Celibacy. Balance. And The Best Life.

[Life Coach]

1 minute ago, Shin said:

Permanently, untill I realize who I really am, and find somene else who did too, naturally without seeking.

I really think it's the only way for a relationship to really work.

Great post, but you will never find them. You will only find yourself.

[Shin]

9 minutes ago, Old Soul said:

Great post, but you will never find them. You will only find yourself.

That's the point.

[Life Coach]

Just now, Shin said:

That's the point.

Then we are both on the same journey

[Guest Annetta]

Good luck with whatever you choose!
I'm similar, tend to be celibate unless in a relationship.

[eskwire]

@Whywolf Thank you! ?

[eskwire]

@see_on_see Thanks for your insights on this, too. You may be completely right that I'll realize later that all this means I actually want a relationship. I may show up back on this post married and pregnant in a year. And we'd laugh and laugh and laugh. 

[SLICKHAWK]

Think of balance  suggest of Leo latest video.. now to take sex out of nature maybe ..ti encounter your desire and let go on emotion even for 15 minutes.. what I'm saying is the balance not to take out one emotion or desire but to embrace each moment.

[Electron]

@eskwire It was interesting to know that you are willing to take the road of celibacy. I don't really know but vowing to celibacy seems to me like imposing  a law on yourself, an obligation. I prefer conditional celibacy for example If in an attempt to reach my goals I have to stop acting out my sexual tendencies then surely I will do that and it feels authentic too as i am doing that for a cause. But it might feel inauthentic to do that for no reason whatsoever; unconditional abstinence. 

 On the other hand of the spectrum I am skeptical of the idea that you can't really transcend sex. The reason for my skepticism is that I have come to realize through my own experiences that limits of this body and this mind only exist as a belief in the mind and not literally in the physical universe. So what if there is actually a way to transcend sexual inclination? What if sexual desires can actually be extenuated with time by acting a certain way? Well if there is such a way then certainly its worth exploring and researching, especially for the people who are cool with that kind of lifestyle. Yes we don't get to choose a lot of things but shouldn't we have a choice in how we want to behave. Are we really bounded by our sexual desires? One can only know the answers to these questions after serious experiential investigation. 

Good luck for your journey. 

Edited February 7, 2017 by Electron

[Shin]

7 hours ago, SLICKHAWK said:

Think of balance  suggest of Leo latest video.. now to take sex out of nature maybe ..ti encounter your desire and let go on emotion even for 15 minutes.. what I'm saying is the balance not to take out one emotion or desire but to embrace each moment.

If what she says is true, she's in the demisexual spectrum, and she never desire sex unless she has deep romantic feelings towards someone.

Talking from experience, I can see a really hot girl, and not even think about sex, I just don't care.

 

Edited February 7, 2017 by Shin

[Electron]

14 minutes ago, Shin said:

Talking from experience, I can see a really hot girl, and not even think about sex, I just don't care.

Hotness is an opinion, a filter which most people today tend to see through. Animals don't even have mirrors to see what they look like. Sexiness, hotness are just deep beliefs rooted at the heart of the pop culture. In animal kingdom if you are healthy and of high status then you are hot. 

[SFRL]

6 minutes ago, Electron said:

Hotness is an opinion, a filter which most people today tend to see through. Animals don't even have mirrors to see what they look like. Sexiness, hotness are just deep beliefs rooted at the heart of the pop culture. In animal kingdom if you are healthy and of high status then you are hot. 

Not sure about that. Many birds try to look real hot with bright colors and feathers. Like Peacocks. 

[Hsinav]

On 2017-02-05 at 10:16 PM, eskwire said:

Of course, if I am simply operating from a place of fear

Nothing good comes out of fear, i would say you´re motivation comes from the wrong place.

[Martin123]

@eskwire Transcend romance, create a lifestyle that fits your authenticity, unnecessary to restrain oneself with labels such as celibacy or monogamy etc. Do what you find fit at certain period of your life.
You might later find out that your desire for permanent celibacy right now is coming out of place of fear, and can be easily transcended, and then you simply won't like the idea anymore. Or maybe not. 

[eskwire]

6 hours ago, Vanish said:

Nothing good comes out of fear, i would say you´re motivation comes from the wrong place.

"If" I am operating from a place of fear. It's a possibility but not necessarily what's going on. 

[SFRL]

@eskwire if you want to go celibate fore-ever I can see how that would be liberating. But then while you are at it why don't you join a Monastery and cut all ties with everything else you are attached to. Since you are looking to detach from ronantic relationships and sex. 

In these New Age circles the romantic relationships are easily the scapegoat and often the do-er of all evils is seems like. 

But there are so many other things that you are attached to and holding you back. Your family can be,  your friends can be, the TV shows you watch, the car you drive, your sports, your haircut you may just as well cut your hair off, etc etc etc. 

(Dont cut your hair off)

I can see how going celibate could be liberating but after you decided on that then what? You are still attached to all that other stuff, the only thing is now you don't have sex. So you cut out one of the most fun things and keep all the other potentially distracting and harmful habits and people in place. 

I am not really getting a sense that you want to go celibate fore-ever either. I think you are just frustrated. You are like 30 something right? When it comes to sex you have been there right? Then refraining from sex for a year or so won't hurt you. After a year or two years it will still be there. You can pick it up then again. 

I think what you should do is set a goal. Like make X amount of salary at a new job. Or reach this weight/body fat percentage. Or travel the world for a year. Or get a degree in subject X. A goal that takes some real effort to achieve. And that will truly improve your life. And then don't quit until you have achieved that. And then allow you a relationship and sex again. 

Edited February 8, 2017 by STC

[Life Coach]

20 minutes ago, STC said:

(Dont cut your hair off)

Do it.

[eskwire]

3 hours ago, STC said:

@eskwire if you want to go celibate fore-ever I can see how that would be liberating. But then while you are at it why don't you join a Monastery and cut all ties with everything else you are attached to. Since you are looking to detach from ronantic relationships and sex. 

In these New Age circles the romantic relationships are easily the scapegoat and often the do-er of all evils is seems like. 

But there are so many other things that you are attached to and holding you back. Your family can be,  your friends can be, the TV shows you watch, the car you drive, your sports, your haircut you may just as well cut your hair off, etc etc etc. 

(Dont cut your hair off)

I can see how going celibate could be liberating but after you decided on that then what? You are still attached to all that other stuff, the only thing is now you don't have sex. So you cut out one of the most fun things and keep all the other potentially distracting and harmful habits and people in place. 

I am not really getting a sense that you want to go celibate fore-ever either. I think you are just frustrated. You are like 30 something right? When it comes to sex you have been there right? Then refraining from sex for a year or so won't hurt you. After a year or two years it will still be there. You can pick it up then again. 

I think what you should do is set a goal. Like make X amount of salary at a new job. Or reach this weight/body fat percentage. Or travel the world for a year. Or get a degree in subject X. A goal that takes some real effort to achieve. And that will truly improve your life. And then don't quit until you have achieved that. And then allow you a relationship and sex again. 

I have considered living in a monastery, but doing work in public service seems like the route I want to take. It's almost like I want to live half normal, half monk and find a balance there. 

Like, I don't watch tv, I sleep on a plywood board, I have very few possessions. Cutting off romantic relationships seems like one of those things I can let go of while still doing work for the public. 

And it's funny you mention my hair because I am SO attached to it and that may be one thing that deterred me from joining a monastery!

Anyway, your advice is solid. It's in line with what seems best at this time. One can "do me" with some rigid rules but not necessarily the rigid rule of celibacy.

[SFRL]

3 hours ago, eskwire said:

I have considered living in a monastery, but doing work in public service seems like the route I want to take. It's almost like I want to live half normal, half monk and find a balance there. 

Like, I don't watch tv, I sleep on a plywood board, I have very few possessions. Cutting off romantic relationships seems like one of those things I can let go of while still doing work for the public. 

And it's funny you mention my hair because I am SO attached to it and that may be one thing that deterred me from joining a monastery!

Anyway, your advice is solid. It's in line with what seems best at this time. One can "do me" with some rigid rules but not necessarily the rigid rule of celibacy.

Yeah well from your posts I can tell you are sort of lost. 

From this post and other posts of yours I can tell you that you got other things to work on then sleeping on a board of plywood. 

I think you are looking at the wrong things all together. 

[eskwire]

6 hours ago, STC said:

Yeah well from your posts I can tell you are sort of lost. 

From this post and other posts of yours I can tell you that you got other things to work on then sleeping on a board of plywood. 

I think you are looking at the wrong things all together. 

While this comes off as somewhat mean-spirited, it's not totally wrong.

The plywood board is something that helps my back. Not using a mattress is just an example of something else that would be considered a "wordly comfort" that I let go, rather than only relationships/sex (since you said that was a scapegoat). It's not a focus. 

If you have helpful input on my misguided focus, you can message me. 

[sweater]

6 minutes ago, eskwire said:

plywood board

W O A H

Your were serious? Lol i thought you were joking. Do you recommend i do this?