Why do you do game?

[King Merk]

I find myself at a bit of a crossroads in my dating life.

I’m in a 2+ year relationship with a great girl but I’m not satisfied.

I’ve had multiple long term relationships and grown tremendously from them.

However something keeps pulling me towards the idea of getting into game & dating multiple women in a more casual way.

I do this every time. I find a cool girl that I vibe with and stay with here for a year or two but then get bored and no longer wish to be in the relationship. 

I’m craving to go through a “hoe phase” but I’m also hesitant to throw away the relationship I’ve built with my current gf.

My question for y’all is why do you do game? What drives you?

Also how do you know when to commit to a woman and when to continue playing the field?

[Consept]

You need to question why you're dating, what is the intention behind it? In theory you should be dating people long term to find a life partner, as in if you can't see yourself with this person for the rest of your life after say 6 months or a year then you should question why you're with them exclusively. 

But also you could be dating just to burn through your karma, so let's say you're having casual relationships at some point you'll probably get bored of it and want something more serious. If you've got this urge for casual stuff and you're in a long term relationship, you'll always have that itch and want to get out. I mean you'd still get the itch regardless but at least you know you've made a conscious decision. 

[Chew211]

I first got into game because I was a failure with women and unconfident. 

Then I was able to get laid, and was making good progress with approaching before corona happened. So I've stopped game and focused energies elsewhere, and even though things have calmed down, I haven't gotten back to game yet. 

What I realized was that the physical pleasure of sex didn't motivate me, nor was there a desire to have a girlfriend or anything. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed spending time with the women I've been involved with, and I also enjoyed having sex-- but it was mostly an ego thindlg. It was mostly to present myself as a successful male to the big Other (the entity that is always watching you... though doesn't actually exist, but even though we know it doesn't exist, we act as if it does). 

Even sex itself became a performance. I did it outdoors, I did it in the car, got roadhead while driving, etc-- but that was just so I could live up to the image of an adventurous super sexual alpha male. 

I was never satisfied. I was happy, but there were times when I was happy when I was a virgin. 

Game satisfying you and making you happy and you finding the perfect partner who will be perfect for you and satisfy all your needs is a fantasy. Sex making you happy is a fantasy. Everything is bullshit. 

I'll still play the field, because why the hell not. It's fun. There's nothing wrong with it, and it does help with shedding ego if I don't overthink it. I'll commit to a woman when I want to have a family-- but ultimately it's settling and accepting the other person's imperfections and their inability to satisfy me completely, and also my inability to satisfy them completely. But we'll be committed to the shared goal of raising a family. 

4 months ago I stopped seeing a regular friend I get intimate with so I could focus on other stuff. I still meet up with her every once in a while to have dinner, but no didily. I'm practicing celibacy for the next year. That also means no porn/jerking off. I don't have sex on my mind, and right now, doing game would be a waste of precious time. 

 

I hope this comment is of use to you. I'm just happy I got to put some stuff into words. 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPg9qYMjE3Q

[NoSelfSelf]

Game is not about woman game is about the man his own universe and creation you do it for yourself not a woman...

When you stop gaming you stop your growth basically...

For your situation you should have told her at the beggining you will date multiple woman and see if shes okay with that if not move on...

But if you have game(im not talking about manipulating pick up game) you will have woman wanna be with you even tho there are multiple ones...

[Leo Gura]

The best part of game is that it forces you to grow by pushing your comfort zone.

The problem with a relationship is that you can get too comfortable and lazy, to the point of stagnation.

If you do a relationship you gotta find ways to keep it fresh and avoid stagnation.

[Kshantivadin]

24 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If you do a relationship you gotta find ways to keep it fresh and avoid stagnation.

Please expound on this when you have the time

[Ulax]

To me, game isn't even that much about the women. Its about the growth you get from it.

Like one mentor said, its like self-help on steroids.

[something_else]

My main goal is to become less socially anxious. And also just to have fun and have crazy experiences, both sexual and not. I want stories to tell.

I've never really been out partying before I started, but now I realise how much fun it can be.

[Consept]

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The best part of game is that it forces you to grow by pushing your comfort zone.

The problem with a relationship is that you can get too comfortable and lazy, to the point of stagnation.

If you do a relationship you gotta find ways to keep it fresh and avoid stagnation.

I've found this biggest problem with relationships, I feel like I always grow so much myself and almost regress in relationships. Even trying to keep it fresh is not easy, I'm currently debating whether to be in one or just do me 

[King Merk]

On 01/07/2022 at 11:03 PM, Consept said:

You need to question why you're dating, what is the intention behind it?

I like this a lot.

I’ve definitely lost connect with my initial intention behind the relationship which was to connect deeply to other & explore new aspect of myself with her.

 

13 hours ago, Ulax said:

To me, game isn't even that much about the women. Its about the growth you get from it.

This feels pretty resonant. I like the biggest thing calling me to get into gaming is the growth potential.

I definitely feel stagnant with my current partner. 

Breaking off this relationship and being forced back into the dating scene is the scariest yet most fruitful seeming avenue currently. 

[King Merk]

@Leo Gura what’s your personal approach on long term relationships currently?

I know in the past you’ve mentioned that’s your end goal but it seems like you’ve been consistently gaming for years now.

Have you tried settling down with one woman and how would you know if she’s the right one to even do this with? 

[Leo Gura]

I am happy to do long term relationships. That's ideal for me.

I have not been consistently gaming for years. I have been consistently working for years.

[Consept]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

I am happy to do long term relationships. That's ideal for me.

I have not been consistently gaming for years. I have been consistently working for years.

How do you stop it stagnating and do you live together/ spend a lot of time together?

[Leo Gura]

24 minutes ago, Consept said:

How do you stop it stagnating and do you live together/ spend a lot of time together?

I don't really have a solution for it.

One way is to not see each other too often.

Living together is bound to turn into stagnation I think. It's like eating ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It will lose its charm.

It's actually nice if you don't live too close to each other so that seeing each other feels special. Dating a girl from another town can actually be great. Just not too far. You want it close enough that it's cheap and easy to travel.

[bazera]

@Leo Gura If you think that living alone is bound to stagnate, what are your thoughts on marriage?

[Leo Gura]

25 minutes ago, bazera said:

@Leo Gura If you think that living alone is bound to stagnate...

That's the opposite of what I said.

[Consept]

37 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

 

It's actually nice if you don't live too close to each other so that seeing each other feels special. Dating a girl from another town can actually be great. Just not too far. You want it close enough that it's cheap and easy to travel.

That would actually be cool, I always find it can be a bit of a battle keeping them happy with that bit of distance  at first they're cool with it but eventually it always comes up like 'we should be more serious etc'

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, Consept said:

eventually it always comes up like 'we should be more serious etc'

That distance should not undermine seriousness. You can still be very serious. Just don't see each other too often.

[Roy]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

It's actually nice if you don't live too close to each other so that seeing each other feels special. Dating a girl from another town can actually be great. Just not too far. You want it close enough that it's cheap and easy to travel.

I usually have a rule about distance if it's too far, but I made an exception for a girl last year because she seemed really interesting.

She lived in Vancouver (city), while I lived on Vancouver Island. It felt novel because each time we saw each other it was an entire trip with lots of anticipation and excitement, but I had to cut things off because yeah it just wasn't sustainable. Hundreds of dollars to see each other each time and the idea of one of us relocating completely wasn't realistic.

A shame. I haven't hit it off or had personalities blend with anybody as well as I did with her. You can't win them all sadly.