Is my Female Friend giving me signals?

[Devin]

I have a female friend that I see alone frequently, I haven't known her for long and when we first met i engaged with romantic intent but she has a long term boyfriend.

I've always thought she gives me signals that she's at least attracted to me, I'm not sure if it's that she wants more. She doesn't seem like the type of girl to be in an open relationship or cheat, she's younger than me and I would guess a bit inexperienced with men.

She forces long smiles and batts her eyes when we first meet and then also when we part. When we're doing things she goes out of her way to be physically close to me, we're in a very safe environment, there are other people around but this is an environment people let their kids run around in and rightfully so.

I'm confident she's attracted to me but would like to know if it's just as likely that she doesn't want anything more. I like how she acts but I also like sex and it tends to flip the switch in me.

I know lower value women don't care about cheating, this girl does not at all seem like that type, she's modest although elegant, she has a master's degree, full ride scholarship .

Edited July 7, 2022 by Devin

[ZenAlex]

If they have a boyfriend, just back off. It's the right thing to do.

[Devin]

15 minutes ago, ZenAlex said:

If they have a boyfriend, just back off. It's the right thing to do.

I'm not pushing it I am backed off, she just seems to be sending me signals. I'm sure I could have sex with her. I'm sensing she may want that in the relationship, but if it's just her hormones I'm not interested.

Edited July 7, 2022 by Devin

[Roy]

1 hour ago, Devin said:

but she has a long term boyfriend.

Go get your own nookie dude.

[Razard86]

Your line of thinking speaks to you being open to the possibility. Its why the poster said just to back off. You need to be honest, RADICALLY honest about your feelings. Non judgment, judgment allows you to lie to yourself about how you feel. We don't know if she likes you like that, some women like to be flirty. However what we do know is YOU like her like that. This is why this line of questioning and reasoning is within your awareness right now.

[Devin]

8 minutes ago, Roy said:

Go get your own nookie dude.

We have a healthy friendship based on mutual interest, I'm not pushing for anything romantic, I turned that off when she told me she had a boyfriend, but monogamy isn't as popular as it used to be. She's early 20s by the way, the exploration years.

Edited July 7, 2022 by Devin

[Devin]

1 hour ago, Razard86 said:

Your line of thinking speaks to you being open to the possibility. Its why the poster said just to back off. You need to be honest, RADICALLY honest about your feelings. Non judgment, judgment allows you to lie to yourself about how you feel. We don't know if she likes you like that, some women like to be flirty. However what we do know is YOU like her like that. This is why this line of questioning and reasoning is within your awareness right now.

If by like her like that, you mean willing to have a sexual relationship, that's with any woman I'm friends with. After getting to know her I'm no longer interested in a romantic relationship, sexual sure.

You answered my question though, thanks. She may not want it, despite the signals I perceive.

I think the day trip will clear it up either way.

Edited July 7, 2022 by Devin

[flowboy]

20 hours ago, Devin said:

If by like her like that, you mean willing to have a sexual relationship, that's with any woman I'm friends with. After getting to know her I'm no longer interested in a romantic relationship, sexual sure.

This is what people are trying to point to.

You want to sleep with a taken woman if she takes the initiative, so you can point to her and say she's the cheating one.

I don't judge you for it.

In fact, I did this and that's how I got into a relationship.

I allowed a girl to cheat on her boyfriend with me, and made her my girlfriend.

Now that didn't help me sleep easy, because her boyfriend was a local criminal and known to own a gun / have a gang.

But more importantly, I ended up with a woman I couldn't trust.

She did lie and cheat in the end.

A lot.

 

You might think you'd get away with it if you just sleep with her, not get into a relationship.

And you would... but you pay for it karmically.

If you do that, next time you do have a girlfriend and she hangs out with a male friend, you won't sleep easy.

You'd get paranoid and jealous and mess up the relationship.

Afraid of the guy sleeping with your girl, because that's what you would do.

See how that works?

 

Now if you were to act with integrity, you would address it with her: "I feel like you're flirting with me, and I'm not comfortable with that because you're in a relationship. I might be open to it if you weren't, but you are, so we need to address this ambiguity."

[Devin]

9 hours ago, flowboy said:

This is what people are trying to point to.

You want to sleep with a taken woman if she takes the initiative, so you can point to her and say she's the cheating one.

I don't judge you for it.

In fact, I did this and that's how I got into a relationship.

I allowed a girl to cheat on her boyfriend with me, and made her my girlfriend.

Now that didn't help me sleep easy, because her boyfriend was a local criminal and known to own a gun / have a gang.

But more importantly, I ended up with a woman I couldn't trust.

She did lie and cheat in the end.

A lot.

 

You might think you'd get away with it if you just sleep with her, not get into a relationship.

And you would... but you pay for it karmically.

If you do that, next time you do have a girlfriend and she hangs out with a male friend, you won't sleep easy.

You'd get paranoid and jealous and mess up the relationship.

Afraid of the guy sleeping with your girl, because that's what you would do.

See how that works?

 

Now if you were to act with integrity, you would address it with her: "I feel like you're flirting with me, and I'm not comfortable with that because you're in a relationship. I might be open to it if you weren't, but you are, so we need to address this ambiguity."

Thank you.

I wouldn't want to get in between their relationship, I appreciate you hitting that home to me though. And I also wouldn't have anything sexual if she seems unsure of what she wants or is doing, I wouldn't just want to have sex with her just for myself and screw up her relationship.

I'm past the point of wanting a committed relationship with her. I actually don't care if my significant other would cheat on me, I don't want a disease obviously but the sex doesn't bother me, if she found a great guy she wanted to with I would be happy for her.

Integrity; I appreciate you pushing this as well, if it does start to get sexual I think we should have a conversation first to make sure she isn't doing something she might regret.

She doesn't make me uncomfortable with it, I sort of touched on it earlier but she isn't a hyper sexual person, at least in the type of situations we've been in. She's elegant but modest, not a daddy issue/begging for attention sort of woman.

Thanks, this is definitely helpful for me

Edited July 8, 2022 by Devin

[kamwalker]

These kinds of questions are a waste of your time. Don't think about the "signs" that a girl likes you. Just show your interest and be done with it. Life is too short to spend time deciphering clues.

If she has a BF then don't do any of that and just find single girls. 

[Devin]

29 minutes ago, kamwalker said:

These kinds of questions are a waste of your time. Don't think about the "signs" that a girl likes you. Just show your interest and be done with it. Life is too short to spend time deciphering clues.

If she has a BF then don't do any of that and just find single girls. 

Yeah, I'm not pursuing anything, I haven't shown any interest since I found out she had a boyfriend.

My concern is she's my friend, women tend to send these signals so that the man will take the next step, and if she's interested I think we should at least have a talk whether we pursue it or not. If she's trying to get my attention women tend to put a lot of effort and energy into that and I think it's uncaring/hurtful to just ignore it either way.

Edited July 8, 2022 by Devin

[Devin]

3 minutes ago, Roy said:

Yet you say this >

 

You are playing a devilish little game with yourself and your ego. Just stop being a thirsty beta orbiter and go find someone who isn't taken.

You have a choice. You can either disrespect her and the other guy by making a move and enabling her to cheat, or you can be an ethical man and crush the entire possibility in your head and find a single girl.

You don't think its hurtful to her for me to ignore her signals? She's not a daddy issue/flirt/attention needing type girl

Edited July 8, 2022 by Devin

[integral]

ask her if we were both single do you think we would end up dating?

[Devin]

10 minutes ago, integral said:

ask her if we were both single do you think we would end up dating?

I wouldn't do that.

All I'm asking for in this d@mn thread is if there's a good chance she's not interested. I get the sense she's interested, if it's compelling she's interested I'll just have an open conversation about it, if it's likely she's not and I'm misinterpreting it I'll leave it at that.

I don't like leaving women hanging if they show signals, they often don't verbally communicate it, so I think it's my responsibility as the man to communicate back.

[integral]

11 hours ago, Devin said:

I wouldn't do that.

All I'm asking for in this d@mn thread is if there's a good chance she's not interested. I get the sense she's interested, if it's compelling she's interested I'll just have an open conversation about it, if it's likely she's not and I'm misinterpreting it I'll leave it at that.

I don't like leaving women hanging if they show signals, they often don't verbally communicate it, so I think it's my responsibility as the man to communicate back.

@Devin lmao The mystery of the female mind cannot be so simply predicted by male logic. How many men does it take to understand a woman? 

ok so like others have asked your going to sleep with her if she does because it's your "responsibility as a man"?

just have a straightforward regular conversation with her about it like mature people. 

Edited July 9, 2022 by integral

[Devin]

39 minutes ago, integral said:

@Devin lmao The mystery of the female mind cannot be so simply predicted by male logic. How many men does it take to understand a woman? 

ok so like others have asked your going to sleep with her if she does because it's your "responsibility as a man"?

just have a straightforward regular conversation with her about it like mature people. 

I'm not saying I'm going to sleep with her, not once in the entire thread. I think if a woman you know is giving you signals it's considerate to communicate back clearly, not just ignore them, I think that's mean and hurtful. If there's a good chance I'm misreading it though, I'll let it go on further before confronting her.

Edited July 9, 2022 by Devin