I am absolutely amazed by this couple

[Hello from Russia]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I would be more concerned about kidding yourself in such matters. You're not as developed as you think you are.

It's not impossible. But it takes work. Such a relationship will never just happen by accident. Which is why it impressed you so much. It's like seeing someone juggle 10 daggers. You can learn to do it too, but will you?

Dunno, I would see other people more of a bottleneck in that regard, tbh.

It's more about being disillusioned about people's average development at large, imo

Which is how I personally got burned. You are right in that you can't do it with 99.9% of people, you just can't force other person to be conscious/do stuff if he isn't willing cause relationship is a bilateral matter by definition

To be completely Frank, I actually made it work to a big extent, to which I'm proud of and I actually appreciate the person a lot for her progressiveness.

Our core most important issue was underlying incompatibility in some fundamental things of how we want to go about life. Which we only discovered later down the road

It's no easy matter by any means for sure though

Edited June 12, 2022 by Hello from Russia

[somegirl]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

would be more concerned about kidding yourself in such matters. You're not as developed as you think you are.

It's not impossible. But it takes work. Such a relationship will never just happen by accident. Which is why it impressed you so much. It's like seeing someone juggle 10 daggers. You can learn to do it too, but will you?

I don't claim to be, I know I'm not developed enough.

I'm just setting an intention and this is an ultimate goal I want to strive for. 

Just picking stuff I like here and there and making a list of things I want to be and experience.

[somegirl]

Though I wouldn't even like a partner like Eben, even though I like some aspects of him obviously (like being deeply in touch with his emotions and having that self-reflection and self-awareness). But he seems a bit rigid and stiff overall. Even when interacting with others, he's just too serious. 

Like he can't just let go and be spontaneous a bit, make a joke or whatever.

That, for example, is not something I would want in a partner. 

[Leo Gura]

 

7 hours ago, Aleister Crowleyy said:

I would never say this to my girlfriend or my wife. It goes against attraction. These people are weird compared to "normal society". If I ever said any shit like this I would be called a creep and ostracized.

1) You are too immature to say such things congruently.

2) This only works with the right girl, a highly developed girl.

3) Pickup and dating is not the same thing as a serious relationship and marriage. You don't say stuff like that to some 20 year old slut you pull from the club.

6 hours ago, Jacob Morres said:

I'd have to disagree a little here leo. I think if your intention is strong, and the personality is right, you can do it even when you're young. I've had this when I was 18 and again at 24 

It depends on your focus, desires and heart 

A) I'll believe it when I see it.

B) Exception that proves the rule.

4 hours ago, Something Funny said:

@Leo Gura  don't you think it's more about just practicing it long enough and being motivated enough to do it? For example I am in my early 20s and I am not even that high in my consciousness level (I like to believe that I am somewhere in between green and yellow). Don't you think that it is perfectly doable for me to achievie what they are doing if I consciously practice it in every relationship I am in for the next 5 years?

Basically I don't think you need to have super high, tier 2 levels of consciousness. You just need to be sufficiently conscious to recognise that something like this is valuable in the first place and then be willing to work.

It's not just verbal technique that's required to pull something like that off. Your core level of ego development needs to be high, and this cannot be faked with some simple technique. A relationship will really test your level of embodiment of consciousness. To do relationships like that you'd have to change your core identity.

Quote

Then there is also your partner. But don't you think that as a guy you could lead her and guide her how to do it as long as she is open-minded enough?

No. Most girls would not be capable of this. She must have an established baseline of serious development.

Even many Green and spiritual girls would be way too immature and way too emotionally reactive to handle conscious communication like that.

30 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I'm just setting an intention and this is an ultimate goal I want to strive for.

That's well and good. Good for you.

[Leo Gura]

15 minutes ago, Aleister Crowleyy said:

Can you ever just speak to them casually and still maintain their interest hahah....No.

Actually, yes, that is the core of the best game.

You are gaming them too hard.

Eventually you will realize that gaming women is really not necessary. You just approach and screen them for which ones are into you. You don't try to manipulate them into liking you.

The best game is totally natural and effortless. Not try-hard.

[Hello from Russia]

18 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Actually, yes, that is the core of the best game.

You are gaming them too hard.

Eventually you will realize that gaming women is really not necessary. You just approach and screen them for which ones are into you. You don't try to manipulate them into liking you.

The best game is totally natural and effortless. Not try-hard.

I found it to be so true actually

If you're trying too hard that means your compatibility with a girl is shitty and you gotta move on 

[Leo Gura]

7 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

 

@Leo Gura but you grow your level of core ego development (in this example) by using this verbal technique, getting uncomfortable, fucking it up, crying and trying it again, right?

That might be a small piece of it, but your level of development is a much bigger and deeper thing than some one verbal relationship technique will shift.

Obviously you should practice conscious relationship techniques and conscious communication techniques. But that's really the icing on the cake. The cake is how emotionally reactive you are, how your identity is constructed, what traumas you carry, what needs you haven't satisfied yet, your level of openmindedness, your ability to listen to another's POV, etc.

Emotional reactivity is a huge factor. Most people will get triggered so hard by relationship conflicts that they will not be able to sustain any kind of conscious communication technique. All the techniques will fly out the window as soon as the girl denies you the sex you expected, or she starts acting crazy, etc.

[Proserpina]

27 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Actually, yes, that is the core of the best game.

You are gaming them too hard.

Eventually you will realize that gaming women is really not necessary. You just approach and screen them for which ones are into you. You don't try to manipulate them into liking you.

The best game is totally natural and effortless. Not try-hard.

Yes, it's about allowing in what is already flowing toward you. 

I know instantly when a person is compatible by how beautiful their overall energy is, and that overlap with God's voice. It's about letting that energy penetrate you and flow over you. Maybe a little different for a guy. 

[integral]

"Your sadness is beautiful", good luck saying that at the wrong time or with 99.99% of woman. Woman think they will be receptive to it while watching the video because they consistently fail to see how there mind will think nothing like it does now when there in the real situation during there tantrum. 

Going meta during a tantrum never works with woman, i have alot of experience with it IRL. Its impossible to get most people stop defending themselves. 

13:30 he explains that 20-40% of the time its a train wreck even for them, the technique doesn't work and they dont meet each other. He sais the words "train wreck". 

Female mind has a much harder time holding the meta frame while emotional, i believe this technique is abit of a male fantasie and unrealistic, do to its analytical nature. If we look at the type of techniques woman use its NOT analytical. For this technique to work the woman needs to be even more developed then the guy needs to be, because they are overcoming a larger genetic hurdle. 

Edited June 12, 2022 by integral

[gettoefl]

8 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

All I  see is an act in front of an audience.

What's the big deal?

LOL!

You guys really think it is real????

agree ... how many conversation like this do they have in the home per week ... or maybe per year would be more accurate

i lasted 5 minutes with this ... i didn't hear one question not one restatement of what the other said not one summary of what the actual problem is

maybe i am too caveman ... speak one or two maybe three sentences then check back in with me that i understand and i promise to do the same

[Gesundheit2]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The best game is totally natural and effortless. Not try-hard.

Of course. But that's not the same as casual.

Think Sadhguru vs. James Bond.

[aurum]

Beautiful, just subbed her channel.

This is the kind of relationship and communication I’m looking for these days. I don’t know if I’m ready, but I know I’ve done significant work on myself and I’d like to give it my best.

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, integral said:

"Your sadness is beautiful", good luck saying that at the wrong time or with 99.99% of woman. Woman think they will be receptive to it while watching the video because they consistently fail to see how there mind will think nothing like it does now when there in the real situation during there tantrum. 

Going meta during a tantrum never works with woman, i have alot of experience with it IRL. Its impossible to get most people stop defending themselves. 

13:30 he explains that 20-40% of the time its a train wreck even for them, the technique doesn't work and they dont meet each other. He sais the words "train wreck". 

Female mind has a much harder time holding the meta frame while emotional, i believe this technique is abit of a male fantasie and unrealistic, do to its analytical nature. If we look at the type of techniques woman use its NOT analytical. For this technique to work the woman needs to be even more developed then the guy needs to be, because they are overcoming a larger genetic hurdle. 

Yes, this is the reality of the problem. When things get heated the rational methods will break down. And realistically the girl will need the guy to ground her chaotic emotions, not via a rational conversation but in a more primitive way.

And also, both of you will try to blame the other and hold yourself as innocent, thereby pissing the other off. And then there will be gaslighting, projection, denial, and all sort of other sneaky defense mechanisms at work.

Expecting your girl to be a rational actor is not realistic unless she is basically almost a man.

[soos_mite_ah]

I know I'm a little late to the conversations but I just watched the video and I have my own thoughts on it. 

Almost everyone talks about how good communication is essential in keeping a relationship but often times I feel that most people don't know what even consists of good communication. And I think this video does a good job at illustrating some of the aspects of healthy communication. 

Self Awareness: In order to be able to articulate your feelings and experinces, you need to first be able to identify what they are in the first place. And I think this couple did a good job at that by sitting with their emotions, labeling them, and putting a number on the scale on it to figure out which is the dominant emotion that is at play. I also love on how Annie was able connect her past experiences to what she was experiencing in the present as context of the situation and as a way of reflecting and slowing down instead of for instance lashing out or acting at the heat of the moment. 

Vulnerability, Safety, and Honesty: Though this video I feel show vulnerability in an extremely soft and emotional way, I don't think that is the only way that vulnerability can manifest in communication. To, vulnerability isn't always a soft fuzzy thing rather it is something that can be incredibly strong and foundational in a conversation or dynamic. A lot of vulnerbility has to do with honesty and feeling comfortable around a person to show up authentically and knowing that when you do that the other person is going to respect it and give you space to experience what you're experiencing. That can mean a variety of things ranging from validating the other person's emotions by mirroring their words back to them to help them self reflect, sitting with them as they explore and figure things out, listening actively, and setting / respecting boundaries. I can see a lot of those things in this video which I think its great.

Letting the other person explore within the conversation: I don't think you need to walk into every vulnerable conversation knowing exactly what you're going through. Sometimes you can explore those emotions together and it can help having another set of eyes looking at you and your situation since they might pick up on something you might not have. For me personally, I like to have some degree of alone time to identify what I'm feeling and going through so I have something to work with when I'm talking to someone. Other people might be comfortable with going through the emotions in real time while talking about it. And that is ok. Whatever helps you learn about yourself and about your situation the best. 

Making the other person the priority: I do like how Eben talked about how it's important to be present and give someone their full attention during these types of situations. Not only does it help the other person feel valued but it also helps you pay attention to the situation. Also, I think it just goes without saying that if you consider yourself friends with someone, in a relationship or whatever, that this is just basic human decency and respect to care about other people and empathize with them instead of being dismissive or distracted. 

I think for me personally, I do appreciate the video for what it is which is a good example of healthy communication. But at the same time I don't find myself resonating with the style.  This couple does have a woo woo, new agey style, nothing wrong with it but it might not be everyone's cup of tea and that's ok. This isn't a critique about their presentation but I do think they have an audience in mind, which is other new agey people. I just think that this type of interaction, when broken down, is more common than one might think from watching this video. I know that I have a similar dynamic with most of my friends in that we have a degree of self awareness, we value one another, we feel emotionally safe with one another, we can be vulnerable when talking about our feelings and expereinces, and we're honest with each other. But it doesn't play out with us going through body awareness exercises and rating our emotions on a scale of 1 to 10. If that's a tool that helps other people be more intuned with themselves, that's great, just not my thing lol. You can definitely exhibit self awareness without running through that particular process. You can definitly be this vulnerable without having it be this soft. 

I also want to talk about the style of this because personally I get the impression that stage green tends to be pigeon holed into this hippy, new agey stereotype when the stage can have just as much diversity and range as stage orange for example. I don't think that these types of interactions are a rarity but if you look for it in the specific form of this particular style, it can look kind of out there. 

This is going to be nitpicky but I do want to highlight this point that might get lost in all of this. When Eben was like "your saddness is beautiful," it did rub me the wrong way just a tad bit. It wasn't so much to where I was uncomfortable with it since I knew the context of the situation rather it was more along the lines of *this might be something to note and be a little cautious of in other circumstances.* The reason why this didn't set off alarm bells and I can acknowledge that I am being a bit nitpicky is that this was said with the intention of making the other person feel safe in their emotional expression, that they have the space to be authentic, and that they are loved and accepted in this experience. But that phrase did make me think of something which is how some people tend to romanticize negative emotions and that didn't rub me the best way. Again, I don't think this was Eben's intention given the context but I do think it's beneficial to point it out. Personally, I think it's a healthier approach to say something along the lines of  "what you're feeling is valid and it's ok to feel this way and talk if you are comfortable. I appreciate that you feel comfortable with sharing this with me." 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

I've just been skimming the comments so feel free to call me out if I misinterpreted something from reading too fast lol. 

I feel that just in general, a lot of people on here tends to be rather misanthropic and assume that other people aren't conscious enough. Granted just as a society we have a long way to go but healthy relationships and dynamics that are fulfilling and help you grow aren't some kind of magical unicorn. 

Also, can we please let go of the false dichotomy of women/femininity being emotional and men/masculinity being rational? It over simplifies people into rigid roles without leaving room for nuance or a personality.  It also reinforces a lot of harmful belief that can be along the lines of *it isn't masculine to be emotional* or *women are crazy and can't be grounded when expressing emotions.* And those notions can lead to a lot of negative consequences that I don't think needs to bear repeting on here. 

[puporing]

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

It also reinforces a lot of harmful belief that can be along the lines of *it isn't masculine to be emotional* or *women are crazy and can't be grounded when expressing emotions.*

Yes.. one of the most loving and endearing moments I felt with a man was when he teared up with me. Well he was also masculine and embodied the feminine. Super rare.

Edited June 12, 2022 by puporing

[Razard86]

On 6/11/2022 at 5:32 PM, somegirl said:

 

Gives me chills that this kind of romantic interaction exists and is actually possible. Imagine what the world would look like if everyone was this open, in touch with their emotions, understanding and honest. Their child is so lucky. 

Does anynone have any other examles of relationships that are similar to this?

Lol are you serious? Do you know who that guy is? That is David DeAngelo!! He is a relationship guru who spent like 10 years of his life mastering his masculine and feminine side and studying the dance of the female male relationship. Do you know how incredibly rare a guy like he is? He also was mature enough and patient enough to figure out what woman he could connect with. 

David is a true rare man who went on a journey to shape himself into the man that woman want, while also finding the woman he wanted as well.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Also, can we please let go of the false dichotomy of women/femininity being emotional and men/masculinity being rational?

It's not a false dichotomy, it's a very important point to keep in mind when dealing with women.

God help the poor man who tries to treat his woman in a rational manner. He will be punished mercilessly.

A huge issue with conscious communication is that it has to be symmetrical, but a masculine/feminine relationship is asymmetrical. Bridging that chasm will be the real challenge.

[Razard86]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

It's not a false dichotomy, it's a very important point to keep in mind when dealing with women.

God help the poor man who tries to treat his woman in a rational manner. He will be punished mercilessly.

SOOOO TRUE!!!! I learned the hard way!! HAHAHAHAhA

[Proserpina]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

God help the poor man who tries to treat his woman in a rational manner. He will be punished mercilessly.

I don't think this is true. A low neurotic non-angry rational man can positively make me melt. The problem is they are very rare.