I am absolutely amazed by this couple

[somegirl]

 

Gives me chills that this kind of romantic interaction exists and is actually possible. Imagine what the world would look like if everyone was this open, in touch with their emotions, understanding and honest. Their child is so lucky. 

Does anynone have any other examles of relationships that are similar to this?

Edited June 11, 2022 by somegirl

[Leo Gura]

The only way that's gonna work is if your partner is as super developed as you are. Both gotta be at Tier 2. And there has to be a deep core compatibility between you two. And basically you're talking about a couple that's in their 40s. There's no way that's gonna fly in your 20s and probably not even in your 30s. People are just too immature for that sort of thing at that age. Core maturity is a huge factor. An immature person is incapable of conscious relationship and conscious communication.

[somegirl]

12 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The only way that's gonna work is if your partner is as super developed as you are. Both gotta be at Tier 2. And there has to be a deep core compatibility between you two. And basically you're talking about a couple that's in their 40s. There's no way that's gonna fly in your 20s and probably not even in your 30s. People are just too immature for that sort of thing at that age. Core maturity is a huge factor. An immature person is incapable of conscious relationship and conscious communication.

Yeah, I also remember Annie saying that she even got married much later than most people, which goes to your point. 

But she grew up in a very stable household, where parents treated her as their equal and were very open about her discovering her sexuality and didn't shame her for it. She had big advantage in a sense that she could easily build herself up to be such conscious and emotionally mature person she is today.

I don't know, I might be fooling myself, but I have a hope that this kind of interaction can be created even before hitting 40s.

I mean, it's not that hard. And plus it's beneficial and healing for both partners. Who wouldn't want to be cared for like this.

[RendHeaven]

Ok.

So I clicked this thread because I was baited by the title, right.

I read your statement, "Gives me chills that this kind of romantic interaction exists and is actually possible."

Did a little internal chuckle, my pride showing there. "They can't be that special." Interesting that I preemptively diminished the greatness of others. Was I feeling threatened somehow?

I start watching. I'm impressed by Eben's ability to connect his feelings to his body. I tend to imagine feelings as omnipresent. But he would pinpoint them, so now I'm wondering if there's more for me to learn. Still not amazed tho

Annie begins speaking. I'm immediately floored by the ridiculous amount of responsibility she's taking. When Eben spoke, he seemed to just say the event trigger and then the brute facts of what he experienced.

With Annie, she spoke more about her self image and all of her reported sensations had a personal twist. Shame, for example, is such a dynamic emotion. She's wrestling with the emotion. Whereas Eben would speak of his feelings as though they were parts in a machine (at one point he said "black and white needles," etc.), it felt more impersonal with him.

8:48 comes along. I have to fucking pause. Jesus. "I need you to tell me that it's ok to be sad" ... "your sadness is beautiful"

Bro I'm not crying, you are ?????

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

Gives me chills

Ok, you win.

It hit me too.

One thought I had in hindsight is that, Eben's overexplaining after the emotional release killed the magic a little, but perhaps it was necessary for a room full of clients.

It's weird to think that this whole thing was, despite being very real, also in some ways a drama for the audience. That is the nature of public talks. If Eben really sank into the silence (which is what my intuition says would've been best) and allowed Annie to express even more, the love between them would've grown even higher. But unfortunately the audience doesn't have that kind of patience.

Perhaps even deeper, and now I'm projecting, but I felt that Eben did an oopsie around 10:55 when he recounted his wife's vulnerability as "not coherent" and "not going anywhere." Look at the stiffness of her face for the next 20 seconds after that lol.

It seems to me that in this clip, Eben still put too much of a subtle emphasis on "fixing your wife's sourness." He says "your sadness is beautiful" but then basically lectures to the audience about how he managed to "fix" Annie's "incoherent" narrative.

The victory of the mood change was capitalized on, turned into content.

Furthermore, Annie JUST said that she felt like her voice was not given a chance to speak as much, and yet he just monologues after her moment of vulnerability. Did he really even register what she said?

Hence, at 13:58 when he asks, how are you feeling, she fakes the reply, "Great!" But then admits that she was lying, but then lies again by saying "I feel soft." Because she feels like she can't bring up this same issue again. She has to save face for the seminar to keep running. She has to keep pretending she's not sad.

Well, this was 2012 lol. I'm sure a decade has made them significantly wiser to each other's needs

Edited June 11, 2022 by RendHeaven

[Leo Gura]

56 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I don't know, I might be fooling myself, but I have a hope that this kind of interaction can be created even before hitting 40s.

Realistically not. You'd need to find two people who are both in the top 0.001% of development and consciousness.

Quote

I mean, it's not that hard.

It's basically impossible without being super developed.

99.99% of people couldn't do it even if they wanted to. And they don't even want to.

Quote

And plus it's beneficial and healing for both partners. Who wouldn't want to be cared for like this.

You might say you want it, but: A) Your selfishness will make it impossible, B) You don't want to make the sacrifices and work necessary for such a relationship. Instead you'd rather just have fun and have your needs met.

- - - - -

I'm not at a point in my development where I feel I would be fully capable of such a relationship. It would take me more development work. In my 40s I will be capable of it.

[Hello from Russia]

I tried to create it in my early 20s and failed 

Was trying to model these guys a lot by the way

[somegirl]

@RendHeaven Wow, such detailed and great analysis ?

55 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

8:48 comes along. I have to fucking pause. Jesus. "I need you to tell me that it's ok to be sad" ... "your sadness is beautiful"

Bro I'm not crying, you are ?????

Yeah I cried too at that point. You should watch their wedding vowes, that's something else.

57 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

One thought I had in hindsight is that, Eben's overexplaining after the emotional release killed the magic a little, but perhaps it was necessary for a room full of clients.

Yeah I thought that too! 

It was such a killer but I guess it would have been awkward if they stayed silent and said nothing after that "dance". They weren't alone after all.

59 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

If Eben really sank into the silence (which is what my intuition says would've been best) and allowed Annie to express even more, the love between them would've grown even higher. But unfortunately the audience doesn't have that kind of patience.

But I think, when something is real and authentic like this was, people are drawn to that and naturally want to observe it even more. People like authencity.

1 hour ago, RendHeaven said:

It seems to me that in this clip, Eben still put too much of a subtle emphasis on "fixing your wife's sourness." He says "your sadness is beautiful" but then basically lectures to the audience about how he managed to "fix" Annie's "incoherent" narrative.

The victory of the mood change was capitalized on, turned into content.

Yep, felt the same but couldn't verbalize it but you did explain it well. I guess that explanation of Eben's was magic -killer, but I understand they couldn't just not address what happened and move on to their next point lol.

1 hour ago, RendHeaven said:

Furthermore, Annie JUST said that she felt like her voice was not given a chance to speak as much, and yet he just monologues after her moment of vulnerability. Did he really even register what she said?

Yes, but I noticed she wasn't ready to speak after that emotional segment. She stayed silent after they parted their hands, kinda letting Eben take the lead again.

Sadness can be an overwhelming feeling and I guess one can not just continue on with talking given she cried beforehand (plus she was experiencing frustration, self-loathing and all of that) . Needed a time to gather her composure I guess.  

1 hour ago, RendHeaven said:

Hence, at 13:58 when he asks, how are you feeling, she fakes the reply, "Great!" But then admits that she was lying, but then lies again by saying "I feel soft." Because she feels like she can't bring up this same issue again. She has to save face for the seminar to keep running. She has to keep pretending she's not sad.

You have similar observations like me lol.

And she is big on "telling the truth" and not witholding anything (was watching some of her YT videos so that's how I know), so this would go against her value. I wonder if they did something similar to this again, since I cannot find it on YT. 

 

[somegirl]

29 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:

I tried to create it in my early 20s and failed 

Was trying to model these guys a lot by the way

How did you try? And why did it fail?

[somegirl]

@Leo Gura We'll see ?

Besides, if one believes something is impossible, then they will most likely witness that reality. Don't you think? 

[Michael Jackson]

20 minutes ago, somegirl said:

@Leo Gura We'll see ?

Besides, if one believes something is impossible, then they will most likely witness that reality. Don't you think? 

??? This is hilarious.

You don't even love yourself yet... Let alone loving an other person

Edited June 12, 2022 by Michael Jackson

[puporing]

Not my style (like being asked a bunch of numbers and being overly verbal and rushing things, but it is also a public setting so who knows, hahaha), but kudos to the guy for caring and accepting the sadness part.

Not totally related but I've experienced way more profound stuff in therapy once.. but it was hard to say how much of it was because of the money and how much of it came from himself. I'll never know for certain (though I have some gut feelings on it). But to add, it does require two very developed individuals, that's the limiter on how deep you can go with each other.

Edited June 12, 2022 by puporing

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

@Leo Gura We'll see ?

Besides, if one believes something is impossible, then they will most likely witness that reality. Don't you think? 

I would be more concerned about kidding yourself in such matters. You're not as developed as you think you are.

It's not impossible. But it takes work. Such a relationship will never just happen by accident. Which is why it impressed you so much. It's like seeing someone juggle 10 daggers. You can learn to do it too, but will you?

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az41hkLie6I

[Loba]

14 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You can learn to do it too, but will you?

I won't, I'm too selfish.  But it is wonderful to see that things like this exist, but I don't kid myself that I'm ready for, or even interested in obtaining the same thing - I could see myself dying "into" it though, after this life is over, when the body doesn't exist anymore and I'm free, unbound by form, I could take something like that on for sure.
I take the left hand path, which is the selfish, consumerist one - I can get into the same states as all of y'all, it's just more finicky and bound by a constant stream of consumption - pleasure is just fine; also, I only have like 10-20 years left, and I don't want to waste it on relinquishing any of my comforts... I think most people are like this, they just might not want to admit it or don't entirely know they're on the left hand path.

Just my 2c.

Hope you manage to create that for yourself in your 40's, you sound like you want that.  Gl.

[RendHeaven]

4 minutes ago, Aleister Crowleyy said:

If I ever said any of this sh!t this guy uttered I would be labeled a creep. 

The people up there are MARRIED lol.

Yeah, you wouldn't say any of this to a stranger you just met.

[Jacob Morres]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

And basically you're talking about a couple that's in their 40s. There's no way that's gonna fly in your 20s and probably not even in your 30s

I'd have to disagree a little here leo. I think if your intention is strong, and the personality is right, you can do it even when you're young. I've had this when I was 18 and again at 24 

It depends on your focus, desires and heart 

Edited June 12, 2022 by Jacob Morres

[Arcangelo]

All I  see is an act in front of an audience.

What's the big deal?

LOL!

You guys really think it is real????

[puporing]

@Something Funny It can be a huge undertakinig to try to "bring someone to higher consciousness/more love", without knowing if it'll lead to anything. I'm not disagreeing that you can work on yourself. But it would be hard to try to get someone else to do it hahaa and soon you'll burn out/becomes one-sided because there's not a "reflecting back" of what you put out if the gap is too great.

Edited June 12, 2022 by puporing

[Michael Jackson]

2 hours ago, Aleister Crowleyy said:

would never say this to my girlfriend or my wife. It goes against attraction. These people are weird compared to "normal society". If I ever said any shit like this I would be called a creep and ostracized. The only reason that they are not is because they have the support of a crowd and their "higher status" position. I would never get away with saying this to a women unless she was my therapist.

@Aleister CrowleyyCrowleyy not only would you get away with it, she would love you for it.

What humans essentially crave is being understood.

Thats what this man does on a master Level.

[mmKay]

Eben Pagan is one amazing dude. Too much intimacy for me though. I did get kinda triggered by the amount PDA. 

You would have to find a man who is developed enough to be in keen touch with his emotions, who's got the awareness to feel you out AND has to care enough to consistently go through these feelings with you. 

I have done lots of emotional and awareness work ,but for me to care for a girl to that degree she would have to be smoking hot - therefore pretty young which entails she'd most ikely be as shallow as a chiwawa.  And she would have to be developed enough to be receptive to such behavior instead of unconsciously craving a macho man. 

So that's just a phase I need to go through and I don't expect to be out of it any time soon. Looks like Eben Pagan burned through that phase to some degree but this does not speak for the majority of men. 

TLDR : Very rewarding relationship. Requirements : extremely high contrasted with the average couple. Chances: Very slim. Good luck ?