Louis’ Journal

[PretentiousHuman]

This is my second time having my Personal Journal. Thanks Leo for everything. 
 

Day 1: Deleted my FB, IG, Tiktok apps. Might delete also the accounts if decided in the future. Will end with that. Good night. ?

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 2: 5 hours of sleep. My eye and head aches. I’m at a hospital where my sister is admitted and we are about to be discharged. My Crohn’s disease flares up, maybe because of lack of sleep. 

To improve: I will prioritize having 8 hours of sleep. One way is zero social media and more on reading books or Actualized.org. 

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 2:

Moving on from a lady whom I love and not loving me back. I have her block me to FB and Messenger so that i cannot chat and bug her anymore. The thing is I am always remembering her, and the memories we made together. I even dream about her. 

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 2-C:

I’m so fulfilled to end the day. After my sister were discharge, i went to a mall and bought things that I thought i needed. And I’m very happy to have those things. Thank you God i am blessed

I reinstalled FB, for i need to see some things from my work. But it is a thing that i have to check it from time to time. 
 

To Master: Loving my self over every body. And not going to social media often. 

Edited June 13, 2022 by PretentiousHuman

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 3-A:

I slept only 5 hours again. For the reason that i was so excited looking for a Nike shopping center for some Baller Bands. Later i will travel to shopping centers looking for the said Purchase. I feel dizzy sometimes but I don’t have headache or eye pains. I’m excited to get one later. 
 

To Improve: I will try to nap if I’m doing nothing. I will use social media less past 6pm. 

Edited June 13, 2022 by PretentiousHuman

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 3-B:

I’m going back to our home town now after having looking out for my sister for her operation. The surgery on her both legs were successful. But there was still issues on her pain. May she be always in comfort and in full recovery, Amen. ??????
 

I bought the baller band i am looking for. Thank you Lord. This was the technique Leo has suggested whenever you’re having any negative thoughts. Pinch it if you’re having one or something like that. 

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 4:

This is a tiring day. Listened to Leo most of the time. Got a seminar, workout then stare at a fucking screen on end. I got an addiction before that i have done a while ago. I’ll try not to do it anymore. On the path of healing. ??????

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 5:

I slept more than 8 hours last night and I was very happy. Yesterday though, I have a severe headache might be because of my 2nd booster of COVID vaccine that I got 2 days ago and coupled with gym muscle aches. 
 

To improve: I will be mindful of my health and stress now so I can be the best version of myself. 

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 5-B:

I message the girl I am courting before. We agreed that we will part ways but she unblock me in her phone numbers. 
 
I also watched porn again and masturbated. It feels to me that this vices are not good for my Psyche. 
 

To improve: I will trust the process of my healing and my well-being in general. 

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 5-C:

I talked to the woman I love and I don’t know if she loves me too. I won’t force things now. It is what it is. 
 

Will sleep now with my favorite dog on my room. 

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 6:

I’m into healing now. I would never going back to the woman who isn’t good to me and not love me back. More relaxation and less stress. 

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 6-B:

I told the woman who didn’t love me back that i don't love her either. But it is still painful for me. Letting go is the right decision but acceptance is hard sometimes. 

Focusing on my healing now is my highest priority. 

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 7:

Start of my healing day. I blocked my ex now. Felt bad but at the same time it felt right. I talked to my siblings about it and they supported me. 

Healing has to happen to me now. There’s no other way. 

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 8:

Slept four hours again. It’s a recurring thing. Limit it app to until 8pm or 8am only. It is what it is. Enjoy the moment. Forget the past. Have faith in the future. Be yourself always. 

Edited June 22, 2022 by PretentiousHuman

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 9:

I still think of her but less often now. I thank God that i have a job because it gives me freedom to what i need and want. 

 I will sleep now hoping that it will be before midnight. I have screen limit most of my Social Media Apps. I need to execute it. 

I need to discipline my self to foods as well so that i will have a better mood. 

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 10:

I have improve from sleeping 5 hours to 6 hours since yesterday. I will be mindful of eating this night so I won’t binge on eating unhealthy foods. 
 

And I won’t dwell too much on negative emotions. 

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 10-B:

This day was very fulfilling. I have forgiven the woman who doesn’t love me back. I had a grand time at work and had an unwind beer session post duty. I have a Best friend who is a gay that listens to me and vice versa as well. I’m thankful that we are getting along. God bless all of our friends who wants only what’s the best for us. 

And since i went from being a heart broken guy, i planned of not having any relationship for at least 1 year. I declined to be in love with any attractive woman around me. 

Focusing on my own growth is my utmost priority. 

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 11:

Woke up with a terrible headache and ringing of the ear. I will take a nap later. I will search on how to improve hearing later. 

Me and my sister will go to the gym now. See you around. 
?

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 11-B:

Will sleep now. Don’t like to socialize anymore. I would like to focus on the things that matter now. 

[PretentiousHuman]

Day 12:

The day was rough as i am having diarrhea again because of my Crohn’s disease and it was aggravated because of drinking mindlessly last night. Will ghost people now. Will not explain if they would ask me or insist that they need or want me to go to their party. 
 

I have a lot of things to do and should prioritize it as soon as possible. But i also need to balance life in a heathy way.