Random gibberish

[trenton]

I am prone to making random noises. They are typically in response to thoughts which would be embarrassing or stupid if said to other people. Sometimes my mind gets stuck on one word and then starts to all of a sudden repeat it out loud. My typical reaction is "I need to hide." I don't want other people to see what I am like because I could easily be hurt. I don't think many people go through this sort of thing. I probably need to talk to someone. Other thoughts include "I'm a monster."

This kind of behavior made me fear that I was going insane. I know these thoughts are not really true and suicide is not a problem. I have an abnormal brain development with autism, but I seem to have a hard time taking embarrassment. I plan on talking with a professional about this.

[Breakingthewall]

do therapy. go to a psychologist and tell him what embarrasses you the most over and over again. Then tell the people around you. You will quickly see that what seemed like pure poison to you is trivial. you just have to air the wounds so that the pus dries

[trenton]

@Breakingthewall one of the things I find very embarrassing is the fact that I think I'm smarter than other people. I sense that this is emotional rather than logical because the reality is that other people likely know something that I don't. This is why the thought that I'm smarter than other people would set me up for disaster if I ever acted that way around others. The cockiness would lead to stupidity. This would be a possible way in which my ego could show itself if other people knew that I think I'm smarter than them. In reality there are many ways in which people could be intelligent and I am intelligent in one of millions of ways. This seems trivial and funny now that I wrote it.

In cases where it seems obvious, I don't think of it as much. For example, I'm the only one in the family who plays in chess tournaments so of course I beat everyone in the family. Likewise, my grandma thinks the 2020 election was stolen and Obama was an Arab, and I become more interested in her psychology than the fact that she is wrong. When I have nothing to prove I don't feel the need to think of myself as smarter than others.

The most embarrassing of all would be philosophy and spiritual ego. Sometimes I feel like I'm advanced, but this conflicts with my logical mind. If I get cocky over this stuff, then first of all it shows that I am not as developed as my pride makes me feel. Secondly, it doesn't even make sense to think of my worldview as better than other worldviews because they are all imaginary And based on very partial information. Of course I don't know everything and no philosophy I imagine can objectively be better than other. In this case the function of my logic is an effort to distance myself from my feelings. They become suppressed and my body becomes more tense. Perhaps this is why I occasionally burst out like "I'm a monster." I don't want people to know that I think I'm more advanced than them. That would be the most embarrassing thing since I lost a chess game in the sixth grade because I got cocky and I haven't done that ever since.

Emotions cloud my logic and logic suppresses my emotions. This is the conflict at play when I think that I am more advanced than others and the thought scares me because it may not be true, making a double whammy.

[Bojan V]

@trenton Hi

You certainly are advanced in at least one aspect of your life; you have a capacity of self-reflection, self-observation, as well as introspection and deeper interest in metaphysical and psychological discoveries. Majority of people in the world don't have that. It doesn't mean you are better then others, it only means you are not as shallow as most of them are...