I Burst Into Tears When Writing My Childhood History

[Afonso]

I'm reading the book called Radical Honesty. I decided to write a letter to my mom telling everything I've kept hidden and what was/is like to be me.

In the first part of the letter, I wrote everything about my experience with dad since I can remember. I have not been too close to my dad for a couple of years. However, there were a lot of traumatic incidents and emotional disturbances. Since my parents have been separated since I was an infant, my mom doesn't know jack shit about my relationship with dad.

I burst into tears when writing all the awful things that happened. I burst into tears when recalling all the awful things I did because I was replicating dad. Recalling drama, fights and moments of sadness made me cry a lot. It was just like that - moments of seemingly unexpected bursts of tears. When I wrote everything that I remembered, every single detail, I felt so relieved. What did happen? I didn't write anything new, but after crying a lot, I felt an increase of peace within me. I now feel more authentic and less fake around people.

This is the first time I have ever done anything like this.

What are your thoughts on this?

 

Edited February 4, 2017 by Afonso

[Life Coach]

You have purified yourself and released all the negative stuff inside of you. You have done good

[ajasatya]

good job. this is the real work that everyone tries to avoid. keep going and have a clean life.

[Nahm]

Good for you man. That's awesome. Way to let go. Thanks for sharing. 

[Nahm]

Looking into the past for who you are will eventually lead to looking into the present of what you are. 

Some people have repeated thought patterns so many times that they don't know the difference between truth and belief. Their past may reveal when they neglected to make that distinction. Usually a traumatic event where the said, too painful, so....now I believe this. 

[Afonso]

21 minutes ago, John Flores said:

@Afonso I disagree with anyone who encourages you to look in your past. I tried doing an autobiagraphy once. Dumbest idea of my life. 

 

I say delete, be gone with it, and done. Never look back. We are not here to dwell in misery, but get over stuff. Self inquiry does not need to be painful. As long as you are working towards a goal to figuring yourself out, that is good enough.

 

If you are most people, your life was pretty darn tough. Some people have good lives. Leo had an easy life and only realized that later. I grew up with a lot of rich people. Many of their lives are not so tough but they become tough because money causeses them not to look inwards. Otherwise, they have relatively stable lives. But everyone has pains, whether you had an easy life or a hard life. Therefore, facing your past is not going to remove pains. Don't go back into your past unless it directly relates to a key component you are exploring about yourself for the sake of knowledge or growth.

 

I obviously went back to the past for the sake of exploring my childhood vows and also to release emotional pain that I've kept hidden or suppressed.

[ajasatya]

@John Flores some past traumas live in the present moment without us noticing it. they exist as suppressed emotions, blocking the healthy flow of feelings that we, human beings, are supposed to experience. thus, it is an ignorant attitude to deny their existence and go on living carrying that memory registered in our body in some form of tension.

let the boy do his shadow work toward complete relief while he's young. the older we are, the more shadow work there's to be done and the harder it is to reach the pain we need to let go of harsh experiences.

@Afonso you're doing a great job. reach complete presence and let go of the past. walk like a clean crystal. only Love arises from that state.

[Pallero]

@Afonso  That's so great! Good for you! You let out negative emotion that you were resisting before and that was stored in your body for a long time. This way you can truly leave your past behind you. I try to do this regularly. It always brings relief and raises my self-esteem. It's very hard work, but it's worth the trouble.