How to change subconscious limiting beliefs once and for all?

[somegirl]

4 minutes ago, Batman said:

What are you feeling you are unworthy of and why?

I believe that I don't deserve for someone to put a lot of effort into me, to win me over. I believe I don't deserve the guys I desire the most (I can only afford to settle). I believe there's something wrong with me. I believe some people are better/superior than me. That I am not acceptable as I am right now. I believe I need to hide my true self and pretend to be or pretend to feel something else so I can be accepted and not abandoned. (as little girl I was given silent treatment by multiple people whenever I showed them my anger that was caused by them).

[somegirl]

14 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

By you definding yourself not others,by you making yourself a priority,by choosing to stand on your beliefs...this is all masculine stuff tho all women struggle with what you struggle because of empathy towards outside world and not your inside world..

Yes... I have symptoms of unworthiness and the cause is... I was born a woman ??? It's a disease lol.

[Federico del pueblo]

@somegirl What have you tried already and how has it worked?

[somegirl]

1 minute ago, Federico del pueblo said:

@somegirl What have you tried already and how has it worked?

I actually started maditating and built so much momentum in such a short time that I entered different/more blissful state of consciousness where I felt awesome about myself/where I wasn't too "in my head". I was actually doing shadow work while meditating, where I imagined the situations that I didn't like and trying to find pleasure in that. It's sick, but it's so good... Like trying to imagine all the situations I felt rejected and liking that. Adoring to be rejected. I tried to hug and accept that part of my shadow who enjoyed being rejected.

Because everything that happens in our life, some part of ourselves wanted to experience that. It's hard to hear, it was hard for me to hear but... I feel a sense of control when I feel like I can take responsibility for my life.

[NoSelfSelf]

@somegirl LoL its how it works if you have empathy you will focus more on other neglecting yourself the more you do it the more low self esteem you become...

[somegirl]

11 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

LoL its how it works if you have empathy you will focus more on other neglecting yourself the more you do it the more low self esteem you become...

I hate this...

[Federico del pueblo]

2 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I actually started maditating and built so much momentum in such a short time that I entered different/more blissful state of consciousness where I felt awesome about myself/where I wasn't too "in my head". I was actually doing shadow work while meditating, where I imagined the situations that I didn't like and trying to find pleasure in that.

Sounds interesting. Meditation is one possibility to change beliefs for sure.

If you want to use meditation you could first enter a meditative state and then become aware of that limitation that you have.

How do you even know that you're unworthy?

Is it a thought or a physical sensation?

You can start to contemplate about that once you've entered a meditative state and allow for the emotion to arise (basically go to where the pain is), you could even envision a situation (like other people you feel inferior to) in which that situation would typically get triggered.

Then when the emotion is there you don't indulge in the negative thinking any more and just feel how that emotion (the physical sensations) feel like.

You don't do anything about it, only sensing what ever is present in the body and allowing it, no resistance, no effort to change it.

Then you just let go and do nothing (like in Leo's meditation), just be still for 1 minute or so and maintain the meditative state.

And if you feel ok and not overly stressed or "burnt out" from the stress of experiencing that limiting emotion, you can now make an effort to create something more positive (but you could also just end the meditation here).

Just visualize what you would be like and what you're thoughts would be if you had overcome that limitation.

See yourself being confident, free, happy, worthy, succeeding etc.

For best results you'd make a playlist in which after some calm meditation music (for the first part, when you feel the emotions etc) you then put some inspiring, motivating tracks.

And you use the positive emotion of the music to affirm you're positive belief and visualize yourself being happy etc.

 

Now on to the next thing.

What did using EFT do for you? Nothing I guess, right? ?

I know I recommended it to you sometime but haven't heard from you, so I was wondering if you tried it and maybe it didn't work but you didn't want to tell me (to avoid embarrassment). Or you didn't try it (shame on you if so ?).

You absolutely have to try this out. If done correctly, EFT leaves all these other techniques in the dust. But I know that some people do it wrong or even receive wrong instructions and then it doesn't work.

So please let me know if you tried it unsuccessfully, I know the common traps and mistakes and can point them out.

[Federico del pueblo]

@somegirl btw.

I myself am currently changing some of the most debilitating and weird beliefs and emotions that are all a consequence of my past traumas.

Things like unworthiness, approach anxiety, sexual anxiety (due to trauma), anger, frustration.

And I'm getting better all the time.

So that's why I feel like I can help others, if they are willing to do the work required.

[somegirl]

7 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

How do you even know that you're unworthy?

I have seen concrete proof in the real world. By that I mean past experiences etc.

9 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Is it a thought or a physical sensation?

I can't even tell you this without lying to you, because all I feel when I ask myself "Is it a feeling or sensation" is numbness.

11 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

You can start to contemplate about that once you've entered a meditative state and allow for the emotion to arise (basically go to where the pain is), you could even envision a situation (like other people you feel inferior to) in which that situation would typically get triggered.

Then when the emotion is there you don't indulge in the negative thinking any more and just feel how that emotion (the physical sensations) feel like.

You don't do anything about it, only sensing what ever is present in the body and allowing it, no resistance, no effort to change it.

Then you just let go and do nothing (like in Leo's meditation), just be still for 1 minute or so and maintain the meditative state.

Hmm. This sounds promising. 

What Leo's meditation video you're referring to exactly?

 

12 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

And if you feel ok and not overly stressed or "burnt out" from the stress of experiencing that limiting emotion, you can now make an effort to create something more positive (but you could also just end the meditation here).

Just visualize what you would be like and what you're thoughts would be if you had overcome that limitation.

See yourself being confident, free, happy, worthy, succeeding etc.

So if I understood you right, once I feel the negative emotions, if I don't feel too overwhelmed, I can go ahead and start telling myself different, more positive narrative? And visualize myself the way I want to be?
 

14 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

For best results you'd make a playlist in which after some calm meditation music (for the first part, when you feel the emotions etc) you then put some inspiring, motivating tracks.

So I don't stop meditation in any point? Just make playlist that would involve calm music for the first and second part.
 

15 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

What did using EFT do for you? Nothing I guess, right? ?

I know I recommended it to you sometime but haven't heard from you, so I was wondering if you tried it and maybe it didn't work but you didn't want to tell me (to avoid embarrassment). Or you didn't try it (shame on you if so ?).

Well. I do feel a bit embarassed now :P.
 But I did actually do it, though my problem (generally in life) is... That I'm not constant about things I decide to do. I just keep sabotaging myself. 
Though when I was doing EFT (for not too long), I just felt super weird and silly. Like... "Some tapping will change my deep rooted subconscious limiting beliefs? Yeah right..." (that was my inner monologe lol).

17 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

You absolutely have to try this out. If done correctly, EFT leaves all these other techniques in the dust. But I know that some people do it wrong or even receive wrong instructions and then it doesn't work.

So please let me know if you tried it unsuccessfully, I know the common traps and mistakes and can point them out.

It can be done in a wrong way? How so? 
I was doing it like this:

I was first addressing the problem I was having in life or the problem I am currently having (so I wasn't denying that) and then I said "But I accept and absolutely love myself".

Example: "Even though I had some negative experiences with people when I was growing up and I felt absolutely miserable and alone... I choose to absolutely love and accept myself nevertheless."

If this is how it is supposed to be done.

17 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

I myself am currently changing some of the most debilitating and weird beliefs and emotions that are all a consequence of my past traumas.

Things like unworthiness, approach anxiety, sexual anxiety (due to trauma), anger, frustration.

And I'm getting better all the time.

So that's why I feel like I can help others, if they are willing to do the work required.

I am actually so so happy for you. I love to hear that things can indeed change for people and that these techniques do birth some results and are not just some woo-woo stuff. It gets me excited about trying it even more.

Sorry Federico, I will actually try this for few days or weeks and will report results back to you. I promise.

[hyruga]

You need to tell yourself that you are the best (for him anyway) and it is his loss if he doesn't accept you.

That's not to say you become arrogant but you must carry yourself with poise.

[Federico del pueblo]

36 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I have seen concrete proof in the real world. By that I mean past experiences etc.

@somegirl

No you haven't.

You made experiences. Everything else was your own mind.

You interpreted these events and certain information in a way that was disadvantageous for your self-esteem and identify, possibly based on other misbeliefs you had already picked up (e.g. from your parents or friends).

Unworthiness is just a mental concept.

But anyway I meant something else.

How do experience unworthiness right now? (You don't have to tell me, it's just for your contemplation).

If I deleted your memory, so you couldn't go in the past in your mind, how would it still manifest in the present moment if you were in the circumstances that can trigger your unworthiness.

There definitely is some way for you to "access" these emotions. Otherwise you wouldn't have any limiting belief, because when you start to think your limiting belief, at some point you start to feel like this belief is true due to an emotion that feels exactly like whatever the belief is.

That's what I mean.

48 minutes ago, somegirl said:

What Leo's meditation video you're referring to exactly?

It's actually called the "do nothing meditation" or very similar. Like "how to meditate deeper by doing nothing".

But if you already know mindfulness meditation you can also just do that. Like just experience the pure stillness without doing anything. Only hearing...hearing what silence sounds like.

51 minutes ago, somegirl said:

So if I understood you right, once I feel the negative emotions, if I don't feel too overwhelmed, I can go ahead and start telling myself different, more positive narrative? And visualize myself the way I want to be?

Exactly that!

 

I'll recap the entire process right here:

1. any meditation you know, e.g. mindfulness meditation, 5-10 minutes

2. starting to access the limiting emotion/belief by thinking about it (1-2 minutes)

("What do I feel like when I feel X?".   "How did I get triggered by X yesterday? What did it feel like")

You basically think some negative thoughts for some time until you feel like your limiting emotion is there or you feel like the negative belief is true. 

3. Mindfully experience this physical state (the emotion somewhere in the body)

 (maybe 5 minutes)

 (if you need to, you can go back to 2 to bring up more of your limitation and then again back to 3)

   - no resistance, just pure allowance (= breaking the resistance)

4. Let go/do nothing

  (just regular meditation, forget about what you did in that last part of the meditation, just chill)

___________________________________________________________________________________________

5. Creating a positive, new reality

Now experience whatever the positive opposite of that negative belief/emotion would be

(You succeed, you get what you want, you feel incredible etc.)

Bath yourself in positivity and positive self-belief.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

That's it.

 

Do part 5 only if everything before didn't exhaust you too much. Like you shouldn't go into part 5 if 1-4 was too much to take and you're now ko or whatever.

If that's the case just keep doing 4 and chill a bit longer until you want to get up.

The purpose of 2 and 3 is that you let go of your resistance against the emotion, because it is this resistance (not wanting to feel/believe X) that makes it so much more stubborn and stresses your system a lot.

Just watch Leo's "how to deal with strong, negative emotions" video for more info.

It's basically mindfulness applied to emotions.

 

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

So I don't stop meditation in any point? Just make playlist that would involve calm music for the first and second part.

Right. The positive part is still while meditating.

You can use several musical tracks (if you have them). Like one track for each part, with the 5th track (corresponding to the positive part 5 above) being more energetic and positive.

Sometimes I've even used normal music, like a favourite song of mine (for example "hey brother" from Avicii) and imagined being fully liberated from my limitations and celebrating it during a night out (just in my mind, we're still talking about visualizing things during the meditation).

Incredible experiences I can tell you!

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

Well. I do feel a bit embarassed now :P.
 But I did actually do it, though my problem (generally in life) is... That I'm not constant about things I decide to do. I just keep sabotaging myself. 

Good to know, I'll keep that in mind

 

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

Though when I was doing EFT (for not too long), I just felt super weird and silly. Like... "Some tapping will change my deep rooted subconscious limiting beliefs? Yeah right..." (that was my inner monologe lol).

Sure. That's just more self-sabotage.

You could apply that logic to any modality.

"Yeah, right, some   hypnosis/ exposure therapy/ meditation/ shadow work  will eliminate my deep rooted limiting beliefs?!?! C'mon, really?"

It does work though, because the tapping signals to the brain that the negative emotion is not needed.

That's because if you tap these spots your amygdala in the brain receives a calming signal, but also at the same time receives a "danger" signal due to your engagement with these negative thoughts/memories/fears in your mind or whatever.

Thus the brain realizes that the fear response it produced was inappropriate and will at least decrease the intensity of the emotion (and remove some of the corresponding wiring in the brain).

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

I was first addressing the problem I was having in life or the problem I am currently having (so I wasn't denying that) and then I said "But I accept and absolutely love myself".

Example: "Even though I had some negative experiences with people when I was growing up and I felt absolutely miserable and alone... I choose to absolutely love and accept myself nevertheless."

That's perfect. If you feel like this "love myself " part is too cheesy for now you can also simply say "even though...X...I just accept myself the way I am".

Anyway, what comes after this is the much more important part, so let's see.

The next part is when you actually think about the negative experience OR emotion or belief etc. 

And here you have to do it quite similarly to how I described it above in the meditation.

You really go into the pain, you confront the ugliness of that experience or emotion.

If you don't feel awkward at any point then it's not working yet. You must first feel like shit, but then eventually (because you tap) the emotion loses strength and you can't really bring up more of it.

This is where most people fuck up, because they're being much too vague with their thoughts.

You have to be precise and specific like e.g.

"My brother said 'I'm useless' to me and then also made a really mean, insulting face, then he laughed about me...and his friends started laughing too.

I felt embarrassed and like a loser.   I still feel like a loser today because of that.

I feel this in my throat, somewhere here, and in my stomach.

It's a burning sensation.

When I think about it, it makes me feel dumb and incompetent"

Like really nasty, specific stuff. You're essentially worrying on purpose (deliberately), because that's what activates the corresponding neural network in your limbic brain, where the emotional memory, the emotion and the beliefs are stored.

Most people want to do something soft and cozy and therefore don't activate the negativity.

What you don't activate you can't release (a network in your brain won't be REWIRED if it's not first activated/firing).

Observe yourself in your daily life and you you usually trigger these emotions "accidentally" when something triggering happens. That's precisely how you must think to access these emotions when doing EFT.

 

AAAAAAAND, most importantly:

Please do it more than once for the same problem. You might only feel some shift after doing it few times for the same thing.

And to fully overcome one issue might take you still more sessions, like easily a docen or 2 if it's really a deep, core belief.

But trust me, that's still 10 faster than regular (standard) psychotherapy, especially when we're talking about self-esteem and trauma stuff...

[Gesundheit2]

@somegirl What has worked for me was making nuanced but critical lifestyle changes. What you can do for example is limit your exposure to the things that make you think the thoughts that you don't want until you forget those negative thoughts entirely, or at least until they lose their significance to you. And at the same time, you can increase your exposure to the thoughts that you want more of in your life. For example, since you said you feel unworthy as a woman, then one possible cause is the IG super models and things like that. So the first step in this case would be to stop watching that kind of stuff. At the same time, maybe listen to more feminist type people (but be careful of extremists). Then after some time, you might be able to look back again but without feeling unworthy. The key here is time, so the change is not going to happen overnight. But with this awareness that you already have, the change has already started, and it's simply a matter of time.

Edited July 14, 2022 by Gesundheit2

[John Paul]

You can’t think your way into right action. But you can act your way into right thinking.

[Loving Radiance]

• Every day spend dedicated 12 min for it, in quiet undisturbed environment

• Close eyes, do 2 min breath meditation to get centered

• Visualize for at least 10 min

• Imagine & vision your ideal life as vividly & detailed as possible, use multiple senses, make it life-replacingly real, imagine that it’s already the case and completely fulfilled in the present, it’s a perfect life, soak in all feelings & emotions and how the body feels

  • What does it look like to be?

  • How and where would I live?

  • What would I do?

  • How would I feel?

  • How different is my life?

  • What friends do I have?

  • What does my family think about me?

• When loosing focus or when resistance, come back to the visualization

 

In addition to that, there's also radical discontinuity. It's basically breaking your behavior patterns and confronting the arising shadow aspects. It's like being a hunter searching, tracking and killing prey. Here are some notes I made while attending a training which involved this kind of shamanic self-transformational work:

Quote

• Patterns suck up energy and keep you in the past, keeping your life force at minimum

Important points:

1. Sweetness, love and respect for the hunted pattern (gratitude for the prey)
2. Cunning: Smart and attentive focus for tracking the hunted pattern and noticing the signs of the prey (high awareness)
   • Patterns are predictable in nature
   • Set up traps with the prey's favorite food. Set up situations where your subconscious beliefs arise.
3. Patience to pause in the moment to observe, feel and listen to the prey
4. Ruthlessness to opportunize on time window because the moment to kill is closing fast – killing is radical discontinuity to consciously break the pattern
   • Behave differently (structure-content) e.g. smile, dance, go towards emotionally difficult (structure-content)
   • Killing the pattern gives a feeling of being alive (not necessarily feeling good in mood)

• Not all prey are equal in tracking and killing – they have different difficulty levels
  • Old and wise prey (old subconscious beliefs and shadow aspects) are sneaky and hard to track – they are masters in distraction & diversion and use every tool possible
  • Some prey are undead and come up again & again, the task is to kill again and again
• Better hunt in and with community
  • Outside help with tracking the prey
  • Own job is to kill the pattern
• Hunting keeps us young
• Hunt, hunt, hunt till eternity

[Loving Radiance]

1 hour ago, John Paul said:

You can’t think your way into right action. But you can act your way into right thinking.

Reminded me of this: Behavior --> thought --> feeling --> perception --> sensation

[Loving Radiance]

11 hours ago, somegirl said:

(as little girl I was given silent treatment by multiple people whenever I showed them my anger that was caused by them).

In addition to "Behavior --> thought --> feeling --> perception --> sensation", start with expressing your anger.

Go into nature and scream.

Turn on loud techno music and do emotional release.

In daily life, clearly protect your boundaries. Every time you get angry at a person, say "stop" internally and say what you want. That is being responsible for your emotions instead of putting them on other people. At first, it will lead to conflict because people are used to overstepping your boundaries.

E.g.

• Somebody gives unwanted advice --> you say, "I imagine that you want to give me advice, and it's not something I asked for. I don't want that." And then move on to other topics or things.
• Somebody belittles you --> "When you say [specific words] or do [specific action], I feel like you belittle me. I don't want that."
• When somebody gives you the silent treatment --> "By you not speaking with me, I imagine that you give me the silent treatment. I imagine that you feel hurt by [me doing things] and blame me for it and want me to apologize for it. I am not responsible for how you (make yourself) feel."

[gettoefl]

meditation is the journey of realizing you are not the limited being looking back at you in the mirror, you are all indomitable god/dess

you don't do anything, the all does it all, you put in the time it puts in the work

who among us can endure tiresome taxing  thankless utter timewasting?

 

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, gettoefl said:

you don't do anything, the all does it all, you put in the time it puts in the work

who among us can endure tiresome taxing  thankless utter timewasting?

I'm glad you guys can fix stuff in life by not doing anything. Though that approach doesn't work for me.

I can't just "not do" anything and pray on higher power to give me enough luck to fix some aspect of my life, accidentally.

Edit: If you were referring to meditation technique, then apologies.

Edited July 14, 2022 by somegirl

[somegirl]

8 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

For example, since you said you feel unworthy as a woman, then one possible cause is the IG super models and things like that. So the first step in this case would be to stop watching that kind of stuff. At the same time, maybe listen to more feminist type people (but be careful of extremists).

I see.

I wouldn't say I have problem with IG models. I think I look good and I'm told that constantly.

I just come across people who only value my body/my looks and not anything else. And it happened couple of times that I started to wonder "Do I even have anything else to offer than the looks? Is that really all I am worth?".

I mean I have many talents, have unique taste in music, I have friends and am funny and fun to be around when relaxed... So I just get confused how I constantly come across people who are not amazed by my personality. 

This is why I think, on a deep level, fundamentally, I do not value my personality myself. Because if I did, thid wouldn't be happening.

Edited July 14, 2022 by somegirl

[somegirl]

8 hours ago, John Paul said:

You can’t think your way into right action. But you can act your way into right thinking.

Elaborate? Maybe an example?