How to relate to Male emotions and understand my man better?

[Preety_India]

I really really deeply love this man and I think he would make a great partner.

This is the first time I'm falling for a guy who is super emotional and sensitive and not like  the cocky ones I used to date before. 

So recently I have found a guy who lives in the US and we have known each other before. It's a long distance relationship. We chat for hours. I have fallen hard for him. He likes me too. He is cute and sexy. 

He prefers to keep to himself and doesn't open up much. He is a very emotional guy/sentimental type. He has cried before and language he uses is generally emotional. We bond with each other over our shared emotional nature. 

The thing is sometimes when he shares emotional/sad things with me, I tend to laugh a little inside. (I don't show that I'm secretly laughing at him or just not able to relate). I find it hard to empathize with him because I don't expect him to be weak or fragile or sensitive. The whole idea that a man should not be vulnerable/emotional is baked in my head. I don't laugh at him obviously so it doesn't show. 

Whenever a female friend cries her pain out with me, I immediately relate and cry with her. Not with this man. 

Of course I don't have bad intent and I would love to be his emotional supporter but I'm struggling in this capacity. 

But when he does open up, I end up  showing superficial empathy yet I can't really relate to his anxieties and frustrations and issues as a man. I find it hard to grasp how he feels or how he is going to react to whatever I have to say and as a result we get into fights later. I cannot preemptively judge the situation and that causes me to not be emotionally aligned with him, my responses causing more harm than good. He detects my lack of sensitivity or finds it odd to open up to me and recoils back into his shell.. 

How can I (as a female) understand and relate to Male emotions better? 

 

Thanks. 

 

Edited June 10, 2022 by Preety_India

[NoSelfSelf]

Whats the context hes bringing that stuff up? I mean thats his problems to fix on his own you cant help him even if you knew what to tell...

Its good to be vurnable but not emotional as a man tho...

You cant relate because you look at him as someone strong that will take care of situations...

You are looking for a man and hes not that  and now you trying to force it basically 

Man doesnt talk emotional and about his wounds to a woman because he knows hes on his own... nobody really cares... he should pick himself up and own his world and others should be looking for his support, hes the one influencing the woman not her influencing the man!

 

 

[Razard86]

The solution is simple. Stop looking at his emotions as "male emotions." Notice what you said, if a woman shows that emotion you are okay with it but when the man shows it you are not. First of all your response is a normal one, society teaches men not to show emotion. By doing this they teach men to NOT accept their emotions. By doing this they also teach society to not accept male emotion as well. So you only have this issue because you were taught that this is an appropriate response.

Kudos for you for recognizing this issue!! Kudos for sharing it as well!! I really wish more women could walk this path with you because it is part of the process of bringing men and women back together again. So the key is to think of his emotions as just an expression of a human, a person. Forget that he is a man when he expresses his emotions. When a woman can be a man's safe place to fully express himself, that woman becomes his home. When a man can be a place for a woman to safely express herself that man becomes her home. Through this the two of you will always be "home" when you two are communicating with each other. It's a rare thing, and something I believe you two can create with each other. 

So forget that he is a man, see him as the fellow human he is and you will be fine.

 

 

[Leo Gura]

Rather than trying to respond or comfort someone, just get good at listening to them and asking clarifying questions that deepen understanding.

Set your intention to simply see his POV, rather than trying to get something out of him. If you do this genuinely he should start to feel validated. This requires openmindedness, curiosity, coming from a place of not-knowing, and dropping your assumptions and expectations.

The issue for you will be that you are very emotionally reactive, and if he is too, you two will trigger each other and that won't be sustainable. An emotionally reactive man is a rather weak man and that's gonna create problems in the masculine/feminine dynamic.

[hyruga]

Guys have to lead so the best way for you is to subtlely get him to lead.

You know in the olden days, girls pretend to drop their handkerchief all the time so that the guy will pick it up and pass to her. You can also pretend to like fall down, sprain ur ankle so that he cares for you.

It's manipulation. But what isn't? You means guys don't comb hair? Don't wear nice shirt when going out?

[Preety_India]

@hyruga hey that sounds like total manipulation to me!!! 

Shouldn't we love someone for who they are rather than reject them for who they aren't? 

 

[Arthogaan]

See his inner child within. Everyone has scared child inside - gender does not matter. See it within him. Whether it is emotional or cocky dude, see that inside there is always this scared, traumatised child hiding. 

This helped me feel empathy for people I used to hate.

[Bobby_2021]

On 6/10/2022 at 6:59 PM, Leo Gura said:

An emotionally reactive man is a rather weak man and that's gonna create problems in the masculine/feminine dynamic.

The same applies to crying men.

Women naturally love strength in men and Crying shows weakness.

On 6/10/2022 at 4:40 PM, Preety_India said:

The whole idea that a man should not be vulnerable/emotional is baked in my head.

Isn't it possible that you this is what you naturally find attractive rather than something baked into your head by society? 

Edited June 11, 2022 by Bobby_2021

[Preety_India]

Just now, Bobby_2021 said:

Isn't it possible that you this idea is what you naturally find attractive rather than something baked into your head by society? 

If it were natural, I probably would have never been attracted to him in the first place? 

That's why I don't think it's natural. 

[IAmReallyImportant]

We don't have emotions.

[IAmReallyImportant]

Or at least me.

[Cassy0110]

you have such superficial thinking, probably because you think that a man should be brutal, because of this you deny his sensitivity and can't feel everything. Drop the idea that a man should be a flint.