I'm Not Sure We're Compatible

[eTorro]

Hello.

I'm in a relationship with an Arab woman — we like each other a lot but I'm not sure we're compatible enough.

She's interested in discussing other people or events, and I'm more of a philosophical person that's into spiritual work.

On a deeper level, it's hard for me to connect with her intellectually. To her, I'm a great listener and she loves talking to me about all that she has on her mind.

What I wanted to ask is what could I talk to her about on my side. What type of stories could I tell her that would make her truly listen to me?

Thanks.

[puporing]

Doesn't sound very compatible.

[eTorro]

1 minute ago, puporing said:

Doesn't sound very compatible.

She likes to talk about her day and the things that are happening in her family. You know... mundane stuff.

What can I do to get her interested in what I have to say? Is there a possibility?

[something_else]

6 minutes ago, eTorro said:

What can I do to get her interested in what I have to say?

This is entering into the 'What can I do to change my partner?' territory which is generally bad, and an indication of incompatibility.

[integral]

anecdotes: a short amusing or interesting story about a real incident or person.

Turn a teaching or an idea into an anecdote. Make it about something that really happened or pretend it really happened. They need to get the impression that its real and tangible. Sensors give importance tangibly. Tailor to her learning style, its something that takes alot of patients and love to do. 

Edited June 10, 2022 by integral

[eTorro]

1 minute ago, something_else said:

This is entering into the 'What can I do to change my partner?' territory which is generally bad, and an indication of incompatibility.

I don't have a need to change her — I never attempted that.

[Danioover9000]

@eTorro

1 hour ago, eTorro said:

Hello.

I'm in a relationship with an Arab woman — we like each other a lot but I'm not sure we're compatible enough.

She's interested in discussing other people or events, and I'm more of a philosophical person that's into spiritual work.

On a deeper level, it's hard for me to connect with her intellectually. To her, I'm a great listener and she loves talking to me about all that she has on her mind.

What I wanted to ask is what could I talk to her about on my side. What type of stories could I tell her that would make her truly listen to me?

Thanks.

   Doesn't sound compatible to me. It seems like you're personality traits are more leaning to being an introvert while she's more extroverted than you in the relationship, so you'll have to do a bit of a mental gymnastics with yourself to tell her convincing stories about you or parts of your life you want to share. However, by doing that you're gonna have to be comfortable being an extrovert for that time frame. How are you when speaking?

   If I was you here, I'd consider this a short term relationship as the compatibility is a bit hard between introverted/extroverted personalities.

[something_else]

1 hour ago, eTorro said:

I don't have a need to change her — I never attempted that.

I know. All I said was that the line of thinking that starts with "what can I do to get her interested in what I have to say?" can lead down the path of trying to change your partner.

[Leo Gura]

1) You should get good at talking about mundane stuff with girls. Rarely will a girl give you much intellectual challenge. That's not really her function.

2) If you value deep intelligent conversations then you should emphasize that when screening girls. Some girls are deeper while most are shallow as a puddle.

3) Most girls will be more interested in people than in things and ideas. This is how girls gotta be to be good mothers. So to some extent you just learn to accept it.

[puporing]

3 hours ago, eTorro said:

She likes to talk about her day and the things that are happening in her family. You know... mundane stuff.

What can I do to get her interested in what I have to say? Is there a possibility?

I mean it depends on your tolerance level really. You could try to nudge the conversation in that direction but ultimately if she has no interest you can't do much about it.. You could simply say "I am really interested in this topic, is that something you'd be curious about?" And if the answer is leaning towards no.. I think you would have to let it go, and maybe find your need for more intellectual/spiritual conversations elsewhere.

So you have to determine how important this is to you. Can you give her the love she deserves without wanting to change her all the time??

The thing is for me if I can't connect on a spiritual level there is no reason for me to be with that person and I don't feel attraction. But everyone's tolerance is a bit different.

Sometimes someone has an opening, and that opening means there's potential. But I wouldn't count on that either..

Edited June 10, 2022 by puporing

[Razard86]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

1) You should get good at talking about mundane stuff with girls. Rarely will a girl give you much intellectual challenge. That's not really her function.

2) If you value deep intelligent conversations then you should emphasize that when screening girls. Some girls are deeper while most are shallow as a puddle.

3) Most girls will be more interested in people than in things and ideas. This is how girls gotta be to be good mothers. So to some extent you just learn to accept it.

The funny thing is...results of studies of toddlers show this. Female babies tend to be more interested in faces, and male babies tend to be more interested in things. 

[Leo Gura]

22 minutes ago, Aleister Crowleyy said:

It made me think they have lower Iq's.

It's not lower IQ, it's just a different orientation and set of values, needs, priorities, strengths, ways of information process, and interfacing with reality.

When it comes to dealing with people and taking care of children, women are way more intelligent than most guys. That's what the female mind is wired for. It's not wired for inventing gadgets or doing logic.

[thisintegrated]

Well you know your personality types?  Not all are compatible.

I'm in a relationship with multiple arab women atm, lol.

Talk to new people and eventually drop the ones you don't like.

[somegirl]

42 minutes ago, Aleister Crowleyy said:

I've noticed this. It made me think they have lower Iq's.

I'm just gonna roll my eyes if you really think someone has lower IQ just because they do  not value the same stuff you do. ?

Women are made for different things than men. They are wired differently. This is why most females are good at being social and at being a mom, than guys, for example. Does that mean guys have lower IQ? No, that conclusion wouldn't even cross my mind. Men are just wired for different stuff in this life.

47 minutes ago, Aleister Crowleyy said:

They talk about dumb stuff mostly.

Then you obviously haven't met anyone worth having conversations with. "All girls/guys are this and that" statements really have to go out of the window because it sounds childish.

[Hardkill]

33 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's not lower IQ, it's just a different orientation and set of values, needs, priorities, strengths, ways of information process, and interfacing with reality.

When it comes to dealing with people and taking care of children, women are way more intelligent than most guys. That's what the female mind is wired for. It's not wired for inventing gadgets or doing logic.

Women have now shown themselves to be able to invent gadgets and doing logical problem solving just as well as men.

So, wouldn't that actually mean that women in general have an overall greater intellect than men because they have shown themselves as intelligent as men are academically and intellectually plus they have naturally higher emotional and social intellegence than men?

[puporing]

There're patterns with men and women, but there are always exceptions to those patterns. The more you project your ideas of how a man or a woman is supposed to be the more that becomes what you see.

For someone to reach their full potential, we need more people who hold the space for any possibility to arise, than projecting our ideas of how things should turn out. 

That's the problem when I see you guys talk about men and women as only good for one thing and not other things. With every generalized statement you can make a counter statement (plenty of good fathers and bad mothers, and vice versa, just ask a psychologist). Being a woman does not at all by default mean you're a better parent - it's a skill that requires cultivating beyond a baseline like most things. I could easily make the counter argument that women are not good parents as psychologists will tell you that most problems of their patients are from their mothers and especially the mother-daughter and mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship.  

The harm I see in this kind of assumption is that it tends to create a society where men do not pay much attention to their children because they simply "trust" that the woman will do a good job. This can actually cause a lot of harm when there's simply no involvement at the extreme end of things. 

Of course I am biased too, and I do recognize the general patterns/tendencies between the genders. But thought I'd point out these things as they have become too obvious to ignore.

Edited June 11, 2022 by puporing

[puporing]

4 minutes ago, Aleister Crowleyy said:

Are you a woman?

What does that have to do with anything?

[puporing]

15 minutes ago, Aleister Crowleyy said:

Are you a woman?

 

7 minutes ago, Aleister Crowleyy said:

Shit test(resistance), so I already have my answer. 

As the eagle looks down, it frowns at those who wear a crown and smiles at those who wore a crown ? .

So you're just posting shit. 

[Preety_India]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

This is how girls gotta be to be good mothers.

Big error. To be a good mother, a woman should be intelligent and not shallow. 

 

[Proserpina]

19 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Big error. To be a good mother, a woman should be intelligent and not shallow. 

 

Some of the best mothers are ISFJ.   ISFJs tend to be very 'simple minded'. Not interested in ideas and the big picture.  They are typically sp/so 9 whom tend to be very placid, gentle and demure. What they lack in logic and complex understanding,  they make up in their beautiful nature.  

ISFJ is also the most common female type.

Edited June 11, 2022 by Proserpina