Hate me please(Uninhibited)

[Preety_India]

Okay I have been having these synchronicities where I feel P is my husband. 

Hmm. 

 

Edited June 13, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

You're my husband and you don't even know that. 

 

[Preety_India]

Why do I feel so tender inside? 

 

[Preety_India]

 

On 6/10/2022 at 10:17 AM, Preety_India said:

 

 

Don't kid yourself. A girl doesn't need to go that  far to impress you. I'm on my own. I don't need men to make me feel full. I can be on my own, thank you very much. 

 

But somehow P is different. Not like other men. He is super protective of me. He talks to me in a certain way. 

 

 

You think a woman would take you back or even like you, once you have clearly shown that you don't give 2 shits about how she feels. Omfg. Are you serious? No way. Once you've broken the man code, there's no going back. It's over. And for a woman like me (who is emotional and sensitive, but might give off the impression that I'm cold and distant and unemotional) it's next to impossible to come back to me or win me over once again (never happened, never will). I call it the man code. So what's the man code in my head. 

Man code imo = man protects the woman who he claims/claimed to love no matter what. 

Once you break this code, everything is over already. 

I'm attracted to dominating guys. I'm attracted to cocky guys. They sell a perfume for that. But I'm not attracted to fucking uncaring guys. They are carefully marked off the list. In fact they don't even make it to the list. 

You're an uncaring person and I could care less. 

Plus..... You got a stick up your ass. I don't like guys like that. 

I like men who are a subtle balance of both Domination and protection. Who got balls to say that they really want me. I am a feminine woman who wishes to be treated gently. I don't wish to be dragged and made fun of. No thanks. I can pass that. 

You never cared to begin with. You only cared about yourself. Never me. I never figured in any of your equations. Who cares. I never felt loved. Because I was never made to feel loved. You discarded me like trash. That's why I moved on. I bear resentment too. It's just that I don't like it to turn into some public fuss. I have my limits and my boundaries. And one of those that I don't talk shit. My silence is not a proof of guilt. My silence is my grace. I just keep myself away from talking shit. 

I'm a special girl. And I'll always be a special girl. 

 

 

I'm like a beautiful bird. I swear. I feel like a beautiful bird all the time. 

My wings and delicate feathers will protect you from all the harm in the world. I will lick your wounds. I will heal your sorrow. Although I'm still a narcissistic idiot. At least I'm sweet. 

 

 

 

 

On 6/10/2022 at 10:41 AM, Preety_India said:

 

I'm the goddess you need to pray to. 

I'm the river you need to drink from. 

I'm your savior in trouble. 

I'm your pillow at night. I'm your queen, your princess, I'm your feminine shadow you've punished and demonized and Denigrated. 

I will worship you. With my gentle touch I'll bring you back to life. With my innocence I will mend your hard edges. With my sweetness I'll smoothen your roughness. With my Purity I'll drown out your dissonance. With my playfulness I'll take away your sorrow. 

You call me a Narcissist. But even a narcissist is capable of loving. 

 

 

 

On 6/10/2022 at 11:03 AM, Preety_India said:

 

Why do I feel like I can't see men the way I always wanted to. Why have men become so weak?

 

 

On 6/10/2022 at 11:07 AM, Preety_India said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 6/10/2022 at 11:37 AM, Preety_India said:

 

 

 

For me love is a secret matter, a private thing. 

Anyone who engages in airing out the dirty laundry in public is quickly off the list, no thanks.. Sorry too much insecurity and I'm extremely high on privacy. 

That's why I write cryptic. 

I can't tolerate all the public shit. 

It's too much for me. I'm a delicate soul. 

I'm just a fragile human being. A beautiful woman carved out of ivory and shell. I can break with one blow. 

 

 

On 6/10/2022 at 4:54 PM, Preety_India said:

 

 

I'm the goddess you need to pray to. 

 

I'm the river you need to drink from. 

 

I'm your savior in trouble. 

 

I'm your pillow at night. I'm your queen, your princess, I'm your feminine shadow you've punished and demonized and Denigrated. 

 

I will worship you. With my gentle touch I'll bring you back to life. With my innocence I will mend your hard edges. With my sweetness I'll smoothen your roughness. With my Purity I'll drown out your dissonance. With my playfulness I'll take away your sorrow. 

 

You call me a Narcissist. But even a narcissist is capable of loving. 

 

 

 

On 6/10/2022 at 8:26 PM, Preety_India said:

 

 

 

 

 

On 6/10/2022 at 9:59 PM, Preety_India said:

 

Even while having sex im emotional. 

Wait a minute. I never had sex. 

 

 

 

 

On 6/10/2022 at 10:20 PM, Preety_India said:

I really want to get to know P. 

 

On 6/10/2022 at 10:40 PM, Preety_India said:

P is an emo guy. Exactly my type. The problem is that he is a male. A guy. So.... I never quite understand male emotions. 

Although I have always put my best foot forward whenever they needed any kind of emotional support or help. 

In fact I have gone out of my way to help them 

 

But still.... Something is missing. With an emo guy you never know. The problem is that I can't read his mind. I don't know what will set him off or what will make him happy. 

For the time being .... That is. 

 

 

 

On 6/10/2022 at 10:46 PM, Preety_India said:

My emo guy is a Virgo who is born in September and Virgo have fluctuating emotions. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

On 6/11/2022 at 0:39 AM, Preety_India said:

 

 

I really really deeply love this man and I think he would make a great partner.

This is the first time I'm falling for a guy who is super emotional and sensitive and not like  the cocky ones I used to date before. 

So recently I have found a guy who lives in the US and we have known each other before. It's a long distance relationship. We chat for hours. I have fallen hard for him. He likes me too. He is cute and sexy. 

He prefers to keep to himself and doesn't open up much. He is a very emotional guy/sentimental type. He has cried before and language he uses is generally emotional. We bond with each other over our shared emotional nature. 

The thing is sometimes when he shares emotional/sad things with me, I tend to laugh a little inside. (I don't show that I'm secretly laughing at him or just not able to relate). I find it hard to empathize with him because I don't expect him to be weak or fragile or sensitive. The whole idea that a man should not be vulnerable/emotional is baked in my head. I don't laugh at him obviously so it doesn't show. 

Whenever a female friend cries her pain out with me, I immediately relate and cry with her. Not with this man. 

Of course I don't have bad intent and I would love to be his emotional supporter but I'm struggling in this capacity. 

But when he does open up, I end up  showing superficial empathy yet I can't really relate to his anxieties and frustrations and issues as a man. I find it hard to grasp how he feels or how he is going to react to whatever I have to say and as a result we get into fights later. I cannot preemptively judge the situation and that causes me to not be emotionally aligned with him, my responses causing more harm than good. He detects my lack of sensitivity or finds it odd to open up to me and recoils back into his shell.. 

How can I (as a female) understand and relate to Male emotions better? 

 

 

 

On 6/11/2022 at 4:41 AM, Preety_India said:

 

 

 

You have gotten me hooked on you. 

I can die for you. 

I want you. 

Make me one with you somehow. 

Anyhoq

My heart wants you 

You are my soulmate 

 

 

 

22 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I spent the whole night thinking about you. 

 

 

 

 

20 hours ago, Preety_India said:

 

You're my healer and you didn't even know that. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

P you're my only protector and husband.. 

I love you. 

I feel good when you are around. I feel protected. 

I could cry right now. 

I will be 

[Preety_India]

P I love you.. I am so in love with you. 

 

[Preety_India]

V is another character I had in mind. 

 

Edited June 12, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

And the next one is S. 

 

[Preety_India]

So I have P and S and V. 

P is so emotional. S is sensual and V is a bit psycho stalkerish. V is a pure gold. 

V is protective and gentle with me and sometimes rough and punishing. V for victory? 

S is my fix. 

Whereas P is someone I share emotional intimacy with.. 

V demands a lot out of me. Very demanding of my attention.. Follows me around. 

V is a Virgo too. S is a scorpio. 

Two Virgo and 1 scorpio.. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I love P. I love V. I love S

 

I must be crazy. I must be a fool. 

I connect with P emotionally. V must be my husband. S is sensual and aloof. 

I think I'm looking for aspects that I want in a dream partner in all these men. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Last night I saw V in my dream. 

Someone told him that he has a great record. I was laughing. 

Like what? 

V is so manipulative. Yea V is my husband unfortunately. 

Let me tell some of the great things about V. 

 

[Preety_India]

V is a total psycho. 

• His eyes are psycho stalker eyes. Sadistic eyes. 
• He is sadistic 
• He is psychopath. He plays mind games 
• He is sociopath. He takes pain in pleasure. 
• He is deeply insecure and has a Jekyll Hyde personality 
• He is a stalker. He is obsessed with me 
• He is predatory and rapey  
• He is pure schizophrenic bipolar depressed sadistic  psycho 
• He is machiavellian, cold, psychopath and manipulative. 
• He is egotistical and stubborn and adamant 
• He is Bossy and narcissistic but maintains a sweet facade. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

I love you. 

You stole my heart. You took my breath away. You're in my heart forever and I'm slave to your love.. 

I worship you. I love you deeply. I can't live without you. You are my love, you are my soul. You have my heart. I promised myself that you're the man I will love forever and only you and none other. I won't love any other man except you. 

The day you told me - "give yourself to me," I gave myself to you and never looked back ever since. 

I can die for you. I swear I will give up my life for you. I have surrendered my heart and my life to you. 

Whether you love me or not, it's not relevant anymore. 

Whether you hate me or not, it doesn't matter anymore 

Whether you like someone else or not , it won't piss me off anymore 

Whether you give your love to me or not, I will still love you just the same. 

I want nothing from you. No commitment nothing. I don't even want sex. 

I just want to keep loving you and worshipping you. 

What you do of me is up to you. 

I won't be hurt no matter what you do. 

If you feel like you wanna kill me, then here I am, I surrender my body and my willpower to you.. Do as you wish 

I have fallen in love with you and you have found the way to my heart. 

.... 

This is what I wanted all my life. It's you. Only you. I love you. 

 

..... 

You know what I like the most on your body. That place. That place on your neck. Right in the center, a bit lower. Yes yes yes, right there. Right near your throat but just below it, where it's a bit shallow. That central place. Right there... Hehe I was looking up for the scientific name for this place. It's called the Jugular notch or the Suprasternal notch. 

I want to place a knife right there and cut the Jugular. I'm joking. I want to touch there and feel all of my love flowing through it. 

Keep touching there and you'll feel my love. Hehe. My love flows through that place into your body. 

 

Edited June 13, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

I'm laughing so hard right now.. 

 

 

Hahahahahahahaha Hahahahahahahaha Hahahahahahahaha Hahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. 

 

[Preety_India]

Your hands don't have any strength. Lmfao. I'm a tough baby..

Try to bend my wrist. And it won't bend. 

My wrist is tiny. But I'm a tough baby. You can't even bend my wrist haha. 

 

(secretly observes his hands to see if they are really strong) 

 

Edited June 13, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Well I belong to V. 

Hmm. Wait he is my husband 

I kinda like him. But he is too dominating. 

 

[Preety_India]

V should stand for vindictive. 

 

[Preety_India]

Sexual energy and alignment......... .Intimacy. 

Emotional connection and flow...... Alignment

Domination, care and protection...... Polarity 

 

Api

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

My womanhood is looking for those 3 things 

Intimacy, alignment, polarity. 

My womanhood is desperate to merge with Masculinity. My womanhood cannot sustain on its own for too long. I feel this way. 

I need V in my life. 

I need P in my life 

I need S in my life 

 

Plus I'm a codependent. I need to be in the "follower" role. I cannot lead a man. He has to lead me. He has to have the leader role - domination and protection.