What Would You Do?

[Raptorsin7]

I have a hypothetical that I'm curious to hear what everyone thinks about. I'm going to frame this from a man's perspective, but if you're a woman feel free to answer from your pov.

Imagine you were in a committed relationship, either married or long term gf and your partner cheats on you and gets pregnant. If they wanted to keep the child would stay together to work it out and raise another man's child? Or would you forgive cheating if there was no child involved?

My instinct is to say that any man who accepts his partner cheating, barring very niche circumstances, is weak and I would have 0 respect for someone like that in my life. But maybe i'm being harsh. 

What does everyone else think?

[Roy]

In my opinion the only time you should really consider staying in a relationship with a partner who cheated is if you're married and/or already have children. Take some couples therapy and work it out, as kids without stable parents or raised by one parents usually turn out messed up.

Otherwise if a partner cheats I'm dipping, 100% non-negotiable boundary for me.

If they got pregnant from someone else that's even worse, I'd make them get a paternity test. Not paying a bloody penny for someone else's kid.

I don't think this is harsh at all.

[BlueOak]

No. Trust is very important to me, and I respect myself too much.

I do think you need to discuss what you both want in any relationship, and what you expect. I understand some people prefer open or casual relationships and if that was agreed that would be okay. I'd also like to make sure someone could be secure in our relationship so they can talk to me. If they needed something else emotionally, sexually or physically from me we could discuss that for example, every so often make sure they know you are thinking of them and ask.

If you are making sure your partner and you are both satisfied and happy in the relationship, and then they still can't keep their pants on, I wouldn't be with that person. I would feel a strong sense of betrayal and I don't handle betrayal well. I wouldn't even discuss it with them, I'd be out the door. I would not stay with her either for the kids, that'd be a toxic hellhole and I've lived through enough of that.
 

[Ulax]

I can't imagine I would stay but you never know I guess.

[NoSelfSelf]

Self respect for myself would need to be really low to accept this...how much you respect yourself thats how much you gonna tolerate unnecessary things like this...

[gettoefl]

whether a person cheated or not is academic

rather are your needs being insufficiently met that you need to look for comfort and affection elsewhere

if that IS the case then you should walk away, they need more than you are providing

cheating should be discussed on entering a relationship / marriage ... is it a divorceable offence or should therapy be contemplated

cheating is a an emotional word, better to inquire what specific rule was broken and what consequences were agreed upon and proceed accordingly

[something_else]

1 minute ago, gettoefl said:

cheating should be discussed on entering a relationship / marriage ... is it a divorceable offence or should therapy be contemplated

cheating is a an emotional word, better to inquire what specific rule was broken and what consequences were agreed upon and proceed accordingly

This is just not how relationships are gonna work in reality.

When cheating actually happens, your emotional reaction will override any of the rational planning/discussion you've done

[gettoefl]

6 minutes ago, something_else said:

This is just not how relationships are gonna work in reality.

When cheating actually happens, your emotional reaction will override any of the rational planning/discussion you've done

i would say you didn't think hard enough about your relationship development  ... do the work upfront to prevent the heart ache later on

cheating is a wake up call from the universe that you are not giving your partner what they want

a person getting steak at home doesn't need to sneak out to mcdonalds for a snack

Edited June 13, 2022 by gettoefl

[The0Self]

I would forgive, but if she wants to raise the child it might have to be on her own. But I would prefer to be in an open relationship anyway, so the only way a woman would be able to cheat on me is if she didn't want me sleeping with other women and thus we did not have an open relationship, which would put the responsibility squarely on her shoulders -- so if she's the one who cheated in that scenario, that's a major breach of trust. If I'm okay with an open relationship and she's not, that's a scenario where she should be unlikely to cheat in the first place, in my experience.

[Arcangelo]

Would you keep a cheater as a fuck buddy?

@Raptorsin7 @Roy @BlueOak @NoSelfSelf @gettoefl @The0Self

My answer: depends on how hot and good in bed she is

[Raptorsin7]

@Arcangelo No, because the only reason cheating would matter is if there was a committed relationship.

There are probably more satisfying ways to get some kind of retribution then keep them around as a FWB

[Roy]

8 minutes ago, Arcangelo said:

Would you keep a cheater as a fuck buddy?

I don't understand what you're asking, being fuck buddies is already an agreement of no commitment. So you can't really cheat on each other.

[Arcangelo]

What I am saying is. You had a nice girlfriend for over a year. Committed relationship. She cheats.

49 minutes ago, Arcangelo said:

Would you keep a her as a fuck buddy?