How do you manage being alone and loving it?

[KoryKat]

I'm a big extrovert, love talking to people. 

Well I'm alone, and I'm like maan I wanna find people.. at the same time, I saved like 8 videos to my Watch Later of dope ass philosophy/personal development videos...

 

I don't enjoy my own company really... I have constructed a self-relationship, although sometimes I forget it exists... I'll play music and want somebody to enjoy it with me... And I'll even sing and enjoy that vibe with myself, but it's like processed hamburger to fresh-cow hamburger , like an imitation I try to enjoy as much as the real thing.

 

I don't feel a thrilling excitement to go learn everything just to learn everything, but I can absorb lots of dense content if I'm looking forward to sharing it with others...

 

I've been trying to lean into like adopting Solipsism even though I don't really believe in it... Like pretending I'm the only conscious person that exists is how I fixate on exclusively my own life.  Nurturing the self-relationship like I would an intimate relationship with other seems to alleviate loneliness and depression.

 

But I just get like bored and think "who do I talk to"  and I keep doing this.  It's not like "I'm so glad to have this extra time to myself"... Usually it's like "I'm alone and other people are not going to make me happy and I need to avoid validation-seeking , so I better just be appreciate this time to myself".... It's like I'm naturally eager to seek others out, and it's reluctance to accept being alone.

 

Also, mention if you are an introvert or extrovert. Jealous of introverts, but would love to hear thoughts from both types.

 

 

 

 

[Nilsi]

Im a big introvert so for me it has always been extremely easy to spend days and even weeks in isolation, but as Im going through the process of really opening myself up to being more social and communal I realise how much joy there is in that. Look at it as a growing process. Its gonna take some time and momentum to get this ball rolling but there is so much growth in stepping outside ones usual mode of being, that its definitely worth the investment. 

[Razard86]

16 minutes ago, KoryKat said:

I'm a big extrovert, love talking to people. 

Well I'm alone, and I'm like maan I wanna find people.. at the same time, I saved like 8 videos to my Watch Later of dope ass philosophy/personal development videos...

 

I don't enjoy my own company really... I have constructed a self-relationship, although sometimes I forget it exists... I'll play music and want somebody to enjoy it with me... And I'll even sing and enjoy that vibe with myself, but it's like processed hamburger to fresh-cow hamburger , like an imitation I try to enjoy as much as the real thing.

 

I don't feel a thrilling excitement to go learn everything just to learn everything, but I can absorb lots of dense content if I'm looking forward to sharing it with others...

 

I've been trying to lean into like adopting Solipsism even though I don't really believe in it... Like pretending I'm the only conscious person that exists is how I fixate on exclusively my own life.  Nurturing the self-relationship like I would an intimate relationship with other seems to alleviate loneliness and depression.

 

But I just get like bored and think "who do I talk to"  and I keep doing this.  It's not like "I'm so glad to have this extra time to myself"... Usually it's like "I'm alone and other people are not going to make me happy and I need to avoid validation-seeking , so I better just be appreciate this time to myself".... It's like I'm naturally eager to seek others out, and it's reluctance to accept being alone.

 

Also, mention if you are an introvert or extrovert. Jealous of introverts, but would love to hear thoughts from both types.

 

 

 

 

Solipsism doesn't say you are the only conscious person that exists. You allowed your ego to trick you. 

Leo is talking about Absolute Solipsism. Absolute Solipsism says everything is in the dream including you the human you think you are. So God is dreaming everything into existence. So when he says that other people are imaginary he is also saying you the person who just typed all this is imaginary. The only thing that exists is God. So you are God, the ground is God, the grass is God, the air that you breathe is God. The only thing that is here and will always be here is just God.

That's it. So no your human body, your life story, isn't all alone, it is united and connected with everything because everything is you.

How can you be alone.....if you have a connection with infinity. You are infinite. Which means you can interact with infinite versions of yourself. Its the ultimate relationship. 

So you are never alone. Any belief that you are alone is illusion. The air you breathe is you. Every sensation you feel is your creation so its you. There are relatives versions of you and then there is an absolute version of you. You are Ultimate Truth, and Love, you are Infinity, you are me, you are Leo, you are everything...and nothing.

Edited June 25, 2022 by Razard86

[Loba]

I don't know, when I was nearly completely alone for 6 years, sans going out once a week to do shopping/visiting family, I found that I couldn't handle what I had learned about reality.  That there were things that just seemed beyond comprehension, and it made me sort of feel off most of the time, like all I could think about was dying alone, or being alone when it happened, and I was dealing with a sickness around that time and so I would find myself in these very, very strange states - like a mixture of a fever dream and a psychedelic experience and an awakening - I learned a lot of profound things during this time, and it made me so much smarter - but I still struggle with executive functioning and I am naive about the world - this leads to shame and also a worry that I could not manage being on my own again.

It was like an evolution and a devolution at the same time - I realized I was too "open" and that consciousness couldn't function that way normally - it was like taking an almost nihilistic mindset, but not in theory, where the void actually became a constant companion and a "magical hat" almost that I could summon and pull from.  But I lost most of my social abilities during this time, too, and I couldn't, and still can't, have just a normal, human day.

I live with family, and it's easier to work together as a unit then being on your own as well, being on your own, you have to know a lot about a lot in order to survive - it is both easier and harder.  I try to vie for as much time alone as possible, and don't contribute as much in active labour, and sadly, spirituality cannot serve as something worthwhile for my group of people as they are atheists.

I envy your ability to be social and to gather people around you to share with, I've never been good at that and have always wondered what it feels like to be extroverted and your post explained a lot of what it feels like.

I think, for me, being alone constitutes a lot of self-discovery, and trying to understand the nature of what reality consists of, and that having time to myself to bore a path towards truth - it's all that I have in the end - even if you have people around, how much you understand about reality and death is all you leave with and this sort of lights a fire beyond the need to socialize, or to even be concerned with loving being alone - it's like, the enjoyment of being alone doesn't matter when it comes to figuring out what this all means, and quick, because life itself is like a light, one moment it's there and the next, who knows?  I mean... people say they know, but even after moments of understanding, there is still doubt.

Being alone is like listening to a song, and that song is only meant for you and no one else - and it speaks to you in ways that harmonize with your inner spirit - and when it's all said and done, you feel connected with the present moment, and it's like, life itself just wants to vibe with you, and it does, and everything that ever existed and ever will, all here and now, just wants to listen to the tunes of a chill beat.

[Mikey]

You're a go getter. You have a little voice in your head telling you to socialize, socialize, socialize. You want to grow, but you only want to water your seed. You need sunlight for your seed to grow. I was an extrovert in high school (or fantasized about being one) until the day I realized I was losing friends because of time and the way the world works. My friendships were codependent, and I wasn't making an effort to get to know other people outside my friend group, because I was already so deep in my own. But this wasn't the problem, the real problem of mine was that I was actually an introvert trying to be extroverted, and didn't give myself space to see my true nature. I was suffering, just like you are. I had a big heart, just like you. Still do. But now that I'm more comfortable being alone, I met new people. I wasn't so worried about sharing my own knowledge, but of just being present. Huge gamechanger was finding Leo's videos, and meditating using his "do-nothing" method while also doing a concentration meditation before that. Presence is all there is for me now.

[Razard86]

1 hour ago, Loba said:

I don't know, when I was nearly completely alone for 6 years, sans going out once a week to do shopping/visiting family, I found that I couldn't handle what I had learned about reality.  That there were things that just seemed beyond comprehension, and it made me sort of feel off most of the time, like all I could think about was dying alone, or being alone when it happened, and I was dealing with a sickness around that time and so I would find myself in these very, very strange states - like a mixture of a fever dream and a psychedelic experience and an awakening - I learned a lot of profound things during this time, and it made me so much smarter - but I still struggle with executive functioning and I am naive about the world - this leads to shame and also a worry that I could not manage being on my own again.

It was like an evolution and a devolution at the same time - I realized I was too "open" and that consciousness couldn't function that way normally - it was like taking an almost nihilistic mindset, but not in theory, where the void actually became a constant companion and a "magical hat" almost that I could summon and pull from.  But I lost most of my social abilities during this time, too, and I couldn't, and still can't, have just a normal, human day.

I live with family, and it's easier to work together as a unit then being on your own as well, being on your own, you have to know a lot about a lot in order to survive - it is both easier and harder.  I try to vie for as much time alone as possible, and don't contribute as much in active labour, and sadly, spirituality cannot serve as something worthwhile for my group of people as they are atheists.

I envy your ability to be social and to gather people around you to share with, I've never been good at that and have always wondered what it feels like to be extroverted and your post explained a lot of what it feels like.

I think, for me, being alone constitutes a lot of self-discovery, and trying to understand the nature of what reality consists of, and that having time to myself to bore a path towards truth - it's all that I have in the end - even if you have people around, how much you understand about reality and death is all you leave with and this sort of lights a fire beyond the need to socialize, or to even be concerned with loving being alone - it's like, the enjoyment of being alone doesn't matter when it comes to figuring out what this all means, and quick, because life itself is like a light, one moment it's there and the next, who knows?  I mean... people say they know, but even after moments of understanding, there is still doubt.

Being alone is like listening to a song, and that song is only meant for you and no one else - and it speaks to you in ways that harmonize with your inner spirit - and when it's all said and done, you feel connected with the present moment, and it's like, life itself just wants to vibe with you, and it does, and everything that ever existed and ever will, all here and now, just wants to listen to the tunes of a chill beat.

There is only doubt in you of what happens when your human body dies. But don't worry you will find out. If you want to find out before you die actually put the intention out there. There is overwhelming proof what happens but until you actually put forth the effort you won't discover it.

[Yarco]

If you're an extrovert, I don't know if you can ever fully overcome it.

To me as an introvert it seems crazy that people get lonely so easily. I've known people who will literally go out to dinner and activities with friends, then go home and somehow get lonely between then and bedtime. They can't handle even like 4 hours alone with themselves.

I've come to find that I'm in the slim majority of people who could legitimately go out to the wilderness and live for years alone without getting lonely, maybe I'd want a dog with me at most.

Even most introverts are lying when they say they'd really be fine being alone for extended periods. If you put them in solitary confinement with all the comforts they needed, they'd hate it after a couple days.

Humans are social and tribal creatures. It's probably best to try to fill that void with meaningful interaction with other people, instead of trying to learn to cope without it. It's not healthy for most people to be alone.

You can try to join a bunch of Discord servers and things like that where you can voice chat with people, and see if that's enough connection, if you're having trouble finding and meeting people in person. Worst case, volunteer as a crossing guard or get a 2nd job as a Walmart greeter or something just to get yourself into situations to talk to people.

Edited June 25, 2022 by Yarco

[Proserpina]

2 hours ago, Loba said:

Being alone is like listening to a song, and that song is only meant for you and no one else - and it speaks to you in ways that harmonize with your inner spirit - and when it's all said and done, you feel connected with the present moment, and it's like, life itself just wants to vibe with you, and it does, and everything that ever existed and ever will, all here and now, just wants to listen to the tunes of a chill beat.

That's beautiful.  I agree.  

[seriousman24]

Well this forum and watching youtube and shows and even playing offline videogames can count as socializing as many of them involve social creatures of some sort, maybe we can be alone but what's difficult is to be without external support in activity.

I think the only thing that's needed is the ability be as still as possible for as long as possible and therefore the most important activities are the ones that make sitting perfectly easy so we can sit for weeks on end and comeback easily which is a purely mechanical challenge from the point of view of people who've already decided that there's a lot to learn from meditation, we wouldn't mind sitting endlessly if we didn't get physically tired it's that easy.

The biggest obstacle to spirituality is literally a basic physical challenge for those who are already initiated, like I'm sure most people into this don't even realize that's 90% of the problem so they keep doing the old self torture business by pretending that it's just their mental ego that's making them unable to meditate whenever their body hurts because that's what most of what we hear from our gurus from afar because to be fair most of what they talk about is to lure us in to begin with in the first place.

Sadghuru and osho and leo and whoever we follow should just spend like 95% of their lectures convincing us and giving us tips on how to attain the perfect meditation posture and the perfect diet/exercises for it, we barely even need food when you can do this so no financial burden there after we achieve it.

This is it leo and my awakened fellows I have finally surpassed you all, to attain the ultimate liberation you just need to focus on the physical aspect of spirituality and then the grass grows by itself. So you just need right food, right exercise and the right space and that's most of the work.

This will be the new sacred "Trinity", food, exercise and space, at this moment I am euphoric, not because  because of some deep, dark and difficult realization but because I've finally understood all there is to spirituality is actually physicality.

Sorry I went way off topic I was feeling too good socializing with you guys.

[Leo Gura]

@KoryKat Since you're an extrovert you probably won't be satisfied being alone.

Being alone comes naturally to introverts.

But of course there is an existential issue here with facing boredom and aloneness. At the deepest level they are not easy to face, even for introverts. I easily get bored. That's something spiritual work helps address.

Basically an introvert keeps himself entertained by creating a rich inner world that is way more interesting than the outer world. As an extrovert you probably haven't built such an inner world. Your inner world is lame so you turn to the outer world to titillate you.

[Batman]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@KoryKat Since you're an extrovert you probably won't be satisfied being alone.

Being alone comes naturally to introverts.

But of course there is an existential issue here with facing boredom and aloneness. At the deepest level they are not easy to face, even for introverts. I easily get bored. That's something spiritual work helps address.

Basically an introvert keeps himself entertained by creating a rich inner world that is way more interesting than the outer world. As an extrovert you probably haven't built such an inner world. Your inner world is lame so you turn to the outer world to titillate you.

What do you mean by an the inner world of the introvert? Internal world which isn't shared with others (such as thinking and fantasizing) or the activities he engages in only by himself (like playing a game on a computer or doing psychedelics alone)?

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, Batman said:

What do you mean by an the inner world of the introvert? Internal world which isn't shared with others (such as thinking and fantasizing) or the activities he engages in only by himself (like playing a game on a computer or doing psychedelics alone)?

Introverts live in their minds.

My mind is more interesting than a nightclub.

[Nilsi]

Also, if you truly care about people and your relationships you should try to cultivate a healthy relationship to yourself regardless. Without overly spiritualizing this topic, there really is no difference between the internal and the external. For me, being social and kind is part of my epistemology. If Im not able to come into proper relationship with my roommates say or dont attend to the need of my plants, thats really no different than being sloppy with my thought process. If you really want to be a good friend, partner, citizen or whatever, you have to clean up your inner world and understand how your own mind works, so that when you show up in the world you can do and be what is needed of you.

Ken Wilbers "wake up, grow up, clean up, show up" is really spot on.