Why do I not love anyone?

[Illusory Self]

I feel very emotionally blocked, like I am incapable of loving others, especially my family who are very kind towards me. Doing things for others causes a lot of resistence. I am close with my family, well I like to think I am. My parents were not the greatest parents but I had an okay upbringing (it could of been a whole lot worse). Consciousness kind of feels stuck in being closed off. Thinking about myself only. I face extreme resistence doing things for others. I rarely get tearful or emotional. It is sort of feeling like a permenant numbness around myself. Numbness to reality. I get anxiety in my mind of talking to others (even my family) when I am around them. I often dissassociate into another reality. 

A lot of my time is just spent by chasing my next sexual conquest to cover up the feelings of loneliness that I feel even though I have an incredibly loving family around me. I don't get it. 

How am I going to live a high and noble life purpose, helping others when I fundamentally don't even feel love towards others? My ego mind just feels very self serving and selfish, viewing it from a distance. Everything is about me and my own needs. 

This is a real obstacle I am facing, how can I feel love towards others and get fulfillment in actually benefiting other peoples lives? It's all about benefiting myself but never about others. I don't know what I need to do in order to become more selfless. It's more of a problem around my family as I see them a lot and I just want to get out of the situation. 

[gettoefl]

life's first few decades is take take take, your cup is empty, you probably don't even have enough cash to live for a year

look after number one until you're better situated and financially comfortable; this can even take half a life time or longer

love basically is having freedom and when you have it being able to give it to others, you can only give it to the extent you have it

[mr_engineer]

@Illusory Self Okay. This is not going to be PC. But, I would like you to question the idea that you have a 'loving' family. 

What is 'love'? According to you? According to them? Do you agree on your definitions of 'love'? Do your love-languages align? 

It's not possible for you to be lonely and to have this part working properly. 

Apart from that, I wouldn't worry too much about you being a selfish person. As long as you're not explicitly hurting people, you should be fine. Figure out the issue of love-languages. That'll show you what you have to offer to people in relationships. 

HTH! 

[actuallyenlightened]

I am very familiar with this feeling. The only solution I found was doing shadow work and lots of it, like 2 hours a day. Those emotional blocks need to be removed. 

[NoSelfSelf]

Its always about benefiting you either way you put it ? you are not a saint, so point is to love yourself and love your mission then indirectly people benefit from you..

What you trying to do is losing strategy loving ,others wont make you benefit them its like stage green loving enviroment and doing nothing for it but loving it...you focus on you then others benefit from your growth, if you loved others you would be useless because you wont grow, you will just love and please with nothing to offer of real value...

Being emotionaly blocked is place you go to escape from suffering, so facing what in past made you suffer could fix it...

[Raze]

Maybe you’re low oxytocin

Or you have unaddressed trauma blocking you from relationship attachment  

[Ulax]

1 hour ago, Raze said:

Maybe you’re low oxytocin

Or you have unaddressed trauma blocking you from relationship attachment  

Agreed re the trauma.

I'm not well versed re oxytocin so can't endorse that either way.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KYYFJ-g3JE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hpjM_NNFQw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhWx9lHPjik

 

Edited July 14, 2022 by Raze