"wow Everybody Here Is So Awesome"

[aclokay]

"Wow everybody here is so awesome" - This thought always comes to mind when I'm going out to parties / events.  And the thought just haunts me.

I just start comparing myself to every single person I see. For every single gesture, every single word, or other forms of self expression, I just start comparing myself and eventually arriving at the conclusion that wow, everybody here is so awesome.

Now the thing is, I'm aware of those judgments and comparisons I make. In general I have a healthy self esteem. But it feels like whenever there's a social situation. My mind goes insane! It's like full judgement and comparison mode! I judge my friends for not dancing, I judge myself for dancing to much, you get the picture.

At the end of those events, I'm tired of looking at people because my mind is automatically judging. I tried the judgement exercise one time. Should I do it again? How do you guys think I should respond to those thoughts and judgement? It makes my social life very difficult ...

Also off topic question: How do you personally interact with people when there are many of them and you don't know any ? 

[Life Coach]

As I read the topic I thought you would imply that we all on this forum are awesome. Pfft...

[LifeLine]

6 minutes ago, Old Soul said:

As I read the topic I thought you would imply that we all on this forum are awesome. Pfft...

Lmao me too. I was getting ready to accept the compliment on behalf of everyone. 

[aclokay]

6 hours ago, Captain Flint said:

I bet most of us clicking on the topic automatically accepted the compliment for themselves, LOL.

 

8 hours ago, LifeLine said:

Lmao me too. I was getting ready to accept the compliment on behalf of everyone. 

 

8 hours ago, Old Soul said:

As I read the topic I thought you would imply that we all on this forum are awesome. Pfft...

You are awesome guys! 

But it's irrelevant to the topic

[Live Life Liam]

12 hours ago, aclokay said:

"Wow everybody here is so awesome" - This thought always comes to mind when I'm going out to parties / events.  And the thought just haunts me.

I just start comparing myself to every single person I see. For every single gesture, every single word, or other forms of self expression, I just start comparing myself and eventually arriving at the conclusion that wow, everybody here is so awesome.

Now the thing is, I'm aware of those judgments and comparisons I make. In general I have a healthy self esteem. But it feels like whenever there's a social situation. My mind goes insane! It's like full judgement and comparison mode! I judge my friends for not dancing, I judge myself for dancing to much, you get the picture.

At the end of those events, I'm tired of looking at people because my mind is automatically judging. I tried the judgement exercise one time. Should I do it again? How do you guys think I should respond to those thoughts and judgement? It makes my social life very difficult ...

Also off topic question: How do you personally interact with people when there are many of them and you don't know any ? 

You can't stop judging if you are identified with your thoughts since its not like you can just choose to switch off the thought button.

Ask yourself; who am I without my judgements?

Your sense of self actually uses thoughts as a way to survive since it needs to compare the imaginary you to others to keep intact an identity. 

You have to accept yourself and allow the judgements to be but let them pass. Each time you get angry at yourself or react to the thoughts in your mind the identification only gets stronger.

This is why meditation will really help you if you do this for at least an hour before a part or event you go to. Just watch every thought as well as the sensations around you and you will be amazed at the things that will happen during and after the session. You should always question a judgement too and ask;

Where do these judgements arise from?

There are many other questions to ask of course but be serious about this. If you walk around the street and feel disgust for a women or man you perceive as physically unattractive ask;

What makes them unattractive to me?

Why do I need them to be other then what they are?

What am I trying to escape from when I judge these people?

Who is the one that is actually judging?

Feel the subtle negative emotions that arise in your body. The problem is a lot of people are rejecting themselves and one of the cores of spirituality is absolute surrender (which means accepting you and everything else in reality)

So my tips are as the follows:

1. Calm the mind down and carefully watch it through meditation before events (1 hour min)

2. Incorporate self inquiry whenever chaotic judging does happen throughout your day.

 

Over time you may discover your judging to be less and less prominent and also your happiness levels increasing.  You will also learn you will be more self accepting towards yourself even when you do things you were once not proud of doing. 

 I hope this advice helps you and I wish you the best

 

Edited February 6, 2017 by Live Life Liam

[Nahm]

I think you've reached capacity on "Who am I?". As in, it doesn't seem like you're getting anything out of it anymore, and maybe just kind of going in circles thinking about who you are. I suggest you transition to "What am I?". As time passes on the path of What am I?, you will gain insights, and one of the many benefits is that you will look at those people at a party very differently. You will see the majority are lost in Who am I? Go far enough on the path of What am I?, and you will see that you are them, and they are you, and all the comparisons will not even be observable for you anymore.

 

[aclokay]

10 hours ago, Live Life Liam said:

You can't stop judging if you are identified with your thoughts since its not like you can just choose to switch off the thought button.

Ask yourself; who am I without my judgements?

Your sense of self actually uses thoughts as a way to survive since it needs to compare the imaginary you to others to keep intact an identity. 

You have to accept yourself and allow the judgements to be but let them pass. Each time you get angry at yourself or react to the thoughts in your mind the identification only gets stronger.

This is why meditation will really help you if you do this for at least an hour before a part or event you go to. Just watch every thought as well as the sensations around you and you will be amazed at the things that will happen during and after the session. You should always question a judgement too and ask;

Where do these judgements arise from?

There are many other questions to ask of course but be serious about this. If you walk around the street and feel disgust for a women or man you perceive as physically unattractive ask;

What makes them unattractive to me?

Why do I need them to be other then what they are?

What am I trying to escape from when I judge these people?

Who is the one that is actually judging?

Feel the subtle negative emotions that arise in your body. The problem is a lot of people are rejecting themselves and one of the cores of spirituality is absolute surrender (which means accepting you and everything else in reality)

So my tips are as the follows:

1. Calm the mind down and carefully watch it through meditation before events (1 hour min)

2. Incorporate self inquiry whenever chaotic judging does happen throughout your day.

 

Over time you may discover your judging to be less and less prominent and also your happiness levels increasing.  You will also learn you will be more self accepting towards yourself even when you do things you were once not proud of doing. 

 I hope this advice helps you and I wish you the best

 

Thanks! I didn't think about meditating before stuff. I usually meditate right before bed. But I'll definitely try it! 

 

5 hours ago, Phil said:

I think you've reached capacity on "Who am I?". As in, it doesn't seem like you're getting anything out of it anymore, and maybe just kind of going in circles thinking about who you are. I suggest you transition to "What am I?". As time passes on the path of What am I?, you will gain insights, and one of the many benefits is that you will look at those people at a party very differently. You will see the majority are lost in Who am I? Go far enough on the path of What am I?, and you will see that you are them, and they are you, and all the comparisons will not even be observable for you anymore.

 

 

"What am I" sounds interesting. What is this "What am I" path your speaking about? Enlightenment ? 

[Nahm]

@aclokay

On 2/6/2017 at 3:18 PM, aclokay said:

Thanks! I didn't think about meditating before stuff. I usually meditate right before bed. But I'll definitely try it! 

 

 

"What am I" sounds interesting. What is this "What am I" path your speaking about? Enlightenment ? 

Well, what are you?
 

[aclokay]

20 hours ago, Nahm said:

@aclokay

Well, what are you?
 

A bunch of bytes stored in a server in Leo's basement I guess  

Jokes aside, an answer doesn't come easily. Thoughts come up, various explanations come up. Such as "I'm a bunch of neurons that are convincing each other that these neurons are separate from the world" followed by a thought of "That was just a thought, I can't really know those neurons" followed by "What can I know ? " and this escalates to philosophy..at least in my case. 

I was clinging to rational thought about my existence before Leo opened me up with showing me that these are still beliefs, and the coin just flipped. The feelings of beliefs I held true is another way of saying I believe it's true. Then, I just, I can't describe it really. That thought, that the thought, was a thought was mind mindbogglingly confusing to me. Yet it felt comforting. I felt like I was trapped in my mind beforehand. Most profound experiences were when I was high on weed. 

So to answer your question with true honesty: I don't know, but I'm looking, without knowing if there's anything to find. 

 

[Markus]

Damn right I'm awesome. *reads post* Wait wh...fuck you. 

I guess introspection is appropriate. Dig deeper. Not just that you make specific judgments but what you feel when you make them. Why do they exist? I too notice that sort of a shift when I go into a social situation. There are some deep-rooted patterns that are more powerful than the "self-image bandage" you've created with self-help work. I personally like to bullshit myself about my self-esteem. As you think you have healthy self-esteem it might be useful to second-guess that. Don't bullshit yourself. It's stupid.