Preety's Bubble-World(preety loves you)

[Preety_India]

 

 

Don't kid yourself. A girl doesn't need to go that  far to impress you. I'm on my own. I don't need men to make me feel full. I can be on my own, thank you very much. 

 

But somehow P is different. Not like other men. He is super protective of me. He talks to me in a certain way. 

 

 

You think a woman would take you back or even like you, once you have clearly shown that you don't give 2 shits about how she feels. Omfg. Are you serious? No way. Once you've broken the man code, there's no going back. It's over. And for a woman like me (who is emotional and sensitive, but might give off the impression that I'm cold and distant and unemotional) it's next to impossible to come back to me or win me over once again (never happened, never will). I call it the man code. So what's the man code in my head. 

Man code imo = man protects the woman who he claims/claimed to love no matter what. 

Once you break this code, everything is over already. 

I'm attracted to dominating guys. I'm attracted to cocky guys. They sell a perfume for that. But I'm not attracted to fucking uncaring guys. They are carefully marked off the list. In fact they don't even make it to the list. 

You're an uncaring person and I could care less. 

Plus..... You got a stick up your ass. I don't like guys like that. 

I like men who are a subtle balance of both Domination and protection. Who got balls to say that they really want me. I am a feminine woman who wishes to be treated gently. I don't wish to be dragged and made fun of. No thanks. I can pass that. 

You never cared to begin with. You only cared about yourself. Never me. I never figured in any of your equations. Who cares. I never felt loved. Because I was never made to feel loved. You discarded me like trash. That's why I moved on. I bear resentment too. It's just that I don't like it to turn into some public fuss. I have my limits and my boundaries. And one of those that I don't talk shit. My silence is not a proof of guilt. My silence is my grace. I just keep myself away from talking shit. 

I'm a special girl. And I'll always be a special girl. 

 

 

I'm like a beautiful bird. I swear. I feel like a beautiful bird all the time. 

My wings and delicate feathers will protect you from all the harm in the world. I will lick your wounds. I will heal your sorrow. Although I'm still a narcissistic idiot. At least I'm sweet. 

 

 

 

Edited June 10, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

I'm the goddess you need to pray to. 

I'm the river you need to drink from. 

I'm your savior in trouble. 

I'm your pillow at night. I'm your queen, your princess, I'm your feminine shadow you've punished and demonized and Denigrated. 

I will worship you. With my gentle touch I'll bring you back to life. With my innocence I will mend your hard edges. With my sweetness I'll smoothen your roughness. With my Purity I'll drown out your dissonance. With my playfulness I'll take away your sorrow. 

You call me a Narcissist. But even a narcissist is capable of loving. 

 

 

Edited June 10, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Why do I feel like I can't see men the way I always wanted to. Why have men become so weak?

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 10, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

For me love is a secret matter, a private thing. 

Anyone who engages in airing out the dirty laundry in public is quickly off the list, no thanks.. Sorry too much insecurity and I'm extremely high on privacy. 

That's why I write cryptic. 

I can't tolerate all the public shit. 

It's too much for me. I'm a delicate soul. 

I'm just a fragile human being. A beautiful woman carved out of ivory and shell. I can break with one blow. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

I'm the goddess you need to pray to. 

 

I'm the river you need to drink from. 

 

I'm your savior in trouble. 

 

I'm your pillow at night. I'm your queen, your princess, I'm your feminine shadow you've punished and demonized and Denigrated. 

 

I will worship you. With my gentle touch I'll bring you back to life. With my innocence I will mend your hard edges. With my sweetness I'll smoothen your roughness. With my Purity I'll drown out your dissonance. With my playfulness I'll take away your sorrow. 

 

You call me a Narcissist. But even a narcissist is capable of loving. 

 

 

Edited June 11, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Even while having sex im emotional. 

Wait a minute. I never had sex. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I really want to get to know P. 

[Preety_India]

P is an emo guy. Exactly my type. The problem is that he is a male. A guy. So.... I never quite understand male emotions. 

Although I have always put my best foot forward whenever they needed any kind of emotional support or help. 

In fact I have gone out of my way to help them 

 

But still.... Something is missing. With an emo guy you never know. The problem is that I can't read his mind. I don't know what will set him off or what will make him happy. 

For the time being .... That is. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

My emo guy is a Virgo who is born in September and Virgo have fluctuating emotions. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

I really really deeply love this man and I think he would make a great partner.

This is the first time I'm falling for a guy who is super emotional and sensitive and not like  the cocky ones I used to date before. 

So recently I have found a guy who lives in the US and we have known each other before. It's a long distance relationship. We chat for hours. I have fallen hard for him. He likes me too. He is cute and sexy. 

He prefers to keep to himself and doesn't open up much. He is a very emotional guy/sentimental type. He has cried before and language he uses is generally emotional. We bond with each other over our shared emotional nature. 

The thing is sometimes when he shares emotional/sad things with me, I tend to laugh a little inside. (I don't show that I'm secretly laughing at him or just not able to relate). I find it hard to empathize with him because I don't expect him to be weak or fragile or sensitive. The whole idea that a man should not be vulnerable/emotional is baked in my head. I don't laugh at him obviously so it doesn't show. 

Whenever a female friend cries her pain out with me, I immediately relate and cry with her. Not with this man. 

Of course I don't have bad intent and I would love to be his emotional supporter but I'm struggling in this capacity. 

But when he does open up, I end up  showing superficial empathy yet I can't really relate to his anxieties and frustrations and issues as a man. I find it hard to grasp how he feels or how he is going to react to whatever I have to say and as a result we get into fights later. I cannot preemptively judge the situation and that causes me to not be emotionally aligned with him, my responses causing more harm than good. He detects my lack of sensitivity or finds it odd to open up to me and recoils back into his shell.. 

How can I (as a female) understand and relate to Male emotions better? 

 

 

Edited June 11, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

You have gotten me hooked on you. 

I can die for you. 

I want you. 

Make me one with you somehow. 

Anyhoq

My heart wants you 

You are my soulmate 

 

 

Edited June 11, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I spent the whole night thinking about you. 

 

 

 

Edited June 11, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

On 6/10/2022 at 9:31 AM, Preety_India said:

 

 

I can't live without you anymore. I love you. Forever and more. You are always sitting close to me telling me all these lovely things. 

You are always telling me how much you love me. I like to sit in the dark with you 

In your apartment. 

On a rugged mattress.. We just chatting away the evenings. 

You come home from work and I always wait for you. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

You're my healer and you didn't even know that. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

My love is much more than just being horny for you. Much more. 

Sex is not even that important.. 

But all these emotions I feel for you. I have this soul bonding with you. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

I feel like I can say anything to P and he won't mind it. 

P tells me he does drugs. Lsd mostly. 

So last night I called him a druggie crackhead and he laughed it off. 

P I wanna tell you something. 

That I live or at least tend to live in an imaginary world or bubble. I'll call it Preety's Bubble-World. There anything is possible if it's not possible in reality. 

P sometimes acts like a narcissist and ignores me. Hmm

Are narcissists bad people? 

Who cares. I like P anyway, narcissist or not a narcissist. 

I'm sometimes narcissistic too. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

So let me see......

......... P is a bit narcissist (and I'm alright with that) 

......... P is into drugs but not hard-core. 

......... P does play mind games sometimes (it happens so it's okay) 

......... P is judgemental

......... I'm not sure if P is bipolar but his behavior shifts rapidly from being sad for a few weeks to being happy again for no particular reason....... I secretly think P could be bipolar but he never told me this. It's just my hunch. 

...... P lacks in emotional intelligence. As much emotional as P really is, he lacks deeply in emotional intelligence and I hate this part in both of us. I like that he is emotional and I love that about him the most. In the longest time I met someone like that. I don't understand his emotions though because as a woman it's hard for me to relate to Male emotions plus I've never been used to such men. I have always had Brute kind of men who would never respect me and very chauvinist types,never the ones who would want to build a bridge with me, the masculine types. P is masculine, don't get me wrong - he is weirdly Hyper masculine when he is sexy with me. Otherwise he is like an emotional woman, my mirror lolololololol. 

.... So the fact that I hate the most about P is that he is slow at picking up clues from me. He is bad at emotional intelligence. And I suck at understanding his emotions. 

 

...... P is Hyper critical. I understand and accept this as I have never met a Virgo who wasn't critical. 

 

...... P can be super scary with his whining. That thing about him scares the beejesus out of me. I become Hyper scared and nervous around whiny men.. That shit triggers the fuck out of me. This is because of my trauma - one of my worst traumatic experiences came from being around my second ex boyfriend who even made hypothetical accusations that I would murder his parents. That shit traumatized me and ever since any man who complains about me or plays victim to me sends deep triggers into me causing me to freak the fuck out in panic, paranoia and feeling threatened and vulnerable. Uff. No. Please. Never. Not that thing. Never a whiner, anything but a whiner, I can take a man who slaps me across the face any day but never a whiner. They send me to hell and back. I suffer tremendous nightmares and panic attacks around whiners. 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 11, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

P had another round of sexy time with me. Hmm. I love you. I feel bonded with you. 

You make me feel wanted.