should i abandon my family?

[NoN-RaTiOnAL]

i had issues with my family for years now.. most of them are now resolved on the ground of "lets agree to disagree" 
its not a very abusive family, they are a bit too closed minded and stupid my parents. like 80% blue, conspiracy addicts and overall unemotional unconscious zombies walking miserably upon this beautiful planet. they are always the victims in their stories. everybody else is the blame.. always say i have to go to university (even though ive got a nice job going on that pays me well enough to live independently).. honestly seeing them is not traumatic or something but its just... BORING, they are super banal. like literraly they have no life going on except TV or their soulless jobs. 
i couldnt care less about their life and they couldnt care less about mine.. we are so different and it feels like we cant bridge this huge gap between our worldviews.
we literraly struggle to find something to talk about when we have dinner together.  

i am a bit angry and defensive at them because i still hold grudges from past events but even when im free of it i still dont find any meaning in staying in relationship with them... but then the guilt kicks in and i dont know if its the right thing to do... what do you think? have you been in a similar condition? what would you do? 

Edited June 9, 2022 by NoN-RaTiOnAL

[Raze]

Try reading toxic parents overcoming their hurtful legacy 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCjHxitUIiw

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqr98O8QT3M

 

 

 

[integral]

There are pros and cons, you never know what the future brings, there might be a time where you need them and you need their support due to health problems and if that happens you'll be thankful you have a family. 

One of families main purpose throughout all of human history is that it would be very difficult to survive alone without one.

it's a survival team work and support system.

Deep rooted into them is still a responsibility towards you and only you. Maybe that's worth keeping. 

Edited June 9, 2022 by integral

[puporing]

Sorry about that.. I get why one can be torn. I think you already have too much clarity to keep a fake sort of thing going for long. Maybe you could have a relationship where there's a bit more distance, but you still have them in your life.. that's something you can "build". 

On the flip side, seek out people who might be more in alignment with you and you can "build" your new "fam" so to speak . 

[Snader]

Been there as well.

You just have to bite the bullet and do what's best for your development and well-being, which in this case is most likely taking distance. You overcome the guilt and resentment over time through understanding and compassion.

Acknowledging the problematic polarity in itself is a huge victory already. I feel bad for those who get stuck in the perspective never being able to get out and just dwelling in that misery for the rest of their lives unaware of what's wrong.

 

[Cassy0110]

You should separate so your parents won't annoy you. So far, you're very dependent on their opinion. But I understand you, I have exactly the same problem

[Leo Gura]

How old are you?

[zazen]

Depends on age and cultural background. In the east leaving parents (especially when they are older) is heavily looked down upon and brings 'shame' upon the family. Tough situation when they have a very different mindset/values and judge everything you do or would like to do, and then balancing that with taking care of them and not upsetting them or the wider family that holds those traditional views.

 

Very common amongst traditional minded asian (or eastern) families living in the west. You wish to live a certain way (ie don't agree with marriage0 but the family looks down upon you just being with someone as a partner as its 'haram' (sin) in Islamic culture or not 'proper.'