I don't get it

[Preety_India]

Shouldn't spirituality or any spiritual practice mean that you stop hating and cultivating love? 

Am I the only person on planet earth that no matter what you do to me, after a period of time I let go or forget and forgive and move on and am completely alright talking to people. 

Holding grudges? 

I have held grudges too. But I'm not punishing towards people. 

How is your spirituality so refined if you cannot truly let go? 

 

[Oeaohoo]

Ironically, this feels like a passive aggressive jibe at somebody (or even everybody)!

Yes, no person who is fully awake will be able to hold anything, let alone a grudge. In a way, though, the grudges that people do hold are also part of the path towards the dissolution of their identity. After all, a grudge negatively effects the person holding it much more than the person who is it’s victim. That is why it is an excellent phrase, to hold a grudge. It is you that holds it.

Remember what the Buddha said when someone was getting angry with him:

Quote

The Buddha said, If you buy a gift for someone and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?

The angry man said, “It would belong to me because I bought the gift.”

The Buddha said, “Correct. It’s the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I don’t feel insulted nor accept your hostility, the anger falls back on you, as it was initially yours to give. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you’ve done is hurt yourself.”

[Preety_India]

@Oeaohoo both in cases it's wrong. 

Like if I care about a person, neither should I be a victim of their grudge nor should I want them to hold a grudge as a loving person wouldn't want someone to harm themselves. 

Makes sense?

 

 

[Gesundheit2]

You don't get it because you never truly let go. You always let go apparently while secretly wanting back in.

That's not letting go. It's not pure. It's polluted with ego, just like when pure water is polluted with ink. It's easy to see.

Letting go is about leaving things that aren't in your control up to the universe, and losing all will and care in those matters.

Maybe you don't hold grudges, but you still hold expectations. Let go of those.

[Preety_India]

@Gesundheit2 having expectations is simply being human. 

[Oeaohoo]

Just now, Preety_India said:

having expectations is simply being human. 

Of course… So is holding grudges!

Spiritual refinement is a process of letting go of the limited human identity. That doesn’t mean that you can’t be human on the way. In fact, by definition, for us humans the human level is always the starting point for the journey back to God.

[Gesundheit2]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Gesundheit2 having expectations is simply being human. 

And humans suffer. ?‍♂️

Did you not expect that?

[Preety_India]

@Gesundheit2 for me it's like I can't truly hate anyone for too long. I'm not pretending to be  Saint here. Maybe it's my memory I don't know. But I usually get angry about something, I bark at that person, I go into these stressed out states and I express my anger and hate. But this doesn't last forever. After a week, I almost forget all of that. It's not that l love the person again, but I also don't hate them. I don't live in that punishing mindset. If they talk to me, I talk to them again, like nothing happened. 

I truly cannot hold hate forever. I feel sorry for myself if I did that. I feel like I'm commiting a crime if I hate someone. My conscience starts to feel guilty if I keep holding a grudge 

And the other phenomenon that happens is that I develop this insane amount of love (maybe this is because of my trauma) but I develop this insane amount of affection for those that I might have been friends with or have loved before, so even if I got angry at them, it diffuses later and my love for them is even more than before. Like even if they wanted to kill me, I would allow that too. Because I just cannot take someone being hurt because of me, it starts to eat me from inside. And I keep craving for their forgiveness. 

I simply wish everyone could just love and respect each other and never have any grudge or hate or anything bad against anyone. 

If I had to wish something bad on someone, it would make me insanely guilty to the point of me being sick of myself. I just can't. 

And no this is not me being any Saint. No. It's just that deep down, hate doesn't make any sense to me. 

I always get this question in my mind - would i want to see the person I hate dead and wounded? And that immediately creates a lot of pain inside of me. Because, I simply cannot allow that. I can't see them dead. That's when I'm like - ok let go. I shouldn't hold this hate. My mind is like - "it's ok, just wish good and every person deserves to live, good or bad." 

 

[Oeaohoo]

@Preety_India You are unable to understand hate because you are a highly empathetic person. I understand hate very easily because I do not have much empathy with people!

You are failing to see that hate is really an expression of love. When I hate somebody it is always because I love something else. For example, if I am trying to convince someone of something that I believe and they are stubbornly resisting me. This makes me feel hate towards them but it is really an expression of love towards my beliefs (the word belief comes from the root leabh, to love or to hold dear).

Forgive me if I say that the hate I have just described is more of a masculine form of hate. For women it is probably more something like: “I hate somebody because they haven’t been the right sort of friend to me” (in this case, hate is a love for the right sort of friend), “I hate somebody because they ruined my life by doing something horrible” (in this case, hate is a love for an idea of what your life would have been without the horrible thing that the other person did), and so on.

Hate is always an expression of love because everything is an expression of Love. Spirituality is not about being the perfect person right here and now. It is about consciously setting as your ultimate ideals Truth and Love and gradually working through the ways in which you fall short of that ideal.

[Gesundheit2]

@Preety_India The only cure for neediness is abundance.

It breaks my mind every time I think about it. That the people who need love the most are the least likely to get it. Super counter-intuitive. But that's the way of the world.

It's similar to money. The people who need money the most are the least likely to get it, just because they don't have it. And those who have it will get a lot more of it effortlessly, just because they have it.

It's because people like being around abundance. Nobody likes to be around scarcity. Even the smell of scarcity repulses people, including the poor and the needy.

The problem with poverty is that no amount of donations will solve it, because most poor people don't know how to generate money out of whatever amount of money that they might have. So even if you give them all the money in the world, they will waste it in a blink of an eye and return to being poor. It's a problem of mindset. Poor mindset leads to poor finances.

The same here with you. You have a lot of traumas around love. So you are left broke and needy, and no amount of external love will cure that for you. It will only make you crave it even more. Because you will get this close to having it, but it will slip from between your fingers, every single time, like water right when you're about to drink it.

What you need is you need to develop an abundance mindset (it takes time), and then you will witness the snowball effect of love accumulating in your life, growing and glowing in front of your eyes.

Part of the abundance mindset is letting go. So I'm glad that you started this thread. Follow it and see where it will lead you.