Dark nighting

[liamnewsom202]

Not sure if this is the best place to post this or in the emotional problems, or even in actualization and life advice. But my best guess is here.

I'm relative young 20. Last weekend I had really profound dream. Just bizare, included some mystical spiritual phenomena, coming Into contact with some spiritual group, accessing some thing I vaguely remember as the one infinite Whole, from then on shit got weird and less personal than my dreams usually are. It's rare i encounter much in my dreams than general human encounters, forms from childhood, parents and all..

it was glowing, reminded me of other times I've experienced other more cosmic, new agey astral stuff in my dreams (rarely). It ended in me essentially sucking the dick of a shape shifting transexual alien? Lol. Had rainbow nipples.

There was another human (who I knew was actually an alien shapeshifter) who told me okay time to go home, and boom I felt some sense of vaguely falling through a wormhole

I woke up with trippy ass visuals and I slowly kind of came back to my bed, 1 in the morning. pretty strong derealization. I felt like I broke through the matrix, this was realer than real. Usually I wake up from dreams like yeah just a dream whatever. It was different this time, I felt like I just needed to ground myself back here again. Fuck vrrything Leo says hah, it's too much! Just let me pretend 1+1 = 2 and shut, I'm just a little human on planet earth you know?? Too fucking much, ask and you receive, careful what you wish for and all. Truth is fucked. All seemed so clear, so much less of the typical nonsense of seeking. It was all right there more or less, wanted nothing to do with it.

I've had strong intuition into the shit Leo talks about, your god, reality is imagination, all is love. Had some various expereinces which seem to confirm this more or less, I have used and abused marijuana to satisfy myself with glimpses to the point of crippling derealization and psychosis symptoms, ? I use these sorts of things as a means to escape idk, the realities and headaches of egoic conciousness and humanity.

I just feel this sense of alienation. I feel this sense that nowone gives a fuck, like I have lost it, I am an alien in the world lmao. Like nowones ever gonna get this, it feels like a mighty lot of responsibility, but there's a great power. Since this dream trip, I've been meditating alot more powerfully (I've been off weed for a few weeks now after commiting to no longer doing it). Giving up my mind, had a deep ass expeirnce of love. Almost as a means to escape from life.

I feel like a deep part of me understands all of this shit and it's clear as day (mysticism blah blah) but my rational mind kicks in and is pissed, can't keep up and my ego essentially is trying to build an identity out of it cause I've directly seen it's all realer than real. It's just like fuck dude! I think I'm being foolish.

I am finding it hard to stay practical in my life this week, to just sit down and play the piano. My mind gets distracted, ADHD kicks in, I can't put down the internet, I am constantly reading about the har problem of conciousness. Tryign to grokk my mind around what the fuck is going on here in desperation that if I just figure it out I will save myself! 

I feel like I'm being foolish with this stuff. Can anyone relate? How can I still connect with others? How can I better take responsibility for these realities of life? It's just been alot lately. I'm not scared of it, I knew this would happen really. I just feel like, it's alot to take on alone you know! 

Im meeting with my spiritual therapist tommorow aswell ?

 

Edited June 23, 2022 by liamnewsom202

[Razard86]

17 minutes ago, JoeVolcano said:

Sure.

Except the trippy astral alien sex stuff. Now I'm jealous 

Cheers
 

lol so you jelly? Whose peanut butter?

[liamnewsom202]

@JoeVolcano  

 

when it actually happens, your left totally mind fucked. absolutely bizare dude

 

i love it and i hate it