The Unemployable Man

[Arcangelo]

On 7/15/2022 at 5:42 PM, Jonsey said:

That must have been painful.

Yes it was.

On 7/15/2022 at 5:42 PM, Jonsey said:

Did it feel like a long time?

Yes. I mean I did all those gigs from Monday to Saturday  those 6 months. I kept busy to survive. I breath a lot of fucking toxic shit while at it, I risked my life with the roof repairing, etc...

I am in a parallel universe right now, a much better one, but I want/need more just like everybody else. You know what I mean?

 

On 7/15/2022 at 5:42 PM, Jonsey said:

Or did you find something in your time of unemployment that made you see things in a different way than before?

I studied electricity. So yes.

[Jonsey]

I have an infection in my mouth and it is hurting my stomach and the infection looks pretty bad because I've been drinking apple cider the wrong way. I didn't use a straw while drinking apple cider and now it's kicking my ass for not doing my research when I read about how apple cider was a miracle drink that did a lot of things for the body and for the digestive system. I really like drinking apple cider and I want to continue doing it because I really feel it is helping me with my issues I've been having with my kidneys and the pain in my penis.

The pain is no longer a problem but now I have to deal with this nasty infection in my mouth. I bought some hydrogen peroxide to help stop the spread of the infection but I don't know how much good my efforts are doing. I think I may have to see a doctor and I think it may have to be with a doctor at a CVS clinic. I hope they aren't expensive because I still don't have health insurance and I still don't have a full time job that gives out a W2 every year. I hope the people at Moms organic will give me the job at their store. I think the interview went very well and if they call and tell me they don't want me I will be heartbroken but I will have to move on and find another company that will want me. Or I could say fuck them all and do my own thing with my pen and paper.

[Jonsey]

I can't afford to get sick at this point and time in my life because I need to be on my game. I need to be sharp in order to do what I need to do to get by and pay my bills and rent until I get the job I want with benefits. Don't get me wrong, I like ubering and I'm making good money driving people around DC but I don't know how long I can keep doing this. I'm probably going to have to pay a lot in taxes so the sooner I find a more traditional job the better. I'm doing what I need to do to get by but I want to do more than just get by. I want to do more so I can do less when I'm old.

Right now with uber I'm making between 150-200 dollars a day. I need to make at least 200 if I want to start investing in stocks and crypto again. The prices are very low now so now is the time to strike. Now is the time to buy low and see how high it gets in 1 or 2 years. Besides, it cost me 50 dollars to fill up my tank so I need the 200 a day to offset that massive amount of bullshit!

This infection in my mouth is really causing me a lot of discomfort and worry. I hope it's nothing serious because I still don't have health insurance and I still don't have a regular job I can use and abuse to get what I want and when I'm finishing getting what I want out of the job, I'll quit and travel the world looking for the answers that will make the world a better place for humanity to grow and prosper. For humanity to grow and love because ladies and gentlemen we as a people aren't living. We work to get through the day and when that day is over it's just another day we've wasted because we did nothing with that day but eat work shit and sleep!

As for my infection I think I will need to see a doctor at a CVS minute clinic. I went to one a long time ago and I think it cost me 99 dollars to get an appointment. I think I'll make an appointment tomorrow but in the meantime I will use hydrogen peroxide to combat the infection spreading in my mouth and down my veins to my heart. I hope it hasn't gotten that far but if it has I won't be living much longer. I'll be going to a place where things are unknown. A place where everything I know and love on this planet will be no more. I'll have to drink a lot of water and eat food that will not irritate my infection. I know I can do it. I just have to believe.

[Jonsey]

I'm tired and I want to go to sleep because I ubered 12 hours today and I made good money but I could have made more if I did screw up and miss certain trip request. The app tricked me into missing those request. Oh well, I'll just have to work around their bullshit.

Why the fuck do I have to wait 5 fucking days to hear back if I got the job or not? I know the answer to this question I was just thinking out loud, venting to the universe so the universe can vent back giving me an answer I want to hear but that's not what the universe is going to do because the universe doesn't deal with bullshit it operates in the realm of the real world beyond this world and beyond. The truth is I am not special. I am just one in a million people in a sea of people trying to get to the place beyond the madness that will fill our hearts and minds with peace.

Fuck, I'm hungry. I didn't eat much today because my mouth infection was really giving me a hard time. It got better as the day progress when I drunk a lot of water but when I started eating solid foods and the solid foods started hitting my sore it started to hurt like hell so now I have to start eating foods that are soft. Foods that are cold.

[Jonsey]

I went to the doctor today and got the medicine I needed to make the pain in my mouth go away so I can be free of this discomfort slowing me down from doing the things I need to do to get by and get to a place where I need to be to help the people I care for. To help the people I love both family and strangers.

I hope the pills work because I need to get better so I can uber for a long time just in case I don't get the job at Moms Organic. I think I should get the job because I know I will do the work most people won't be willing to do for a long period of time. I don't mind getting up early because I like going to bed early so I can take my gummy bears to help me sleep and my vegan pills to help me dream of places and things I will never see in real life.

I can't stop thinking about that pretty doctor lady who gave me the medicine to help me kill my pain in my mouth. I wish I could use my mouth to touch her mouth and her sweet lips but I have to get better first because when we met I felt and looked like shit and no woman wants to fuck a man who looks and feels like shit. It's just not sexy. It's also not fun for the people involved in the party.

I wish I didn't have so much credit card debt. I was going to pay it off with the money I have in the stock market but the amount is still too low to cash out so I have to wait for my time to shine and wait for the opening thread to come to me with an answer I can say yes too. An answer I can't afford to refuse.

[Jonsey]

Holy shit I'm tired! I make about $250 a day ubering in the DC area and while I appreciate the money and the tips I can't say I enjoy the long hours. It takes a toll on me and I need to find time to stop what I'm doing and smell the roses in my garden. The roses in my heart. Maybe I'm working too hard. Or maybe I'm not working smart enough. Regardless of how hard or smart I'm working something has to change for the better or else I may not live long enough to be the hero, but simply die the villain.

I'm going to start investing small amounts of money into my stock and crypto accounts on a daily basis. I need to know my efforts aren't being wasted on something that might be gone in a few years only to be replaced by robots.

I would not mind if robots came from outer space to rule our world. I think our planet would be a better place. People would grow into the people they were meant to be instead of the people they have to be in order to survive in a world where everything is a competition to get to the next day so they can binge out on their favorite food or TV show to forget about the madness and the silly games we play in the office. The silly games we play in the world of life. If robots ruled the world I wouldn't have to uber so much because people would have a need to get to the place they have to go if they want to live another day and smile for another while.

[Jonsey]

I think I'm back to normal and I think I no longer feel pain on the left side of my mouth but just to be sure I'm going to keep taking the pills the pretty lady doctor gave me until they run out or until I'm told to stop taking them by the pretty lady doctor who gave me these pills. I am very grateful for her help and I wish someday I can make it up to her. But in the mean time I have a lot of work to do. I need to get my affairs in order and my head in the right place so I can truly experience the world and all it's beauty and not just the shit I see on TV because the shit on TV is bullshit.

It tells you lies to get in your head to control your thoughts and your actions. It's why I stopped watching years ago and I why I gave my TV away to a friend who needed it more than me. I don't watch TV anymore, yet I feel it still has a hold on me. Every now and then I feel it pulling back to the place where I don't want to be. A place where I feel happy but empty at the same time which is the wrong way to feel if I ever want to get to the place where I want be. The place where I want to go far, far away from here. Away from the madness. Away from the confusion. Away from the pain.

Youtube, twitter and instagram constantly vie for my attention on a daily basis and I can't stand their chatter and their noise so to shut them up, to silence their chatter, I engage in their bullshit. I waste time with them so they won't bother me. But what if that silence is the kind of silence I am not meant to engage. What if the noise I'm hearing when avoiding the social media brats is a kind of message I am supposed to decipher. A message I am supposed to understand.

[Jonsey]

I wish I could go back to Peru and do what I should have done the first time I went there. I should have done more Ayahuasca. I should have gone deeper with the medicine and deeper within my fears. But I played it safe which I now deeply regret now because I left so much on the table. So much food on those plates of opportunity and possibilities.

I played with one foot in the water and foot out. Both feet should have been in the water of the pool they call life because "life ain't meant to be lived passively hun! It's meant to be lived with vigor and lust and if you ain't living your life to the fullest, what's the point of breathing! What's the point of anything if it ain't gonna mean anything in the long run!"

I promise my momma I'm going to stop wasting my money on shitty foods because "that's all they do hun! They make you feel like shit and you wonder why your life stinks. You wonder why people stay away from you. Avoid you at all cost because they know something is toxic inside you. They know it's something coming from the way you act. The way you hold yourself because you think the world owes you something but it don't child. It don't because the world has given you all she has and it's up to you to make the most of it. It's up to you to see your dreams come into reality when they cross the finish line."

[Jonsey]

I think I am going to keep the pretty red car I got from uber because I'm starting to like the pretty red car and how it makes me feel when we drive together on the road. When we take people to different places and see different things it makes me feel like I'm apart of society again. I feel like I'm not alone in the world because other people are out there as well trying to to the best they can with the things they were given from their parents and peers.

I think I am going to work at Moms Organic and Uber with my new rental at the same time. I think this can be done if I Uber at the right times. I can uber after work and make $20-$30 and on Saturday and Sunday I can make $200. This can only work if I get up early. If I don't it's simply not worth it. I don't know exactly what I will be doing at Moms but if it requires a massive amount of studying and travel I may have to hang up my cape and say goodbye to Uber for good which will make me really sad because I enjoyed my time on the roads of DC, Maryland and Virginia. I enjoyed meeting the people I've met and driving them to the places where they wanted to go because I felt apart of something. I felt like I was making a small change in the lives of those who mattered.

[Jonsey]

It's hard not eating food before going to bed. I feel weak. It's like a part of me I know and love is missing and I can't get it back because it's gone for good unless I eat something sweet and salty. Something sweet and bad that will be bad for my teeth but I eat it anyway because it takes the edge off the anxiety I feel when I'm alone in room devoid of hope and a future I can count on to get me through the hard times and bad days I know will eventually come when I am not ready for it. When I am at my lowest of lows. My rock bottom of bottoms. I can imagine a place that low is just as bad as hell. Or maybe a little worse.

I wonder why the black people didn't vote for Hilary Clinton. She wasn't such a bad lady. She wasn't perfect, but she wasn't bad like that other guy I see in the news doing things he shouldn't be doing but does them anyway because he's lost and afraid. Lost and ashamed of his own failures and disappointments endured under at the hands of his father. The hands of a mad man who never loved him or any of his children. Sometimes I think there is a little bit of Trump inside me, but I quickly brush that though aside thinking it ridiculous. But at the thought becomes more and more present in my mind I begin to wonder if there is something to that thought. Is there a mad man inside of me? Is there a mad man inside us all?

[Jonsey]

I wish I started Ubering seriously a few years earlier. I would have saved a lot more money than I have now. I wouldn't be in debt because the money I saved would be money I would have saved by not paying rent. I could have invested in stocks and crypto but I didn't because I didn't know any better. I didn't know anything and I'm kicking myself for missing this opportunity. I am going to continue ubering while working at my full time job because I don't want to leave this money on the table. I can take advantage of this situation if I am careful. If I am smart. If I get a promotion I'll stop ubering but even if I don't get the promotion I hope I get to go to places that are cool. Places where the work is hard but rewarding. Places where I can grow myself.

I ubered a marine to a military base today. The trip was long but the rider was cool and I listen to a Stephen King book to help me get through the long trip. It's a good thing I didn't eat anything shitty before the trip. I would have been fucked if I had to take a shit in the middle of the road.

[Arcangelo]

6 hours ago, Jonsey said:

Ubering

How many paxholes have you kicked out of your vehicle?

[Jonsey]

I'm really going to miss Ubering on a full time basis because I've been making a lot of money and meeting different people from different backgrounds ways of life. I'll uber part time in conjunction with my full time job but it won't be the same. It won't be as fun because the energy will be different. I'll mostly be ubering in the evenings and only be able to uber in the morning on my days off. I hope I can manage this because my mind will be in two different places doing two different things and I don't know which one I'll like more. I hope I like them both and I hope I do them both well because my freedom is depending on my ability to multitask between two different worlds.

I want to use the extra money to put in savings. To pay off my credit card debts and invest in stocks/crypto. I don't know which is more important. All I know is I am often hungry as hell because eating a vegan diet is hard. It's rewarding, but very hard because I only eat two meals a day. One small meal in the morning and a big one at noon. I hope I save a lot of money doing this. It helps that my job will give me free food and a discount on the things I buy at the store.

I hope I do a good job at this place. I don't want to disappoint the people who had enough faith to hire me.

[Jonsey]

On 7/25/2022 at 0:46 AM, Arcangelo said:

How many paxholes have you kicked out of your vehicle?

Thankfully none. I've had some seriously drunk uber riders. But I never had a rider so bad I had to kick out. @Arcangelo

[Jonsey]

My only solution to the problem that faces me on a daily basis is to eat better and sleep more but when I do those things I am faced with a demon far scarier than the nightmares I face after watching a scary movie. A demon that is an embodiment of all my problems and my fears. Forcing me to watch it's every move and every waking moment when I know deep down this is not the right place or time to hold such a battle. The place I want to visit to fight this demon is several months away and I don't know if I can hold out that long. Hell, I don't even know if I will be able to go to this place of solitude.

These days my time is very limited. I can't stop what I'm doing and spend 10 days in complete isolation. All by myself with nothing but my thoughts and my demons yelling at me. Screaming at me to stop being a bitch and face them in the center of the ring so we can get to the bottom of this bullshit and this unbearable pain. Most days I can't bare it and need something sweet to east the pain in my stomach to stop the burning, "but the pain is gonna bleed hun. It's up to you to stop the bleeding."

"Can you stop it?"

"No, I can not."

"Why not?!"

"Cause it's your blood fool! I can't tell it what to do!"

"You tell me what to do."

"Boy I don't tell you shit! I just speak my mind and let the good lord handle what needs to be handled."

[Jonsey]

I hope someday I can use cannabis as a tool for healing for people like myself and others who need the healing more than they need the thoughts that keep them up at night. The nagging thoughts giving them anxiety. Giving them cravings for something they can eat to take away the pain that is nagging them.

When I feel this way I get hungry for something to fill the emptiness causing this hunger to fester. To bleed into other parts of my life causing me to do things I will later regret. Things I will later not remember because it would be to painful to do so.

I never knew I had this pain until I started eating to live instead of eating for pleasure. There is a time and place for pleasure. But not every time and place is appropriate. Not every time and place is the right place and I am finding that out the hard way because right now I am so very hungry for something more than what I am doing now. Something more than what I am accomplishing because my accomplishments don't give me the relief I seek to make me feel fulfilled.

Right now I want to eat something fun but I told myself I wouldn't eat anything three hours before bed. I do this because it helps me sleep. It helps me dream. But what's the point of dreaming if none of my dreams are destined to come true? What's the point of living if the dreams I am dreaming are only just that, a dream?

[Arcangelo]

On 7/26/2022 at 3:08 PM, Jonsey said:

Thankfully none. I've had some seriously drunk uber riders. But I never had a rider so bad I had to kick out. @Arcangelo

I have had 3 rides where I kicked the paxs out:

1. I didn't notice there was a stop so the ride stopped making financial sense, so I kicked them out, telling them: -''I just don't want to take you.''

2. Entitled police officer

3. I asked the passenger cash or card and she gave me an attitude, I knew it was gonna be trouble so I kicked them out.

 

On cases 2 and 3 they didn't want to leave the vehicle.