Conflict While Meditating

[Martin123]

So at this point I can feel into the "awareness", into my higher self if you will, presence. It is very sweet, yet when I do so I feel torn between 2 worlds.

1. Higher self sweetness

2. Emotional purification and catharsis going on in my body.

The reason for this is That I find the catharsis brutally important, fixing my neuroses has been my goal since the beginning.

So I will just continue on with purifying, and wait till I clear up more mental space for awareness.

[SLICKHAWK]

I've re-read this over...have you been aware or awakened ? What you feel is real just or only being. 

[SLICKHAWK]

I'm saying yes.. I've felt this way and it seems almost confining. I can not pinpoint the exact moment possible to release .. awake or awake or dream is being in it's same. yes. no reality or just to prove the mind or unconscious values .. ok confusing but if dream is reality or conscious sub conscious reality or 3 part of your  day sleep. awake. work. such is ideal minds not just 

[Arman]

2 hours ago, Martin123 said:

So I will just continue on with purifying, and wait till I clear up more mental space for awareness.

There is a stage in which focusing on purification seems necessary. It is insightful and useful, but I'm not sure you can 'finish' it. In my experience, it doesn't end that way, or if it does, maybe it'll take decades or a few lifetimes. 

If you want to wait till the catharsis is over, you are holding yourself hostage and reinforcing the idea that there is a problem that needs purging, this just creates more and more. You can go through all these intense traumas and energies, waiting for the u-bend in which you can now start allowing the next phase, but are you sure it will come? 

My suggestion is that it is not necessary to dedicate the entirety of your meditation to emotional purging, at least not forever, at least not for a very long time. It is useful, insightful, and creates shifts, but eventually you have to simply give yourself permission to choose to shift into something else and assume the next paradigm. This is because if you are waiting for the universe to give you the green light, then you are perpetuating the energy of 'waiting' and so you'll have the experience of needing more to heal, because you can only wait if there is more to do. Purging heals, but so does the joy of awareness and higher experiences.

Consider making 'emotional release' a process you can almost casually do throughout the day as they arise. Note, accept, let go, move on. It can be done in a few moments. When heavier stuff comes up, you can give it more time. It may not be wise to give too much energy into purging. Purification happens naturally with the higher intelligence of the body so it's not like you need to give it much thought anyway.

You may be familiar with resisting negative emotions, but be wary of the way you might be resisting higher states as well.  

Edited February 7, 2017 by Arman

[Martin123]

@Arman You are right, but I do find myself in theis stage yet where Im like "even if I were liberated I'd wanna heal these".

Also there is a certain feeling of urgency with it, so for now I'll go with that. 

[Martin123]

@Arman What I would say intuitively is that there's still importance of the dream to be experienced, however "readiness" for aeakening is rising slowly but surely.