Question for women: Is it good if a guy is open about what he is attracted to?

[Jannes]

So recently I fell in love with customizing my IPhone and IPad backgrounds with pictures. And for some I use art of beautiful women. But basically everyone that I meet will have a glimpse of them eventually and I would like to know what women think of it. I feel a bit guilty of it because most women irl arent as pretty so they might not like it. But on the other hand it’s really not something personal like it’s not a picture of my ex or something or even of an actual women. 
Moreover that got me thinking that some men have a calender or wear shirts of beautiful naked women which really pushes what I am doing. 
I tried to think what a women would think of it but I really have no clue.. so yeah what do you think of it?

I put some examples in here.

edit: I removed a picture of a shirt with a naked women on it and a calender with also with naked women on it because it might violate the rules.

 

 

Edited June 23, 2022 by Jannes

[Raze]

You should remove the last two photos, I don’t think you are allowed to post nsfw images on this forum. If I’m wrong a mod can correct me.

[Jannes]

2 hours ago, Raze said:

You should remove the last two photos, I don’t think you are allowed to post nsfw images on this forum. If I’m wrong a mod can correct me.

Thanks!

[Razard86]

1. Never ask a woman if she finds you attractive.

2. As long as you are not physically hurting or emotionally hurting a woman never ask her for permission to be yourself.

3. Stop worrying if she likes what you do, that will make you less authentic.

Never change who you are for ANYONE. That's like Stan Lee choosing to be a construction worker cause his wife thinks Drawing a man in Spandex dressed like a Spider is a waste of time. If you want to do something and she don't like it cause she thinks its lame, DO IT ANYWAY!!!

[NoSelfSelf]

Im curious why do you think women are some angelic force that is so above you that they control what you should be doing?

[Razard86]

5 minutes ago, Galyna said:

@Zeroguy Alex, do you see yourself here in this post? I do. Only six days apart, my friend, you know what I am saying. 

Your signature is fire!!! You know why we don't know ourselves? Cause we are infinite.

Our opinions of ourselves (which is a lie) we know and that is limited.

If only we could stop deluding ourselves into thinking we actually know ourselves....how many times we achieve things and are surprised at what we did? I thought we knew ourselves!!!!! LOL.

[Galyna]

23 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

Your signature is fire!!!

....I just had a deja vu. 

25 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

Our opinions of ourselves (which is a lie) we know and that is limited.

Yes...because there is no central Self, so we become what we experience, always new and fresh: uncovered, unrevealed part of the Existence. 

27 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

If only we could stop deluding ourselves into thinking we actually know ourselves..

....this would lead to freedom

27 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

how many times we achieve things and are surprised at what we did?

or we can say that we were done by things, ahahahahah

 

28 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

I thought we knew ourselves!!!!! LOL.

This is laughable how people make promises and believe that they will wake up the same person the fell asleep. 

[Breakingthewall]

1 hour ago, Razard86 said:

1. Never ask a woman if she finds you attractive.

2. As long as you are not physically hurting or emotionally hurting a woman never ask her for permission to be yourself.

3. Stop worrying if she likes what you do, that will make you less authentic.

Never change who you are for ANYONE. That's like Stan Lee choosing to be a construction worker cause his wife thinks Drawing a man in Spandex dressed like a Spider is a waste of time. If you want to do something and she don't like it cause she thinks its lame, DO IT ANYWAY!!!

Perfect 

[Jannes]

2 hours ago, Razard86 said:

1. Never ask a woman if she finds you attractive.

2. As long as you are not physically hurting or emotionally hurting a woman never ask her for permission to be yourself.

3. Stop worrying if she likes what you do, that will make you less authentic.

Never change who you are for ANYONE. That's like Stan Lee choosing to be a construction worker cause his wife thinks Drawing a man in Spandex dressed like a Spider is a waste of time. If you want to do something and she don't like it cause she thinks its lame, DO IT ANYWAY!!!

I partly agree. What you are describing is the ideal. I recognize that I am not THAT much in my own power that I can just ignore other peoples opinion. (I tried to really push that but it didn’t work ?). You have to find a compromise that should move closer and closer to self autonomie. 

[Jannes]

1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Im curious why do you think women are some angelic force that is so above you that they control what you should be doing?

Actually I can’t come up with a clear answer when I self reflect. I definetly have a lot of anxiety when in comes to women left in me but the feeling that people somehow have ultimate control over me or that it’s my duty to behave in their liking is something non gender specific that I have with a lot of people. I should reflect on that ?…  

I mean it’s not like I absolutely need the answer for my question. I guess this comes across as pretty pitiful. It’s just a small insecurity of mine and I accept myself for being insecure about it so I ask. But I am also generally interested in what women think of it. 

[Leo Gura]

Don't make her feel like she is not your type or not attractive to you. This will only create problems.

She should not be seeing your porn or nudes. That will just make her insecure.

She does not care what you are attracted to. She needs you attracted to her.

[bejapuskas]

2 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Im curious why do you think women are some angelic force that is so above you that they control what you should be doing?

Female locker room talk moment 

[Jannes]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't make her feel like she is not your type or not attractive to you. This will only create problems.

She should not be seeing your porn or nudes. That will just make her insecure.

She does not care what you are attracted to. She needs you attracted to her.

Okay thanks then I know what I gotta do.
Is this an option for a SUPER high consciousness relationship though ? Where you love each other so much that you like things that build a bit of distance between you two because 1) if that person doesn’t try to please you anymore the person is more his-/herself and so more of its beauty get revealed, 2) for truths sake, 3) you love them so much that you also lost the desire to control them so much that you welcome a little challenge that tests your ability to love them even against your own survival agenda ? Of course it wouldn’t just be me testing her ability to love but also she with something similar.

I don’t kid myself, that’s out of reach for almost anyone including me ? Would still like to know your opinion if it’s possible.

 

Edited June 24, 2022 by Jannes

[flowboy]

11 hours ago, Jannes said:

You have to find a compromise that should move closer and closer to self autonomie. 

Question that belief.

I had posters from porn magazines plastered all over my room when I was in a relationship as a 24 year old.

It's just what I enjoyed at that time.

Later I added pictures of my actual naked girlfriend too, for completeness.

I don't do that anymore, I'm currently in a phase where I find pornography or any arousing imagery distracting.

But it was what was authentic to me at that time.

 

To the extent you are willing to compromise what you privately do in order to be accepted by your girl, she will feel weakness from you and not respect you as much and give you more shit. It's a direct correlation.

Because it is weak. She wants you to be strong. You are supposed to do some things that she doesn't like.

If she can push you over like that and make you change your behavior in order to be liked, you are basically useless to her as a man.

I still have my own issues with this though, I'm not perfect in this area.

Sometimes I find myself still having to actively fight some learned shame and guilt in order to be more myself, instead of a nice guy who aims to please.

[Jannes]

17 minutes ago, flowboy said:

You are supposed to do some things that she doesn't like.

I think that really hits the nail. ?

But I stand by my belief ultimately. Look would you take a shit at your bosses desk because you authentically feel like taking a shit right there? Would you go through the streets with nothing but a string tanga when it’s really hot outside?, Would you tell every girl the truth about what you think about her „Look I think you were cute enough for a hookup but I am looking for a relationship right now and you simply don’t match my standards.“ ?
Our survival depends on society and so it has authority over us. Yes nobody likes somebody who never breaks any norm but at the same time we don’t want somebody who completely breaks out of them. And if something small (like my photo widgets) would make a lot of women uncomfortable it’s okay for me to limit myself a bit and putting something else on. For example I had a haircut half a year ago that looked so dogshit that no women wanted me anymore. Even though I liked it I changed my hairstyle anyway and have way more success with women now. And I am happier now and it’s not a big deal really I got used to my new hairstyle super fast. So certain compromises do make sense. But I see your point that you should do some things that she doesn’t like just to stay a men but I would reserve it to the things that are actually really important to me. Like I would never let a women tell me that I shouldn’t do psychedelics or that I should wear decent shorts in university ?.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Jannes You are lying dude ? you dont have sucess with girls@flowboy just told you the truth and you went in defensive talking about society and stuff and what you should be for a girl cmon ?

[flowboy]

1 hour ago, Jannes said:

I think that really hits the nail. ?

But I stand by my belief ultimately. Look would you take a shit at your bosses desk because you authentically feel like taking a shit right there? Would you go through the streets with nothing but a string tanga when it’s really hot outside?, Would you tell every girl the truth about what you think about her „Look I think you were cute enough for a hookup but I am looking for a relationship right now and you simply don’t match my standards.“ ?
Our survival depends on society and so it has authority over us. Yes nobody likes somebody who never breaks any norm but at the same time we don’t want somebody who completely breaks out of them. And if something small (like my photo widgets) would make a lot of women uncomfortable it’s okay for me to limit myself a bit and putting something else on. For example I had a haircut half a year ago that looked so dogshit that no women wanted me anymore. Even though I liked it I changed my hairstyle anyway and have way more success with women now. And I am happier now and it’s not a big deal really I got used to my new hairstyle super fast. So certain compromises do make sense. But I see your point that you should do some things that she doesn’t like just to stay a men but I would reserve it to the things that are actually really important to me. Like I would never let a women tell me that I shouldn’t do psychedelics or that I should wear decent shorts in university ?.

To me it appears like you're intellectualizing a fear of feeling unaccepted (or whatever the particular feeling tone is for you) by spinning theories around it. These theories are a distraction from a feeling of rejection or unacceptance, which is the core thing to work with.

I don't care what scenarios you can think of where acting through your authentic desires can get you in trouble.

I can come up with those too.

You're acting out of fear, and the women you date will sense that.

Stop it

 

[Jannes]

13 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Jannes You are lying dude ? you dont have sucess with girls@flowboy just told you the truth and you went in defensive talking about society and stuff and what you should be for a girl cmon ?

I define my own success. I went from little attention from women with few failed approaches to a good amount of attention from women plus loosing my virginity. So that is MORE SUCCESS than before so shut up ? Also my point isn’t bad, you can’t do ANYTHING you want and I would like to know where that line is BECAUSE I don’t have that much experience.

@flowboy ‚s point (with nude pics on the wall) literally sounds like a joke to me. But I guess it’s something that needs to sink in. I struggle to express myself independently to which gender. (Struggled to socialize in kindergarden and that left a deep wound in me..).

[flowboy]

8 minutes ago, Jannes said:

@flowboy ‚s point (with nude pics on the wall) literally sounds like a joke to me. But I guess it’s something that needs to sink in. I struggle to express myself independently to which gender. (Struggled to socialize in kindergarden and that left a deep wound in me..).

That actually happened. Whilst it's a slightly cringy memory to me now, it's in this context an appropriate example of being yourself towards others.

I also struggled to socialize in kindergarten. Also in high school. Lots of bullying and ostracization.

I know how to work through it but it's a deep process.

Being yourself is a natural born need.

Early bad experiences can teach you to suppress that. I had many of those.

I learnt to not be myself at all.

One becomes a "false self" in order to survive.

That false self needs to be destroyed systematically in order to become an attractive non-neurotic adult.

It's not an easy process, goes deeper than you would hope, but attractive behaviors come quite naturally as a result.

Edited June 24, 2022 by flowboy

[Jannes]

27 minutes ago, flowboy said:

To me it appears like you're intellectualizing a fear of feeling unaccepted (or whatever the particular feeling tone is for you) by spinning theories around it. These theories are a distraction from a feeling of rejection or unacceptance, which is the core thing to work with.

I don't care what scenarios you can think of where acting through your authentic desires can get you in trouble.

I can come up with those too.

You're acting out of fear, and the women you date will sense that.

Stop it

 

I think you are spot on right. As I said I struggle to express myself independently to which gender. I remember when I was a teenager and I was watching something on YouTube in my room I always had my finger directly on the Windows button so that as soon as my mom would walk in I could click it to switch to the windows screen so my mom couldn’t see what I was watching (windows 7 or 8 I think)… Being ashamed of expressing oneself is in her shadow so I got that from her. Same with music for example. Its still hard for me to share the music I like. 
What really helped me was microdosing magic truffles in social circles. I got out of my old patterns and fears a bit and try out different stuff. And it’s not like alcohol where you forget half of it on psychedelics you really experience it. Also got a pill of mdma and thought I would give that a try because many tell that they needed just one mdma trip to get a new sence of feeling accepted.