Religious awakening trip report from 2020

[RMQualtrough]

I copy paste this without edit. I had no idea prior to this what "nonduality" was, and had no religious inclination whatsoever. This is exactly as I recorded it and attempted to interpret it without the aid of ANY knowledge gleamed from researching nondual tradition. I found such tradition via searching "monism" after the fact.

This was vaped n,n-DMT on the peak of 500ug of acid.

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BLAST OFF

It was on my second inhale of DMT using my Mighty vape that it hit the fan.

I closed my eyes and experienced a complete out of body trip to heaven with visuals... full color visuals, intricate and detailed.

To walk through from the beginning, first of all imagine you are a Matryoshka doll (those Russian doll things). The innermost doll.

Well what happened was, my human vessel which was this innermost doll was left down below and I was launched/sucked away from myself and upwards. And as I kept going up it was like outer shells of dolls were shattering as I broke into higher and higher realms of reality. Like going from the smallest doll in the set to the biggest all-encompassing doll.

Rather than a tunnel of light going towards heaven, it was more like I was being sucked up from my human self into heaven - I was watching my lower-level-consciousness-selves as I was propelled higher and higher up.

The visuals were very vivid and intense, but difficult to explain... It was like I had a collar around my vessel (whatever was being launched up into these planes of reality), and the patterning was on this collar, like perhaps yellow vibrant squares for example (but these weren't just random shapes on the back of my eyelids, these were like, fully lucid visions of an alternate dimension) - and I was being sucked upwards through the middle into higher realms of reality and I'd go up through these layers of visions higher and higher.

Until I reached the ultimate reality.

I reached heaven.

It was not heaven in the sense that it felt blissful or anything. That's the thing, it didn't feel anything, it just WAS. But it was heaven in the sense of being the ultimate reality. When every layer is peeled off that's what's left. I was in heaven. I have visited heaven.

I saw spacetime itself form shape: Outside the boundaries of what I was seeing was void - colorless nonexistence.

I had wondered what possible layer deeper I could have possibly gone except by dying; but then I realized that dying would not do it - because non-existence does not exist, and it's not possible for anything that exists to NOT exist... "I" or "you" may """die""" (quote unquote) but we will never get to not exist, we will *ALWAYS* exist...

I can see where people get ideas about reincarnation... A tree can sprout many leaves - we are the tree... We as in "you" or "I" might THINK we're the leaf, but that's just an illusion, a subsection of the whole which is the tree that we ACTUALLY are.

We are all existence, anything that has existed cannot ever NOT exist because non-existence does not exist.

WE are existence. WE are spacetime. WE are eternal. WE are all there ever was and all there ever will be; always "were" and always "will be". The alpha and omega. We are unstoppable because we are existence itself.

WE are EVERYTHING.

...

I also did speak to a divine being or something of that nature but my recollection of that is incredibly scant. I think between my visions through heaven I opened my eyes and spoke to the deity and asked what it wants me to do (I think?) and if it wants me to bring back the experience and tell other people, something along those lines. I don't remember the specifics but definitely something along those lines happened... I saw a large female deity's face across my ceiling briefly, I recall.

But the "divine being" did not feel more powerful than me, us, you, WE... That was part of the thing - that everything was one and the same, everything in existence was one. Nothing exists but existence itself. Whatever this presence was, was simply a manifestation of a part of US that was helping facilitate my journey... I in fact felt like I had gone even further *beyond* the realm where this presence existed.

Using the tree sprouting leaves analogy, perhaps these presences are like the branches. One step above us "leaves" but a step below the ultimate reality of the tree. I feel like I reached and reunited with the tree.

I consider this to be a legitimate religious experience, along the lines of Buddhist/Monistic belief (I never had any religious belief prior to psychedelic use). This was not getting "high" this was literally a religious experience, a deeply earth-shattering spiritual/religious experience.

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Everything that I write since, and everything I have searched for and researched, is due to this trip. Which I now cannot recall experientially aside from perhaps a miniscule memory of visuals, which is also just a vague fascimile.

I have never reached that state of being ever again, albeit other trips after were still "enlightening" when not just random alien rave scenes or panic attacks. I never came back from that trip... I've been trying to make sense of it since.

[AtheisticNonduality]

Make of this what you may, but I have been intuiting that there was something spiritually special about 2019/2020, in the sense that there was a tension building up and a mass catastrophe that happened consequently, both the buildup and the traumatic spring 2020 being event parts in something inclined upward.

[Oeaohoo]

15 minutes ago, AtheisticNonduality said:

Make of this what you may, but I have been intuiting that there was something spiritually special about 2019/2020, in the sense that there was a tension building up and a mass catastrophe that happened consequently, both the buildup and the traumatic spring 2020 being event parts in something inclined upward.

Absolutely! This was a very peculiarly potent and spiritual time for me. Relating to this channel, a lot of Leo’s deepest videos were released round this time.

Except, you know I can’t agree that is “something inclined upward”! 

[AtheisticNonduality]

1 hour ago, Oeaohoo said:

Absolutely! This was a very peculiarly potent and spiritual time for me. Relating to this channel, a lot of Leo’s deepest videos were released round this time.

Except, you know I can’t agree that is “something inclined upward”! 

I also had very significant and numinous dreams during that time.

[Grateful Dead]

@RMQualtrough What temperature did you vape the Mighty with DMT at?

3 hours ago, AtheisticNonduality said:

that there was something spiritually special about 2019/2020

can confirm this too

[RMQualtrough]

7 minutes ago, acidgoofy said:

@RMQualtrough What temperature did you vape the Mighty with DMT at?

can confirm this too

175C I believe.

The thing about 2020 is that lockdown made people introspect more...