How do I find the right balance Nice guys vs toxic guys

[human679]

A year ago I lost my first gf because I was overly nice and needy,I have moved on and learned a lot from the mistakes I made, I’ve spent hundreds of hours working on my self and learning about how to be an attractive toxic guy that makes her wet in bed, now after doing a lot of theory, I can say I know a lot about what women wants in a guy, the problem is, I’m struggling to find the balance between being the sweet loving guy, and being the manipulative a$$ hole that makes her obsessed, I’m scared to treat my future girlfriend in a right way because she’ll probably lose interest, should I just be that manipulative a$$hole player who bangs and move to the next chick? 

Edited July 8, 2022 by human679

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI73CQtDqKQ

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkwxdEVBe0U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqDylBrAFGU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNNmkGxB23Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnhWiq3E7eI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byB0TQt1IdE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4yA9SwsQa8

Edited July 8, 2022 by Raze

[NoSelfSelf]

6 hours ago, human679 said:

 I’ve spent hundreds of hours working on my self and learning about how to be an attractive toxic guy that makes her wet in bed

You have already lost by this thinking anything you go foward will be short term and fail...

[human679]

@NoSelfSelf so what am I supposed to do? Be a nice loving guy? 

[NoSelfSelf]

@human679 First clue is stop being something for a woman be it for yourself otherwise you will always be needy and worship woman...

[actuallyenlightened]

44 minutes ago, JoeVolcano said:

FIRST do massive shadow work.

THEN be your authentic self.

Cheers

^ yup

14 hours ago, human679 said:

 manipulative a$$ hole that makes her obsessed

Might work but you'll be miserable doing that and feel guilty after a while especially if you go into spirituality. Women are only attracted to that because the bar's set so low anyways

Through proper shadow work you should be able to work out every bad emotion, and belief and reach a good level of emotional mastery. At that point you will realize that both the 'nice guy' and the 'toxic guy' are both not good options, and that you could transcend both

Edited July 9, 2022 by actuallyenlightened

[Federico del pueblo]

@human679 you don't have to be toxic.

Just strong, unapologetic for your sexual desires and confident/self secure.

So you flirt, but you're coming from a strong frame, thinking that you have value and you are desired by women.

You don't supplicate, you don't bend over backwards for her. You have clear rules and boundaries, you know what you want in life and from/with a woman.

None of this is toxic. It can look toxic from the perspective of a nice guy because the nice guy is so supplicating and weak.

Also women can sometimes interpret this as toxic because you are not simply playing by her rules and you're not being some robot that only exists to fulfill all her needs.

But these girls are often insecure (and toxic) themselves, so don't worry about it.

Generally, the default is that you are polite. But as soon as she crosses some boundary you are very clear about it, that this is not appropriate and that she'll lose you if this behaviour is maintained (or that there are some other consequences).

[human679]

@Federico del pueblo this is actually so true, thanks!

[Federico del pueblo]

@human679 Thanks. I wanted to add something else that occurred to me.

Often the behaviours of a strong and confident man are perceived as "toxic" by other people, simply because of how sensitive and overly politically correct our societies have become.

If you imagine a guy approaching a woman, basically telling her that he found her attractive and then later reinforcing this sexual intent in some way, this already is completely beyond what many people can take.

Like nowadays you so have to walk on eggshells in our society to not trigger anyone and now comes this guy and just shamelessly flirts with a girl and then has sex with her the same night and then does not assume exclusivity with the girl.

Yeah, this will trigger a lot of guys and hardcore feminists. The nice guys are frustrated because they could never do this, so they have to label the guy as an "asshole" and some women have to label the guy as a "macho" or someone who just uses women etc.

And then there also is this reality that actually toxic "bad boys" still get more laid than guys who are just 100% nice and correct (but coming from insecurity), simply because they are still more sexually interesting than the purely nice guys.

[human679]

@Federico del pueblo couldn’t agree more ???