Approach Anxiety @ Solo day gaming

[Vercingetorix]

When I'm going out approaching girls with a wing, I can approach consistently without any problems. But I couldn't find yet a reliable wing, and don't want to depend on that.

And when approaching by myself -I find it very hard and I can't do it consistently. (unless I'm in flow state).

I also have high resistance to starting indirect and asking "direction questions" or "what is the time?" (shame of being caught lying I think). 

I tried working with many mindsets like enjoying the moment, just being honest, be curious about the reaction, enjoy the rejection, and they help relieve the pressure but get me in my head so I'm not sure that's the solution.

Btw after I approach I find its not too hard for me to keep the conversation going.

Anyone familiar with my situation and can share his way of breaking through it?

[Leo Gura]

Solo is just much harder. You have to really push yourself to approach. But it also grows you the most if you manage to do it.

There's no easy solution to solo. You just force yourself to approach, or you don't and you have a shit day.

Never ask for directions or the time. Do a proper direct approach.

[Vrubel]

@Vercingetorix
Good! Not depending on anyone is the most powerful thing here.

I daygame alone mostly because of that. And honestly having a wing in daygame who is not an experienced pro will only hold you back. It will just increase the cringe and not to mention you'll have to share.  

But I also have a special bias because I do mostly day game in a city where I relatively often stumble into people I know. Therefore I put a lot of value on subtility and situational awareness to avoid drawing attention. Only when I am at the very point of doing the approach I go into full "not giving a fuck-mode". 
For me personally, a big lesson from daygame is that I have to prioritize my mental health. My main struggle was not to feel like a crazy person for doing this. I was either going to quit or continue in a way that is respectable, cool, non-cringy and even beautiful. (all for me in a highly subjective manner). This means that now I push myself less, go home when my energy is off (when girls react more closed-off than usual and this pattern doesn't seem to improve), I don't persist when she is not open or impressed by my presence and I keep within my integrity and authenticity as much as possible.

Integrity > standard pick-up theory. 

Edited July 13, 2022 by Vrubel

[Vrubel]

15 hours ago, Vercingetorix said:

Btw after I approach I find its not too hard for me to keep the conversation going.

Anyone familiar with my situation and can share his way of breaking through it?

Personally, I just embrace the quiet, if there is a click this will build pressure. Ideally, you'll let her bask in your energy and let her release the pressure by making it a back-and-forth interaction. 

Or what about saying "I don't know what to say" when you don't know what to say.

Also, observational remarks can be good. "you must be very creative". (when she has an unusually creative outfit for example).

Edited July 13, 2022 by Vrubel

[JonasVE12]

15 hours ago, Vercingetorix said:

Anyone familiar with my situation and can share his way of breaking through it?

The only one who can let go of the need for safety is you. You can only do it now. You can work up to that, which you are doing now and maybe will be for weeks/months/years/decades/lifetimes until you are ready and have built your inner strength. When you control the mind with the presence of your godlike consciousness, your pure will and intention is the truth in that moment. You can overcome any emotional hinderance when you raise your consciousness. When you can become really present and aware now, and you let go of your identity and expand your bubble to include the whole universe, then as you do this, how can you be afraid of others? If you see everyone as yourself, how is there fear? Don't you see that you are just judging yourself through others? The only one who can stop judging and become honest, is you. And you can't think your way into that. You just have to align and become that. Let yourself judge yourself. Embrace it and it will dissolve. 

If it is a very strong blockage in your life that you can't get over, it may be useful to stop trying to do it for a while and contemplate the inner mechanics of this whole issue. You may find that you can just dissolve it when you unlock the right insights/feelings/visualizations. You of couse have to embody them through attention and repetition, going into the insights more and more with full focus and attention, days on end. If you do it whole heartedly, you will notice that you will change on a deep level. And then it will require a little action in the outside world to confirm in your subconscious mind that those insights are now your reality. You just need to sit down with yourself and let yourself be guided to ask the right questions. Don't ask me what to do. Just sit down and let your inner compass take control. All what you need to know is already here. It just comes down to wether you have enough desire and attention to ask the right questions, and enough courage to deal with the answers.

Ultimately it is just fear that let's your ego persist. It is what keeps people stuck for lifetimes. If you can look down upon it and make it feel really small, through again, intention and visualization, you will notice you can just step over it instead of 'Breaking through'. It's as if you step over a small rock instead of needing to break through a whole mountain and digging a tunnel. It will take you ages to do that, especially if you just use your hands.

[Ulax]

@Vercingetorix I got pretty decent at teh fundamental of getting myself to approach while solo.

I get it can be tough af. Tougher for some than others, depending on their psychic arrangement.

I found what helped me was:

- I 'get to meet her', or 'she gets to meet to meet me', rather than 'I have to approach her'

- Starting small (i.e. one approach where i ask for the time), and then building from there

- Reframing anxiety as butterflies ( i was therefore overcoming butterflies rather than anxiety)

[Vercingetorix]

@Vrubel I can connect to that. My best approaches are when I tell myself "just be yourself" and then I I would be a bit shy But 100% authentic and smiling and she feels it and usually I would get a really good responses even if she is not interested.

When I approach like that I also feel really good inside myself, It just feels right. Problem is that it still requires a lot of courage and there is still resistance. I'm gonna experiment with it then next weeks.

Quote

Personally, I just embrace the quiet, if there is a click this will build pressure. Ideally, you'll let her bask in your energy and let her release the pressure by making it a back-and-forth interaction. 

Or what about saying "I don't know what to say" when you don't know what to say.

Also, observational remarks can be good. "you must be very creative". (when she has an unusually creative outfit for example).

haha you read it wrong, I actually  don't struggle with the conversation  thanks though



@JonasVE12
Your answer resonates with me. I read it a few times and I'm digesting it little by little. it's similar to what I'm doing - beside going out to practice I do also a lot of contemplation about the subject to find and clear blockages.
To be conscious that everyone is me - I can be conscious of it most of time But in places like pick up where fear and shame arises - so far it's not available for me consistently. I remember In the past when I practiced it a few times I could really feel the connection and the fear would disappear but I couldn't be conscious of it consistently.

But I feel like I'm very close to step over the fear.

@Ulax
thanks, I use similar mindsets. I like the reframing of anxiety as butterflies.