How to change state when on a date?

[Illusory Self]

I am coming a lot more acutely aware that being in a good social state is crucial for game, even going on dates. Last night I went on a date with this cute girl from bumble who seemed attracted to me for the initial period of the date but unfortunately my social state when on the date was awful. I genuinely just did not want to converse with anyone, wanting to get out of there, didn't even want to try to make any moves on her. A majority of the ending was in dead silence. A lot of inner feelings of depression and worthlessness came up towards the end, like I am not even much of a man for not trying anything and thoughts along those lines. 

Does anyone have any good meditations I can do afterwards I can do if such experiences happen again. I got extremely emotionally triggered last night. 

How do you change your social mood/state when on a date, it seems so incredibly hard in the moment. Maybe it is important to try to get to a good state before going on the date. I guess to me it seems like more of inner game - childhood trauma, that surfaced. 

Of course the blew it because the girl is going to feel what I am experiencing. I just need some healthy strategies on improving my dates. My mind went into incredibly dark places where I did not even want to try, seemed to get progessively worse as the date went on for longer. I can easily get dates, but my issue is more of an inner game thing most of the time which kills attraction. 

Not the first time this has happened. 

 

[flowboy]

23 minutes ago, Illusory Self said:

I got extremely emotionally triggered last night. 

 

23 minutes ago, Illusory Self said:

Does anyone have any good meditations I can do afterwards

 

[JonasVE12]

There is something called succes orientation. It's focussing on the small successes and small wins, rather than the things you perceive as wrong/failure. When you focus on failure, you will get more failure. When you focus on succes, you will get more succes. If you are going to see yourself as a failure simply because you haven't achieved your ideal scene yet, then that's a problem, because then you'll always feel like a failure unless things things go exactly the way you want them to go. And all those thoughts and feelings of self-judgement and self-hatred are the result of focussing on those perceived failures. Change your criteria for succes. For example, if you fear giving her a compliment or you feel nervous looking her in the eye for too long, can you let that fear go, and do it anyways? Or if you can't do that, can you tell her that? Can you own it?

The key is just to go on more dates and to release some of your judgement and self-hatred a little bit at a time. A little bit each date. Each date will go better. 

With each date, see if you can focus your mind on the succes, and the feeling of that succes in your body. That will compound over time. 

Can you feel proud and courageous because you got a date, and you dared going on the date? 

Can you feel hopeful towards your future, because you know that each date will grow you more to the person you want to become?

If you feel shy, nervous and insecure during the date, can you maybe own that and even tell her that? How much courage and acceptance will that bring you? That would be a huge succes.

Can you even start to love yourself when you feel unworthy? Can you also stop judging that you judge yourself? Can you let go of judgement towards judgement? If you can't let go, can you accept that you are doing that? Can you stop making all of it wrong and just be? 

This is all a sort of meditation. You release your negative energy in your body and mind, and you transmute it to self-love. And that will ultimately get you out of your head and into your body. It will translate to having more confidence and presence with the woman in front of you. You just need to focus on small successes. And trust me, if you focus your energy on succes, that will compound a little bit each time. And over time, it will manifest outside yourself. And women will mirror your increases sense of power and succes. Because ultimately, it requires personal power to stop focussing on what's wrong, and instead focus on everything that's right. 

Lots of men can't even get a date. So you are already doing super well. 

[aurum]

13 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

but unfortunately my social state when on the date was awful. I genuinely just did not want to converse with anyone, wanting to get out of there, didn't even want to try to make any moves on her.

Why was your state so bad? What triggered you?

Dates are usually fun.

It definitely sounds to me like a disproportionate response to the situation at hand, which indicates perhaps some trauma resurfacing. Which you may need to heal to really resolve this.

13 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

I just need some healthy strategies on improving my dates.

Well you could try things like pregaming the date with good music, friends, comedy etc. You could also try planning an activity that you like doing and have some expertise in.

But really you shouldn’t need too much of a strategy to have fun on a date. Talking with the girl, being social and getting to know her IS the fun thing. That’s the real gold. So enjoy it.

[Leo Gura]

Dude, you need to get in touch with why you're going on a date at all.

If you see a cute girl then you gotta leverage your desire for her. Do you want to fuck her or not? If not, then don't pursue it. If yes, then what more motivation do you need? Use your sexual desire to drive the whole interaction. Be very clear with yourself about your intent. You're not there for social games. Immediately get to business. Cut out all the bullshit and time-wasting.

Your mind should be on sleeping with her. A date is one of the few contexts where thinking with your dick is a good idea.

INTENT is a hugely important aspect of game. Work on your intent.

[Holymoly]

@Illusory Self its good that you were triggered, next time it'll be allot less 

[Devin]

Have fun, all the time

 

I don't just mean on the date, but it's fun to be playful or sexual with people

Have fun, do what you feel like doing and saying

Edited June 30, 2022 by Devin