My selfishness

[Razard86]

I have a desire for people to succeed. My greatest fear is for others to make the same mistakes I have made. I give advice so that people can avoid certain pitfalls. I've realized I have an insatiable desire to control people through forcefully trying to get them to agree with me on topics. I realize I lack self-love in this topic. The truth is I'm trying to live out vicariously through others, by trying to push them where I am scared to go myself. I refuse to avoid looking at calling myself out. I've noticed its the greatest fear others have. Its not that I like being called out, its that I hate not knowing what issues may lie below the surface. 

Humanity fears the truth above all else. I'm not just talking just absolute truth a.k.a. God. Humans fear examining their actions, or the motivations behind said actions, or the consequences of said actions. I'm motivated to these things and I project it onto others. Its ridiculous, I become callous and try to force the person to look at themselves, to self-reflect, and to come to terms with the feelings they avoid so much.

It has tested many of my relationships, it has causes distance between us even driven one friend away. But they always come back, always come back saying things like "What you said was true, I needed that" etc. But it pains me because its an obsession I have with myself that I force upon others. I want others to believe in themselves, to see the best in themselves, and I know the motivation behind those actions is because its what I most want for me. Again all projection. I'm projecting so much its sickening.

Its funny, even though I am like this I love this aspect of myself. But I realize, its not healthy. I may need to distance myself from the pain of others, and focus on the pain I have within. I'm just using others as a distraction, its funny I thought I didn't have any real trauma, but anytime you have a negative reaction it means you have a fear/bias/trauma there. My greatest fear is that I cannot save others, which really just means that I believe I cannot save myself. 

So I will have learn to trust myself more, both the little me, and God me. Trust that everything is under control. I know it is, but sometimes I forget when I watch others suffer. You all really do not understand how connected we are. When you suffer, we all suffer. I thought I could shield myself from the sufferings of others...I cannot. I believe you are not meant to. You are meant to experience both the Absolute and the Relative perspective. 

Here is a Ram Dass video that illustrates this point.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ym4Rpd72tq8

[puporing]

Seems like you're discovering in this case that to love is a balancing of sharing/transmitting and letting someone be/accepting them as they are. You can do both .

Edited June 17, 2022 by puporing

[Vincent S]

@Razard86 I love you so much brother. Your work is amazing and you are doing so much for others that you forget yourself.

Most of the times we just do what our being is pushing us to do. And it is always for good reasons, even if it’s hard to see why/what the reasons are, while it is happening.

You are just radiating what you want to be and give to others, which is yourself of course. You are like the sun, which is just an endless explosion of Love. And it doesn’t choose or favor anyone whom it shines upon. It doesn’t care if it can be to warm sometimes, because that is how it expresses itself. And when the Love is too much, the planet creates clouds to protect the beings from too much radiation. 
But in turn, that forces the beings to start seeing/asking/pondering what the light/warmth of the sun actually is, and what it actually does for them.

When you or others feel like it can be too much, that is the clouds doing their work. So you through others can evaluate and start to appreciate what you really are, and what you really give.

The sun is so warm and so giving, that it sometimes forgets itself, until it realizes itself, and showers itself with her/his own Love. So it can keep on going for as long as it desires.

Trust yourself, love yourself, don’t deny what is in you, and trust that others will get it through time. Clouds and shades are always accessible for people when they need it.

Balance, Order and Harmony is always valued in Nature. That is what Nature strives for. Trust in the process that drives this whole reality. 
And realize that you are not only the sun, you are all of reality doing what it does best.

 

Edited June 17, 2022 by Vincent S

[WelcometoReality]

@Razard86 That's a great insight. Thank you for sharing it with us. ?

[Razard86]

5 hours ago, puporing said:

Seems like you're discovering in this case that to love is a balancing of sharing/transmitting and letting someone be/accepting them as they are. You can do both .

Yes and this is what I must master. Which is why I love Leo's how to love others video. Its like the perfect video of how to truly show platonic love. I would only alter some of it for romantic love (I'd add spontaneity, humor, playfulness, for romantic love and then keep everything the same). But yes I need to learn the balance. Thanks as always. Your responses always warm my being!!

[Razard86]

4 hours ago, Vincent S said:

@Razard86 I love you so much brother. Your work is amazing and you are doing so much for others that you forget yourself.

Most of the times we just do what our being is pushing us to do. And it is always for good reasons, even if it’s hard to see why/what the reasons are, while it is happening.

You are just radiating what you want to be and give to others, which is yourself of course. You are like the sun, which is just an endless explosion of Love. And it doesn’t choose or favor anyone whom it shines upon. It doesn’t care if it can be to warm sometimes, because that is how it expresses itself. And when the Love is too much, the planet creates clouds to protect the beings from too much radiation. 
But in turn, that forces the beings to start seeing/asking/pondering what the light/warmth of the sun actually is, and what it actually does for them.

When you or others feel like it can be too much, that is the clouds doing their work. So you through others can evaluate and start to appreciate what you really are, and what you really give.

The sun is so warm and so giving, that it sometimes forgets itself, until it realizes itself, and showers itself with her/his own Love. So it can keep on going for as long as it desires.

Trust yourself, love yourself, don’t deny what is in you, and trust that others will get it through time. Clouds and shades are always accessible for people when they need it.

Balance, Order and Harmony is always valued in Nature. That is what Nature strives for. Trust in the process that drives this whole reality. 
And realize that you are not only the sun, you are all of reality doing what it does best.

 

You are like a brother from another mother man! Love you too man!!! Everything you said is true and I love your ability to combine poetry and prose together. Its like you know how to make poetry and prose make love with each other and create a powerful image. Its like as Tupac would say "You paint a perfect picture" and you do it with your words! So thank you for that. You know in Indian Culture Shiva's love is likened to the Sun! So I guess I'm displaying a Shiva characteristic lol.

And yes you are right, we are all One and the same. We are just playing with our self. So I am going to show more compassion for me and others and only give breadcrumbs. When they ask for more I will give more, and not try to force feed them. I will trust the greater intelligence at hand. Everything is actually perfect. 

[Vincent S]

4 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

You are like a brother from another mother man! Love you too man!!! Everything you said is true and I love your ability to combine poetry and prose together. Its like you know how to make poetry and prose make love with each other and create a powerful image. Its like as Tupac would say "You paint a perfect picture" and you do it with your words! So thank you for that. You know in Indian Culture Shiva's love is likened to the Sun! So I guess I'm displaying a Shiva characteristic lol.

Thank you. It is your own words my friend, you just write them from this avatar to that one.

5 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

And yes you are right, we are all One and the same. We are just playing with our self. So I am going to show more compassion for me and others and only give breadcrumbs. When they ask for more I will give more, and not try to force feed them. I will trust the greater intelligence at hand. Everything is actually perfect. 

Perfect is only perfect if it seen from every possible angle. Otherwise it is imperfect, but imperfect is still just one of many angles.
 

[Razard86]

2 hours ago, WelcometoReality said:

@Razard86 That's a great insight. Thank you for sharing it with us. ?

You won't believe how scared I was to do so and I recognized instantly why. I was too concerned with how I would look, "Then I was like well this is the real me, my most authentic self. Why should I be afraid of this?" I'm going to keep doing that. Questioning a fear till its silliness causes it to fade away. I've done it in the past but I've gone away from it. Thanks for your response!!