How do you deal with a lack of human connection?

[Nilsi]

Its just so hard for me to develop a genuine, intimate connection with another human. I have lots of friends and I regularly meet new people, but I cant seem to really connect with anyone. I can relate to people through music or philosophy or by doing activities together, but its just all so shallow. Im always unconsciously sabotaging myself by not being real with people and putting on an act, but there is just nothing there that feels authentic. How can I be myself, when there is just absolutely nothing there? I know it is possible. I keep dreaming and having visions about it - me and a beautiful girl, together alone, deeply at home with eachother and eternally in love. But how does one get there? I cant just snap my finger and get there. It feels like a distant planet, where we know humans could live, but we dont know how to get there. But it is there. Thats what makes it so painful.

I have gotten quite used to being alone and I was always able to cope with it somehow, but really, I was always distracting myself in some way, be it working on my life purpose or seeking spiritually. I dont want to distract myself. I want to feel it, but its just killing me. I can go into the mystery of life so deeply and experience such profound levels of Love, but after a while, all I want, is to have someone to share that love with.

 

[Asayake]

42 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

I keep dreaming and having visions about it - me and a beautiful girl, together alone, deeply at home with eachother and eternally in love. But how does one get there? I cant just snap my finger and get there. 

I know what you mean. I have been interested in manifestation since a couple of months back and one thing I always wondered is why such a thing as a deep loving relationship is so seemingly difficult to manifest, while some other things I don't really want as much but were highly unlikely to happen seemed to manifest in my life with little effort.

Now I think the reason why it's so difficult is because that's how it has to be for it to be so special for you. Perhaps the reason you want it so badly and keep envisioning it for yourself is because it is something you value deeply and want in your life badly, you take it seriously, it's at the core of what's important to you in life. But I think the "catch" to valuing something deeply is that it becomes difficult to attain. Because that's a part of what makes it so special. Because if it was very easy for you to obtain what you wanted you would not be able to realize the depth and profoundness of it as easily. Maybe you would be more of the player type who views relationships more shallowly and is not interested in relationships at all, but have tons of unwanted girls after you that would just be an annoyance to you. Because you don't have it you're forced to contemplate it, envision it, imagine what it could be like. That builds a deep relationship in yourself with the thing you're trying to obtain. You're making it more meaningful because you want it badly.

Something such as merely having food on the table is really a miracle. But because it's not so difficult to obtain for most of us we don't think of it as something special. Meanwhile, a starving person might spend their day envisioning food, thinking about the textures, the tastes, the feeling, the blessing of life that having food is. Food is not just a McDonalds Happy Meal 'down the hatch' for them but it becomes something very important and meaningful. And so when they finally get to eat they will be able to appreciate it more than most people, who just see food as something you chew and swallow because you have to.

Now the upside of this is because you value this vision for yourself where you have an intimate relationship deeply. It will be very special for you once it happens because you have made it difficult for yourself to get there and thereby you're increasing your stakes so to speak. I believe when you finally find what you're really looking for the love will be very deep, because that's what you're looking for. It is difficult to achieve because it's difficult to achieve and that's why you want it so badly. It's not the relatively easy to achieve shallow one night stand, or sex with a prostitute. That's ultimately unsatisfying because it's easy and most people can achieve it with little effort. It's hard and that what's makes it passionate and deep.

You seem to me to be a romantic, and it's a beautiful thing. Don't lose that even if it's tough, it bears the sweetest of fruits.

[puporing]

Sometimes it's not simply "meeting your beloved", it is remaining with the one that has an opening to you.. the openness and ability to remain with you in difficult times is crucial. And cultivating and deepening the connection that may not be exactly what you want at the start. Takes leadership.. Doesn't always work you have to use your best judgement with this.. but often it takes great patience and having faith in the one you're with..

Edited July 9, 2022 by puporing

[Breakingthewall]

The thing is to find people willing to love and be loved, with no more interest than that, and be willing to do the same. and forget about connecting mentally and sharing ideas. share who you are, your essence. wants to give you, open you totally. but to fully open up you have to let go of the need to impress, to be valued. More than enough enough to be loved, and more important, to love 

[JonasVE12]

Go outside now, approach a woman and tell her everything you wrote here. Allow yourself to become really vulnerable and feel all that pain and frustration. Now express that to her. Don't ask for anything just express and feel. Watch the magic happen. If your mind tells you no, then why not? When will you? If not now then when? There is no other time to be vulnerable other than now. If you really connect to that realization, the now becomes your gateway to solving this issue. Your desire for healing needs to be stronger than the desire to distract. So can you go outside right now?

Your heart is wounded. The expression of feeling through vulnerability is your way out. It is what is needed to increase emotional embodiment. And then you can connect to people through feeling rather than thinking. Humans connect through feeling. If you have not yet become grounded in that vulnerability and you haven't found a way to express it, you will always feel up in your head and disconnected. Here you became vulnerable. I feel your authenticity. Now how can you share that with the world and be unapologetically vulnerable? Not in a needy way. Grounded.

This is not too difficult, but if it is, then start with objects. Walk outside in the park and become vulnerable to trees and plants. Share your feelings with them. Don't talk, just feel. Create a vulnerable connection and let them in your heart. Walk past objects and smile at them. Feel their energy.

Eventually you can work your way up to approaching women and simply telling them 'Hey, I am learning to connect to people, what's your name?'. And eventually, you can just approach them with the intention to get to know them. And don't try to connect to them. Simply look in the eyes and let your body guide you. And allow and embrace the vulnerability. Eventually your heart starts to heal and you become anchored in feeling which grands you access to curiosity, listening, empathy, polarity, banter, play, etc... And that's when you start to bond. It's your 2 bodies being connected through a hose and there is a flow of different energies going back and forth. There will come a time in your approach journey that these energies will be warm and loving both receiving and transmitting. And this is where connection happens. After a while, you can create this energetic hose with anyone and within that connection you can play and dance. Even just walking down the street and looking people in the eye, you instantly feel connected to those people and feel curiosity, turn on or joy. And they do too. 

Put another way, you have to undertake a journey that puts you in front of a lot of people, seeing if you can express some feeling to the other person and being vulnerable to that expression of feeling. What I did for example is, I would walk down the street in my city and observe people and notice how my body felt in response to different people. I saw someone with a super cool beard and I went up to him and said 'Great beard. How do I grow one?' He appreciated it and became a little shy. 

Also one time in the club, when I still had huge fears of approaching women, and I was frustrated that I didn't take action, I just sat down on a bench at 3AM. There was this woman standing there and I just went up to her and said 'Can I be honest with you?',  She turned towards me and we spoke for half an hour, super vulnerable and raw, expressing my fear and frustration. I felt ecstatic after I did that and the rest of the night was amazing to say the least. Feeling and vulnerability are key. And action.

[Vercingetorix]

@JonasVE12 Nice guide

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yC2ZiPfwf1M