Drooling D*ck Syndrome

[Anon212]

Sorry about the title. I just thought it was funny. Just making light of the situation ;). I'm just looking for advice regarding a sexual situation.

I've been with my gf for four months now and we still have not had sex. In the first two months, she rejected me outright and explained  it off as trauma. This was affecting me a lot but I had fallen for her and related to her on many other levels. So I stayed patient and kept it going with her. During that period she was often horny and asked me to "go down on her" and I did many times. One day I asked for a sexual favor (a bj). She said no and said she's not comfortable. A few days later she brought up the fact that I asked for a bj and told me not to ask again. In the meantime I was going down on her but  no intercourse happened.

After three months, I stopped showing sexual interest. I mean I genuinely lost interest but I was really into her in other ways. She was bothered by this and started asking "why we are we not having sex?". I was totally  baffled by this.  Anyways I was honest and told her I lost interest. She seemed OK with it but I noticed she was initiating  now. We didn't have intercourse and she did not give me a bj. But she would give me hand jobs. The only thing is that sometimes she would tell me to hurry up and cum faster and sometimes she would stop before I came if her phone buzzed. It was frustrating. 

Most recently, we tried to take things a bit further. But again it wasn't nice. I produce a lot of precum. It results from an overactive cowpers gland and is normal.  She keeps telling  me that it's not normal. I got it checked out and everything was clear. But sometimes she makes me feel sexually incapable and inadequate.  Last time we did something (it was through my boxers), I produced precum and she just said "I don't want to touch it" and said that it's not normal again despite me explaining that its normal. The interaction ended then and there.

Even before that she has told me that I have the smallest dick of all the guys she's been with. It's funny because I know  that can't be true. Well maybe ;). 

Do you guys have any advice as to how I should approach this situation?

 

 

[Razard86]

There are ways you could salvage this situation but the truth is she is just not that attracted to you sexually. There are things you can do to change this... but you probably won't like these suggestions.

1. Your woman is treating your dick like its bad. This is not healthy in a sexual relationship. It would be the equivalent to you doing it to her. I often see some men tolerate this behavior and this communicates low value. When you allow a woman to criticize you and treat you less than that causes her to lose even more respect for you and it will continue to devolve. 

So what is the solution? You need to create some space from her. Look up a book called Atomic Attraction if you want to understand the psychology of that.

2. In truth though I believe you just need to find another woman. The sad thing is your girlfriend is treating you like this because she views you a specific way. If you say had sex with someone else she knew and rocked that girls world she probably wouldn't treat you like this. Most people only treat you based on the image or idea they have of you not the actual real you. This means your woman is not present with you, she has preconceived judgments of who you are and is interacting with those perceptions of you in real time. 

This can manifest as her predicting you might say this or do that. You probably hear this one a lot. "You always do this." "You never do this." etc etc. So this means you are dealing with a low conscious partner. Relationships like this are a good way to learn boundaries, self-respect, and how to enjoy a relationship short term knowing that it isn't going to last.

So in truth unless you do something radical like create space, end the relationship, or find a way to get her to change the way she views you (this is probably not going to happen) you are better off either creating distance or ending the relationship. Nobody deserves to be shamed for their body. Find a woman who is turned on by the sight of you. 

[Thought Art]

Sounds like you two aren't a sexual Match. It's really up to you what you do. 

Idk, if a girl calls my dick small, wont touch it, wont have sex with me, but only wants sexual favours from me. Maybe, theres more going on there.

For me sex is important.

It honestly sounds like she doesn't respect you as a man. Maybe she is gay?

You want a woman who respects you as a man, and a woman who wants you sexually. I wouldn't waste my time.

Edited June 23, 2022 by Thought Art

[Asayake]

13 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

Maybe she is gay?

Honestly, I thought the same thing. It sounds like she is repulsed by the male sex organ..? Confusing to say the least.

[Thought Art]

@Asayake Could be? It just doesn't sound like the makings for a healthy relationship.

[universe]

Are you happy in your relationship?

If not maybe it's time to end it and just be friends.

To go one step deeper. People will often treat us how we treat ourselves. So if you want to change something that is a place to look into as well.

[somegirl]

How old are you guys? This is important to know.

Since she has trauma, I'm gonna assume that she is not virgin? True?

Either way, this is very one-sided relationship. You should approach this situation by ending this altogether. 

 

[SamC]

Leave

[Snader]

So many red flags that I would just leave while it's still relatively easy.

Doesn't sound like it's just trauma, there is probably something else going on with her.

Maybe sit down with her and make her open up. If she's not willing to, I would just dumb her ass. Even if it's trauma, it must be processed between you two, at least to some degree, if a healthy relationship is what you're aiming to.

[Thought Art]

She's not sexually attracted to you. But, wants sexual gratification. 

Sort of a 180 from a match

Leave

Edited June 24, 2022 by Thought Art

[Arcangelo]

 

Thanks for sharing

[Leo Gura]

Omg dude, dump this girl. She is trash.

[bejapuskas]

@Leo Gura  I had this issue too, I guess when watching your advice on dating, guys, when they finally get laid, if they follow what you say, will just mindlessly give. And I mean that is fine to some extent if it is reciprocated, I just thought your approach is often overly focusing on "male being the giver and taking all responsibility". Do you think that's a fair critique? 

@Anon212  Not saying our experiences are the same, but I had like a really similar thing happen to me. I don't know why it would not be normal, it produces precum I guess as a lubricant, isn't it so? Should be normal. Do you feel like you are getting what you want in this relationship when it is like this? Does she let you sleep with other people or does she want you guys to be exclusive in this state?

[Roy]

8 hours ago, Anon212 said:

She was bothered by this and started asking "why we are we not having sex?"

You should have said "we never were".

Anyways, this sounds like she is abusing the relationship. I'm guessing the situation might be even worse than what you're willing to share. I would break up with her. When people play games with you like this don't put up with it - ever.

[Jacob Morres]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Omg dude, dump this girl. She is trash.

OP, consult ur desires and what kind of girl you would like 

Edited June 24, 2022 by Jacob Morres

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

And I mean that is fine to some extent if it is reciprocated, I just thought your approach is often overly focusing on "male being the giver and taking all responsibility". Do you think that's a fair critique? 

You should screen for sexual compatibility. You should have standards for the quality of sex you want from your girl, and if she cannot work with you to meet them, then leave her.

If a girl is lazy in bed then she can sleep with some other guy, not me. That's my rule.

This doesn't contradict my advice about guys taking responsibility. It doesn't mean tolerating a lazy girl.

[Hello from Russia]

Sounds like you are lacking in leadership and she is actually waiting for you to take her

Edited June 24, 2022 by Hello from Russia

[Roy]

12 hours ago, Anon212 said:

The only thing is that sometimes she would tell me to hurry up and cum faster and sometimes she would stop before I came if her phone buzzed.

 

12 hours ago, Anon212 said:

But sometimes she makes me feel sexually incapable and inadequate.

 

12 hours ago, Anon212 said:

I produced precum and she just said "I don't want to touch it"

 

12 hours ago, Anon212 said:

Even before that she has told me that I have the smallest dick of all the guys she's been with.

It gets worse everytime I read it. This stuff it unacceptable. I hope this is just a troll post because if this is actually happening to you you need to get her out of your life ASAP.

None of this happens in a normal functional relationship. Go find one because this ain't it.

[Flint]

17 hours ago, Anon212 said:

I've been with my gf for four months now and we still have not had sex. In the first two months, she rejected me outright and explained  it off as trauma.

Do not date nor be exclusive with a girl before having sex with her. She can't be your girlfriend if you're not sleeping with her. Period. That's your first mistake.

Then, don't date crazy girls. If she's traumatized so severly she cannot have sex you do not want to deal with that whether it's true or not. Given all of the crazy stuff she's doing for me she's just completely broken and acting out. Run. Erase her from your life and find someone normal.

[NoN-RaTiOnAL]

my god what a trashy situation. 
she is treating you like garbage and you seem inexperienced so you still dont understand how wrong this is. 
i say move on and look for someone better for you.