoughts come to mind?

When you think about your personal history, and think about all the birthdays you've had, what does the timeline look to you? Where are you when viewing your timeline? If birthdays are harder to view, choose another event that's very consistently done by you, every year or month.

What do you do currently for a living?

How's your financial situation?

What is your relationships like in the family?

If you're dating or in a bf/gf relationship, what is that like?

What is your fitness like, body composition and exercise program?

What is your health like, your diet, nutrition, and sleep schedule and naps?

What is your home environment like, as in is your house generally messy or tiddy? Is it big or small? Do you intentionally implement a purpose for each room/area, or do you improvise with the living spaces? Do you have house plants, or a front/back yard with gardens?

Besides music, do you have other hobbies and interests?

Besides rock and rock, do you listen to other music genres?

Who are your role models you look up to generally, for inspiration in life?

Who are your role models you look up to, in music?

 

[Sine]

7 hours ago, Thought Art said:

What matters most to me is being able to make my art. If I can’t do that, being a wage slave for the rest of my life you might as well kill me.

Have you ever studied the Enneagram types? I think you could benefit from reading about type 4 and what that type in particular needs to do to become happier/more successful 

Edited July 18, 2022 by Sine

[Sine]

6 hours ago, Thought Art said:

But, I’m fucking bored out of my skull with the mediocre shit in life. I can enjoy it. But, it’s not gonna make me happy. 

If you truly and carefully do the work and open your heart to GOD/source/infinite intelligence/infinite creativity, then you will discover more and more that miracles become commonplace and vice versa. You will see like @jimwell is saying: 

7 hours ago, jimwell said:

And how about Kurt Cobain, the vocalist of Sound Garden and Linkin Park (Chester Benington is his name?), and many other famous and rich rockstars who ended up murdering themselves? It shows you that reaching the top of the musical world is not everything.

Living a satisfying life is all about knowing yourself (your values, desires, repulsions, strengths, weakness), loving yourself (appreciating and being grateful for your gifts; and still loving yourself despite your flaws), seeing and appreciating the beauty of existence (many of them I already mentioned; and yes, it includes awakening). Money is there simply to keep you alive and to help you accomplish what I just said.

In the end, work is work, also if that work is exciting, also if that work is art. I can tell you this from experience because I've spent most of my 20s wishing for some of the "important-art-people" to "discover me" and see how "oh-so-amazing-and-talented" I am... Haha. And now it sort of happened, but you know... It happened a few months after I lost the love of my life to suicide, and that changed everything. Even though I'm so happy that I can freely spend my days doing art and feel financially secure from that atm, then it's worth nothing if I don't work on my grief, finding some appreciation for the smaller things in life. 

Another thing is that you make better art with an open heart and if you have life experience, having taught yourself how to feel connected to GOD, even though things seem dull or even painful.

What is art? isn't it a form of telepathy when all comes down to it? You want other people to get a glimpse of a story or experience, or feeling you have lived. Then the art will be a million times better if you become a person worth learning something from. For example, someone that can see art and beauty even in things that seems mediocre to others.

Another thing is that even with all the time and money in the world, you won't be able to spend the time properly, sitting down with yourself and making the art because being with yourself and your own inner life will be too painful if you haven't healed all the shit that is troubling you now. 

So grow up. This is life. If you are truly an artist to your core, you will be able to experience art (as in everything that exists) anywhere and enjoy it without needing to be the one that has made it. 

6 hours ago, Thought Art said:

my day job as an accountant

Amazing, you have to go be part of an interactive art constellation every day and play your part, and the artist is no other than the humble but very famous GOD ALMIGHTY. And you will even get paid? and maybe even get inspired to write beautiful songs? How fucking lucky you are.

You can't make art if you don't live through mediocre things. Art is about love, grief, fear, etc. = ordinary things and the same old stories. And that is beautiful. 

[Thought Art]

@Danioover9000 why are you asking me all those questions? 

[Thought Art]

@Sine I want to make my art for a living and have an impact on the world. 
 

Ive already said I can enjoy the small things. But I know I’m my heart it’s not what I want. I want to live my highest potential. 
 

Im not waiting to “be discovered” that’s not how this stuff works. Like I said, I’ve already played festivals, had fans etc. But, I wasn’t ready at that time. I’ve put in the leg work, worked my ass off, I played shows all around my city and put in the work and study to make good songs. 
 

But, playing some free shows or whatever and getting paid 150 dollars is great and all. But I want to make it real. 
 

Look, I’ve never said I don’t enjoy the small stuff. But, do I really need to JUST experience that for the rest of my life?! I’m not doing that! I’m putting in the work.

Stop talking me down from my highest potential. 
 

I clearly spoke about my four pillars to success. 
 

1. Gratitude for my blessings as a human

2. Proclaiming my rarity 

3. Going another Mile

4. Using wisely my power of choice 

and doing it all with love. 
 

Im working on these everyday. 
 

That being said, I’m not gonna settle for some mediocre existence. Ooooo, being an accountant like the billions of other accountants. Wow, walking in a part like I’ve done a thousands times wow. 
 

that’s all great. But, I’ve got spiritual and artistic goals and I’m not being talked out of them. 

Edited July 18, 2022 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

I don't walk around miserable everyday.

This thread is a finite aspect of my self I am expressing to you. 

 

I just know, deep down. This is not why I am here. This is not what makes me passionate. I am not reaching my full potential in life. 

I am meant to create ecstatic art that heals and inspires others. 

I just haven't figured it out yet.

I've been investing in myself so heavily trying to figure out reality. This marketing course, I think may be a good investment in the long run but, right now it's a waste of my money. I will pay off the loan and my credit card and save 6 month expenses over the next 12-18 months. If I work for two years a second job 25 hours a week I can also pay off my student loan. I'll be 28, debt free and have 6 months expenses saved up. This is the only thing I can think of that makes sense to do right now. 

Music isn't for right now.

At least not yet.

To live a full life, and not make my dreams real, would be a crime against God. or at least my heart.

Ya'll act like becoming a successful musician is purely selfish. None of you know my values, my mission in life, or the impact I want to have with my music or art. It's not ultimately selfish. 

Whats selfish is being an accountant.

Edited July 18, 2022 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

11 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

@Thought Art

   A few questions for context(be free to be very specific, or general in answering):

What values do you hold for yourself, and in society?

Health, honesty, integrity, Holism, wisdom, connectedness, Truth, 

Where do you politically lean towards?

Not really. Probably Left.

Are you religious, if yes, which ones did you grow up under?

No? Why would I be religious lol

When you think about a person in your mind, what forms do the thoughts take? Images? Words? Sounds? Physical feelings?

yes

When you change the person in question to a person you hate, how does your thinking shift?

I don't hate anyone

When you change the person into one you really love, what changes in your thinking?

??

When you think about yourself, what types of thoughts come to mind?

A lot of thoughts? I like myself, believe in myself and I am increasing kind to myself. But, I also expect to be successful. I know there are finite aspects of myself which feel certain ways.

When you think about your personal history, and think about all the birthdays you've had, what does the timeline look to you? Where are you when viewing your timeline? If birthdays are harder to view, choose another event that's very consistently done by you, every year or month.

I am 26 years old

What do you do currently for a living?

Accountant and looking for second job

How's your financial situation?

broke and in debt. This is why I am getting a second job to pay off my debts and save 6 month expenses over the course of a year. Going to try to work 7 hours during day, 5 hours a night monday to friday. 

What is your relationships like in the family?

Okay

If you're dating or in a bf/gf relationship, what is that like?

not

What is your fitness like, body composition and exercise program?

I'm in amazing shape, I bike and walk everywhere in my city and do 30 mins to an hour of Qigong a day

What is your health like, your diet, nutrition, and sleep schedule and naps?

I can't really afford food so I eat what I can. Generally brown rice and veggies, fruits, vitaims etc

What is your home environment like, as in is your house generally messy or tiddy? Is it big or small? Do you intentionally implement a purpose for each room/area, or do you improvise with the living spaces? Do you have house plants, or a front/back yard with gardens?

I keep it clean and organized. Though, storage of some things is an issue. 

Besides music, do you have other hobbies and interests?

Qigong, self help, spirituality, finance, studying healthy relationships, studying infinity, human nature, philosphy of science, chinese medicine etc (but, they aren't the same as music.)

Besides rock and rock, do you listen to other music genres?

What the hell? Who said I only listen rock lol Not answering this

Who are your role models you look up to generally, for inspiration in life?

Arcadefire, Sigur Ros, Leo Gura, David R Hawkins, Sadhguru, Jesus, Martin Luther King, Bob Marley, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Lee Holden, Mantak Chia, Oprah Winfrey, and many other spiritual teachers, leaders and artists

Who are your role models you look up to, in music?

Arcadefire, Sigur Ros, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Kendrick Lamar, Beastie Boys, Bon Iver, Fleet Foxes, K'naan, The Killers, Angel Olsen, Courtney Barnet, Andy Shauf... others I like a lot of genres and artists. Arcadefire is number one, they aren't even really a 'rock' band.

 

 

Edited July 18, 2022 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

I think though, maybe I am coming to terms with the fact that, after I pay down all this debts I'll be 28. Sure, I'll have 15,000 saved and have paid down all my debts and students loans.. But, am I too old? Idk. Is music a possible thing? IDk. Is life with financial security however I live it worth it? I don't know. 

[jimwell]

15 hours ago, Thought Art said:

t’s just, I know deep down this isn’t my life. Being mediocre, working some shit job, not realizing my highest creative potential may be okay for YOU but not for me. I have one life. I’m going to honour it. 

Go ahead! Reach your highest potential and live your best life. That's the way to go. 

The problem is you cornered yourself by wanting to be a financially successful musician who performs for tens of thousands of people or even millions. And if you can't accomplish that "highest life", you will murder yourself. 

 

15 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Music, making it and sharing it is what I want. I don’t really care about the validation from others. It’s an aesthetic thing for me. I wanna play large shows. Make great music, and share it with others.

You do care about others' validation. It's obvious. You need millions of humans to listen to your music, otherwise your life is boring and you prefer to end it. 

The correct mindset is:

"I want to create the best music and share it with millions of humans. I hope they'll be happy when they hear my splendid music, and I'll be rewarded with millions of dollars. But I also understand that people have different preferences. They might not perceive my music the way I do. And there are other forces beyond my control which could hinder me from sharing my music with millions.

But hey, I'll be happy if I can share my music with some, including my friends. I hope I'll make enough money from it to sustain myself. If not, I hope they'll at least enjoy and appreciate my music. What really matters is I am able to do what I love. I create music, and I know my music is very good." 

This is a healthier, less needy, and a more realistic approach.

 

15 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Im not interested in being Justin bieber or any massive artist.

But it seems you are interested in being in the top 3 or 5 percent, which is unrealistic. It can happen, but the possibility is very low.

 

15 hours ago, Thought Art said:

But that’s not playing the best music in the world fully expressing my heart and soul to tens of thousands of millions of people. 

See? You need millions of people to listen to and appreciate your music. If that can't happen then life is not worth living. You'll murder yourself instead. This mindset is foolish.

You also claimed you don't need others' validation.  Your self-deception is grand.

 

@Sine

Suppose he becomes a very successful musician who performs in front of tens of thousands, and is very rich. I won't be surprised, in fact, I am more inclined to believe that he will feel the same way he feels now. He will never be satisfied.

If the problem is the internal wiring, the external situation doesn't matter. That's why the most important thing a human can do is to develop his internal world; heal childhood trauma and any form of dysfunction, and develop their character or soul. The external situation then slots into place or at least becomes less significant. 

[Thought Art]

Then who’s whole actualized thing has been a waste of time.

The only reason I started any of this was to become a successful musician. 

Yeah, I want to be a professional. Have a real impact. 
 

Yeah, the chances are low. Yeah, I probably won’t make it. And, I don’t expect it to make me happy and solve all me issues. 
 

I don’t want to just make music an share it with some friends. I might as wel not bother making it. I want to be a real artist. You don’t get it. It’s not self deception. I’m not asking to be Justin Bieber. But, a professional musician. Having thousands of fans and making my art. It’s not about the people. If you make art YOU NEED TO SELL IT or how are you gonna keep making the art? Your shit accounting job?! 
 

Your saying true things. I’m not going to argue with you. 
 

I just think God is kind of a d bag. I’d rather not spend a whole life time as some mediocre failure. 
 

Just leave me alone. 

Edited July 18, 2022 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

The best thing to do, is either be humble, surrender to the reality that God is a total fucking d bag and I have to just give up, focus on saving and earning money and my health and life long learning.

Id love to be a REAL musician. But, God must hate me or something. Like, I can’t reconcile the love I’ve felt and the infinite potential of God with me?

How am I god is this is reality? What kind of God would create this type of reality?

Im 26, and according to Leo I’m pretty well doomed to be a wage slave. 
 

Why even live at all at this point?

 

Anyway, gotta go take a nap and then prepare for job interviews. 

Edited July 18, 2022 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

What are all are saying is true and my higher self knows this. 
 

I just, I hate it. 

[Thought Art]

Thank you everyone for talking me through my bs today. I think, first and foremost I need to improve my attitude and character towards life. I feel a bit bitter with God about the Tinnitus and just how hard i fucking worked on my music and how much pain I have experienced over the years. How hopeless it feels now. 

[jimwell]

I understand how frustrating it is. Life is fucking difficult, not just for you, but for everybody.

I hope your tinnitus will heal and you'll become a successful musician.

I hope you'll find a way to rectify your money problems.

I hope you'll find a way to make your life satisfying.

[Thought Art]

@jimwell Thank you.

I am learning the best way to make my life satisfying is to let go, and secure my survival, embrace health and living to my highest values, liberate myself from the opinion of others and enjoy creating the best art I can regardless of who sees or hears it.

Being a well known artist will come with a lot of BS as well. So, no matter what you do life is hard. I am an imperfect person and the more well known you are the more shit you have to deal with. So, I will grow a thicker skin and let go. 

[Rob06]

On 16-7-2022 at 4:55 PM, Thought Art said:

I used to really enjoy busking at a local famers market, but today I felt like... ashamed of what I was doing. Like a beggar or something. Plus, at this market you can't use sound equipment and people can barely here you. I had a 2 hour block to play, but I talked myself out of it after like 15-20 minutes just packed up my stuff and now I am at the library to do some work on my business, to study and contemplate. After leaving the market I feel sort of a pain in my chest. I feel a bit confused. Should I have stayed and just tried to get into it? But, it didn't feel right. I felt embarrassed to be a busker. I want to be a real musician on a stage ACTUALLY making an impact on the world with my art. 

Maybe I am maturing and growing out of a childish fantasy? Maybe I am going through sort of a building phase in other areas of my life (finance, foundation etc) and a limbo phase in another (my art/ music). 

Life without music feels strange. I used to love writing poetry and music and it was an ecstatic experience. But, I am so tired of being poor I am putting all my focus on higher paying accounting jobs and building my business. It's painful and boring. 

Plus, my tinnitus really confuses me as well. I notice when I get back into song writing mode I think of it more and then I feel afraid of writing or playing. Music on some level is my biggest passion. But, I also find it confusing. I sense making money from it will be a challenge and there is years of foundational work on my personal finance and my Qigong business as well I need to focus on. I have no idea if I can make a sustainable Qigong business and I am working through a marketing course... we will see.

I used to love music, the lyrics, the sonics, and the beautiful insights I would discover lyrically and musically. But, all my old songs feel dated now to me personally. I need a new phase of song writing or something. I just don't feel inspired like I used to. 

I have many courses I want to pay for to help me become a better song writer and producer. But, there is also equipment I want to buy. I am just too fucking broke right now to do anything other than find better paying work and building my business. 

I will have to contemplate...

1. Have I outgrown music in my life?

2. What can I do to reignite the passion?

3. Do I just need to get my finances and these foundations more fleshed out and then the passion will return?

4. Is it my tinnitus which is causing to much fear for me to pursue this seriously?

5. Have I realized that without the pursuit of pride that music isn't something I am interested in?

6. If I am not smoking weed, do I even enjoy making music?

7. Why was I too embarrassed to busk? Is it pride or a realization I am not going to play for pennies and dime?

I will take time later today to contemplate this myself.

My dream was to be a successful artist. I think that, my tinnitus and the financial realities have lead to some of my recent suicidal thoughts. Which, luckily I cured with a mushroom trip.  

 

For me living a passionate life is important. I don't wanna just survive in my life. I wish there was a way to cure my ringing brain. 

Music, am I passionate enough about you? God, why you do this.

@Thought Art Fellow music maker here, I sympathize with a lot of what you say. 

About the busking: many "successful" musicians have to do these kinds of things all their life on the side, next to doing their "real" art. Was it Beethoven who basically made his main income teaching piano? (It was one of those composers, or maybe even many). 

I was also struggling with the choice between music or another career about 5 years ago. The Life Purpose Course made me realize that I could not really be happy in my life/work if I wouldn't spend a good chunk of my time creating music, so I decided to go for that. I'm not saying you should go for music yourself. If it is going to become Qigong, that's awesome! Just saying that the Life Purpose Course, or some similar process/course could help you make a decision (but judging from your last post, it seems like you already made your decision). 

Making a living from music is not easy, and the chances of becoming a millionaire in music as an artist will be smaller than in a lot of other industries. I've been at it for three years now and can sustain myself with 2/3 music creation and 1/3 music teaching now, which I'm very grateful for. I found a niche where I'm starting to see small successes that will make it possible to create a 6-figure income, and maaaaybe, just maybe, a 7-figure income. But I will have to work full time on this for at least 3 to 5 to maybe even 10 more years. My business is stabilizing in terms of income in 2022. So, if you really have that need to make music, you can make a living doing what you love. 

I also believe your Qigong and music passions can live next to each other and maybe even complement each other in a career. Maybe Qigong and music festival concert kinds of things with awesome music and Qigong exercises? I don't know, it would probably make for a fun video clip. 

With every passion, you will get disheartened at some points, but the trick is to soldier on, and stay connected to your higher vision of why you do it, which could be just sheer love or joy you get while doing it.

Not being able to pay for courses and equipment sucks! I worked a boring job for 24 hours a week for the first 2,5 years of setting up my music business, which was necessary. 

Hope this helps. Go for it!

[Rob06]

@Thought Art I also have tinitus sometimes btw, which sucks. Many professional musicians do, comes with the territory, but is also preventable. 

I don't know if it can be cured. I'm doing an acupuncture treatment for it now, and might share my results in the future. 

 

 

[Thought Art]

I've decided that I enjoy music. But, I want to be rich. So, going to focus on that the next 5-10 years. I will continue to build my Qigong business on the side. 

When I am rich and have more free time. I will make lots of music.

We will see how time goes. But, right now for the next 2 or 3 years at least... Life purpose foundation is being set with personal finances being fleshed out. I am tired as fuck of struggling.

I have been reading books on finance and stress reduction and Qigong. Because, frankly thats all the makes sense to do right now. This gives me a sense of joy because I know I am building stability in body, mind and wallet. If I do that... many things become much easier. Plus, it will keep me biologically young.

I got a new job since being laid off, and looking to get a second in the industrial park for when I get off work.

Focusing on killing debt and loans and saving 6 month expenses. I may save a bit toward marketing my webinar and Qigong course I've created as well to start collecting more data. Just, I am in a phase of building my foundation and balancing many things.

 

Edited July 28, 2022 by Thought Art