girlfriend going to miami with her friends

[patricknotstar]

Is this too far. I mean we are long distance but I trust her however this feels wrong even though she tells me there is nothing to worry about. Should I just end it or am I overthinking things, she is perfect in every way but this gets to me tbh

[Roy]

The truth is you have zero control over what she may or may not do.

But you do have control over yourself and how you choose to feel about it. You have an opportunity here to show her that you trust her but not making her feel guilty, and show strength that you don't care if you're not there because you aren't insecure.

[Razard86]

42 minutes ago, Roy said:

The truth is you have zero control over what she may or may not do.

But you do have control over yourself and how you choose to feel about it. You have an opportunity here to show her that you trust her but not making her feel guilty, and show strength that you don't care if you're not there because you aren't insecure.

Who is Ocean man?

Also I agree you don't have control. If she cheats better to find out early versus later on. If she doesn't she will love the fact you trusted her. Either way you never have any control over someone, not completely at least but you do have partial control which is called influence. The more someone trusts you the more influence you have, and if that trust is combined with respect it will be almost like having a slave. 

So seek to grow in trust and influence while using that power for good.

[Jacob Morres]

What's the strength of your relationship like? Is this communcatable with her? Conscious communication is key here

You could even bring this up to her... bb I know I trust you and ur faithful but I can't get this feeling out of my stomach about Miami... 

And she goes (kind and compassionately).. awwe bb I hear u dw. There's nothing bad going to happen etc. Etc. I'll even do X For you to keep you comfortable 

If she ain't do the latter trash that bitch!! (Jk but maybe not lol) 

Edited July 16, 2022 by Jacob Morres

[Leo Gura]

You're being way too insecure.

[RendHeaven]

34 minutes ago, Ineedanswers said:

andrew tate

clearly the best role model ????

[Eph75]

5 hours ago, patricknotstar said:

[...] I trust her [...] 

If it wasn't obvious to you already, I'm sorry to say, no, you do not. 

To say the words because "we should" have trust is completely pointless.

Not trusting isn't something to be ashamed of. It is just a fact, and recognizing thta fact is a cue to become deliberate about working on building trust. 

If you really did trust her, you would not have entertained this idea, but deeply know that it is not a problem. 

Ask yourself;

Do you have valid reasons not to trust her, i.e. she has proven herself not trustworthy?

Or, does this live in your insecurities?

Make this about you, not her, and see it as a personal growth opportunity.

Deliberately let her leave showing full confidence in her.

Showing that you don't trust breaks her trust in you. It would actually push her away, not attract her towards you, creating a stronger, trust based bond. 

Introspect and fully feel into what you feel in this process; as she's leaving, while she's gone and when she comes back. 

What thoughts and feelings are coming up for you throughout (before, during, after) that process?

What needs to change, in you, to be able to have trust, and to address building the trust that is missing, between the two of you.

Trust isn't about being navie, and choosing to be blind to whatever might be there, it goes both ways, and it's something that is built, it's not served on a silver platter.

Feeling psychological safety is  product of that process. Feeling safe, you in your mind, and her in hers. 

Trust exists between the two of you, and it needs to go both ways. 

Building this starts with you, so can you support that process actively/deliberately making this something that helps you grow as a person? 

Edited July 16, 2022 by Eph75

[mmKay]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You're being way too insecure.

You said you wouldn't let your GF go to vegas. Is Miami much different ? 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, mmKay said:

You said you wouldn't let your GF go to vegas. Is Miami much different ? 

I wasn't being serious.

[Shiva99]

The fact is you can't controll her actions. What you can controll is how you feel about this whole situation.

You need to come to a point where you are completely ok with her leaving you. Letting go is key.

If this situation doesn't escalate in you doing or saying things that will show her that you are being insecure and needy, another situation will pop up in the future and she will run away nevertheless. If she doesn't run away, than she has a lot of stuff to deal with herself. The most toxic relationships are the ones were both are feeling unworthy and constantly projecting these feelings onto each other.

 

 

 

[Gesundheit2]

1. Break up.
2. Forget about her.
3. Find someone else.
4. Never do long distance again.
5. Ever.

Edited July 16, 2022 by Gesundheit2

[Sine]

You could also choose to see this as an incredible opportunity to develop your relationship and, in general, learn about how to connect with someone independently from physical contact. Love is so big, it can go all the way to Miami and back an infinite amount of time if you open your heart to it. 

[somegirl]

11 hours ago, patricknotstar said:

Is this too far. I mean we are long distance but I trust her however this feels wrong even though she tells me there is nothing to worry about. Should I just end it or am I overthinking things, she is perfect in every way but this gets to me tbh

Too far where?

She's just living her life. Do you want her to close off and not live her life anymore because she's in a relationship with you?

Besides that, you can't control what she does there. But it's up to you to be like "What is mine and what is meant to me, will never leave me. If something or someone leaves, it means we were not meant to be." Have that attitude. I get the attachment thing. But the quote above is so much more powerful and it give you a sense of peace. 

Best of luck.

[Alex_R]

Do NOT let her go, she will cheat on you or at least lose respect for you,

[something_else]

Your mindset here should be "let her do what she wants, if she cheats then I know I can find another girl and it's no big deal"

Ask yourself, if you truthfully thought you could find another girl within a month of breaking up with this girl, would you feel insecure about her going away on this trip? Probably not. You'd feel like it was her loss, or that it just wasn't meant to be.

Edited July 16, 2022 by something_else

[hoodrow trillson]

I'm assuming you're worried about this because she has shown a little bit of 'slutty' behavior or behavior that would indicate she would fuck somebody else OP?  Is my assumption correct?

If it's not, then you're being too insecure.  

[patricknotstar]

11 hours ago, something_else said:

Your mindset here should be "let her do what she wants, if she cheats then I know I can find another girl and it's no big deal"

Ask yourself, if you truthfully thought you could find another girl within a month of breaking up with this girl, would you feel insecure about her going away on this trip? Probably not. You'd feel like it was her loss, or that it just wasn't meant to be.

idk if i could find someone as hot, thats the problem

[RendHeaven]

1 hour ago, patricknotstar said:

idk if i could find someone as hot, thats the problem

lol, been there. with this mindset, you're destined to lose her

[Eph75]

 

1 hour ago, patricknotstar said:

idk if i could find someone as hot, thats the problem

Rather; let her go and recognize that you could never control her in any way that stops her if she wanted to cheat on, or leave you, without being corruptible and destructive in that controlling process. 

Your controlling thoughts fueled by insecurities influence your actual behavior, in ever so subtle, or not so subtle ways, that you are actively breaking, not making in this very moment. 

Instead focus on being someone who reduces the chances of her cheating and leaving, not by control what is, but by increasing what might draw her towards you.

Ultimately she need to want to be with you. 

This isn't inherently about her, it's about you. 

Your insecurity is one part of that.

While your mind works hard to control the situation, you inevitably become less attractive in a magnetic sense, not pulling her towards you, but reversed your magnetic pole, pushing her away. 

Let go of these thoughts and use this as an invitation to develop your inner game, your inner sense-making that is serving you with these limiting thoughts.

Regardless of you being able to retain her interest or not, you will have won, as your development is a win-win, and you're not competing with anyone else than your yesterday's limited self.

You are not likely to believe me if I were to say that from a post development perspective this relationship, she and any other female, will become trivial, as you grow towards something that becomes less and less defined by what you have that is external to yourself, but by what you yourself represent.

Although, this is inevitably what will happens.

It might sound like you're losing *something* in that process, but in fact you gain *everything*.

[integral]

On 2022-07-17 at 1:04 AM, patricknotstar said:

idk if i could find someone as hot, thats the problem

so your top value when dating is how hot they are?

What are the things you value in a relationship?