I'm God

[Dear Fiona]

I had an awakening last year. Spontaneous. 
Having never sought "enlightenment" I was very disoriented. 
It was only then, that I started to watch "gurus" on you tube, and learn about the crazy world of new age spirituality. 
None of it resonated with me, and left me only more confused. Nuff said. 
If something is not my own direct experience, I'm not interested. I'm not interested in vicarious experience. 
A few months ago, during "Inquiry" which is simply challenging my limiting beliefs/thoughts/allowing myself to embrace, and integrate all emotions. 
I got to "I'm God" 
Aaargh ! I was so bamboozled by this. I cried and cried for a good few days. 
I had also never come across anyone saying this anywhere, other than new age gurus saying it in some kind of esoteric weird way, that also didn't resonate with me. 
Over the last year, consuming info, and finding the gurus nauseating with their love and light message, that seems to me, so cruel. I somehow started finding scientists, researching consciousness, and they really resonated with me. They were so passionate, about whichever subject they were studying, maths, physics, AI. etc. 
But they all had such a sense of humility too. Unlike the gurus. They freely admitted "we don't know" 
A friend of mine, recommended TOE, if scientists were grabbing me. 
Hence I found Leo. In his interview, the only time he really breaks down, is when he describes his experience of discovering "I'm God" 
I immediately resonated. 
You would think a discovery of "being God" sounds like the epitome of being power mad, a narcissist, delusional, etc etc. 
My experience of it, I think, was similar to Leo's. 
It was excruciating and agony in a way.  The uncompromising, unconditional, glaring love strips you bare, and utterly helpless and vulnerable. Nothing is judged, yet nothing is not seen. Naked. And totally accepted. 
The woo-woo, ra-ra, comforting, ego-appeasing, kind of love, advertised by Hollywood, Hallmark, fairy tales, religion, new age etc. 
Doesn't even come close. 
At the same time, that it's the most profound thing ever. It also made me wanna run away too. Made me wanna jump out of my own skin. 
Nowhere to hide. Nothing to give. I have nothing. Totally humbling. 

It has settled down since then. I'm God. Yes. But then so is this this laptop I'm using. So is the chair I'm sitting on. It becomes gloriously ordinary in the end. 
I'm God. So are you. Good peeps. 
So are you.

[Leo Gura]

17 minutes ago, Dear Fiona said:

I'm God. Yes. But then so is this this laptop I'm using. So is the chair I'm sitting on. It becomes gloriously ordinary in the end. 
I'm God. So are you. Good peeps.

You have deeper to go.

To say you are God we're not just talking about your body. The laptop, chair, and other people are included in that. It's not that they are God just like you. It's that you are God, and all those things are creations of your mind.

Welcome to the forum.

[Dear Fiona]

Thanks Leo. I'm happy to be here. 

After my initial shock. It's just ordinary. Yet extraordinary too. 
But also felt isolating. 
I was so happy to stumble across you, and have it reflected back to me. I'm not crazy ! Phew !
In fact. The opposite is true. When this is realised, other things start to make sense too. 

I really struggled with the free-will thing too. I know we have no control, bit like a leaf blowing in the wind, thinking it has control. 

I just could not let go of even a TINY bit of control ? Can we at least, have observation ? As in double slit experiment ? " When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change" 
But no. Whilst it's fun to "act as if" and is also certainly the way we have to live. As if we do make choices. 
We don't have free will either. 

I used to think I didn't like Jazz. Then my good friend invited me to a live jazz club. 
I've never seen anything like it in my life. 
All those musicians/singers, totally just improvising. 
Each musician, totally and utterly lost in their own world, almost like they were making love to whatever instrument they were playing, at one with it. But spontaneously tuning  in to all the other musicians. Each jamming, as the music moved through them. 
It is simultaneously the most selfish, and most generous thing I've ever seen in my life. 
All of them, giving themselves over to the music. 
Stunning. 
This is how I see the free-will thing now. And how life is lived. 

[Leo Gura]

Reality is your Will. You are God.

You cannot will your own will to be other than what it is.

[Dear Fiona]

@Leo Gura

Hmmmm.....I shall ponder this. Thank you. 

I'm still not sold on solipsism. 

So I'm just gonna see what comes, with my direct experience. I easily go to no separation, and oneness. And I'm ok with being God, and not freaking out anymore. But still can't get my head round, it's only me ! Haha. I like Berando kastrup. But again. Not yet my direct experience. I'm happy to just let it come to me. 

To be honest. So many things have dropped away this year, now things don't stick anymore, and having had no pre-conceptions, or being exposed to teachings, or taking psychedelics etc. It's been disorienting. And I feel like.....I wanna just let life happen for a while. 
Concentrate on my health and money and moving house and relationship with my lovely boyfriend. 

Being here is nice already. I've felt isolated sometimes. My BF isn't in the slightest bit interested in any of this. He very fondly, just takes the piss. EG, flips a light switch, then says "see ? Now I'm enlightened too !" 
He cracks me up, and holds it all lightly. 
I think I wanna lighten up a bit !

[Razard86]

9 minutes ago, Dear Fiona said:

@Leo Gura

Hmmmm.....I shall ponder this. Thank you. 

I'm still not sold on solipsism. 

So I'm just gonna see what comes, with my direct experience. I easily go to no separation, and oneness. And I'm ok with being God, and not freaking out anymore. But still can't get my head round, it's only me ! Haha. I like Berando kastrup. But again. Not yet my direct experience. I'm happy to just let it come to me. 

To be honest. So many things have dropped away this year, now things don't stick anymore, and having had no pre-conceptions, or being exposed to teachings, or taking psychedelics etc. It's been disorienting. And I feel like.....I wanna just let life happen for a while. 
Concentrate on my health and money and moving house and relationship with my lovely boyfriend. 

Being here is nice already. I've felt isolated sometimes. My BF isn't in the slightest bit interested in any of this. He very fondly, just takes the piss. EG, flips a light switch, then says "see ? Now I'm enlightened too !" 
He cracks me up, and holds it all lightly. 
I think I wanna lighten up a bit !

Why aren't you sold on solipsism? 

[Leo Gura]

There are many, many degrees of depth to awakening and God-realization. So don't assume you've made it. Keep inquiring and questioning.

Yes, you are God but you're not fully conscious of what God is.

[Dear Fiona]

@Leo Gura Yes. I agree. Not fully conscious of it yet, so is maybe why I say I'm not sold on solipsism. Just cos it isn't my own direct experience. That's all. 
In all honesty, I've found it all overwhelming in some ways. 
So right now, I'm ok with not knowing. Happy to just wait till it lands. 

Thank you for replying. 

[Weltesche]

So this Forum and you are just made out of my mind? A try to rescue the Ego? Because if the Ego would not understand, he would die? Or mybe a gift? A gift the god inside of me gaves to the ego?

[Godishere]

@Leo Gura if everything is God's Will, does that mean there's literally no point trying to control anything, by definition? 

Which also means that if God will awaken, God will awaken. Hence there is nothing but God's will.

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Godishere said:

@Leo Gura if everything is God's Will, does that mean there's literally no point trying to control anything, by definition? 

Which also means that if God will awaken, God will awaken. Hence there is nothing but God's will.

Exactly. God is Perfect so it cannot be made any better.

God cannot be otherwise because it must be Absolute Perfection. Its Will is identical to Perfection.

Why would an unlimited intelligence be anything less than absolutely perfect? Think about it. If you could be any way you wanted, you would choose perfection. So God chose perfection and never looked back.

Any choice a human makes is part of God's meta-Perfection.

[Matthew85]

2 hours ago, Godishere said:

if everything is God's Will, does that mean there's literally no point trying to control anything, by definition? 

@Godishere Be careful adopting peoples beliefs about Gods will. Your will and desires as Godishere is part of Gods will.

Your desires add to the wonderful diversity of the universe. 

 

[Godishere]

@Matthew85 lol what does it matter? By definition, God is perfect. If I do or I don't, it's the same. But just to clarify no, I'm not falling into that trap, although sadly many here are and have.

@Leo Gura why teach then? If you have become so conscious of Gods perfection, there's literally no reason for you to teach lol. I'm guessing it gives you life purpose/you enjoy it. 

 

[Leo Gura]

8 minutes ago, Godishere said:

why teach then? If you have become so conscious of Gods perfection, there's literally no reason for you to teach lol. I'm guessing it gives you life purpose/you enjoy it. 

Teaching would be part of God's Will.

[Kamo]

@Leo Gura Does ones lifestyle have to change to facilitate a focus on depth of awakening? Obvious there is a level where base survival needs need to be met before one should use psychedelics to expand in dept. But could one still reach full God realization working a 9-5 lifestyle? Would there be any benefit in seeking these higher states if one mainly is still trying to meet their base survival needs? My bills are paid, car is paid off and I work a decent paying job 8hr shift. But outside of that time frame Im mainly working on self actualization work for my own self improvement and I enjoy teaching others for the sake of deep conversations, and Im wondering if setting a goal like that will even be beneficial to a structure like that? I also understand money should be an outcome of fulfilling your passion so Im continuing with the Life Purpose Course, but Is it mainly for the sake of Truth that one should try to be fully God Realized? I may have an egoic need for "benefits to be obtained" to give me a reason to do it, but I think thats only because I dont fully understand the value of Truth yet.

[Matthew85]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

God cannot be otherwise because it must be Absolute Perfection. Its Will is identical to Perfection.

@Leo Gura Can you share an example of something that as Leo you viewed as corrupt or unjust. Something you felt should not be the way it is, but when you viewed it from a very expanded state you were able to see the perfection of it?

Edited June 16, 2022 by Matthew85

[Dear Fiona]

@Razard86
It might be a bad choice of words. Its just that it's not part of my direct experience. Although being God is. If I understand solipsism correctly, that means it's only me. I think others describe it as like a lake, with ripples. I'm a ripple, but still the lake. Then there's other ripples. 
I know I'm God. As in there is no God "out there" 
But that's all I got so far. 

[Dear Fiona]

@Matthew85
Before, and still after, I woke up, I was very very stuck with existential questions about evil and suffering. Born out of my own personal circumstances. From day one of waking up, I totally got, that none of this is personal. 
But I still couldn't let go of the question. 
I was doing a gratitude practice with a friend at the time, not long after waking up. One morning, I choked out the words "I'm grateful for suffering" This was last year, before I got to "I am God"
I've never been woo-woo, or chased mystical stuff. I'm a very simple woman. Practical. I've never even meditated in my life.

The next morning, half asleep, half awake. I had an experience, of being taking high high high up, and expanding, and expanding, and my thought was "Oh, this is what it's like to be God" and I was looking down, at all the suffering, and whilst I had so much compassion, I was not identified with it in any way. It wasn't part of who I was. Although it wasn't denial, or bypassing. 

Years ago. I had a lumbar puncture. A spinal tap. I'd already given birth to my daughter, and had an epidural. No problem. The needle for a spinal tap is huge. I had a junior Dr doing the procedure. Sorry. But if someone is putting a big needle in your spine, you can't help but make noise. Every time he introduced the needle, I'd cry out, and he would withdraw the needle. This happened at least 6 times, till a senior nurse that was attending, impatiently took over. She ignored my noisy noise, and my pain, went straight in, drew the fluid, straight out. 
I ask you. Who had more compassion for me ? The Dr, who couldn't get past his own resistance and discomfort to my suffering, and left me with scar tissue, and pain for years in that area. Or the nurse, who detached herself from my suffering, and didn't identify with it, and therefore reduced my suffering, and did for me, what needed to be done. 

We are no good to people, in their suffering, if we identify with suffering. The book of Job, in the bible, is an amazing story that illustrates this too. Job demands an audience with God, and God shows up. But he NEVER once identifies with Job's suffering either, and he rebukes Job's friends, who had tried to advise Job, and all their attempts at spiritual bypassing. 
On one level, of course suffering is real. I never want to become so spiritually hubristic, to merely state "Oh. There is no suffering. It's all a dream. Don't worry" 
But I can better serve people, when I remain unidentified with suffering, and don't buy into their stories. I don't always pull that off. Not even for myself. I still buy into my own suffering sometimes. 

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, Kamo said:

@Leo Gura Does ones lifestyle have to change to facilitate a focus on depth of awakening? Obvious there is a level where base survival needs need to be met before one should use psychedelics to expand in dept. But could one still reach full God realization working a 9-5 lifestyle?

You could do it with a 9-5 job. But of course you can change your lifestyle to make it better aligned with spiritual work.

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Would there be any benefit in seeking these higher states if one mainly is still trying to meet their base survival needs?

Hard to say. Depends on what you want out of life.

Quote

My bills are paid, car is paid off and I work a decent paying job 8hr shift. But outside of that time frame Im mainly working on self actualization work for my own self improvement and I enjoy teaching others for the sake of deep conversations, and Im wondering if setting a goal like that will even be beneficial to a structure like that?

Higher awakening is not about improving your human life, it's about understanding what reality is. If you don't want to understand then don't pursue it.

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but Is it mainly for the sake of Truth that one should try to be fully God Realized?

Yes. Awakening is really only suitable for you if you want to know what everything is about. If you don't care then I don't see it really working for you.

You should ask yourself why you care about God at all. If you don't care then do something you care about.

6 hours ago, Matthew85 said:

@Leo Gura Can you share an example of something that as Leo you viewed as corrupt or unjust. Something you felt should not be the way it is, but when you viewed it from a very expanded state you were able to see the perfection of it?

My health problems.

Basically every problem in my life and every problem in the world. Especially all the political problems.

[Dear Fiona]

@Matthew85
The week I woke up, I had a mini love affair with teaspoons too. Like "Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry I never saw you before, and here you are, every day, making me perfect tea" But weirdly, the teaspoons were wiser than me. They always knew. They were always in on the cosmic joke. 
I moved recently, but back then, I lived by a huge park. It's a nice area, but it's city centre Liverpool, and you can't escape crime and drugs and prostitution no matter where you live in Liverpool. 
There was a women's refuge not far from me. All these girls would regularly walk past my house, and I'd be sitting drinking coffee. I made friends with most of them. Chatting. Except one girl. She would walk right past, so lost in a world of her own, no eye contact ever. I always felt so much inner discomfort when she walked past. 
That week. She walked past, and I saw her for the first time. I'm sure others who have awakened here, will resonate with "seeing things differently" isn't about a vision, or the actual picture changing. It's more of an optical illusion, a change in perception. 
She was absolutely perfect. Just total perfection. Even now, I have tears behind my eyes, thinking of her. 

I saw my own arrogance, and pride, and hubris, in my judgement of all of it. I saw my own superiority, in "making friends" with these other girls.  It fitted my picture of myself, being "unjudgemental" 
And I saw, that it was my own fears inside, that had fed the disconnect, and discomfort, between me and this other girl. She didn't fit in my own narrative of myself, being the nice woman "who kindly chats to prostitutes and drug addicts" And I saw the inherent superiority, in pity, and feeling sorry for people. 
This girl was like an angel. Perfect. Who was I to ever judge her as somehow "less than ?" 
I'm forever grateful, and humbled, by what she showed me that day. 

Edited June 16, 2022 by Dear Fiona
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