Poor Skills with People

[Thought Art]

Hi,

So, I’m realizing one of my biggest limiting beliefs, or areas of development is my ability to work with and lead others. For example, for my band Engramn I found two professionally trained music graduates to play in my band. But, I am not that good at communicating. I think I say too much at once, or maybe I’m not the most organized with that project right now as I’ve been focusing on my accounting job and Qigong business. 
 

I am committing to improving my interpersonal skills. I just got off the phone with my drummer and he gave me some really good advice about communication, leadership, trusting others etc after a failed festival this weekend where my ride bailed and so I had to cancel the show. I think the cancellation could have been avoided had I had a better mind set and more experience working with others. 
 

He invited me to a show tonight which I will go to, and another one tomorrow. I think this will give me more experience of being around others in the music scene which I really lack currently. 
 

Human relationships is one of my top values but at times one of my biggest weaknesses and areas that needs improvement. 
 

Has anyone here struggled with this sort of thing and made a lot of headway? Love to hear your feedback. Peace

[Realms of Wonder]

Definitely an area I still work on.

 

Why is it so important for you to be able to connect with people better?

 

My biggest tip is to ask better questions (ones that they want to answer, and lead them to think/introspect a little) and LISTEN.

[Thought Art]

@Realms of Wonder Because I desire to have a pretty big band (members and impact) and my struggles with communication makes me seems like a hard person to deal with. If I wanna have a band that lasts I need to be able to work with them in a high level professional manner with integrity and intention. 

[Thought Art]

I’m going out to a show with my drummer. I think he has a lot he can teach me about the music scene, how shows work, meeting people, etc

I sense if I don’t get my character in alignment with what is needed for a sustainable band I will crash and burn. I’ve got a lot of good stuff going in my life despite a lot of challenges and my own weaknesses. Most of my problems are just my own operating system. All current external problems are from mistakes of the past of this flawed operating system. 

[Razard86]

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

Hi,

So, I’m realizing one of my biggest limiting beliefs, or areas of development is my ability to work with and lead others. For example, for my band Engramn I found two professionally trained music graduates to play in my band. But, I am not that good at communicating. I think I say too much at once, or maybe I’m not the most organized with that project right now as I’ve been focusing on my accounting job and Qigong business. 
 

I am committing to improving my interpersonal skills. I just got off the phone with my drummer and he gave me some really good advice about communication, leadership, trusting others etc after a failed festival this weekend where my ride bailed and so I had to cancel the show. I think the cancellation could have been avoided had I had a better mind set and more experience working with others. 
 

He invited me to a show tonight which I will go to, and another one tomorrow. I think this will give me more experience of being around others in the music scene which I really lack currently. 
 

Human relationships is one of my top values but at times one of my biggest weaknesses and areas that needs improvement. 
 

Has anyone here struggled with this sort of thing and made a lot of headway? Love to hear your feedback. Peace

Keys to effective communication: Specificity. Keep it short and simple.

Ego: Being Humble. One of the toughest things to deal with as a leader is everything is your fault, and not to take anything personal. If you can master these two ridiculous responsibilities you will be a masterful leader.

Active Listening, Seek first to understand, then to be understood. 

Everything in relationships is a negotiation. If you can master this ONE skill you will have a smooth life with people because you can resolve any conflict with these techniques. Chris has a Youtube Channel where they break a lot of this stuff down in how to do it.

[T_i_m]

Tried inviting other musicians for a few pints after a show? That could help.

[Michael569]

23 hours ago, Thought Art said:

I am not that good at communicating.

Because you haven't practiced enough. 

I assume, that you are more introverted type of person. I am too, for us, leadership and communication does not come easy but introverts can be very good at becoming dedicated to learning. All you need, you can learn from books, seminars and materials. 

Don't take lack of skill as a limiting belief but as an opportunity to grow. 

[Danioover9000]

@Thought Art

On 7/14/2022 at 5:06 PM, Thought Art said:

Hi,

So, I’m realizing one of my biggest limiting beliefs, or areas of development is my ability to work with and lead others. For example, for my band Engramn I found two professionally trained music graduates to play in my band. But, I am not that good at communicating. I think I say too much at once, or maybe I’m not the most organized with that project right now as I’ve been focusing on my accounting job and Qigong business. 
 

I am committing to improving my interpersonal skills. I just got off the phone with my drummer and he gave me some really good advice about communication, leadership, trusting others etc after a failed festival this weekend where my ride bailed and so I had to cancel the show. I think the cancellation could have been avoided had I had a better mind set and more experience working with others. 
 

He invited me to a show tonight which I will go to, and another one tomorrow. I think this will give me more experience of being around others in the music scene which I really lack currently. 
 

Human relationships is one of my top values but at times one of my biggest weaknesses and areas that needs improvement. 
 

Has anyone here struggled with this sort of thing and made a lot of headway? Love to hear your feedback. Peace

   I have a bit. I remember times when I had to do a presentation in front of classes, and to speak to strangers in parties that I struggled a bit, from my tone of voice, to body language and other insecurities around my looks, lack of self confidence and esteem. What sort of helped me a little bit is to view it as a manipulation framing, like my communication is also my way of promoting and marketing myself. Look at how good sales people do this, so I want that level. That kind of helped me a bit short term.

[Ulax]

Please, and thank yous. Basic politeness. Its actually surprisingly rare.

Like @Razard86 said too, seek first to understand then to be understood too.

Ask people open-ended questions about how they're doing generally too, i.e. how's it going. If they mentioned they were heading to an event, ask them a couple of basic questions about it.

That's what I know helps me. Makes you likeable.

However, in terms of being seen as an authority I think that takes some other things.

Edited July 15, 2022 by Ulax

[Danioover9000]

@Ulax

7 minutes ago, Ulax said:

Please, and thank yous. Basic politeness. Its actually surprisingly rare.

Like @Razard86 said too, seek first to understand then to be understood too.

Ask people open-ended questions about how they're doing generally too, i.e. how's it going. If they mentioned they were heading to an event, ask them a couple of basic questions about it.

That's what I know helps me. Makes you likeable.

However, in terms of being seen as an authority I think that takes some other things.

  Yes, it does take other skills, like being willing to manipulate communication.

[Razard86]

He who asks questions controls the conversation, a friend of mine taught me that and he is very good at it. So asking questions with a genuine desire to  understand another's perspective is a way to control the conversation. 

Its counter-intuitive because you would think asking questions is giving up control but it is a form of control because you direct the flow of where the conversation leads with questions, while building trust through being able to understand the perspective of the person. 

We grow closer to people we identify with (see ourselves in a positive light)

We get annoyed by people we identify with (see ourselves in a negative light).

The aim is to do the former but the latter also works....it is just more confrontational/conflict oriented.

[Thought Art]

I think it’s more about just being conscious and friendly. I don’t need to control anything or manipulate anyone. 

[Danioover9000]

@Thought Art

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

I think it’s more about just being conscious and friendly. I don’t need to control anything or manipulate anyone. 

   That too, also, is a type of manipulation. Trying to be conscious, trying to be friendly. You're not as free from manipulation, as much as you are free from learning. Even if you try, you can't avoid learning, the same as it's not avoidable to manipulate. So, the best thing you can do, is learn to manipulate well, your communications. It's an assumption, but a very practical one.