Why are my “friends” pissed off at me for not wanting to play video games with them?

[preventingdiabetes]

It’s like I’m being peer pressured to take drugs.

”Man why the fuck won’t you just play with us? You haven’t played any games in SO LONG, you’ve probably forgotten what it’s like. It’s so much better to play with three people rather than two.” 

I answer the question with my reasons and the just try to argue those reasons and come up with counter points. I didn’t go too into detail because I really don’t feel the need to justify why I live my life the way I do.

Then they try to guilt trip me more to play with them. 

These “friends” are just people I know because we are in the same class and school and have known each other for years. Once I’m out of school I will probably never talk to them again.

Why do they care so much about what I choose to do with my time?

[Razard86]

42 minutes ago, preventingdiabetes said:

It’s like I’m being peer pressured to take drugs.

”Man why the fuck won’t you just play with us? You haven’t played any games in SO LONG, you’ve probably forgotten what it’s like. It’s so much better to play with three people rather than two.” 

I answer the question with my reasons and the just try to argue those reasons and come up with counter points. I didn’t go too into detail because I really don’t feel the need to justify why I live my life the way I do.

Then they try to guilt trip me more to play with them. 

These “friends” are just people I know because we are in the same class and school and have known each other for years. Once I’m out of school I will probably never talk to them again.

Why do they care so much about what I choose to do with my time?

You care a lot too, that's why you are complaining on this forum. So what is the problem here? 

[preventingdiabetes]

30 minutes ago, NickH said:

My advice is to just let them go. I had to let go of my old buds. I don't mean to sound pretentious but I outgrew them. You are outgrowing your friends. Find new ones that will support the new direction in your life. There are plenty of people out there beyond your little school.

I think I already have let them go in part. The issue is that I still have to interact with every day since our seating arrangement in class is such that we sit next to each other. 
 

It’s distracting as fuck and I feel like I’m being pulled down constantly. Ideally I would just sit in a corner of the classroom by myself, that way I can focus more.

 

I think I’ll feel like I’m out of prison once I’m out of school. 
 

29 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

You care a lot too, that's why you are complaining on this forum. So what is the problem here?

Yes I do care a lot.
 

About them in particular? No, not really.

 

About what it is in human nature that makes people tell you what you should do with your time? About why people try to drag you down? Yes, one way of looking at it is to say that I care about it.

I would say that I am mostly curious about why it’s like this. I can intuit that there’s an insight here that I can’t put into words yet.
 

Some humans can be like crabs in a bucket, but why are they like crabs in a bucket? 

[Razard86]

8 hours ago, preventingdiabetes said:

I think I already have let them go in part. The issue is that I still have to interact with every day since our seating arrangement in class is such that we sit next to each other. 
 

It’s distracting as fuck and I feel like I’m being pulled down constantly. Ideally I would just sit in a corner of the classroom by myself, that way I can focus more.

 

I think I’ll feel like I’m out of prison once I’m out of school. 
 

Yes I do care a lot.
 

About them in particular? No, not really.

 

About what it is in human nature that makes people tell you what you should do with your time? About why people try to drag you down? Yes, one way of looking at it is to say that I care about it.

I would say that I am mostly curious about why it’s like this. I can intuit that there’s an insight here that I can’t put into words yet.
 

Some humans can be like crabs in a bucket, but why are they like crabs in a bucket? 

You care about your friends greatly. You are deluding yourself. If you did not care about your friends their opinions couldn't effect you and we wouldn't be having this conversation. If a stranger says something to you, its less likely to bother you because you don't know them. But the more you connect with someone the more ability they have to influence your feelings. When you connect with someone you give them some access to your heart, the closer they get in intimacy they closer they are to your heart. The person you love the most can hurt you the most, by cursing you out, betraying you, or dying. 

So yes you care about them, otherwise their opinions wouldn't matter. The only time you care about a stranger's opinion, is when your opinion of yourself gets so low, you let everyone's comments influence you. But even that is just delusion, the only reason that was even possible is because you already felt like that. Because the opinion you care the most about....is yourself, and you are not very kind to yourself. Be more kind to yourself.

[Dear Fiona]

8 hours ago, preventingdiabetes said:

Some humans can be like crabs in a bucket, but why are they like crabs in a bucket? 

It's a really good question to be asking yourself at your young age, and shows maturity. 

Us humans are hard-wired for connection from birth, or we would die. It's generally nothing more nefarious than that. Depending on what someone is being invited into. 
You're having a bit of a hard time right now, but you also seem to be dealing with it well. School will be out soon, and you will have more opportunities, and options, for connecting with people more on your own personal level. 
It's ok to be you. You don't need to look for ominous reasons for other people being the way they are, as a proxy way to give yourself permission to be different. 
Just do you. 

[itsnutsandbolts]

16 hours ago, preventingdiabetes said:

Why do they care so much about what I choose to do with my time?

Because you are in the process of changing and most people don't tolerate change in others very well if it is inconvenient for them.

[preventingdiabetes]

19 hours ago, Razard86 said:

But the more you connect with someone the more ability they have to influence your feelings. When you connect with someone you give them some access to your heart, the closer they get in intimacy they closer they are to your heart. The person you love the most can hurt you the most, by cursing you out, betraying you, or dying. 

You just gave me an aha moment with your wisdom. Thank you.
 

Now I know that I need to distance myself from them even more. I’ve been trying to get my belongings needs (from Maslow’s hierarchy) from whoever was near me or around me. So that’s why I care about their opinion, because they’re like the only people I’ve been talking to.

It’s time to become a lone wolf until I find a group of like-minded people.  
 

13 hours ago, itsnutsandbolts said:

most people don't tolerate change in others very well if it is inconvenient for them.

Why would it be inconvenient for them? I’m just doing my thing and working on myself, How does that affect their life?  

[Ayham]

i understand man, i am having the same problem for like  6 months now. just a few weeks ago, they peer pressured me into it, but im applying the technique from "mindfulness alone is curative" + limiting time to only after i finish all my tasks.

remember: people are like crabs in a bucket, they pull you in when you try to get out.

good luck!

[Kshantivadin]

Yeah. No. If you cherish the friendship, make an effort to communicate your needs, wants, and life trajectory better. If not, just eject. Also, there is a difference between trying to convince you and guilt tripping you. Lastly, do not externalise the feelings arisen in regard to the situation. They do them, you do you.

I wouldn't want a friend that doesn't support me. Someone pushing me into playing games, in my current system, equals to not understanding what I want and/or not supporting me. This is either caused by me not communicating well enough, them currently not being compatible with me, or both.

You are going to lose friends on this path. It's okay to let them go. Much luck

[Nilsi]

Instead of being resentful why don't you just rise to the occasion and become a leader. Do your thing and encourage your friends to work on their life's as well. If you were walking you walk they wouldn't piss you off, they would look up to you and respect you. So stop whining and make it happen.

[AndylizedAAY]

@preventingdiabetes I have the opposite problems with my friends, which is why I could play videogames too much for a different reason which would be to distract myself from that problem. 

[Asayake]

My best friend had this problem a couple of years ago. I would be willing to guess you're the social glue that connects these two people together. They don't like playing as 2 because they both connect better with you than they do with eachother and you're a big reason why they're even friends in the first place.

Just a guess though

[itsnutsandbolts]

3 hours ago, preventingdiabetes said:

Why would it be inconvenient for them? I’m just doing my thing and working on myself, How does that affect their life?  

It's inconvenient for them because you no longer fit in their expectations and how they want things to be.

You said it yourself in your initial post. "It’s so much better to play with three people rather than two.”

[kag101]

why have you stopped playing video games?

i've had friends like these. it's really tiresome. in my case, the thing that would push me to do was weed. i'd hang out with them at their house, and every time they'd smoke. and they had a stupid unwritten law that if one person stopped smoking, everybody else also would. and they'd take copious amounts.

this friendship really pinpointed a flaw that i had, which was an intense difficulty with setting boundaries.

[preventingdiabetes]

@Razard86 Duuuude your post and my reply got wiped from the server error.
 

Did you see my reply by any chance before it got wiped? I’d really like you to go deeper on what you were talking about, or maybe share some resources on where I can learn more about it. 

[Danioover9000]

@preventingdiabetes  Just curious, what rype of games do you and your buddies play before? Is it FPS or MMORPG?

[Pav]

There's something very unhealthy about the way you view friendships. Relationships are one of the most important aspects of life and major domain of self-actualisation (along with career and spirituality, ignoring any of these areas will lead to an unfulfilled life). Think about it, you are conscious and there are other conscious human beings who you have the opportunity to experience and enjoy life with, there's something quite miraculous about that.

From what you've written it appears that you are on the path to leaving school only to be left with no friends, is this something you'd truly be okay with? Not having social relations can lead to a great deal of loneliness, neurosis, and depression which will impact all areas of your life. I strongly recommend against going down this road.

In terms of your career, developing your personality, confidence, and social skills is incredibly important for that too, you'd ideally want to be able to establish rapport with your clients and develop strong connections with you colleagues, it's just as important as having the technical skills in your field. I'd recommend making it a high priority to develop social skills especially while your still young and in school where you're in an environment where you have plenty of opportunities to interact with your peers.

Do you, or have you ever enjoyed spending time with your friends? If it is something you like doing then It'd probably be a good idea to play some games with them every so often and just enjoy some time with them. High school isn't particularly hard, you have more than enough time to focus on your studies and have some free time to hangout with friends, and you'd probably do better at your studies this way since you need some time to relax (finding the right balance for you is important). If you truly don't enjoy spending time with them and simply don't click with them, then I'd strongly recommend being proactive in finding the people that you do resonant with, at least on some level, and forming strong connections with them.

[Kshantivadin]

On 6/17/2022 at 0:21 PM, Nilsi said:

Instead of being resentful why don't you just rise to the occasion and become a leader. Do your thing and encourage your friends to work on their life's as well. If you were walking you walk they wouldn't piss you off, they would look up to you and respect you. So stop whining and make it happen.

I liked your previous pfp way better

good advice.

On 6/22/2022 at 4:08 AM, Pav said:

There's something very unhealthy about the way you view friendships. Relationships are one of the most important aspects of life and major domain of self-actualisation (along with career and spirituality, ignoring any of these areas will lead to an unfulfilled life). Think about it, you are conscious and there are other conscious human beings who you have the opportunity to experience and enjoy life with, there's something quite miraculous about that.

[Kshantivadin]

On 6/22/2022 at 4:08 AM, Pav said:

then I'd strongly recommend being proactive in finding the people that you do resonant with, at least on some level, and forming strong connections with them.

Can you write more about this part when you have the time?

[preventingdiabetes]

@Razard86 Bump.