How to change subconscious limiting beliefs once and for all?

[somegirl]

I need practical stuff, something I can begin doing today.

How do I start viewing myself and other differenly? I sometimes think I don't deserve the stuff I want. 

I actually know my limiting beliefs, I am aware of them, but I don't know how to change them.

 

Note: Can't afford any therapy or course, instead would like to be guided by some exerices or books that you can recommend.

Edited July 13, 2022 by somegirl

[NoSelfSelf]

I have an exercise for that... go to the fridge and go pick up a milk... when you want to pick up a milk you say to yourself i cant pick up a milk and then pick it up...then say i cant put it back and then put it back...when you did that report back the experience actually do it!?

[somegirl]

@NoSelfSelf Such humour. Much funny.

 

[somegirl]

@NoSelfSelf

When you have an issue you need help with, I'm gonna say to go outside and check if I'm there lol.

[NoSelfSelf]

@somegirl ?? im serious im not joking if you cant do that then you are not ready to learn #wax on #wax of

[NoSelfSelf]

@somegirl i knew you are solution to all my problems ? now pls do it so i can explain ?

[somegirl]

6 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

im serious im not joking if you cant do that then you are not ready to learn #wax on #wax of

5 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

i knew you are solution to all my problems ? now pls do it so i can explain ?

 

Alright.

Exercise failed, I spilled the milk.

 

No, kidding, I did that weird-ass exercise. Now what? 

[NoSelfSelf]

@somegirl Calm down breathe its just a milk ?

Now did you recognize even tho you had limiting belief i cant take or pick up the milk you did it(hope you did ?) that means that correct action that you take based on expectation you have of yourself is stronger than belief even tho your mind tells you dont do it,action will correct it...

You act based on what you think you are and not on what you want to be...

When you take action on what you want to be,beliefs about yourself will change and based on your queastion you think you will get it out by thinking no! By correct action!

[Ulax]

I personally like Internal Family System Therapy. I think its the psychotherapy with the most potential for deep rooted change.

I can give you some recommendations if you'd care for some.

[somegirl]

12 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Now did you recognize even tho you had limiting belief i cant take or pick up the milk you did it(hope you did ?) that means that correct action that you take based on expectation you have of yourself is stronger than belief even tho your mind tells you dont do it,action will correct it...

I get you, but I didn't have a limiting belief about picking up the milk in the first place. When I told myself "I can't pick up the milk" I knew I was fooling myself because I KNEW I could and I did. 

I take action based on what I want to be, but it feels... Unnatural. Forced. I mean sometimes "fake it till you make it" really does work, but sometimes it just doesn't. Especially when it comes to feelings of self-worth and self-love.

Edited July 13, 2022 by somegirl

[Batman]

First you will need to become conscious of what you are unconscious of and want to let go. After that you can let it go.

If you already know what your beliefs are, than that is already halfway. If you believe in something, you can also not believe in it. It is a belief, it has no substance or reality. It is a story you take to be real instead of meeting the truth for your self. Of course, usually it isn't so simple as it sounds because of the personal story and the emotions we store in the body around the belief.

So, in your case for example, if you hold your self as unworthy for the things you want in life, than try to stop believing you are unworthy. I mean it. Easier said than done, surely. As I said, usually behind every core belief there are stories and even memories that gives solidity or realness to the belief, make it seem as if the is the truth. But if we are honest, you don't really know what you worthy or unworthy of. It is impossible to know such a thing. Worthiness is a a social/moral concept, and isn't ingrained in direct experience. 

This work isn't so simple, and a lot of time it is entangled with emotions. For serious work around matters of deeply ingrained beliefs and emotional repression you can use psychotherapy, psychedelics (and MDMA), or what ever other modality you can find regarding transformation of self. If you want to do it on your own - "today" like you want - you need to sit, concentrate, and contemplate deeply the belief you want relinquish. If you held the belief for years it has probably gathered many emotional energy around it, so it effects your nervous and endocrine systems, and the subtle energies of your body. So if you don't use a tool like a therapist or a psychedelic, you need to have a very sharp focus and concentration and an ability to sit with your self on the matter and resolve it. Not many posses this capability.

You can also just go and try to bash the belief into real life. If you feel you are unworthy of something/someone, just go and try to get it. Your belief will try to stop you of course (and it will probably be charged with different emotions), but if you prove to your self that you are worthy of it, it will free you from the belief. This is the best way IMO, because it is confronts you directly with the belief/emotional charge around the matter.

You can also erode the belief with small steps (a process sometimes called "desensitization"). Chipping away at beliefs in a gradual way. For example, if you think you can never stand and speak before an audience, you can begin by standing before an audience of 1, and then of 2, and then of 3, and then of 5, 7, 10, 15, 20, 30. You get the idea. You pick the increments based on what you feel you can handle.

[NoSelfSelf]

@somegirl You are missing the point..point is no matter what your mind tells you,you can do the opposite of that with your action...if you feel like you dont deserve it go for it anyway simple as that,and you say feel unatural key word feel...doesnt matter what you feel it matters you do what you should be doing for what your expectation and standard you set for yourself...

Your mind will harass you because it knows it will stop you if it knew you will do the action anyway the feeling and emotions about it will vanish volaa!   Now you can doubt all you want because you wont actually do it what i said ?

[somegirl]

13 minutes ago, Ulax said:

I personally like Internal Family System Therapy. I think its the psychotherapy with the most potential for deep rooted change.

I can give you some recommendations if you'd care for some.

I appreciate you writing that, though I should have put a note that I'm not looking for any therapy or course that would require money from my side. I'm not yet there with money stuff, just a student.
I think there is a sea of resources available on the internet for free, I just need a little assistance to find the right information.

Just like @flowboy helped me by suggesting I read a book "Existential kink" by Elliott Carolyn for people who have problem with destructive patterns they keep repeating in their lives.

[Ulax]

@somegirl Sure. I understand you.

There's a book called, 'Self therapy voll.1' by Jay Earley that might be useful for ya.

[somegirl]

7 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

You are missing the point..point is no matter what your mind tells you,you can do the opposite of that with your action...if you feel like you dont deserve it go for it anyway simple as that,and you say feel unatural key word feel...doesnt matter what you feel it matters you do what you should be doing for what your expectation and standard you set for yourself...

Your mind will harass you because it knows it will stop you if it knew you will do the action anyway the feeling and emotions about it will vanish volaa!   Now you can doubt all you want because you wont actually do it what i said ?

Thanks...

Though imagine for example... If I want to be friends with someone... I think they are cool and whatnot. And I feel like I can't befriend them because they are "too cool" for me and I am not "in their league"... But I approach them anyway and... They reject me. Now the "I don't deserve things I want" just gets reinforced. And then I die alone in misery 

[NoSelfSelf]

@somegirl Thats another set of problems you take things personaly when someone "rejects you" that means we are not compatible they are helping you to find another cool person imagine them saying yes and you waste few months seeing they are not for you ?...

Its a numbers game...

Another thing you should think you are cool,now you think someone else is cool which is bs you should be cool with yourself so much that you dont need cool people so now it will happen because they see you as cool?(to explain further i need time ?)

[somegirl]

24 minutes ago, Batman said:

First you will need to become conscious of what you are unconscious of and want to let go. After that you can let it go.

If you already know what your beliefs are, than that is already halfway.

It's very easy to identify what are one's limitng beliefs.

Simple, look at your life and see what stuff doesn't work out for you. You have no friends or always had friendships that involved betrayal? Then you have limiting belief about friendships. No money? You have limiting belief about money etc...

 

26 minutes ago, Batman said:

So, in your case for example, if you hold your self as unworthy for the things you want in life, than try to stop believing you are unworthy. I mean it. Easier said than done, surely. As I said, usually behind every core belief there are stories and even memories that gives solidity or realness to the belief, make it seem as if the is the truth. But if we are honest, you don't really know what you worthy or unworthy of. It is impossible to know such a thing. Worthiness is a a social/moral concept, and isn't ingrained in direct experience. 

As you said, it's not easy. Why, because that belief has already been enforced in my life multiple times. It has shown me that that limiting belief is true.
 

27 minutes ago, Batman said:

This work isn't so simple, and a lot of time it is entangled with emotions. For serious work around matters of deeply ingrained beliefs and emotional repression you can use psychotherapy, psychedelics (and MDMA)

Welp. If only I could have access to that.

28 minutes ago, Batman said:

If you held the belief for years it has probably gathered many emotional energy around it, so it effects your nervous and endocrine systems, and the subtle energies of your body.

Soooo freaking true.

28 minutes ago, Batman said:

You can also just go and try to bash the belief into real life. If you feel you are unworthy of something/someone, just go and try to get it. Your belief will try to stop you of course (and it will probably be charged with different emotions), but if you prove to your self that you are worthy of it, it will free you from the belief. This is the best way IMO, because it is confronts you directly with the belief/emotional charge around the matter.

Yes but it can also backfire on you and you end up rejected and then that limitnig belief of "unworthiness" gets reinforced.

29 minutes ago, Batman said:

You can also erode the belief with small steps (a process sometimes called "desensitization"). Chipping away at beliefs in a gradual way. For example, if you think you can never stand and speak before an audience, you can begin by standing before an audience of 1, and then of 2, and then of 3, and then of 5, 7, 10, 15, 20, 30. You get the idea. You pick the increments based on what you feel you can handle.

Funny that you mentioned that because I used to have limiting belief about public speaking but today it doesn't scare me one bit. I can easily do it. And back then I dreamed of the day that I am able to say this. 

 

Sigh... Thanks for the effort.

[somegirl]

8 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Thats another set of problems you take things personaly when someone "rejects you" that means we are not compatible they are helping you to find another cool person imagine them saying yes and you waste few months seeing they are not for you ?...

Well I'm glad universe is keeping me away from those kind of people constantly, like, all my life, not letting me befriend them/be with them so they could potentially hurt me, even though I was hurting for being rejected. *sarcasm*
 

11 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Another thing you should think you are coo,now you think someone else is cool which is bs you should be cool with yourself so much that you dont need cool people so now it will happen because they see you as cool?

I know but how do I achieve this ??? This state of mind where I think I am cool and that I don't need anybody anyway.

 

[Batman]

Sorry, there is no way around this stuff. You will have to deal with the emotions you have around the matter. 

For me, unworthiness met me in the worst domain it could be - dating and meeting women. Every time I talked or dated a woman that I felt unworthy of, I had the most debilitating emotional reactions because I just couldn't believe it could happen. Of course, a lot of times it fucked me and perpetuated the belief, and some of the times it worked out (to my disbelief) which made me feel amazing because all the emotional charge that was released.

And yea, if the belief is deep than I would say the only possible way to deal with it is direct. All the other methods (therapy, contemplation, mind altering substances) can only give a little push in the direction, or weaken the belief, or reveal some insight. But I don't see how it will resolve the entire energy that is built around it. 

What are you feeling you are unworthy of and why?

[NoSelfSelf]

5 minutes ago, somegirl said:

 

I know but how do I achieve this ??? This state of mind where I think I am cool and that I don't need anybody anyway.

 

By you definding yourself not others,by you making yourself a priority,by choosing to stand on your beliefs...this is all masculine stuff tho all women struggle with what you struggle because of empathy towards outside world and not your inside world..